How are you feeling?

[Alana]

Wow Evan, what an ordeal. Glad you recovered so quickly and I hope it continues until you feel all good again!
Many thanks for sharing, this is an important part of what Networking means.

If you ever need prayers or healing thoughts, we have a dedicated group in the FOTCM section for just that. Let us know and we'll add you. Big hugs

 

[Arwenn]

Sorry to hear this Evan, jeez what an experience. Keep us posted once you’ve seen your pain management doctor- I hope they are able to help you with a more suitable medication. I wish you a speedy recovery and I’ll keep you in my prayers.

 

[EmeraldR]

healing thoughts and prayers dear Evan

 

[Evan]

Wow Evan, what an ordeal. Glad you recovered so quickly and I hope it continues until you feel all good again!
Many thanks for sharing, this is an important part of what Networking means.

If you ever need prayers or healing thoughts, we have a dedicated group in the FOTCM section for just that. Let us know and we'll add you. Big hugs

Thank you for that @Alana! It’s a fine line to walk between networking and being self-indulgent, and I try to be thoughtful in that regard. So thank you again!

And gratitude to everyone for the prayers and well wishes! They make it worth sharing what would anywhere else be far too personal! I really do have mad love for this place and its community!

 

[Evan]

An addendum.. actually for @Gaby As my platelets rarely get above 55, how long do you suppose this scary-looking purpura is going to linger?

 

[Gaby]

n addendum.. actually for @Gaby As my platelets rarely get above 55, how long do you suppose this scary-looking purpura is going to linger?

I would not put a time frame, perhaps a good month though. Put some DMSO cream and massage gently.

 

[Evan]

I have a confession. With all the reading I’ve done here and The Wave Series and everything, I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with the concept of death. However now that I’m seriously ill (decompensated liver disease), I’m finding myself weeping at the thought that all of the memories I have will evaporate. Those memories of my parents and what keeps them alive, for example. My old friend Karl, who played piano in our band, and died. I’m the only person who has heard his songs, his voice. I feel like I know and have done and seen so much. And when I’m gone, so all of that will be. That makes me incredibly sad. I have no family, no children. All of my family photos will end up in a garbage bin. Over. Gone. I don’t mind going. But the idea of all that getting erased breaks my heart.My third grade teacher still lives a five minute walk away from my house. She still vividly remembers me as an eight year old boy in her very first class. I still live in the same town I lived in since I was two. A lot of people know my name and recognize me on the street “Hey Ev, still playing in the band?” Every time. But they don’t have my memories. The erasure of my knowledge. My life. That’s making this harder than I ever imagined. I thought dying would be easy. Who knows? I might get another few awful, sick, painful years of doctors and nurses. Or maybe tonight I’ll just pass.

Anyway it’s a mess. I’m sorry for being a mess. I know this thread asks the question, but I don’t mean to turn it into a wailing rag. I’m just profoundly sad today. My pain management doctor gave me Hydromorphone (Dilauded) pills, and I can’t stand them. I had to quit on day three, and call him, telling him “Take them back. Find something else. I can’t take this.” Now I’m just sitting here in pain, feeling broken and needing to tell someone. You’re all I have, and I’m really glad you’re here! All of you. Hey @Gaby I got my DMSO cream! So mission accomplished!

Thanks for being here you guys!

 

[Liliea]

(..)
Anyway it’s a mess. I’m sorry for being a mess. I know this thread asks the question, but I don’t mean to turn it into a wailing rag. I’m just profoundly sad today.

Evan, I can't imagine what it's like to be in your situation. I have a condition where I've experienced many types of pain, and it's undoubtedly very exhausting, the instigating mind becomes very intense and takes control. Of course, you have every right to be sad... I can only tell you not to let yourself be overwhelmed. There are always moments like this that you have to let pass and not get caught up in. Perhaps the physical pain is your excuse to help you drain that deep fear you talk about...
Today's doubts and darkness may seem silly in the light of tomorrow... I wish you the best, and take care.

 

[Pat]

Really sorry to hear @Evan.
I believe that is part of the lessons we have to learn here on 3D, attachment. Attachment to people, things, souvenirs...
I am right now in my bed thinking about tomorrow and trying to understand how i would feel if I loose my son (dreadful circumstances happened today, out of my hand) .
I have learnt that I am not responsible for his choices, that I shouldn't decide/plan for his life.
Also that The Cosmic Mind has plans for him which I can't comprehend.

The Cs reiterated many times that there are no losses just lessons to learn.
Sometimes, when for a few seconds, I can grab and hold the concept in my mind, I feel light, free and happy and then sadly I fall back to my 3D thinking and fear.

I wish you lots of strength, not in holding on to things but strength to release everything which is holding on to you.
Nothing else but "all there is, is lesson "
Take good care of yourself.
Good night