Alejo said:{...}
Yet, I know the world requires some level of attentiveness, let me give you another example, after the second session I went to walk my dogs, and usually I would be ahead of my steps... specially since where I live there’s a lot of dog owners and not all of them are responsible to pick up their dogs doings. But this time I was in such a state that I stepped on one of those doings and didn’t even notice until much later xD, and I wasn’t particularly upset about it.
So what I am trying to say, and it’s somewhat related to what you’re describing Gaby, is that rewiring your brain necesitares you to relearn some of these things consciously now. Maybe the world isn’t out to get me always, so I don’t need to prepare for doom everytime I walk my dogs or drive through certain parts of town, but going out there just feeling like everything is beautiful and safe could turn into a nuisance or trouble.
But this unconscious anxiety had been the only way for me to respond to some of this possible dangers, so removing it or regulating it feels foreign, and it adds extra security. A security that needs to be questioned and determined to a certain extent.
Situational awereness doesn’t need to be a constant state of flight-fight, but acceptance and faith in the universe doesn’t need to be a happy careless walk in the world either. Balance between this faith and awereness of the dangers, married with application of knowledge about said dangers, is perhaps the goal.
And I am shocked that I never felt it so real before, I could always articulate it intellectually, but not until recently did it feel real.
I hope the above makes sense.
It totally makes sense Alejo! Thanks for putting it into words. I was telling this to my dad the other day after a session, because even though I do notice the improvement in anxiety and that shift in perception, I'm also a bit more clumsy in a few things. So I was thinking that I kind of had to make a constant effort to not be clumsy and it's like my brain is less stressed so it's more "childlike" I'd say. And I kind of have to relearn to be more attentive, not based on anxiety and fear but on awareness (?).
Anyways, I think that it is good to cultivate that necessary balance you mention.
Another interesting thing happened today that I think could be attributed to NO. I had to do a presentation and that sort of things usually makes me really nervous and anxious. This time it was different in a way that is difficult to explain but I'll do my best. Although I did feel anxious, it was as if this anxiety didn't fill me completely, as if there was a space between my "awareness" and the anxiety I was feeling in my body and so there was one part of me where that fear couldn't get anymore, or something like that.
When I realised this I explained it to myself as a process of not identifying with these feelings... like being able to be aware of them but not "merging" with them, so to say. For me that was pretty impressive because even though I've read so many times about practicing this, I think I never experienced it in such a clear manner. And it makes sense to me as a little help to be able to Work better. I mean, it's not that I'm anxiety or fear free but it seems that there is this little space now that allows for a better regulation and therefore more ability to navigate intense emotions. As some of you mentioned, work is necessary, and NO is not a magic wand, but it helps free up some resources for that work, I suppose.
I also think this could be a little example of the "rewiring" that may be prompted by NO. Because of that space between the anxiety and my awareness of it, I could tell that there was no actual threat or strong reasons to be afraid, yet my body reacted much quicker and therefore it was like a "recorded emotional reaction", it was there because that's how I'm used to react, but it isn't a useful reaction for this situation. So I guess it makes part of that process of learning, cognitively and physiologically too... like from the top-down and the bottom-up.
What I find interesting about it is that, since this happened after 5 days of my last session, it seems that some days of space between sessions to learn things such as these and put them into practice, can be a good approach for a good assimilation, as Chu mentioned. But, yes, as with most things, it might depend a lot on each person.
Edit: Spelling