How Not To Be

Psyche said:
In doing so I crushed something deep inside of me and it is looking at me and screaming YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! You, Psyche, abandoned me.

"How can I possibly trust you ever again?!" "You failed me".

And that is the truth.

These answers sounds bizarre to me. Is it your thoughts ?.
 
seek10 said:
Psyche said:
In doing so I crushed something deep inside of me and it is looking at me and screaming YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! You, Psyche, abandoned me.

"How can I possibly trust you ever again?!" "You failed me".

And that is the truth.

These answers sounds bizarre to me. Is it your thoughts ?.

The process is actually described in Ponerology where an individual who has succumbed to "transpersonification" as Lobaczewski called it, then find out that the "ideology" that attracted them comes at a very high price.

Sebastian Haffner also talked about "transpersonification" vis a vis the conversion of normal people to the support (or at least not opposition to) the Nazis. He called it a "nervous breakdown". See:
http://www.sott.net/article/152271-Chaos-and-Consent-The-Logistics-of-the-One-World-Government

... where, in the end, Haffner writes the following:

Hundreds of thousands, who had up till then been opponents, joined the Nazi Party in March 1933. The Nazis called them the 'casualties of March' and treated them with suspicion and contempt. The workers also left their Social Democratic and Communist unions in equally large numbers and joined Nazi Betriebszellen (factory cells) or the SA. They did it for many reasons, often for a whole tangled web of them; but however hard one looks, one will not find a single solid, positive, durable reason among them - not one that can pass muster.

In each individual case the process of becoming a Nazi showed the unmistakable symptoms of nervous collapse.

The simplest and, if you looked deeper, nearly always the most basic reason was fear. Join the thugs to avoid being beaten up.

Less clear was a kind of exhilaration, the intoxication of unity, the magnetism of the masses. Many also felt a need for revenge against those who had abandoned them. Then there was a peculiarly German line of thought: 'All the predictions of the opponents of the Nazis have not come true. They said the Nazis could not win. Now they have won. Therefore the opponents were wrong. So the Nazis must be right.'

There was also (particularly among intellectuals) the belief that they could change the face of the Nazi Party by becoming a member, even now shift its direction. Then of course many just jumped on the bandwagon, wanted to be part of a perceived success.

Finally, among the more primitive, inarticulate, simpler souls there was a process that might have taken place in mythical times when a beaten tribe abandoned its faithless god and accepted the god of the victorious tribe as its patron. Saint Marx, in whom one had always believed, had not helped. Saint Hitler was obviously more powerful. So let's destroy the images of Saint Marx on the altars and replace them with images of Saint Hitler. Let us learn to pray: 'It is the Jews' fault' rather than 'It is the capitalists' fault'. Perhaps that will redeem us.

The sequence of events is, as you see, not so unnatural. It is wholly within the normal range of psychology, and it helps to explain the almost inexplicable.

The only thing that is missing is what in animals is called 'breeding'. This is a solid inner kernel that cannot be shaken by external pressures and forces, something noble and steely, a reserve of pride, principle and dignity to be drawn on in the hour of trial. It is missing in the Germans. As a nation they are soft, unreliable and without backbone. That was shown in March 1933. At the moment of truth, when other nations rise spontaneously to the occasion, the Germans collectively and limply collapsed. They yielded and capitulated, and suffered a nervous breakdown.

The result of this million-fold nervous breakdown is the unified nation, ready for anything, that is today the nightmare of the rest of the world. (Sebastian Haffner, Defying Hitler, excerpts)

Interestingly, Spiral Out has written a post in another thread that perfectly fits within this discussion of "How Not to Be" and I've put in bold a few lines that apply here specifically:

Spiral Out said:
GregoryJ said:
Leo40 said:
It should be fairly clear by now that the self-improvement movement, New Age and 2012 hype
are all exercises in mind control. See podcast:

_http://gnosticmedia.podomatic.com/player/web/2012-09-21T11_08_09-07_00

Yes, Jan Irvin's work is truly impressive and revealing. I cited it in my article: http://www.sott.net/article/251816-The-2012-Collective-Shift-the-Secret-History-of-End-Times-Prophecies along with the text: "Mark my words, this is a well-planned, highly orchestrated manipulation specifically designed to distract the world from what is really going on - and the rabbit hole is likely to be far deeper than most of us realizes, or can comprehend."


Fwiw, I started a thread about Jan Irvin's work here: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,29287.0.html

anart said:
g said:
So indeed, NAM vs. true Esoterica is the name of the game, so to speak – the polar opposites which are at a glance relatively indistinguishable. ...though to those who Know, obviously moving an entirely opposite direction.

What is relevant is: on the Path, we come up against this dynamic in many forms and all the time – it is the inbuilt trap at the gate, you see. "The camel will not fit through the eye of the needle." We must be willing to release preconceived notions or half-understandings as we pass into new Knowledge. Only herein do we Realize that Knowledge IS the Living One rather than something that "I" possess. Gate vs. trap.

I think that sums it up, though I would add that the internal dynamic is exactly the same and much more tricky than the external one. People lie to themselves every day about what it is they "know" and most never move past that to even the smallest degree because to sincerely question ones own thinking is too painful - that's the most fatal trap, to my understanding. I actually think the degree that one is open to following/buying into these newage hucksters/experience chasing is directly proportional to the degree that they lie to themselves about their own level of thinking/thought processes/understanding/emotions - one naturally follows the other. fwiw.

Very good point. For the most part it's not about the external information that people reject, but they can't "receive" it to begin with because of cognitive dissonance, not questioning their own "thinking". This also ties into this whole "resonating" nonsense in the New Age. I lost count how many people have rejected factual knowledge in "discussions" (not really a discussion) because it didn't "resonate" with them or they "resonate" with stuff that is "not even wrong", so to speak, but just dreamy castles in the air that confirm their inner landscape based on lies to the self.

However this relates not only to "New Agers" but literally EVERYONE in varying degrees as we all are subjected to lies since birth. I've fallen into this trap myself, especially in the early days, where I thought I "know" and have "figured it out", not very discerning about certain information and not seeing myself clearly. I remember when I first started getting into the UFO topic and came across Steven Greer's "Disclosure Project". I believed all of it and even shared that information with others (essentially spreading disinformation). I WANTED it to be true and that emotional charge is what I mistook for "resonating". Thankfully I then came across Laura's work and the network. That started a process which has "stripped me to the bone" and it certainly was/is not easy at times, but the only way out is through. It's the necessity of disillusionment before we can actually "do" as it has been so well written by Timothy C. Trepanier in http://www.sott.net/article/244527-The-Necessity-of-Disillusionment

For that reason I'm not even remotely interested in "enlightenment" (I wouldn't even know how to define it) and certainly not in anyone who proclaims to be so, regardless of what "title" he/she has. There are countless "Masters" and "Teachers" promoting all kinds of teachings that promise this or that (most of it relating to "enlightenment"). It was the disappointment and dead ends in all of that which lead me to the 4th way and Gurdjieff's work. It teaches me to go step by step, the foundation and all there is are lessons every single day in every day of life, watching my mechanicalness and predator. I just came back from a trip seeing my parents. Boy, what a test for one's state of Being/Knowledge/Understanding in relation to "the Work" with all what that implies: External consideration, conscious suffering, etc... That alone is a challenge. Far more challenging than sitting on a mountain top and meditating/chanting Om.

This reminds me of this excerpt from the foreword from "The Stellar Man" by John Baines, titled "Message from Isis":

Do not believe that in the world there exist only the once born and the twice born; unfortunately the once and a half born and the aborted ones also exist. Beware not to be taken in by their convincing lies and machiavellian language. These beings live neither in this world nor the next. They are neither initiates nor laymen, but imitators of Masters, semi-sages, sowers with unclean hands, the followers of dead scrolls, and black magicians who covet me and boast of my love when they are not even worthy of my smile.

Some may wear saris or tunics; others, collars and aprons; others, the Rosicrucian attire; some proclaim themselves the only possessors of the truth, believing that they actually possess this monopoly. All of them claim my friendship, but are only beggars who plead to me for crumbs of wisdom. You do not achieve second birth by standing on your head or meditating, nor in the coffin of purely symbolic ceremonies, nor by good works or the grace of the Holy Spirit.
I've been reading ""Strangers to Ourselves - Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious" lately, which is also a real eye-opener. There is a review on the forum here: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,26247.0.html
It shows how mirroring and networking is crucial in "the work" to evolve, wake up and truly get to know ourselves and the world, facing the lies we tell ourselves as we all have our blind spots. I think the hardest realization for anyone engaged in the Work (or in life in general) is to face to that we cannot truly trust our own thinking and alone we can do nothing.

That's the problem with all the researchers out there, including John Major Jenkins as we see here. Richard Dolan would be another example. Most of them are great when it comes to digging into external information, but the question is, how they take in the information and how are they unconsciously misinterpreting it because of their emotions, subjectivity, self-importance, etc.?

If all the researchers out there (everyone in their respective field) would lay aside their personal ambitions based on self-importance or career goals and come together to seek TRUTH together sincerely without agendas, but with the sole intent to find out truth, no matter what it is, understanding that this process also includes sincere self-work, we'd make a true shift in consciousness. But for now that is just wishful thinking. It would entail for Jenkins and Dolan (for example) to admit to themselves that they are/have been wrong about some things. However, this realization will conflict with their career and book sales, opening a can of worms, which may lose them some of their "fans", status and money.

For that reason most of the COINTELPRO "agents" are not consciously aware that they are spreading disinformation, but become "useful idiots" and tools for the matrix, despite their well-meaning intent.
 
I think I need to add a couple of things to my previous post.

It is obvious that Psyche has not "gone completely South" as the followers/supporters of the Nazis did, as Sebastian Haffner described. After all, she is still here and she had fairly rapid recognition of the implications of the choice she made under System 1, subconscious influence/drivers.

There are, of course, those who leave the work in one of the ways Haffner described;

In each individual case the process of becoming a Nazi showed the unmistakable symptoms of nervous collapse.

The simplest and, if you looked deeper, nearly always the most basic reason was fear. Join the thugs to avoid being beaten up.

This appears to be what was driving Psyche, and was probably a result of coming face to face with the fact that what we are doing IS threatening to the PTB in a significant enough way that they have worked from the beginning, either through third party defamers, or directly via police and Fisc investigations.

More often, however, when people leave the work it is for the following reason:

Finally, among the more primitive, inarticulate, simpler souls there was a process that might have taken place in mythical times when a beaten tribe abandoned its faithless god and accepted the god of the victorious tribe as its patron. Saint {fill in the blank}, in whom one had always believed, had not helped. Saint {fill in the blank} was obviously more powerful. So let's destroy the images of {the former} on the altars and replace them with images of {the latter}. Let us learn to pray: 'It is the {fill in the blank} fault' rather than 'It is the {fill in the blank} fault'. Perhaps that will redeem us.

The sequence of events is, as you see, not so unnatural. It is wholly within the normal range of psychology, and it helps to explain the almost inexplicable.

A lot of people come here because they are "seekers of truth." They just don't want TOO much truth! They know that their former ideas about reality are bogus, and they are looking to replace them with new ideas that explain everything but without any pain. Because, of course, getting relief from pain is what they are initially after. Being told that they, themselves, are mostly responsible for their pain and you have to go through it to get out of it is NOT what they want to hear. And they will do exactly like any fundamentalist in any religion, look for texts to support what makes them feel good and ignore everything that suggests otherwise.

The same person who will quote something like:

Anything is one of a million paths. Therefore you must always keep in mind that a path is only a path; if you feel you should not follow it, you must not stay with it under any conditions. To have such clarity you must lead a disciplined life. Only then will you know that any path is only a path and there is no affront, to oneself or to others, in dropping it if that is what your heart tells you to do. But your decision to keep on the path or to leave it must be free of fear or ambition. I warn you. Look at every path closely and deliberately. Try it as many times as you think necessary.

This question is one that only a very old man asks. Does this path have a heart? All paths are the same: they lead nowhere. They are paths going through the bush, or into the bush. In my own life I could say I have traversed long long paths, but I am not anywhere. Does this path have a heart? If it does, the path is good; if it doesn't, it is of no use. Both paths lead nowhere; but one has a heart, the other doesn't. One makes for a joyful journey; as long as you follow it, you are one with it. The other will make you curse your life. One makes you strong; the other weakens you.

Before you embark on any path ask the question: Does this path have a heart? If the answer is no, you will know it, and then you must choose another path. The trouble is nobody asks the question; and when a man finally realizes that he has taken a path without a heart, the path is ready to kill him. At that point very few men can stop to deliberate, and leave the path. A path without a heart is never enjoyable. You have to work hard even to take it. On the other hand, a path with heart is easy; it does not make you work at liking it. - Carlos Castaneda's Don Juan's Teachings

... and will completely ignore:

We have a predator that came from the depths of the cosmos and took over the rule of our lives. Human beings are its prisoners. [...] You have arrived, by your effort alone, to what the shamans of ancient Mexico called the topic of topics. I have been beating around the bush all this time, insinuating to you that something is holding us prisoner. Indeed we are held prisoner! This was an energetic fact for the sorcerers of ancient Mexico. [...] They took over because we are food for them, and they squeeze us mercilessly because we are their sustenance. Just as we rear chickens in chicken coops, the predators rear us in human coops. Therefore, their food is always available to them.' [...]

"'I want to appeal to your analytical mind, ' don Juan said. 'Think for a moment, and tell me how you would explain the contradiction between the intelligence of man the engineer and the stupidity of his systems of beliefs, or the stupidity of his contradictory behavior. Sorcerers believe that the predators have given us our systems of beliefs, our ideas of good and evil, our social mores. They are the ones who set up our hopes and expectations and dreams of success or failure. They have given us covetousness, greed and cowardice. It is the predators who make us complacent, routinary, and egomaniacal.' [...]

In order to keep us obedient and meek and weak, the predators engaged themselves in a stupendous maneuver - stupendous, of course, from the point of view of a fighting strategist. A horrendous maneuver from the point of view of those who suffer it. They gave us their mind! Do you hear me? The predators give us their mind, which becomes our mind. The predators' mind is baroque, contradictory, morose, filled with the fear of being discovered any minute now. [...]

Through the mind, which, after all, is their mind, the predators inject into the lives of human beings whatever is convenient for them. [Castaneda, The Active Side of Infinity, 1998, pp. 213-220]

... including the means of overcoming the Predator's Mind:

Don Juan had said that by means of discipline it is possible for anyone to bring the energy body closer to the physical body. Normally, the distance between the two is enormous. Once the energy body is within a certain range, which varies for each of us individually, anyone, through discipline, can forge it into the exact replica of their physical body - that is to say, a three-dimensional solid being. [...] By the same token, through the same processes of discipline, anyone can forge their three-dimensional, solid physical body to be a perfect replica of their energy body - that is to say, an ethereal charge of energy invisible to the human eye, as all energy is.

Castaneda further explains that infants are born with a glowing coat of awareness and that this is what the predator eats, to the point where only a narrow fringe is left. This narrow fringe is sufficient to keep man alive. This narrow fringe is man's self-reflection, where man is irremediably caught. From the book: '

By playing on our self-reflection, which is the only point of awareness left to us, the predators create flares of awareness that they proceed to consume in a ruthless, predatory fashion. They give us inane problems that force those flares of awareness to rise, and in this manner they keep us alive in order for them to be fed with the energetic flare of our pseudoconcerns.'

'[The sorcerers of ancient Mexico] reasoned that man must have been a complete being at one point, with stupendous insights, feats of awareness that are mythological legends nowadays. And then everything seems to disappear, and we have now a sedated man." […]

...what we have against us is not a simple predator. It is very smart, and organized. It follows a methodical system to render us useless. Man, the magical being that he is destined to be, is no longer magical. He's an average piece of meat. There are no more dreams for man but the dreams of an animal who is being raised to become a piece of meat: trite, conventional, imbecilic." […]

"The only alternative left for mankind," he continued, "is discipline. Discipline is the only deterrent. But by discipline I don't mean harsh routines. I don't mean waking up every morning at five-thirty and throwing cold water on yourself until you're blue. Sorcerers understand discipline as the capacity to face with serenity odds that are not included in our expectations. For them, discipline is an art: the art of facing infinity without flinching, not because they are strong and tough but because they are filled with awe.' "Sorcerers say that discipline makes the glowing coat of awareness unpalatable to the flyer," […]

"The grand trick of those sorcerers of ancient times, was to burden the flyers' mind with discipline. They found out that if they taxed the flyers' mind with inner silence, the foreign installation would flee, giving to any one of the practitioners involved in this maneuver the total certainty of the mind's foreign origin. The foreign installation comes back, I assure you, but not as strong, and a process begins in which the fleeing of the flyers' mind becomes routine, until one day it flees permanently. A sad day indeed! That's the day when you have to rely on your own devices, which are nearly zero. There's no one to tell you what to do. There's no mind of foreign origin to dictate the imbecilities you're accustomed to. "My teacher, the nagual Julian, used to warn all his disciples," don Juan continued, "that this was the toughest day in a sorcerer's life, for the real mind that belongs to us, the sum total of our experience, after a lifetime of domination has been rendered shy, insecure, and shifty. Personally, I would say that the real battle of sorcerers begins at that moment. The rest is merely preparation." "The flyers' mind flees forever," he said, "when a sorcerer succeeds in grabbing on to the vibrating force that holds us together as a conglomerate of energy fields. If a sorcerer maintains that pressure long enough, the flyers' mind flees in defeat. And that's exactly what you are going to do: hold on to the energy that binds you together."

This is not nebulous "go off and meditate or follow a path that makes you feel good" philosophy. Don Juan makes it explicit exactly what Sorcerers understand discipline as the capacity to face with serenity odds that are not included in our expectations. For them, discipline is an art: the art of facing infinity without flinching, not because they are strong and tough but because they are filled with awe.' "Sorcerers say that discipline makes the glowing coat of awareness unpalatable to the flyer," actually means and you can read it here: http://www.cassiopaea.com/cassiopaea/adventures046.htm in full. But the essential thing is:

He explained that one of the greatest accomplishments of the seers of the Conquest was a construct he called the three-phase progression. By understanding the nature of man, they were able to reach the incontestable conclusion that if seers can hold their own in facing petty tyrants, they can certainly face the unknown with impunity, and then they can even stand the presence of the unknowable.

"The average man's reaction is to think that the order of that statement should be reversed," he went on. "A seer who can hold his own in the face of the unknown can certainly face petty tyrants. But that's not so. What destroyed the superb seers of ancient times was that assumption. We know better now. We know that nothing can temper the spirit of a warrior as much as the challenge of dealing with impossible people in positions of power. Only under those conditions can warriors acquire the sobriety and serenity to stand the pressure of the unknowable."

...and:

"My benefactor developed a strategy using the four attributes of warriorship: control, discipline, forbearance, and timing."

Don Juan said that his benefactor, in explaining to him what he had to do to profit from facing that ogre of a man, also told him what the new seers considered to be the four steps on the path of knowledge. The first step is the decision to become apprentices. After the apprentices change their views about themselves and the world they take the second step and become warriors, which is to say, beings capable of the utmost discipline and control over themselves. The third step, after acquiring forbearance and timing, is to become men of knowledge. When men of knowledge learn to see they have taken the fourth step and have become seers.

His benefactor stressed the fact that don Juan had been on the path of knowledge long enough to have acquired a minimum of the first two attributes: control and discipline. Don Juan emphasized that both of these attributes refer to an inner state. A warrior is self-oriented, not in a selfish way, but in the sense of a total and continuous examination of the self.

If you read the passage from the link above, you will realize that the process he describes for passing along those steps is a lot more painful and protracted than the method Gurdjieff developed and which we employ here, to some extent.

"At that time, I was barred from the other two attributes," don Juan went on. "Forbearance and timing are not quite an inner state. They are in the domain of the man of knowledge. My benefactor showed them to me through his strategy."

"Does this mean that you couldn't have faced the petty tyrant by yourself?" I asked.

"I'm sure that I could have done it myself, although I have always doubted that I would have carried it off with flair and joyfulness. My benefactor was simply enjoying the encounter by directing it. The idea of using a petty tyrant is not only for perfecting the warrior's spirit, but also for enjoyment and happiness."

"How could anyone enjoy the monster you described?"

"He was nothing in comparison to the real monsters that the new seers faced during the Conquest. By all indications those seers enjoyed themselves blue dealing with them. They proved that even the worst tyrants can bring delight, provided, of course, that one is a warrior."

So, it seems that the "enjoyable path with a heart" is something quite other than one would suppose.

Getting back to the matter at hand, Haffner writes at the end of the cited quote:

The sequence of events is, as you see, not so unnatural. It is wholly within the normal range of psychology, and it helps to explain the almost inexplicable.

The only thing that is missing is what in animals is called 'breeding'. This is a solid inner kernel that cannot be shaken by external pressures and forces, something noble and steely, a reserve of pride, principle and dignity to be drawn on in the hour of trial. It is missing in the Germans. As a nation they are soft, unreliable and without backbone. That was shown in March 1933. At the moment of truth, when other nations rise spontaneously to the occasion, the Germans collectively and limply collapsed. They yielded and capitulated, and suffered a nervous breakdown.

I think Haffner was quite bitter because, as we well know, it is the Authoritarian personality he describes, not something that is national or ethnic. He also describes a society that is hystericized by being exposed to pathological material and being led by pathological individuals of various sorts. That leads them to the practice of subconscious selection and substitution as described by Lobaczewski:

We speak of blocking out conclusions if the inferential process was proper in principle and has almost arrived at a conclusion and final comprehension within the act of internal projection, but becomes stymied by a preceding directive from the subconscious, which considers it inexpedient or disturbing. This is a primitive prevention of personality disintegration, which may seem advantageous; however it also prevents all the advantages which could be derived from consciously elaborated conclusion and reintegration. A conclusion thus rejected remains in our subconscious and in a more unconscious way causes the next blocking and selection of this kind. This can be extremely harmful, progressively enslaving a person to his own subconscious, and is often accompanied by a feeling of tension and bitterness.

All of us have been damaged by the pathology of our culture thus it is important to learn about our machine and face petty tyrants, beginning with our own System 1 processes. That amounts to employing discipline. A person who cannot deal with the process of mirroring - which is precisely facing petty tyrants of the programmed predator's mind - cannot grow their awareness. If you can't face your own inner petty tyrant, how the heck do you think you are going to face any external petty tyrant.

But fortunately, in the system we operate with here, this can be done somewhat gradually and incrementally. Only Psyche did NOT take advantage of it.

Now she is in a situation that she does not like and she realizes, too late, what she threw away with both hands. So, what to do?

Well, obviously, face the petty tyrants within and without and turn the lemons of her new life into lemonade. She is in a situation not too far different from what Castaneda described in his chapter about Petty Tyrants, so it should be rather simple to practice the attributes of warriorship one step at a time. Three is no reason she cannot continue to do what she does best within the network, to continue her practice of self-observation, to stalk her inner predator that is formed from all the programming of her socio-cultural experiences. And if she shows the Universe that she is really DOing this - and that can only be an energy dynamic, not something you think or talk about - then it is certain that the Universe will respond by opening a door to another reality.
 
Perceval said:
What was so horrible about the Work in that moment that you decided to do something you knew you hated?

Nothing, there was nothing horrible about the Work, but on the contrary. And that is the horrible thing.

Laura said:
seek10 said:
Psyche said:
In doing so I crushed something deep inside of me and it is looking at me and screaming YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! YOU FAILED ME!!! You, Psyche, abandoned me.

"How can I possibly trust you ever again?!" "You failed me".

And that is the truth.

These answers sounds bizarre to me. Is it your thoughts ?.

The process is actually described in Ponerology where an individual who has succumbed to "transpersonification" as Lobaczewski called it, then find out that the "ideology" that attracted them comes at a very high price.

I'm sorry if I came across as creepy. I wrote the above and then spent the rest of the day, part of the night and morning crying. At some point in the night I just fell asleep from the exhaustion. If you would have been that fly in my room, you would have thought that I was in terrible physical pain, only that I was not. My muscles were contracting as the tears were falling from my eyes.

The only genuine conclusion I think I may have is "I cannot think with the way I think" and even then, I know I must guard myself in using it to justify the thinking patterns that run through my head.

I have no promises to give, what you see is what you get kind of thing. I know I have to read this entire thread again and pay special attention to the quotes.

I was thinking this morning about the quote "The foreign installation comes back, I assure you, but not as strong, and a process begins in which the fleeing of the flyers' mind becomes routine, until one day it flees permanently. A sad day indeed! That's the day when you have to rely on your own devices, which are nearly zero. There's no one to tell you what to do. There's no mind of foreign origin to dictate the imbecilities you're accustomed to."

Then I thought of the quote "There is a point of no return, that point must be reached".

"Beyond a certain point there is no return. This point has to be reached." -Franz Kafka

Then this morning you Laura posted all this quotes.

I also thought of the following one:

"You must understand," he said, "that ordinary efforts do not count. Only superefforts count. And so it is always and in everything. Those who do not wish to make super-efforts had better give up everything and take care of their health."

I thought about adding, "if you are afraid of surviving, go and read the vast literature on survivalist stuff, it is really no brainer."

I think I need a cigarette and then proceed to follow the links and quotes cited in this thread. I need to catch up with almost an entire week of unread forum posts as well.
 
I'm not sure how this ties into this, but I remember Haffner also describing how following the news of the war, counting e.g. the enemy casualties, pre-programmed many Germans into seeing war and cruelties as an exciting game to be played, detaching them from feeling anything for the victims. And in a sense, the ground was laid for the Nazis to take over. Some, like Haffner, eventually snapped out of it, but many did not.

Psyche, I'm wondering if you're seeing life and the Work as some sort of a game?

Just a thought, fwiw.
 
Aragorn said:
I'm not sure how this ties into this, but I remember Haffner also describing how following the news of the war, counting e.g. the enemy casualties, pre-programmed many Germans into seeing war and cruelties as an exciting game to be played, detaching them from feeling anything for the victims. And in a sense, the ground was laid for the Nazis to take over. Some, like Haffner, eventually snapped out of it, but many did not.

Psyche, I'm wondering if you're seeing life and the Work as some sort of a game?

Just a thought, fwiw.

I'm not sure what you mean. I can say that two years ago it crossed my mind that I was a Nazi doctor in a past life, or at least related to it somehow, and that I failed back then. It is too early to say why the thought crossed my mind. At least for me. Was it a predator mind maneuver? I don't know. But I sure want to learn my lessons.
 
Ah, I was thinking more like if you see the Work more like an intellectual and exiting game of some sort? In the past I caught myself thinking like tha from time to time. Now I know that things are a whole lot serious than in a game. The Nazi thing was just something from the book, didn't mean to imply that you'd had characteristics of them.

Added: 'intellectual and exiting'
 
I'm sorry if I came across as creepy. I wrote the above and then spent the rest of the day, part of the night and morning crying. At some point in the night I just fell asleep from the exhaustion. If you would have been that fly in my room, you would have thought that I was in terrible physical pain, only that I was not. My muscles were contracting as the tears were falling from my eyes.

The only genuine conclusion I think I may have is "I cannot think with the way I think" and even then, I know I must guard myself in using it to justify the thinking patterns that run through my head.

I have no promises to give, what you see is what you get kind of thing. I know I have to read this entire thread again and pay special attention to the quotes.

It wasn't creepy, more like a pitching a fit to 'release emotion'.

How is 'reading' and paying 'special attention' different from what you've always done?

Awareness of how you think, and what you do/don't do makes more sense, osit.
 
Aragorn said:
Ah, I was thinking more like if you see the Work more like a game of some sort? In the past I caught myself thinking like tha from time to time. Now I know that things are a whole lot serious than in a game. The Nazi thing was just something from the book, didn't mean to imply that you'd had characteristics of them.

It seems to me that in my case the times the Work manifested like a "game of some sort" were the times I fooled myself into thinking I was taking it seriously. For instance, I thought that being a doctor was a serious thing for the Work and while I was preparing the test, I ended up reinforcing the lies of the usefulness of such medical knowledge. Yeah, I would study pointing the errors in the textbooks, I wanted to write notes in all of them, but in the end succumbed to the pressure of studying them in X amount of time which then brought even more uncomfortable pressure that I invested on lies.

It seems to me that while it is not necessarily about a Nazi thing, we live in a very pathological world and I am part of it as a mainstream doctor. That is a lesson.
 
Gimpy said:
It wasn't creepy, more like a pitching a fit to 'release emotion'.

How is 'reading' and paying 'special attention' different from what you've always done?

Awareness of how you think, and what you do/don't do makes more sense, osit.

It makes more sense to me too. Instead of thinking of it as "this is what I MUST do", which has like a rigidity of some sort, it is something to be easing into doing in the present moment, allowing it to be, or so it seems to me.
 
Gimpy said:
I'm sorry if I came across as creepy. I wrote the above and then spent the rest of the day, part of the night and morning crying. At some point in the night I just fell asleep from the exhaustion. If you would have been that fly in my room, you would have thought that I was in terrible physical pain, only that I was not. My muscles were contracting as the tears were falling from my eyes.

The only genuine conclusion I think I may have is "I cannot think with the way I think" and even then, I know I must guard myself in using it to justify the thinking patterns that run through my head.

I have no promises to give, what you see is what you get kind of thing. I know I have to read this entire thread again and pay special attention to the quotes.

It wasn't creepy, more like a pitching a fit to 'release emotion'.

Yep, it's really just more melodrama - just like this passage:

p said:
At some point in the night I just fell asleep from the exhaustion. If you would have been that fly in my room, you would have thought that I was in terrible physical pain, only that I was not. My muscles were contracting as the tears were falling from my eyes.

Melodrama designed to provoke pity. That's all.

The fact is that most people who have ever received an objective mirror have cried until they thought they would never stop - most of us wallow in self-pity until we learn another way to be. It's not unusual or at all noteworthy. To use that purging of tears as a pity ploy, though, is not only counterproductive, it really shows how deeply embedded your "pity mechanism" is in your personality.
 
Psyche said:
Gimpy said:
It wasn't creepy, more like a pitching a fit to 'release emotion'.

How is 'reading' and paying 'special attention' different from what you've always done?

Awareness of how you think, and what you do/don't do makes more sense, osit.

It makes more sense to me too. Instead of thinking of it as "this is what I MUST do", which has like a rigidity of some sort, it is something to be easing into doing in the present moment, allowing it to be, or so it seems to me.

Do it before your brain talks you out of it.

"Easing" is an excuse to avoid action.
 
I'm glad that after your dreadful night of painful tears that you are now sufficiently recovered to catch up with forum posts.

But what I want to say here is this: Everyone pretty much operates based on System 1 goals that constantly seek to relieve discomfort and achieve a feeling of control. It is totally automatic and, until a great deal of work is done, System 2 is merely the servant of System 1. That is, the horses have the bit in their teeth and the driver of the cart is asleep or drunk. What people on the outside can see is the behavior and the RESULTS without being privy to, or influenced by, the narrative/private logic. That is, in the end, why it is easier for someone who is emotionally disconnected from a situation to more accurately infer what System 1 really is after than the individual who is busy making the narrative to act as a buffer between their actions and the interpretation that could be unfavorable. It can work something like this with the Datum being System 1 and the Goal being the objective, though it is covered over with a narrative that is created to explain it:

Datum 1: Feel bad because I don't get the respect and admiration I want in my current position. ----> Goal set: Move to Spain and work at hospital in ER. ER doctors get respect and admiration.
which leads to:
Datum 2: Would feel bad if my motives are questioned and I'm not supported. ----> Goal set: Convince self and others of good motives and being deserving of support.
which leads to:
Datum 3: Would feel bad if I look bad for leaving everyone and that would burn bridges that could be useful initially and later. ---> Goal set: Take Mr. Scott along as a bridge and extra support - at least temporarily.
which leads to:
Datum 4: Feel bad because my motives are being questioned. ----> Goal set: Continue on path but agree with whatever is said so that bad feelings go away and regain respect and admiration.

Actually, having said that, I think there is another datum and goal that may override all others:

Datum 5: I'm in a relationship with Mr. Scott and I find that he doesn't excite me the way I want to be excited but if I dump him, people will think that I engaged in the relationship just to get to the Chateau, I'll lose admiration, respect, financial support etc. ----> Goal set: Create reasons to move to Spain, but do so in such a way that I continue to receive support. Make it look like I want Mr. Scott to come too, but make sure things are arranged to that I can ease out of the relationship by absence. Who knows? I may meet someone who excites me and will give me the support I want/need and that will change everything.

Then:
Datum 6: I'm in Spain and find I've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. ---> Goal set: Get active on the forum to fish for support, admiration, respect, and possibly another juicy Knight in Armor to save me.
 
Laura said:
Actually, having said that, I think there is another datum and goal that may override all others:

Datum 5: I'm in a relationship with Mr. Scott and I find that he doesn't excite me the way I want to be excited but if I dump him, people will think that I engaged in the relationship just to get to the Chateau, I'll lose admiration, respect, financial support etc. ----> Goal set: Create reasons to move to Spain, but do so in such a way that I continue to receive support. Make it look like I want Mr. Scott to come too, but make sure things are arranged to that I can ease out of the relationship by absence. Who knows? I may meet someone who excites me and will give me the support I want/need and that will change everything.

Then:
Datum 6: I'm in Spain and find I've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire. ---> Goal set: Get active on the forum to fish for support, admiration, respect, and possibly another juicy Knight in Armor to save me.

I don't know of what else I'm capable. I didn't brought it up, in my mind I rationalized it as "must not bring up Mr.Scott up because you must protect him, this is after all the public forum".

If all these feelings and thoughts are part of it, then yes, there seems to be a hell lot more to it.

I was not really colinear but I wanted so badly a Knight in Shining Armor that would save me all the work to do things for myself. How is that for an aim? With time I realized that things were certainly more difficult than I thought it would be. Worse, that meant that I didn't love anyone, much less Mr. Scott, but only myself. He was the last screen I had to really face myself and how dare it was taken from me?!

All this time I have shown only regard to myself for self-preservation purposes?! This is the sort of person I am? Yes, it seems like it.
 

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