How Not To Be

[Gaby]

It seems to me that my selfishness knows no bounds. Yes, I did that to the Château crew and all of you, and I think everyone can see it. I'm lazy, spoiled, extremely selfish and because I have no regard for myself, I have been a drain in resources and all attempts to let me see myself and admit to it in an open and clear way have been in vain. I clearly do not know the limits of my selfishness.

I think you should all consider seriously my stay in this forum. I'll continue with research and reading and stop the crying fits and the exhaustion from it all. If I remotely got a grip on myself and somebody wants to know what else "I think I have done or not done" you can go ahead and ask. I don't seemed to have appreciated it when it was proper. But it is all very clear, I've always had my best self interests at heart.

 

[anart]

It seems to me that my selfishness knows no bounds. Yes, I did that to the Château crew and all of you, and I think everyone can see it. I'm lazy, spoiled, extremely selfish and because I have no regard for myself, I have been a drain in resources and all attempts to let me see myself and admit to it in an open and clear way have been in vain. I clearly do not know the limits of my selfishness.

I think you should all consider seriously my stay in this forum. I'll continue with research and reading and stop the crying fits and the exhaustion from it all. If I remotely got a grip on myself and somebody wants to know what else "I think I have done or not done" you can go ahead and ask. I don't seemed to have appreciated it when it was proper. But it is all very clear, I've always had my best self interests at heart.

From my perspective, which may or may not be correct, I think that the above is obviously true and always has been. Really, the only active factor in the whole situation (since the above has always been your state of being, thus nothing has changed today from years ago) is "do you want to continue on as you have or do you want to be different?" You're the only one who can answer that (and it is an internal, energetic answer, it's not about answering with words here on this forum) and then, you take the rest of your lifetime to make it so. All else is wiseacring and philosophizing. So, perhaps, you could take some time and really think about it, with all parts of yourself and no pressure, just you and your life and what is really (deeply) 'in you' to do?

Others may think differently.

 

[Gaby]

Well, anart, let me be so bold as to answer now without much thinking. I feel cheated out of life because of the "Eros theme" which is, I believe, on the public forum. I'm mad at it and as the number of books quoted show, I had spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time trying to figure it out. I have read many more books on the subject and "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is the same thing all over again as far as I can see.

Yet, after all those books, I haven't solved the problem. Mr. Scott was only the latest version or screen for the Eros theme. And, I DON'T want to live my life chasing a projection. It has been the ruin of me. What I wrote here: http://cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php/topic,22041.msg366996.html#msg366996 is probably the only true understanding after all this time:

Energy that should had manifested creatively, got turned-in. It was all about me.

Yet, ALL this time I was protecting it: the Eros theme. So I'm a little bit mad right now. It got the best out of me, yet AGAIN.

 

[Iron]

That is really a complicated history, Psyche.
I may be wrong, but I think that you are approaching a very crucial crossroad in your life: your blocks to growth have been exposed clearly, in plain sight.
Maybe trying to reduce it to the Eros theme may be diminishing the extent of the problem.
It is not only a relational problem with an idealized sex mate. Its a problem in relating with people in general that also leads to problems with relating to a potential partner.

Also, I learned a lot about the mechanics and hows and whys of the mirroring process.

 

[Gaby]

That is really a complicated history, Psyche.
I may be wrong, but I think that you are approaching a very crucial crossroad in your life: your blocks to growth have been exposed clearly, in plain sight.

Thanks God for that.

Maybe trying to reduce it to the Eros theme may be diminishing the extent of the problem.
It is not only a relational problem with an idealized sex mate. Its a problem in relating with people in general that also leads to problems with relating to a potential partner.

It is diminishing it by reducing it to the Eros theme. The extent of the problem is so huge, I had to put it a "pet name" so I could refer to it.

Also, I learned a lot about the mechanics and hows and whys of the mirroring process.

I'm glad that at least that happened.

 

[anart]

It is diminishing it by reducing it to the Eros theme. The extent of the problem is so huge, I had to put it a "pet name" so I could refer to it.

That's actually pretty nonsensical in this context. Calling it something it is not, even remotely, is basically fantasy and certainly won't head you in the direction of clarity in any way. Perhaps you missed my suggestion that you not answer my question in written form on this forum - and certainly not after only a few minutes of thinking about it?

Your responses in this thread have often been reminiscent of a computer program spitting out lines of text in an attempt to "answer correctly" while missing the context and deeper meaning of the conversation which is why I suggested that you stop for a bit and reflect, if possible. fwiw.

 

[Joe]

[quote author=Psyche] Yet, ALL this time I was protecting it: the Eros theme. So I'm a little bit mad right now. It got the best out of me, yet AGAIN. [/quote]

You're not going to get very far if you continue to lament how much YOU have lost in all of this, how much YOU have suffered.

 

[Windmill knight]

While you reflect, Psyche, try to dismiss what you know about the 'Eros theme' and simply look at it as brain chemicals. In other words, you have behaved the way you have because it made you feel good, or at least you were hoping it would - everything else is just a narrative. I suggest rereading especially Laura's post about the 'Datum -> Goal set' points, cause it is so far the clearest and simplest explanation of your recent behavior. It may be that with your emotional state you won't be able to see that for a while, but if you keep coming back to it perhaps one day you will.

 

[Buddy]

Well, anart, let me be so bold as to answer now without much thinking. I feel cheated out of life because of the "Eros theme" which is, I believe, on the public forum. I'm mad at it and as the number of books quoted show, I had spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time trying to figure it out. I have read many more books on the subject and "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is the same thing all over again as far as I can see.

I don't know much about the Eros Theme yet, but I applaud the above. That is awesome and a very valuable thing to do--at least for me!

I thought I recognized the melodrama from my own experiences of having inner voices (my own of course, not disembodied or something) arguing amongst themselves, begging for pity, etc.

I can see that about myself now as it matches what you said above. The inner reality, essence of me or whatever usually begins with a single word or simple phrase--loaded up much more with real depth of feeling than all those words that just shadow my depths and don't really capture essence. Seems narrator tends to override and make the inner seem more complicated than it really is.

 

[Gaby]

I'm in the fire and won't get active in the forum until I gain more understanding. I hope to contribute to the health section with some research if that is okay.

 

[Alana]

Well, anart, let me be so bold as to answer now without much thinking. I feel cheated out of life because of the "Eros theme" which is, I believe, on the public forum. I'm mad at it and as the number of books quoted show, I had spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time trying to figure it out. I have read many more books on the subject and "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is the same thing all over again as far as I can see.

I don't know much about the Eros Theme yet, but I applaud the above. That is awesome and a very valuable thing to do--at least for me!

I don't understand your "applaud" here, Buddy. What Psyche did there was deflect the good advice that anart gave her, and added more self-pity drama. How is that "applaudable" in any way?

 

[Joe]

Well, anart, let me be so bold as to answer now without much thinking. I feel cheated out of life because of the "Eros theme" which is, I believe, on the public forum. I'm mad at it and as the number of books quoted show, I had spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time trying to figure it out. I have read many more books on the subject and "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is the same thing all over again as far as I can see.

That's because the 'Eros theme' is more or less a rationalisation or justification for narcissism and feeding, couched in flowery psycho-therapeutic terms. That's why you feel cheated, you feel cheated out of your food, out of 'having your cake and eating it'. That's pretty much what you have done in all of your posts on this thread - attempted to justify your actions in terms of how much you have suffered, and thereby elicit pity, which is an attempt to feed.

The thing is, I don't see how you have suffered, not in any real way. You had had enough of the Work and Mr. Scott, so you came up with a plan to go back the high life in medicine. You followed through with it and you got it. You got what you wanted, so what's to gripe about? It sounds to me like you are just trying to save face with this forum by presenting your selfish choices in terms of how you've been "cheated" by life etc. etc. That's the attempt to 'have your cake and eat it' once again.

 

[Pierre]

It is diminishing it by reducing it to the Eros theme. The extent of the problem is so huge, I had to put it a "pet name" so I could refer to it.

This dream of a perfect lover or whatever it's called seems to me like the perfect excuse to justify any kind of selfish, inconsiderate, mean behaviours.

The dream/ghost lover is perfect, the world is not perfect, so you feel entitled to reject in the world everything that doesn't suit you.

It's also a not so subtle way of reversing roles where you present yourself as a victim (of the eros lover syndrom) while you're the one who makes the other ones suffer, but hey it's not your fault, it's because of the perfect lover syndrom!

 

[anart]

I'm in the fire and won't get active in the forum until I gain more understanding. I hope to contribute to the health section with some research if that is okay.

Psyche, if you were truly 'in the fire' nothing else would exist for you but that fire right now, certainly not thoughts of 'contributing to the health section'. The juxtaposition of the two sentences above indicate a rather startling disconnect. Or, perhaps more accurately, it indicates that you are using phrases you don't understand like 'in the fire' as you have previously been using extremely emotional phrases with a lack of understanding of the true experience of such emotions.

 

[Buddy]

Well, anart, let me be so bold as to answer now without much thinking. I feel cheated out of life because of the "Eros theme" which is, I believe, on the public forum. I'm mad at it and as the number of books quoted show, I had spent an INCREDIBLE amount of time trying to figure it out. I have read many more books on the subject and "How to Be an Adult in Relationships" is the same thing all over again as far as I can see.

I don't know much about the Eros Theme yet, but I applaud the above. That is awesome and a very valuable thing to do--at least for me!

I don't understand your "applaud" here, Buddy. What Psyche did there was deflect the good advice that anart gave her, and added more self-pity drama. How is that "applaudable" in any way?

I meant applaud the part in bold as a therapeutic process as opposed to what the words were that she was saying. That process is an element of depth therapy. Done correctly, the narrators interpretation may eventually give way to the real underlying problem and I was saying that my comments were'nt related to the Eros Theme, whatever it is. I'm sorry for any confusion.