Menna said:
Is there any physiological literature about this "be nice program" or any suggestion on how to better handle it. I would like to develop an internal Boundry that's says "stop you are being too nice"
Menna,
I've spent years working on this particular program, and have made a little progress, yet it is always difficult, because it is a deeply ingrained program in those of us who struggle with it. So I feel for you when you speak of the all-consuming urge to be "nice."
As Don Juan said (loosely quoted) "Battles cannot be fought with niceties." And as you may be aware, by taking on this Work on the self, you have entered into a battle for your soul. You must be ruthless with yourself in order to succeed.
When you say "I would like to develop an internal Boundry" - then stop wishing to do so and
develop it. You are the only actor of change who can bring the necessary effort to the surface. It requires constant attention on each moment and the drive to overcome self-importance. I think the boundary you're speaking of is Gurdjieff's "regulating factor" - the observer who watches from outside of the mechanical self and reminds the self (when able) of lessons learned.
One thing that helps me immensely is to be on constant watch for A influences, identify them, and make a sincere effort to be open to and cultivate higher impressions.
For example, you may have the urge to be nice, spawned from fear, in order to regulate what those around you think about you. This is entirely mechanical (A influence). Then, someday when you have a moment of seeing that your actions are mechanical and self-serving, that moment/realization is (imo) a B influence, because it has been handed down to us from conscious teachers who have come before and seeks to act on the development of a magnetic center.
But the road is perilous, and these influences can be easily misconstrued. I do it all the time. Self-importance is everywhere and in everything, even in the desire to awaken. What is at the heart of the matter is your willingness to cultivate a sensitivity for these different influences, in order to someday develop the WILL to make conscious choices about what you do or do not give your attention to. Before this process is underway you must ruthlessly and with perseverance SEE that you have been and are completely mechanical and self-serving - no matter how "nice" you see yourself as. That is the deception and the destructive path of being "the nice guy."
In my own opinion - this does not mean that you will not be cordial, or pleasant to other people. It means that you will not be cordial or pleasant with
lies - beginning with those lies you tell yourself.
Here's the page from Cassiopedia about A, B, and C Influences:
[quote author=http://cassiopedia.org/glossary/A,_B_and_C_Influences]The 4th Way Work classifies the forces working on man into A, B and C influences. A influences are mechanical and random in nature, they seek to keep man occupied with the external world. They can be pictured as vectors of random magnitude and direction which all in the end add up to the zero vector. This is how A influences keep man in his place while providing a lot of random, transient motion. To take a physics analogy, this is like thermal motion of molecules. A influences are the normal realm of man and as long as man seeks no esoteric development these can be good and favorable.
A influences are influences or force vectors created within life itself. Influences such as race, nation, country, family, profession, entertainment, current ideas, customs and so on create A influences. These are the first variety of influences by which man is surrounded. These influences are distributed almost equally over all the surface of the cycle of life. Their effects are radiated outwardly and these effects are inversely proportional to the square of the distance, much like the way in which radiant energy is propagated. Any man is influenced by those influences that directly surround him. He is pulled every instant in this way or that way depending on the way they act on him at any moment within his spatial region. These A influences that surround him, all point in different directions creating a force vector nullification that is comparable to the electrical neutrality of large bodies, whereby no matter how intense the local electrostatic fields surrounding the atoms may be, there is always a space-distributed compensation that makes the whole body perfectly neutral. Those who live strictly by A influences are what Gurdjieff refers to as "nullities.' This is your "average man" in life.
B influences are vectors that are thrown into the field of A influences but these have a conscious source and a consistent direction. B influences do not cancel each other out and systematically recognizing and following these may lead man to the beginning of esoteric work.
B influences differ from A influences because they are CONSCIOUS in their origin and have been created consciously OUTSIDE life by conscious people for a definite purpose. These influences are the "soul" of any culture and they are embodied in the form of religious systems and teachings, philosophical doctrines, art, etc. They are inserted into life for a definite purpose but although these influences are conscious in their origin they begin to act mechanically when they mix within the general vortex of life. Eventually 'B' influences will be transformed into 'A' influences after they merge together within this general vortex.
In some people there is a discriminatory power within them that allows them to discriminate between these two kinds of influences and they discern from this that there are certain influences that come from a source that is outside the mainstream of life. This person remembers them and FEELS them together and they begin to form a certain whole, a certain kind of magnetic "presence" within that person. This person may not be sure exactly what this feeling is and they cannot really give themselves a clear account of what these feelings necessarily mean but the end result is that they collect within this person and they form a MAGNETIC CENTER, and if the conditions are right, this magnetic center leads them to search for someone who knows the way and is connected to the source of these 'B' influences, that is, they seek a person or teacher who is connected to an esoteric center that stands outside the general laws of life.
It is from this source that the person sets on the WAY. The moment when the person looking for the way meets someone who knows the way then this contact is called the FIRST THRESHOLD or FIRST STEP. From this first threshold the STAIRWAY begins. Between 'life' and the 'way' lies the 'stairway.'
C influences are only found within the Work and can only be received in personal interaction with a conscious being. Receiving C influences requires a certain level of personal sensitization and receptivity. Failing this, C influences work like B influences. C influences come from the SOURCE, that is, from an esoteric Center that is located outside of life. When they directly act on someone with a newly developing magnetic center THROUGH a teacher who is directly connected to the source then these influences are called C influences. From this connection the person's magnetic center will grow and will lead them to escape the dominion of the Law of chance and enter into the domain of consciousness.
The magnetic center is the organ the seeker gradually develops for discerning between A and B influences. External criteria cannot generally be used for distinguishing between A and B influences. A influences can closely mimic and parallel B influences. For example, such an influence may speak of the personal gain to be had in the Work, may preach humility while secretly priding oneself on one's great purity etc. Such influences generally involve a degree of dishonesty or deceit or service to self. The points may be arbitrarily subtle and no fixed checklist can be adequate.
Discernment is a skill that eventually may become a part of one's being.[/quote]
It takes time, Menna, so give yourself some time. The experience you've just had with this woman is rich with lessons about your own fears and desires. It seems to me, from my limited perspective, that you are making good progress. Hang in there. :)
