I had my first NO session a few days ago, and a second one Tuesday, but wanted to wait a bit and observe before writing about it, as the effect was subtle and I couldn’t say for sure if it was related to the NO or other things. As for the session itself, it was very relaxing, almost fell asleep at one point. I did the audio version, where I listened to some music (which had an atmospheric sorta new-agey sound to it, but good) and could opt to read a book or just listen. The first time I decided to just listen and found myself quite engrossed in hearing the clicks. The second time I tried to read a book, but that actually made me more sleepy, so I just want back to closing my eyes and listening again. One thing I tried to do was bring to myself to think about things that normally worry me or things that I tend to dwell on, but something about the music and listening to the clicks kept my mind in a sort of ‘still’ space, where it felt almost meditative, despite my attempts to put myself in “stress mode.”
As for after, I didn’t really notice anything much right away. Maybe just more relaxed and fell asleep that night without any issues. What was noticeable was in the morning when I woke up, with only 6 hours of sleep, that I felt quite refreshed and energized. I also did have a lot of dreams, though the details escape me. I just remember they were more involved and longer than usual. What I did remember was there often people from my past in them, mainly from when I was a child. Throughout the day I felt pretty relaxed and focused but I think it might have been because I felt I slept well.
That night, though I went to bed late, I slept over 8 hours, which is not something I do often. That I think might be related to it. However on subsequent nights, I felt like I needed to sleep in more, and didn’t wake up as refreshed as the first time. That continued on for the rest of the time. After my second session, I also had many dreams, but didn’t wake up as refreshed.
Another thing that I found strange (and a little confusing) was that I was having these ‘mood swings’ throughout the day following the second session. I felt quite angry part of the morning, though there was no immediate reason to be, then that went away and felt happy, then later, sad, then anxious. I normally don’t experience swings like these for no reason and I was wondering if there was something happening at a deeper emotional level. I know that I have a tendency to repress strong emotion and ‘not feel much’, or maybe better to say, I’d be ‘indifferent’ to my environment rather than caring. However, while this was happening, I was able to watch this happen, not become identified with it or let it dictate my actions. It was like something was saying it was ok to allow myself to feel whatever I’m feeling and there doesn’t need to be reason. So I think it's not like you won't be experiencing these negative emotions, but it's like they don't feel so 'all-absorbing'. Osit.
As I was thinking about it over the last few days, I can’t say anything definite but there does feel like a shift inside. I can’t quite verbalize it, but if I am to try and describe it, it feels like there aren’t as many "I’s" competing for ‘control of the ship’ so to say. It’s like certain aspects inside me feel a little more integrated, and that there is someone there that the other parts will listen to instead of each trying to take control or just running off on tangents scattering my thoughts and feelings in different directions (well, not sure about the feelings part considering yesterday but perhaps that will work itself out). One could say it's something along the lines of those aspects finding ways to better co-operate with each other instead of fighting all the time. I dunno if that makes any sense but not sure I can explain it any better. Perhaps part of the difficulty is if pre-verbal issues are being addressed, 'translating' that into language is difficult since we didn't have the vocabulary for it at the time. So, still not certain how this will play out in my case, but I do think something is happening at some level, and maybe that will become more apparent as time goes on.
. When I am awake I feel very deeply relaxed like I'm meditating. I haven't noticed much in the way of effects except for vivid dreams.
