I keep slipping

[Helle]

I'm not living the way I feel I WANT to live 100%, only like 80% of my time. I eat healthy 80% of the time, I do my EE, 80% of the time. Everything is not quite 100%. My participanse on the forum is close to 0% these days, so I thought that doing an effort to come back, would maybe help me with the other things. That might be wishful thinking, but I know, that sharing and participating will have a positive effect.

I keep sabotaging myself, and the worse I feel about that, the worse it gets. The guilt blocks me. The annoyance with myself blocks me too.

I'm married and I have 3 kids and a busy busy job. My husband thinks I'm rather crazy with all my books about diet and detox and 'new age' as he thinks it is. I haven't been able to actually make him READ any of it. Not even secret history (he's a history major). It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.
- But MAN it's hard to live with someone, when I'm ALL alone in my beliefs here. It's definitely not helping me live the way I feel I could/should.

Am I using my marriage/busy life as an excuse to not go 100%?
At the moment, I don't feel I can DO more than I am, but I've been know to trick my self before!

I try to enjoy the ride, and keep doing everyday, what is right infront of me, and to follow my heart.

 

[DianaRose]

Hey Helle

I bet it must be at time to live with someone who doesn't share the same beliefs as you do. My parents were the same and they disliked each other for a numerous reason, and well long story short it was quiet dysfunctionel. But well as long as you love each other it can work out, maybe you could try to make new like-minded friend in where you live, that way you could have people close to you with whom you could share what you think. And in the long run I think your husband could adhere to your beliefs, this is what happened with my parents but it took a very long time, in my opinion because of a lot of other issues.

I don't think you should feel guilty, because you're sabotaging yourself, because the guiltier you get the more you keep sabotaging yourself. And I speak with experience, lol, guilt is something that I know. Be nice to yourself, because honestly even if you don't do all you wished to do aren't you doing your best with the at very moment? Be nice to yourself and try to examinate what block do you exatly hold and where they came from. Then try to manage your time for do the things you really want to do. Go Steps by steps.

Peace and Love

 

[Mrs.Tigersoap]

Hi Helle,

FWIW, I think that if you could give 100% of yourself 100 % of the time, you would no longer need to do the Work!
The important thing is to be constant and always come back to working on yourself. A bit like when you meditate. Your mind slips and you gently re-focus it.
There is no need to be harsh with yourself, just acknowledge that you were 'distracted' and move on.
As far as the diet is concerned, it's a bit more problematic, since you might jeopardize your efforts and progress by eating the wrong foods just once. Also, maybe you are feeling helpless and demotivated because of a particular food you are eating? Just a thought.

Continue your reading, eating, etc. while respecting your partner's choice (as you seem to be doing) and who knows, maybe after a while, through the example you will be setting (by maybe acting calmer in stressful situations, by being able to answer some of his questions, etc.), you will pique his interest. It worked that way with my husband and I (although the other way around). He might not be interested at all, mind you. Then, so be it. Many on this forum are in your situation in that respect and you can always share your struggles.

That might be wishful thinking, but I know, that sharing and participating will have a positive effect.
At the moment, I don't feel I can DO more than I am, but I've been know to trick my self before!

I'm sure it will also. Posting this proves to me that you are already doing more. Hang on in there!

 

[Ollie]

Hi Helle

Seems to me you are doing pretty well, 80% is good. Mind you, sticking to 100% for the diet and EE would be much better, for all the known benefits they provide. . And, you have recognized some issues to work on, as well as doing what the False Personality does not want to do – making the effort to come back. We all do what we can in our own particular way, be it little or a lot.

Remembering,

… to do what we ourselves find hardest, to forgive [ourselves] for being human.

In the final analysis we do not solve our problems, for life is not a problem to be solved but an experiment to be lived. It is enough to have suffered through into deeper and deeper meaning. Such meaning enriches and is its own reward. We cannot avoid the swamplands of the soul, but we may come to value them for what they can bring us.

We must be still and still moving
Into another intensity
For a further union, a deeper communion
Through the dark cold and the empty desolation. (Eliot, The Four Quartets)

You seem to have got it right when you say – ‘enjoy the ride, and keep doing everyday, what is right in front of me, and to follow my heart.’

Keep doing what you are doing, what’s in front of you, doing that what your heart desires.

Remembering,

… happiness is what happens (as it happens).

Have fun in the process, this may help, or not.

 

[Gawan]

Hey Helle,

it's great to see you back and that you are still around. :)

I'm not living the way I feel I WANT to live 100%, only like 80% of my time. I eat healthy 80% of the time, I do my EE, 80% of the time. Everything is not quite 100%. My participanse on the forum is close to 0% these days, so I thought that doing an effort to come back, would maybe help me with the other things. That might be wishful thinking, but I know, that sharing and participating will have a positive effect.

Do you know why you are manipulating yourself? As far as I understand it, you eat most of the time healthy (no gluten, dairy etc.) and sometimes it happens that you eat gluten for example?
To me it sounds like and I'm eventually wrong, if you are sitting on the fence?

The guilt blocks me.

Cause of your 80% you mentioned somehow?

My husband thinks I'm rather crazy with all my books about diet and detox and 'new age' as he thinks it is. I haven't been able to actually make him READ any of it.

It can be hard sometimes and maybe it's the reason of your 80%, cause the one who loves you doesn't support you in what you are loving to do. Most often it happens, when you try to convince someone, that kind of an argument is getting started (maybe also in a very subtle way), due to the general law. Maybe try to be more external considerate toward your husband, to accept his choice.

Not even secret history (he's a history major). It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.
- But MAN it's hard to live with someone, when I'm ALL alone in my beliefs here. It's definitely not helping me live the way I feel I could/should.

Okay, that sounds good, nonetheless you still sound very frustrated about that situation.

And by the way, with your initial posting above, you gave much more than 80%. :)

Take care of you!

 

[1984]

It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.
- But MAN it's hard to live with someone, when I'm ALL alone in my beliefs here. It's definitely not helping me live the way I feel I could/should.

Am I using my marriage/busy life as an excuse to not go 100%?

Hi Helle,

Just wondering, did something in particular (home life, kids, etc.) happen recently to prompt you to post this?

 

[Thor]

My husband thinks I'm rather crazy with all my books about diet and detox and 'new age' as he thinks it is. I haven't been able to actually make him READ any of it. Not even secret history (he's a history major). It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.
- But MAN it's hard to live with someone, when I'm ALL alone in my beliefs here. It's definitely not helping me live the way I feel I could/should.

Am I using my marriage/busy life as an excuse to not go 100%?
At the moment, I don't feel I can DO more than I am, but I've been know to trick my self before!

Hi Helle,

You have no idea how much I understand your situation. In itself, not being able to share something that matters so much to you with someone that matters so much to you is agonizing (at least in my experience).

However, apart from the diet and the EE, it might not be advisable to go 100% on all fronts at all times. I try to do 100% and am creating a ever widening divide between myself and my wife, my social interactions with others, etc. and it scares the sh-t out of me. I don't want to hijack this thread, but what I am trying to get at is that going 100%
seems to have consequences in one's "normal" life and being willing to accept those consequences requires among other things that the time is right.

What would happen if you "went all the way"? Is there anything in such a scenario that you fear or is it just too much with everything else that is going on?

FWIW, I think going at 80% with three kids and a demanding job is pretty good. :)

 

[Angchop]

Hello Helle,

I know how you feel. I too have setbacks and slip from time to time. I just try to refocus and work on myself again. I sometimes feel guilty too for something I have eaten that I know isn't good for me, or for not doing EE as much as I can. That little voice starts nagging in the back of my head that ""oh well, you screwed it all up, whats the point in trying?" But I keep going and trying and working on myself. Just know that you are not alone.

Glad to see that you are back!

 

[RyanX]

[...] My husband thinks I'm rather crazy with all my books about diet and detox and 'new age' as he thinks it is. I haven't been able to actually make him READ any of it. Not even secret history (he's a history major). It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.

Hi Helle,

I was in your position for awhile, although from the man's perspective. My relationship was destructive in a number of ways, but one of the things I noticed was my ex's aversion to anything that I found interesting, informative, useful and wanted to apply in some way. It was as if no matter what the topic was, she would automatically turn against it; anything I loved she would automatically hate, no matter how much sense it made. (Can you say "narcissistic wounding" anyone? :P ) Eventually the dissonance between us become too great to ignore. Well, anyways, I hope your relationship isn't quite as bad as mine was, or became. It sounds like your husband respects your interests even if he might find them "crazy" at times. There's a lot on here I would have found crazy 10 years ago, and it took a lot of reading and researching to open my mind up. Most people just don't have the energy or inclination to challenge their long-held beliefs.

Maybe giving your husband that extra 20% or even 10% isn't so bad if it means keeping the relationship stable for the sake of your family? Consider that extra energy as investment in External Consideration. :)

 

[KTC]

HI Hella,
I hear you loud and clear sister. I have an 18 month old, I run my own business that keeps me on my toes and I have a wonderful husband who thinks I may be going mad.
For me this whole process is a learning process.. and isn't that the point? Isn't that what the C's keep sharing with us.. 'everything is a lesson'. Your husband will believe what he chooses and as you say, to keep the peace you don't pester him about it. But you are also a wonderful and very powerful influence on your children and their minds are much more open to your influences. Imitate the wind and change will continue to happen.

 

[axj]

I'm not living the way I feel I WANT to live 100%, only like 80% of my time. I eat healthy 80% of the time, I do my EE, 80% of the time.

Hi Helle,

I think a change of focus might help. It can be incredibly powerful. Just as you are hard on yourself, you can choose to stop that behaviour and instead appreciate that you ARE already doing 80% of what you want to do. Isn't that something? The negative self-judging mind chatter is a pretty ingrained program in most of us.

 

[rsnedaker]

From what I understand, the friction between the "yes" and "no" in those types of decisions is what builds the permanent I. Getting all the little "I"s on the same page is hard work. It's like using a muscle, the more you exercise it the stronger it gets. It's not something that is easy. It's hard work. The more you do your ee, the better you will be able to make the right decisions about your diet, the better you can self observe and see the world as it is, the more you can help others. Just keep doing what you can. Going 80 MPH will still get you to your destination. If that's as fast as your car runs, that's as fast as it runs, but gun it. If you can't get rid of the guit. (I am pretty neurotic so I can't.) Then you can use it as a motivator, that's what I do. If you can get rid of it, by all means do.

 

[Hildegarda]

Am I using my marriage/busy life as an excuse to not go 100%?

Just wondering, did something in particular (home life, kids, etc.) happen recently to prompt you to post this?

Helle, I was wondering the same thing. 80% doesn't sound that bad at all, considering everything you juggle in your daily life. Yet, it is when you start talking about lacking support within your family, the frustration is palpable, as if something has got to you just recently, some sort of a last straw. Perhaps, with more information on the table, others will be able to better advise you. In any case, we are with you, and very glad to see you posting again!

 

[clerck de bonk]

I'm not living the way I feel I WANT to live 100%, only like 80% of my time. I eat healthy 80% of the time, I do my EE, 80% of the time. Everything is not quite 100%. My participanse on the forum is close to 0% these days, so I thought that doing an effort to come back, would maybe help me with the other things. That might be wishful thinking, but I know, that sharing and participating will have a positive effect.

I keep sabotaging myself, and the worse I feel about that, the worse it gets. The guilt blocks me. The annoyance with myself blocks me too.

I'm married and I have 3 kids and a busy busy job. My husband thinks I'm rather crazy with all my books about diet and detox and 'new age' as he thinks it is. I haven't been able to actually make him READ any of it. Not even secret history (he's a history major). It's like he's preprogrammed to believe something, and refuse to see anything differently, so I stopped sharing a long time ago, to keep the peace, and respect that he is in a different place than I.
- But MAN it's hard to live with someone, when I'm ALL alone in my beliefs here. It's definitely not helping me live the way I feel I could/should.

Am I using my marriage/busy life as an excuse to not go 100%?
At the moment, I don't feel I can DO more than I am, but I've been know to trick my self before!

I try to enjoy the ride, and keep doing everyday, what is right infront of me, and to follow my heart.

IMO, You're not slipping, You are fighting!

Remember(imo):
- external consideration
- fighting for You not against some(thing)body else!

Strength your way!

 

[cs21]

Hello Helle,
I understand your feelings, I am experiencing it for a long time. Of course I am not in the same situation (I have no children and my ex left me) but I have "to fight" every day or almost. The best thing I can do when everything seems to go in the wrong way, I call a very very good friend very open minded and he listen to me. It is really good when you can talk to someone even if he doesn't understand when you talk about the Wave, etc ... !! keep fighting !