I've been watching our video again after stepping away from it for a couple of weeks and wanted to some share and acknowledge some things.
First of all this video (as well the others we did) couldn't have been done without what I've learned over the years through Laura's work, the network on here, the suggested reading material as well as the great connections on Facebook. So thank you to you all.
On a personal level, much of what I talk about in this video and have written about are not just recited ideas and concepts, but also reflect what I've experienced in my life through my own suffering.
Be it in terms of relationships and my own confusion about love, having mistaken it for many things, up to believing in New Age fluff stuff, lack of external consideration and pushing information on people who didn't ask for it or dealing with my own shadow. For example, I certainly have been encountering the psychic vampire in relationships. In particular the female vampire has been a theme and pattern in some of my relationships in the past and my role in it, which had drained me a lot, over-extending myself and beating myself up with guilt and regret. Reading that chapter in "Unholy Hungers" has been a tremendous eye opener in that regard. But I also wasn't always the victim as my own predator, self-importance and psychic vampire also got engaged in certain relationships (not just the romantic kind), resulting in feeding.
So, the whole process of what I wrote and narrated has also been an emotional process for me. I found that writing my blogs and eventually doing these videos with the help and amazing creative input of de-tached helped me to understand it all better, more objectively. While the UFO video was more based on other people's reserach and experiences, this video has been more personal to me. During the process of making this video, some things from my past came up as well as for de-tached, so we talked about how these topics addressed in the film relate to our personal lives, kinda like "yep, been there, done that."
In other words, although I speak in "third person" at times in the video and talk about "people", these "people" also include me at certain times in my life. I've been shedding some tears when watching the video again. After the long and hard work of making it (it took us almost four months), it feels like a big stone fell from my heart and was able to let go of some things. It was very heart-opening and triggered my vulnerability in my already emotional sensitive nature (Moon in Cancer, Ascendant in Cancer, Venus in Pisces with Sun in Aquarius according to my astrology natal chart).
I think my own inner drive to find healing (consciously and/or unconsciously) from the suffering and my life experiences has helped in the process of writing and making this video, although it doesn't come across as "personal" for the viewer/reader. This has become clearer to me as I watched it again.
Of course, "The Work" never stops and there is always more to learn and integrate, layers to shed, illusions to burst and knowledge to gain. But there has also been an increase of empathy, compassion and even something that is maybe true Love, at least some moments of it. It's been quite a ride over the last couple of years and I feel much gratitude and appreciation for what I've learned through my own suffering and the suffering of others as well as the help and mirror/feedback from friends and family and the contriubtions and work by the amazing minds on here and at SOTT. We're all works in process, each in their own way, and despite the grim state of the world at times, I do have hope and the feeling that all is going to turn out all right...whatever that may be. No effort is in vain!
Just wanted to share this more personal note. Excuse my emotional flavor, but it's been quite emotional for me as of late. I'd like to give out a virtual hug to everyone.