Mom in ICU with sepsis, Hail Mary post!

My deepest condolences SAO and to your family, may your mom have a peaceful transition. I’m sorry to hear about your friend’s mum as well, its great a few of you are helping him with funeral arrangements. Wishing you all the best for the situation with you grandma, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. :hug2:
 
So sorry for your loss, what a distressing time for you and also your friends, be careful not to stretch yourself too wide. You are dealing with the loss of your mother and also supporting others in similar circumstances.

I certainly think as others have mentioned, your mother needs to be told about her daughters death. Continuing with a lie never works out.

Also concerning how to proceed with your grandmothers care. My suggestion is Option 3. I also suggest you talk as a family with the staff of the care facility in which she resides, when you visit to tell of your mothers passing. They provide 24/7 care and will be able to give you advice regarding if it is possible to care for your grandmother and her care needs in a home setting. She probably looks well cared for, but you have no clue what her actual care requirements are. You could also ask in there assessment how your grandmother would respond to the news of you mothers passing.

Also another thing to take into consideration the care home environment is very structured with predictable routines. To change to another environment and routine whether familiar or not at her age, could cause some distress, she may find it difficult to adapt. After working with the care of the elderly both for assessments in the home and in an institutional setting, sometimes the difficulty of adaptation, can result in reduced life expectancy, which has been documented.

And lastly, why not just ask you grandmother where she would prefer to live. You have not mentioned any cognitive deficits (dementia) which would also present further difficulties regarding home care i.e. safeguarding the home.

Hope this helps those are my thoughts FWIW.
 
Free will! Dad will need to decide what his purpose in life will be. Grandma will need to decide where she wants to live. You love them and want to protect them, though they are adults capable of making their own decisions. It could be dad wants to take care of grandma at home. No one knows until everyone is asked what they want.
 
My condolences and thank you for sharing your beautiful impressions of your mother with us.

I also think that option 3 is the only real way to go in at least this case , I suppose that you have contemplated at the moment of telling her the news to emphasize that you had doubts because she might not resist when she found out, but that you have decided to tell her because she deserved the truth... regarding taking care of her at home and that maybe an unknown person or any of you will do it; maybe talk about it together with your grandmother and tell her that it will be for a couple of months only while they go through this difficult time and then she could return home so she does not feel like a burden to the others (I will not go into unnecessary details since I do not even know if it was the case, but I lived a situation in which I might have to help assist two elderly people from different houses in my neighborhood at the request of the medical staff with different pathologies and health conditions, and they died in less than a month .... so be careful with creating a situation in which your grandmother is a burden for someone in your family circle, even if they want to help her, because at the soul level she could decide to leave to avoid any inconvenience to them).

This variation could be feasible... also if you decide that she will be cared for by an unknown person and you tell her that it will be only for a while maybe she will take it in a better way since it will be "only for a while" that she will have to endure the possible discomfort and maybe then she will even get used to the person and could continue caring for her indefinitely.
 
I am terribly sorry to learn this SAO,

Please accept my sincere condolences for your loss, I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Regarding your grandma, I think telling her is probably the best approach, she will be devastated yes, and she will need company and support, but she will hold the truth of the situation, her heart will be broken, but she will have taken the first step towards coping with the loss.

I think if you guys withhold the information from her, she will find herself in a place emotionally, from where it's extremely difficult if not impossible to come back from. She will feel betrayed and alone, no matter how much company you guys offer her.

So, perhaps put another way, it might be better to offer her company in the sorrow of the truth, than isolate her and leave her alone with a lie.

My two cents, and I realize it's not an easy situation at all. I hope you guys are able to find a way to navigate things successfully.

Whatever you need, do not hesitate.
 
hlat said:
Free will! Dad will need to decide what his purpose in life will be. Grandma will need to decide where she wants to live. You love them and want to protect them, though they are adults capable of making their own decisions. It could be dad wants to take care of grandma at home. No one knows until everyone is asked what they want.
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You’re right of course. Let me rephrase that. I mean simply that you have to be careful with kind, caring, loving people who have a tendency to self sacrifice for others. You have to remember to be just as kind, caring, and considerate of their needs because they will easily place others above themselves, even when it may not be necessary because that’s just who they are. Certainly it’s also a lesson for them to learn to calibrate that and to remember to also care for themselves, but until they have that down pat (and let’s face it, we’re all a work in progress on that front, given we are here in 3d and haven’t exactly finished our lessons just yet), it’s also my/our responsibility to not accidentally ask more of such a person than is reasonable.

So if we were to ask him if he would take care of grandma, he would say yes without hesitation. Should we ask that? Absolutely not, not without considering every other alternative possibility, and if we do ask this, then do everything in our power to make sure it is a group effort and no one is overburdened simply because the others in the dynamic aren’t pulling their weight as they should.

Grandma is also this way. She will always self sacrifice and do her best to avoid burdening others with her care. She would choose the nursing home over our home simply to spare her grandkids and her kids of any undue hardship of having to care for her. Certainly she doesn’t want to be in that place, but she will act like she loves it and prefers it out of sheer love for us. And I know this because I know her, her grandkids aren’t as easily fooled as she may think, but we also see what she’s doing and why.

So we will consider everyone’s free will, we just have to be very gentle, careful, considerate, and keep in mind the predisposition of my dad and grandma towards self sacrifice for the sake of their family, and make every effort to find a way that works for everyone and doesn’t put anyone out unfairly or unnecessarily.

You just have to know who you’re dealing with, truly know them, love them, and act accordingly with utmost care. Especially when it comes to such big projects and decisions.

And Joan you make very good points about grandma’s needs and routine and the general complexity of same. Sometimes in our desire to be helpful we act too fast, and it’s easy to mean well but bite off more than we can chew or not think about the little things too (not so little when they add up together to make big problems for grandma).

The difficulty is also because time is of the essence. We will call her facility tomorrow and speak with the lady in charge, that’s a great suggestion!
 
hlat said:
Free will! Dad will need to decide what his purpose in life will be. Grandma will need to decide where she wants to live. You love them and want to protect them, though they are adults capable of making their own decisions. It could be dad wants to take care of grandma at home. No one knows until everyone is asked what they want.
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Based on what you talked few week's back at the meetup, your mom is a dominant person (like my sister) and it looked to me that your father is dependent on her(like my father) at a emotional level. so it's my guess that your father is going to miss your mom for a while. Does it means your father is going to take care of your grandma (from your mother's side) while working full time is hard to say? Unless you ask you will not know. Of course, external consideration (depends on lot of knowledge of the situation) is the key. I am sure you guys will figure out.
 
SAO,
difficult situation. My condolences on the passing of your mom. I feel very sorry for your grandmother on the loss of her daughter. But you will get through it when the whole family works together and appreciates each other. Still help with your friend's mom's funeral. A lot on your mind at once.
I'll pray for all of you.
 
My condolences to you and your family, SAO, on the loss of your mother. She is in a better place now.

I, too, think that option 3 is the way to go.

I don't know if what I'm about to say may be wrong or callous, but I can't help but think that how your grandmother is living right now, or, it seems, existing, is not that much in a good way. Maybe she has hung on so long in a very fragile condition is to continue to be with your mother in this life. If she were told that your mother has now departed, would her soul be able to finally let go and let her be with her daughter in 5D? Knowing that her daughter has passed may be exactly what she needs in order to do whatever it is best for her soul to do.

Your grandmother should know the truth, or so I think.
 
Condolences SAO. I'm only now catching up on this thread. I think someone needs to go tell your grandmother in person. Definitely not option one. If your grandmother wants to move on after learning of the death of her daughter, that should be her choice. She has, after all, lived a long life already.

We're here to support you, whatever the case.
 
My condolences to you and your family as well SAO! :hug2:
ScioAgapeOmnis said:
Oh and she smelled like strawberries the entire time. People say dying people, especially with sepsis, can smell bad. She smelled like a dessert, even after she passed. I don’t know how she managed that, but she did.
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I think this may have been a sign (of confirmation) that a pleasant transition was completed.

And FWIW here's a response I gave back in 2011 on the thread Anyone else smell roses? 🧐
 
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