Habitually Talking Out Loud To One's Self

[shijing]

Sorry I'm so late to this thread --

I do my own version of this. What I have observed is that it is triggered by stress -- either my negative introject is in full throttle about something that I regret saying or doing, and I end up cursing to myself in an automatic loop, or otherwise I am angry about something that I perceive as unjust and I have a conversation with an imaginary antagonist where I prove my point about some issue as I work it through in my head.

The important point is that I'm often unaware of this until I realize it halfway through or someone points it out -- in the car, for example, after I've picked my daughter up from school (I've told her that when I do that, I'm being a "booby", as Gurdjieff says, and that it is something I'm trying to stop).

I think that anart is right about this in its various manifestations -- its an automatic program, and it is a good exercise in will to identify it and gradually eradicate it from your behavior. This is something that I have been working on for some time now (as I also, occasionally, embarrass myself in public!). I've been meaning to post this so that everyone else doesn't feel so alone in their own automatic dialogue, and at the same time I agree that its a good thing to apply your attention to and ultimately bring to a halt.

 

[Argonaut]

Some of the time I talk to the cats, tho. ;)

I've always talked to pets. I wonder if this is in the same category? I know that it is sometimes, because if my cat is around I'll often say things to him which I'd have said to myself otherwise. General stuff like, "now where is my lighter?" I think in these cases I'm directing things to the cat as an excuse - It lets me talk to myself without feeling like I'm doing so. But other times I'm genuinely addressing the cat. Even though I know he can't understand most of the words. :)

I do my own version of this. What I have observed is that it is triggered by stress -- either my negative introject is in full throttle about something that I regret saying or doing, and I end up cursing to myself in an automatic loop, or otherwise I am angry about something that I perceive as unjust and I have a conversation with an imaginary antagonist where I prove my point about some issue as I work it through in my head.

Yes, when talking comes from negative emotion it tends to take on a "life of its own." I'm very prone to arguing/debating things with imaginary antagonists. Or even imaginary versions of real people in my life. As in, "here's what I should say to this person..." Often I'll repeat this process over and over, refining my "argument." I'm also big on complaining out loud when something annoys or frustrates me.

[quote author=Shijing]
The important point is that I'm often unaware of this until I realize it halfway through or someone points it out -- in the car, for example, after I've picked my daughter up from school (I've told her that when I do that, I'm being a "booby", as Gurdjieff says, and that it is something I'm trying to stop).
[/quote]

That's how it's been for me, too. But since I started struggling with it in the past few days I've noticed something very odd. When I start talking to myself about "neutral" things (intellectual center?) I can easily catch and stop it. But when negative emotion prompts me to talk aloud I still realize it, but not instantaneously. There's often a few-second delay before I see it. And once I realize it I often fail to stop it. And by "fail" I mean I choose not to stop it for some reason. I strongly WANT to continue emotional talking, as if I'm getting something out of it that i don't want to lose. And yes, habits like this definitely qualify as being a "booby." :)

[quote author=Shijing]
I think that anart is right about this in its various manifestations -- its an automatic program, and it is a good exercise in will to identify it and gradually eradicate it from your behavior. This is something that I have been working on for some time now (as I also, occasionally, embarrass myself in public!). I've been meaning to post this so that everyone else doesn't feel so alone in their own automatic dialogue, and at the same time I agree that its a good thing to apply your attention to and ultimately bring to a halt.
[/quote]

Thanks for sharing; a habit like this can make people question their sanity, so it's helpful to read others' experiences. Anart's suggestion is working very well so far. It's hard to stay fully asleep when I can HEAR my mechanical nature breaking the silence. It's literally an alarm!

 

[Buddy]

One thing I'm starting to notice now is how QUIET it is without my own voice in the air.

The main reason I cultivate this inner quiet is because at this point in my understanding, I feel like it is intimately connected with the sensitivity required for B and C influences.

Have you seen this post:

And then there are C influences... which, fascinatingly enough, describe the C's:

C influences are only found within the Work and can only be received in personal interaction with a conscious being. Receiving C influences requires a certain level of personal sensitization and receptivity. Failing this, C influences work like B influences.
C influences come from the SOURCE, that is, from an esoteric Center that is located outside of life. When they directly act on someone with a newly developing magnetic center THROUGH a teacher who is directly connected to the source then these influences are called C influences. From this connection the person's magnetic center will grow and will lead them to escape the dominion of the Law of chance and enter into the domain of consciousness.

 

[Argonaut]

One thing I'm starting to notice now is how QUIET it is without my own voice in the air.

The main reason I cultivate this inner quiet is because at this point in my understanding, I feel like it is intimately connected with the sensitivity required for B and C influences.

Have you seen this post:

And then there are C influences... which, fascinatingly enough, describe the C's:

C influences are only found within the Work and can only be received in personal interaction with a conscious being. Receiving C influences requires a certain level of personal sensitization and receptivity. Failing this, C influences work like B influences.
C influences come from the SOURCE, that is, from an esoteric Center that is located outside of life. When they directly act on someone with a newly developing magnetic center THROUGH a teacher who is directly connected to the source then these influences are called C influences. From this connection the person's magnetic center will grow and will lead them to escape the dominion of the Law of chance and enter into the domain of consciousness.

Thanks, Bud. I've seen it, but I never saw it as relevant to talking out loud. It seems to fit pretty well now, though! When I've been out walking, I've sometimes thought about the fact that talking to myself makes me oblivious to my present environment. Here I am surrounded by sights, sounds, and smells of Nature, and I'm occupied with my own subjective monologue! The process of talking aloud causes my mind and emotions to dwell on my past and plan (or worry) for the future. It makes sense that any subtle influences would go unheard amongst all that loud, mechanical noise.

 

[Saddha]

Dear Argonaut
I have being doing this for as long as I remember.

I used to worry about it and try to see observe if others do so and I have found that people do, though not as severely as me. I have caught many people say "Oh, where did I put it?" or "Now, what next?" in thinking aloud but only occasionally.

As for me, like you, I have conversations with myself, discussions etc and and many people find me weird. Maybe some has even kept away from me because of this; I have no way of finding out.

I do this when I am 'alone', meaning that sometimes it is in my mental state of being alone. Colleagues have told me about my mumblings and 'conversation' when I am at my cubicle at work, and I have been observed to be doing so when walking in the park etc: despite physically being with people, I withdraw into my mental state of not being with people. It is just like arriving home from work, and cannot remember the journey home, although you were the driver. I suppose the mind, though attentive at the particular moment when something is happening, discard the memory once the moment has passed.

Just yesterday I was at a diner with 2 strangers at my table. There was no conversation, and I blurted out something that was on my mind. Of course the other 2 looked at me, and were puzzled why I articulated something when the target is not them.

Do I worry about it? You bet, as I feel that may have affect how people perceive me. Can I do anything about it? I don't know. I can consciously try, but my mind races away when I am not with company, often even when I am not physically alone. It is not so worrisome if it happens in the midst of strangers, but rather disconcerting when in known company, especially when with someone who can influence events in my life. But... apart from trying to prevent the commitment of such 'faux pas', what else can one do?

 

[Lisa Guliani]

I've always talked aloud to myself,, even as a child. Maybe it originally stemmed from loneliness. For me, it's just thinking out loud and may seem weird to some, but it helps me to gather and process my thoughts. It serves as some kind of release valve when I'm stressed about something.
It's also a good way to self-motivate and I've found it helpful to give myself little 'lectures' or 'commands' out loud at times, like when potentially self-destructive thinking patterns emerge.
You can tell yourself STOP out loud ( more than once if need be) and it seems to work! Talking to myself aloud seems to help me work out problems and understand better the reasons why I do things sometimes.

I avoided being mugged/physically harmed once years ago by talking to myself out loud when a creepy guy accosted me in the subway.
The creep called me crazy. and then decided to leave me alone...

Sometimes your own voice is the only human voice around to hear. Sometimes it's the only way to express pain.
Whatever the reason I do it, it doesn't bother me one bit.


I have no problem with it at all. I also have conversations with my dog. Woof...

 

[Nienna]

Hi Saddha,

Welcome to the forum.

We recommend that new forum members post an introduction in the Newbies Board. Just a little bit about yourself, although nothing personal, and how you found the forum.

If you are unsure of what to write, just look at some of the other introduction posts to get an idea of what others have said. :)

 

[HowToBe]

I find journaling has changed my relationship with myself, and now I will both ask myself questions and give myself commands as Lisa describes. My impression is that saying or writing commands or questions to myself, hopefully while self-aware, is a way of communicating to my unconscious what "I" want.

As far as mechanically talking to myself, I don't do much or any of this habitually as far as I'm aware, but if I am in a mechanical state in public and do something that I fear others might notice and judge me for, I may mutter explanations or excuses for my behavior, as if to defend myself by admitting my mistake in advance. For instance; I am several steps down the grocery aisle and there are one or more people nearby. I realize that I just walked into this aisle for no reason, and I may say quietly to myself, "Oops, wrong aisle..." or "Why am I going here?". However, I'm realizing that usually people don't care what trivial stupid thing I have done. The thread, "Are people really looking at you?", has helped me with this somewhat in allaying my fear and revealing the program.

I do my own version of this. What I have observed is that it is triggered by stress -- either my negative introject is in full throttle about something that I regret saying or doing, and I end up cursing to myself in an automatic loop, or otherwise I am angry about something that I perceive as unjust and I have a conversation with an imaginary antagonist where I prove my point about some issue as I work it through in my head.

Yes, when talking comes from negative emotion it tends to take on a "life of its own." I'm very prone to arguing/debating things with imaginary antagonists. Or even imaginary versions of real people in my life. As in, "here's what I should say to this person..." Often I'll repeat this process over and over, refining my "argument." I'm also big on complaining out loud when something annoys or frustrates me.

I can also relate to carrying on "mental arguments". When I was in a very stressful disagreement/conflict with my uncle, I would argue with him in my mind for many minutes, obsessively trying to "prove myself right" to my image of him. But my imagined version of him could always counter me. Eventually the best response turned out to be to simply stop talking with him in real life. I realized that both of us were trying to impose our beliefs on the other and I was being very drained and stressed because I kept going back, hoping I could convince him and he would then approve of me and my thoughts. As I understand it, when "I" do this I am trying to manipulate the other person, trying to find the "perfect" thing to say so that they will magically see my view and not disapprove of me. I think the reason my "imagined uncle" was so good at rebutting me is that I had used these "simulated arguments" to come up with things to say to him that I hoped would have the "magical" effect, but they never did, so my simulation got "smarter" until it could easily counter everything I came up with. In a sense it was recognizing a third force - my desire to change him that kept leading me back to argue with him and be drained - and acting on it, that resolved the situation.

I have also done this with others with whom I've disagreed, and I think the basic dynamic is the same or related. FWIW.

On a different note, my mother has a problem with blurting things out uncontrollably under stressful situations and sometimes at random, similar to what people report here: _http://ask.metafilter.com/97265/Compelled-to-Blurt
Not exactly Tourette's Syndrome, sometimes she will just repeat something that she unconsciously reads or hears while attending to something else, other times she'll say things like "Stop it." when she suddenly remembers a painful memory. She says this started happening when she was going to college and getting very little sleep (2-4 hours/night on many nights) over a long period of time (college semesters...).

 

[Menna]

I talk aloud to myself when I am in a good mood and alone. It is usually weird stories mixed with weird voices. :P

 

[leesmith]

Yes, it is a good thing to do. I do not think there is anything abnormal; there are people whose brains do not function as they ought to, and this shows in various ways. But a human talking to himself is very common. Yes, your vocabulary will limit you; but you are trying, as you say, to take all sorts of things that are unexpressed and turn them into speech. This is similar, perhaps, to taking a dream and attempting to make it a reality: it can be hard to do and you will almost certainly change it. I face this every day as a writer; the idea, the scene, the dialog, all waver and sometimes vanish when I try to put it in writing in the developing environment of a story. I frequently look back right away and realize that what I had wanted was superior to what I got; sometimes it is better; sometimes so much better I have no idea where it came from.

More specifically, I do the same thing you do; many others do so too, I think. I'm not sure exactly what it is I'm doing but it does seem to help or provide a vent or make things clear sometimes--then again sometimes muddy.

Link up with The Noah Syndrome. A cyclic view of time very much "domesticates" prophecy, and talking to yourself is a subset of prophecy, in my mind. Babble. Catch it when it comes around again. And, of course, be warned--you're trying to tell yourself something. (Perhaps I'm stretching the blanket out too thin.)

Speech is ours, sir -- keep talking!