Greetings,
It's interesting how I find a topic when I need them, thank you very much. I share my recent history, I hope it helps, I have wanted to write it for a long time, but I needed to have more evidence that something a little strange is going on.
Pay close attention to your instincts. What we need and what we want are two things we put together by wanting what we think we need, without knowing what we really need. It leads you on an "adventure", as they say. Your emotions get out of control, but we don't run to seek knowledge, on the contrary, we get stuck in that feeling of uncertainty, false expectations, assumptions and the ruminating mind, fantasizing about so many possible futures that our imagination wants to present us with, more bad than good. We stop paying attention to what we should, distraction and only see that person in front of us. What we ask for, based on our emotions get in conflicts with what we really need to move forward at some deeper level and then the delivery is something else with more things to unravel, even if we don't like it, but we already paid for it, there is no refund.
Then comes to my mind that tedious contradiction of "wanting something that makes you feel good is bad but you have free will, so go wrong and learn, it's fun"... Ok... Do I do it or not? What is the contradiction in all this? How do I live without becoming an insensitive and bitter being when I see that everything around me is a doll's house and danger everywhere?
Having a life as a couple has seemed tedious to me, especially the emotional maze that makes up a person's being. It is already too painful to discover oneself as to have to deal with someone else's inner maze. Dealing with the fact that everything that makes you feel good, expectations, desires... is STS . And if you are alone, the wait is more bitter.
So I asked, out of my despair and lower desires, something has come true. And you know, about how careful you have to be when asking/wishing for something. The frog under the water appeared.
A few months ago I met a girl, beautiful, intelligent, today we work in the same artistic area, photography and audiovisual, we have the same goals in common, we generate income, she supports me more than any other friendship I've had before, we accept each other as we are, too good to be true, all my repressions come true.
But then comes the typical, in emotional areas, it's a maze and makes me lose myself to find myself again and structure again what I think, that seems positive. Somehow, her "free" way of being, makes me not be so strict with myself and above all, to accept her and be with her, without wanting to possess and intervene in her life.
Sometimes we are two tigers defending their greatest fears. I didn't agree to have sex without commitment because something told me it wasn't right, not without first knowing what trouble I was getting into. She can do it whenever she wants, if she wants, with whomever she wants.
The first day I met her, something in my head "came off", it literally dislocated, something I felt inside my head and my sight at the moment I shook her hand, it was like something was hitting me over my left eye. It's as if I was disconnected that millisecond and it wasn't butterflies or anything like that... I already felt a connection right away and in my dreams, it went on to replace my old relationships, especially one, that had tormented me for all these years.
I don't want to have a family or children and I have always joked that someday, I am sure that whoever I fall in love with will be a chia with a child included. Surprise!... she has a child and I found myself for a while dealing with, now yes, "butterflies" in my stomach, against my will.
On the one hand we are focused on work and on building economic stability for both of us, from that point, it could be said that we are productive with each other for the time we are together, but I have that fierce sexual desire of wanting and at the same time no.
That attractive advertisement of "come, give yourself up and take what you want without feeling tied down, as you wanted, as you asked, do not cower now" has driven me crazy.
Therefore, it seems that each person with whom we feel the cupid bite, carries a repressed aspect in us, as we go through the experience, we can strengthen it and suffer for another long time and with other relationships, until the day we begin to have control over one aspect, and then another, and then another.
Thank you!
, "in love". She couldn't love me back and because of that our friendship suffer a lot. But we manage to overcome this through to years. She reads Wave and transcript and it is very interested in the subject. When she said:"You see, now you have your answers" I felt in my sternum area strange waves, like something is release.
