How to Tick People Off

Laura

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1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
20. TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"
"What?"
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
 
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
From experience, including the number "eleventy-seven" in your random-number-holler-list makes #14 more effective.

34. Rewind/Restart a song to/from the beginning after 10 seconds into the song.
 
Well Laura, you would know!

35) Create the cassiopaea.org website. :P


*sigh* and I am guilty of the latest...

36) Ensure that every forum post you make meets the 2500-word minimum requirement. :(
 
37) Hug everyone you see, including animals and psychopaths.

38) Say "What?!" to every word the other person says.
 
43) Use a TV remote control unit and point it at Prez Bush (or politician
or lawyer) and reply: "Dag nabbit!, the erase button does not work!!!"

44) Use a TV remote control unit and point it at your nagging spouse
and reply: "Dag nabbit!, the volume button does not work!!!"
(Be prepared for a divorce, or a hearty laugh, or that YOU might
be on the other side of the remote control unit!)

Edit 1: Disclaimer on (43 & 44):
I cannot be held responsible your for lapse on 'external considering'.
Do so at your own risk.

43) Pointing *anything* at Bush/Politician/Lawyer may cost you plenty.

44) Got home from work and found all the remote control units missing.
Made good use of my arms/legs walking up to all of the remote devices,
manually turning them on, manually making selections, every single
day until I got back on good graces with my spouse. TRUE STORY!
That day, learned 'external considering'.
 
45) Put white phosphorus in peoples houses, and say, "you should probably clean it up because its quite dangerous"
 
46) When someone is standing too close to you, stretch your hands out as far as possible in opposite directions, spin 360 degrees, and then declare, "This is my personal space requirement."
 
46) Go to the supermarket every day and eat all the free samples.
47) Wink at people in an elevator, but don't say anything.
48) Eat in a fast food restaurant, but keep the cup. Come back every day, fill up the cup and leave. If anyone complains say you're getting your free refills.
 
49) Go into a department store and everytime the intercom comes on, stop, grab your head and yell " the voices, the voices are back!"
50) buy a bottle of Mountain Dew, open it up, and dribble it on the floor all the way to the public bathroom.
51) Hide under the cloths trees in a clothing store, and when someone comes over to look at the items, growl at them.
 
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