How to Stay Sane in an Insane World

[forge]

"Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.""
:D :D

Standing on the bus on the way home i checked myself out in the drivers mirror, seconds after reading Gurdjieffs 'you have no real will'-remarks. Shrunk from the sight, because a somewhat insanely contorted face with lunatic eyes looked back at me. Quickly relaxed my facial muscles and made my best to be transformed back into an everyday traveler. Wow that was scary! :D

 

[mada85]

Very funny Thanks for the laugh, Laura.

I like these:

Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".

Reply to everything someone says with, "That's what you think."

. . . and especially this one:

Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

'Good morning, Ray's Burger Bar, Joe speaking, may I take your order . . . in accordance with the prophecy?'

 

[tom32071]

Good ones. Who says you don't have a sense of humor ? Very funny.

 

[The rabbit]

Call the psychic hotline ...

and when they ask for your credit card number, say "Guess"

Reminds me of the Maharishi who asked John Lennon why he was leaving , to which John answered "if you know everything you would know that.

 

[Zadius Sky]

Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

I actually did this with my boss at one time. Oy, made him maaaaddd....

Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."

Tell your children over dinner: "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

LOL! These are hilarious.

Thanks for sharing, Laura.

 

[Buddy]

Call the psychic hotline ...

and when they ask for your credit card number, say "Guess"

Reminds me of the Maharishi who asked John Lennon why he was leaving , to which John answered "if you know everything you would know that.

Good ones. :D

A few years ago my wife and I were visiting Virginia Beach, Virginia. As we were driving through a particular neighborhood, there was a sign outside a residence offering psychic services of some kind. Knowing that I didn't take psychic advertisements seriously, she said:
"Oh wow, there's a psychic. Let's stop in and get a reading."
I responded: "she's not any good."
Wife said: "How do you know?"
I said: "If she were any good, she would know we were coming and her sign would say "Welcome Bud and Bud's wife!"
She got a good laugh from that! :)

 

[Mountain Crown]

Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

This is a hoot!

 

[Gawan]

Thanks for that Laura it made me laugh myself to tears. :)

 

[Skyfarmr]

I really like the coffee switch...

Ha...ha...ha...this is the only one I thought was borderline cruel, only because it happened to me, although, the espresso part was left out. Couldn't understand why I was so foggy in the brain...all day!

Seriously, all were funny, funny, funny... thanks a bunch for the stimulus to exercise my funny bone. :D

 

[The Mechanic]

Great to see you didn't loose your sense of humor Laura :)

One to add: If you see a paused dvd-player, increase the audio volume of the television set to its maximum, then remove the batteries from the televisions' remote control.

(we actually did this to a school teacher once)

 

[AdamJM]

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

That is class!

 

[AdamJM]

Also, if you work any where that requires you to wear a name badge, copy them into photoshop and put a different name or phrase of your choice down. I did it whilst working at supermarket, it always got a giggle, till management stepped in!

 

[Nienna]

Also, if you work any where that requires you to wear a name badge, copy them into photoshop and put a different name or phrase of your choice down. I did it whilst working at supermarket, it always got a giggle, till management stepped in!

Yeah, some people just have no sense of humor!

 

[AdamJM]

Yeah, some people just have no sense of humor!

and unfortunately for them, they haven't got a clue what they're missing out on :)

 

[Drea]

Yeah, some people just have no sense of humor!

Yes unfortunately my b.f didn't find this post funny at all. He didn't understand the humor until I reminded him that he likes to hop on the back of the grocery cart and lift his feet off the floor. That got a laugh out of him. Although I tend to walk a couple feet behind him and pretend I don't know him when he does it. :P