Observation must begin from the beginning

[Amy]

Hi Amy

Good to hear from you.

To be honest I have benefited a great deal from the, as you put it, 'copy and paste kind of scientist' information on this forum. In terms of health it is an absolute treasure trove. Copying and pasting information is part of the collaboration that goes on between members in the hunt for knowledge that not only benefits members but also the planet (and beyond)

That's primarily what this network is about - research. Members will help each other of course - but some won't see the big picture - the true picture. Self-importance/ego kicks in and we feel slanted and unjustly treated. We think we are right and others are wrong but they can't see it. We expect to receive rather than give. And it all muddies the waters and stops us getting on with the real work.

This community, OSIT, challenges us as individuals to get serious. But we can't get serious until we get ourselves out of the way. The only way to achieve the latter that I have perceived so far, is to spill the beans, get honest on the forum, and absorb and reflect on what comes back at us.

In the end of course it's all down to what the individual decides.

So what about you, Amy? Where are you at? :)

Hi :D

I hope your observation is correct and I choose to believe what you think...
and Thanks for the explanation !

But somehow I see the tension of seriousness in this place is too extreme ,
not much imagination or creativity work around, but only analyzing and 'researching' ...
something is missing here...


"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." (Albert Einstein)

-------------

If many here can NOT embrace other's ideas and opinions openly , comfortably
there is obviously not any progress ...

its believed by some that 'knowledge protects' , that ' to learn is to suffer'
but You see the fact that limited knowledge can NOT protect unlimited imagination of threats
yet they keep searching for only knowledge, as if it is ALL that can help advance their beings ,
hence they think learning is SUFFERING ... instead of something to enjoy and to have fun with.

Only when we see the place as a playground , and all those who come in
are not a result of 'random interferance or annoyance'
but as a law of attraction
Only when we learn how to be playful like children playing with each other,
then the self righteousness and judgement issue will naturally vanish / unborn ...
and we would learn so much more ...


Enjoy your time

 

[obyvatel]

I hate 'copy' and 'paste' kind of 'scientist' work , putting lots of air around them,
yet waiting for the Cs' answers just as everyone else ! :)

But somehow I see the tension of seriousness in this place is too extreme ,
not much imagination or creativity work around, but only analyzing and 'researching' ...
something is missing here...


"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." (Albert Einstein)

-------------

If many here can NOT embrace other's ideas and opinions openly , comfortably
there is obviously not any progress ...

its believed by some that 'knowledge protects' , that ' to learn is to suffer'
but You see the fact that limited knowledge can NOT protect unlimited imagination of threats
yet they keep searching for only knowledge, as if it is ALL that can help advance their beings ,
hence they think learning is SUFFERING ... instead of something to enjoy and to have fun with.

Only when we see the place as a playground , and all those who come in
are not a result of 'random interferance or annoyance'
but as a law of attraction
Only when we learn how to be playful like children playing with each other,
then the self righteousness and judgement issue will naturally vanish / unborn ...
and we would learn so much more ...


Enjoy your time

Amy, it seems that you have problems with the basic premises on which this forum is run. Also it does not appear from your writings that you question your own thinking or have an intention to do so. Instead you share your opinion as if it was a fact. With such a fundamental difference in outlook, maybe you will be happier elsewhere? Maybe the last couple of posts where you are taking potshots at the forum and its founders is your way of letting everyone know that you are ready to go?

 

[Vic]

Hi Amy

Good to hear from you.

To be honest I have benefited a great deal from the, as you put it, 'copy and paste kind of scientist' information on this forum. In terms of health it is an absolute treasure trove. Copying and pasting information is part of the collaboration that goes on between members in the hunt for knowledge that not only benefits members but also the planet (and beyond)

That's primarily what this network is about - research. Members will help each other of course - but some won't see the big picture - the true picture. Self-importance/ego kicks in and we feel slanted and unjustly treated. We think we are right and others are wrong but they can't see it. We expect to receive rather than give. And it all muddies the waters and stops us getting on with the real work.

This community, OSIT, challenges us as individuals to get serious. But we can't get serious until we get ourselves out of the way. The only way to achieve the latter that I have perceived so far, is to spill the beans, get honest on the forum, and absorb and reflect on what comes back at us.

In the end of course it's all down to what the individual decides.

So what about you, Amy? Where are you at? :)

Hi :D

I hope your observation is correct and I choose to believe what you think...
and Thanks for the explanation !

But somehow I see the tension of seriousness in this place is too extreme ,
not much imagination or creativity work around, but only analyzing and 'researching' ...
something is missing here...


"Imagination is more important than knowledge.
For knowledge is limited, whereas imagination embraces the entire world,
stimulating progress, giving birth to evolution." (Albert Einstein)

-------------

If many here can NOT embrace other's ideas and opinions openly , comfortably
there is obviously not any progress ...

its believed by some that 'knowledge protects' , that ' to learn is to suffer'
but You see the fact that limited knowledge can NOT protect unlimited imagination of threats
yet they keep searching for only knowledge, as if it is ALL that can help advance their beings ,
hence they think learning is SUFFERING ... instead of something to enjoy and to have fun with.

Only when we see the place as a playground , and all those who come in
are not a result of 'random interferance or annoyance'
but as a law of attraction
Only when we learn how to be playful like children playing with each other,
then the self righteousness and judgement issue will naturally vanish / unborn ...
and we would learn so much more ...


Enjoy your time

Amy, there's a lot about the new age, love and light and law of attraction phenomenon on the forum. I was into it myself for quite a while. I now know it is wishful thinking in terms of the individual, and a vast tool of destruction used by the STS forces that choose entropy rather than creation and growth. This is why scientific research is necessary. Without it we approach everything subjectively and through the filters of our own programs - programs installed by the very forces mentioned above. We need to objectively search ourselves in this 3D reality in order to break through these programs and wishful thinking.

This is the harsh reality. I align with this because not only does it resonate with me in a way everything else I tried didn't, but because it is the only approach, and provides the only knowledge, that is actually changing my experience in this 3D illusion for the better.

Initially I reacted to the ethos of this network. It seemed to me cold and judgemental. But I'm glad I stuck around, and glad I was allowed to, because in sticking around the proverbial scales have fallen, and are falling, from my eyes.

Two of the main tenets here are 'knowledge protects' and 'learning is fun' - both came through the Cs. The first is self-evident, and logic quickly proves this. The second has been proven also in the experience of learning by members in this network. But you have to get serious about it to get the results. All else is wishful thinking.

Don't trust your own thoughts and beliefs, Amy. Nothing changes that way. Not the individual and not the world.

Edit: knowledge and learning paragraph, and a spelling mistake.

 

[Amy]

I speak with logic , I don't use any religious or new age terms as you can see !

But Thanks for reminding me !


Have you watched the Star Trek DS9 ? they are so beautiful , intelligent and educational Science Fiction films!

One episode called " If wishes were horses " that I watched yesterday,
in which there are two sides of thoughts related to Imagination going on :

One side thinks that Imagination is 'a waste of time', 'Too many people's dreams of places they never go',
'Wishes of things they never have , instead of paying adequate attention to their real life ...'


Another side thinks that ' It's your imagination that created everything' ,
that it's important that you believe it '

Many great questions in the movie that made me ponder:

' Why they go on creating something and then reject or deny it? "

As a matter of fact, we have been denying all the experiences that we created with our thoughts !

I used to always blame on something someone, even myself, and I struggled greatly!


' Why do they keep fighting this? '

' Stop denying, if you don't, you will never know what you miss '

' If you get down off your high horse , you will start to appreciate things'


These are very good advises I got !

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

John, you should try Star Trek DS9 ! :D

 

[Nienna]

Amy, if you are so against what we do here on the forum, why are you still here? This is, after all, Laura's forum. Things will be done as she sees fit. It has been no secret that we are a research forum. If what we do here on this forum doesn't coincide with what you think, then, it would be best for you to seek another forum that is similar to your own way of thinking, which was already suggested by obyvatel.

Also, many members here on the forum have imaginations. You can't come up with ideas, such as Ark and Laura (and others) do without a little bit of imagination - followed up by research. We don't just imagine things and, then, think that they are true. Without objective research, we would never know the truth of anything. Some people are just fine living in an illusion, some are not. We are not. It's up to you in which reality you want to live.

 

[Tracy Anne]

Hi Amy

This is a 'serious' Fourm. There is no free lunch (Laura's quote). It is hard work to understand the vast amount of research here. Maybe you are on the verge of a breakthrough? I have felt the way you do at various times....and I think it is very healthy to question things.

I have come across such a diverse range of people here.....some are creatives such as myself .....yes I use my imagination everyday. I am an artist.....I love to wonder and I apply that skill to this Fourm when reading the information here. For instance it helps me to sift through information and apply it to different scenarios in my life and my imagination helps me to visualize a better way of life and also to imagine what things may be like for other people.

I love using my intellect of which my imagination is part of. However what I have learnt on this Fourm is to see things for what they really are......not as you wish to see them. Balance is important.

 

[edgitarra]

I speak with logic , I don't use any religious or new age terms as you can see !

Another side thinks that ' It's your imagination that created everything' ,
that it's important that you believe it '

Hey Amy, you said you don't use any religious or new age terms. Which part of you is that one? You know, "believe it" is pretty much related to religion or new age terms.

 

[Vic]

I'm on a small boat on the Norfolk broads. I came out on my own for a week to isolate myself to work on my book about psychopathy in the workplace, but mainly to try to confront myself, see into myself, in order to discover what is the cause/s of the constant sense of confusion I experience. It's like being lost, or missing something. Something pretty big. That's the confusion I suppose. Not knowing what I am looking for.


Anyway, you can't spend all day cruising down the river, or writing for that matter. I got my isolation and I am gradually starting to embrace it. What I am particularly posting about is a sort of symbolic event that makes some sense to me, but not complete sense. For the first two days I was hitting my head, arms, legs, and tripping on steps etc. the living/sleeping quarters are tiny. So I was forced to slow down. I don't do slow. Not until now anyway. The thing is this goes hand in hand with lots of time to slow down in.


I am doing everything slowly and methodically; washing up, making meals, using the bathroom, getting into bed. And the long hours are being filled. Before I was dreading these long hours alone without distractions. The symbol, or so it seems to me, is saying something about my relationship to time and space. I have no space, but lots of time. In my adult life from the age of fifteen I had tons of space but no time. Yet in my childhood I had no space and what seemed like endless time.


I would be very happy if anyone could give me feedback on this. Does anyone relate to it?

 

[Buddy]

I'm on a small boat on the Norfolk broads. I came out on my own for a week to isolate myself to work on my book about psychopathy in the workplace, but mainly to try to confront myself, see into myself, in order to discover what is the cause/s of the constant sense of confusion I experience. It's like being lost, or missing something. Something pretty big. That's the confusion I suppose. Not knowing what I am looking for.


Anyway, you can't spend all day cruising down the river, or writing for that matter. I got my isolation and I am gradually starting to embrace it. What I am particularly posting about is a sort of symbolic event that makes some sense to me, but not complete sense. For the first two days I was hitting my head, arms, legs, and tripping on steps etc. the living/sleeping quarters are tiny. So I was forced to slow down. I don't do slow. Not until now anyway. The thing is this goes hand in hand with lots of time to slow down in.


I am doing everything slowly and methodically; washing up, making meals, using the bathroom, getting into bed. And the long hours are being filled. Before I was dreading these long hours alone without distractions. The symbol, or so it seems to me, is saying something about my relationship to time and space.

To me, the above reads like a description of someone who, upon accepting that he was blind, began to teach himself new ways of seeing, thereby easing his navigation on local scales of expanding scope. And I mean that symbolically and literally.

After thinking about this, if you don't see the connection to your topic title, a child's ideal path of self-development, the expansive world of your own kinesthetic sense and any work on psychopathy in the workplace, I'll be happy to expand my thoughts. As things stand, however, your body seems to be showing you what to learn and you seem to be responding well.

In any case, I sense you are living a personal anecdote that might be a useful addition to your own book. :)

My 2 cents.

 

[Vic]

I'm on a small boat on the Norfolk broads. I came out on my own for a week to isolate myself to work on my book about psychopathy in the workplace, but mainly to try to confront myself, see into myself, in order to discover what is the cause/s of the constant sense of confusion I experience. It's like being lost, or missing something. Something pretty big. That's the confusion I suppose. Not knowing what I am looking for.


Anyway, you can't spend all day cruising down the river, or writing for that matter. I got my isolation and I am gradually starting to embrace it. What I am particularly posting about is a sort of symbolic event that makes some sense to me, but not complete sense. For the first two days I was hitting my head, arms, legs, and tripping on steps etc. the living/sleeping quarters are tiny. So I was forced to slow down. I don't do slow. Not until now anyway. The thing is this goes hand in hand with lots of time to slow down in.


I am doing everything slowly and methodically; washing up, making meals, using the bathroom, getting into bed. And the long hours are being filled. Before I was dreading these long hours alone without distractions. The symbol, or so it seems to me, is saying something about my relationship to time and space.

To me, the above reads like a description of someone who, upon accepting that he was blind, began to teach himself new ways of seeing, thereby easing his navigation on local scales of expanding scope. And I mean that symbolically and literally.

After thinking about this, if you don't see the connection to your topic title, a child's ideal path of self-development, the expansive world of your own kinesthetic sense and any work on psychopathy in the workplace, I'll be happy to expand my thoughts. As things stand, however, your body seems to be showing you what to learn and you seem to be responding well.

In any case, I sense you are living a personal anecdote that might be a useful addition to your own book. :)

My 2 cents.

Buddy, it's great to see you back. And I thank you for pulling my last post, reply-less as it was, from sinking into oblivion.

I particularly thank you for bringing clarity to my confusion. In fact it was so simple that I couldn't see it. And that in itself gives me reason for further self enquiry. Yes - navigation. That's what I have been confused about all my life. I wasn't given any sort of map at all. Tell a lie - I was given a map that led nowhere except confusion. If I am reading you correctly I have been given the map now. And yes, as per the title of this thread, I can now start at the beginning - X marks 'you are here' - the child now has a starting point. Incredible. Wow, I feel good :)

If there is more to what you say that I am not seeing, yes, please expand your thoughts when you have time.

It's interesting, and to my mind symbolic, that you used the analogy of blindness. I admit that at least once a day, usually more, I experience fear of the loss of sight in my one and only seeing eye. I am actually fearful in writing about this because of the, I believe common, program that says if we bring something out into the open it will come into existence. When I first became mono-sighted, a couple of years ago, the fear of total blindness was quite an issue. I could see only one alternative to living without vision - committing suicide. But I quickly realised that for me, then and now, suicide was/is not an option. So my emotional safety net is the idea that should the worst happen there is or will be technology available that can give back sight. Or indeed that the worst won't happen. I haven't admitted this fear to anyone until now.

I can see what you mean about how this fits into the psychopathy in the workplace too. The whole 'easing ... navigation on local scales of expanding scope.' fits into all aspects of human existence I think.

Thanks again, Buddy.

 

[Buddy]

If I am reading you correctly I have been given the map now. And yes, as per the title of this thread, I can now start at the beginning - X marks 'you are here' - the child now has a starting point. Incredible. Wow, I feel good :)

If that's how you feel, then that's great! We all need more of that don't we? :)

SoTT recently ran a Quote of the day from Aldous Huxley that said:

"A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention."

I tend to agree and see myself somewhat like that "child-like man" minus the negative connotations that goes with child-ishness.

When I first became mono-sighted, a couple of years ago, the fear of total blindness was quite an issue. I could see only one alternative to living without vision - committing suicide. But I quickly realised that for me, then and now, suicide was/is not an option. So my emotional safety net is the idea that should the worst happen there is or will be technology available that can give back sight. Or indeed that the worst won't happen. I haven't admitted this fear to anyone until now.

I respect the courage it took to say that.

Out of curiosity, are you familiar with Daniel Kish's work? Here's a special TeDx talk from Southern California. He lives in the UK, BTW.

No sight, no limits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRA-asTuP_Y

What you will most likely discover, assuming the worst that happens, is that generally, sighted persons learn to depend so much on their eyes that visual data is about all they pay attention to anymore. But when people no longer have to be concerned with eyes, the brain simply uses the visual cortex to process mainly audio and kinesthetic sensory info. You can, with some effort, learn to 'see' but in a different way as all the sensory info that was previously ignored or down played comes back to the fore and your experience of the world around you takes on multiple dimensions with a fullness and richness that will keep you filled to the brim with the sensations of life and living!

Even eye-sighted people can experience this by simply using the self-discipline to pay attention to everything, even if they have to walk around blindfolded for a couple of weeks to get some of the immersion experience. Even then there is a difference in the quality of experience because, according to the fMRI studies, only when the eyes no longer work can the brain fully devote the visual cortex to other sensory processes.

So this kind of discipline is the difference between ordinary presence and being fully present like the children we started out as, IMO. In fact, if memory serves, Ouspensky mentioned somewhere that Gurdjieff believed children started out life with their centers properly aligned but wrong development leads consequentially to mis-alignmments and wrong work of centers over a relatively short span of time.

In this way, the work is to give us back our birthright and open the door to remorse of conscience.

 

[Vic]

If I am reading you correctly I have been given the map now. And yes, as per the title of this thread, I can now start at the beginning - X marks 'you are here' - the child now has a starting point. Incredible. Wow, I feel good :)

If that's how you feel, then that's great! We all need more of that don't we? :)

SoTT recently ran a Quote of the day from Aldous Huxley that said:

"A child-like man is not a man whose development has been arrested; on the contrary, he is a man who has given himself a chance of continuing to develop long after most adults have muffled themselves in the cocoon of middle-aged habit and convention."

I tend to agree and see myself somewhat like that "child-like man" minus the negative connotations that goes with child-ishness.

When I first became mono-sighted, a couple of years ago, the fear of total blindness was quite an issue. I could see only one alternative to living without vision - committing suicide. But I quickly realised that for me, then and now, suicide was/is not an option. So my emotional safety net is the idea that should the worst happen there is or will be technology available that can give back sight. Or indeed that the worst won't happen. I haven't admitted this fear to anyone until now.

I respect the courage it took to say that.

Out of curiosity, are you familiar with Daniel Kish's work? Here's a special TeDx talk from Southern California. He lives in the UK, BTW.

No sight, no limits:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRA-asTuP_Y

What you will most likely discover, assuming the worst that happens, is that generally, sighted persons learn to depend so much on their eyes that visual data is about all they pay attention to anymore. But when people no longer have to be concerned with eyes, the brain simply uses the visual cortex to process mainly audio and kinesthetic sensory info. You can, with some effort, learn to 'see' but in a different way as all the sensory info that was previously ignored or down played comes back to the fore and your experience of the world around you takes on multiple dimensions with a fullness and richness that will keep you filled to the brim with the sensations of life and living!

Even eye-sighted people can experience this by simply using the self-discipline to pay attention to everything, even if they have to walk around blindfolded for a couple of weeks to get some of the immersion experience. Even then there is a difference in the quality of experience because, according to the fMRI studies, only when the eyes no longer work can the brain fully devote the visual cortex to other sensory processes.

So this kind of discipline is the difference between ordinary presence and being fully present like the children we started out as, IMO. In fact, if memory serves, Ouspensky mentioned somewhere that Gurdjieff believed children started out life with their centers properly aligned but wrong development leads consequentially to mis-alignmments and wrong work of centers over a relatively short span of time.

In this way, the work is to give us back our birthright and open the door to remorse of conscience.

No I wasn't familiar with Daniel Kish's work. Now I am, thanks to you, a shift has taken place in my emotional and intellectual attitude towards blindness. I was stunned to learn what is possible, and what is actually taking place, in terms of how blind people can see (and not just humans - the video of that beautiful dog is a joy to watch _https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwU2neafCOA) I am not blind and there is no particular reason to think that I ever will be in this incarnation. Many single-sighted people live out their lives with one eye. But knowing what is possible has lessened the debilitating fear that has dogged me. What can I say, Buddy, but thank you.

I find how this all ties in, as you pointed out, to the original title of this topic, exciting and grounding. I do feel as though I now have a good idea where the 'beginning' from where to self-observe is. I have always been able to see what makes others 'tick' but have been ignorant of how I do. This suggests a strongly bound structure of buffers that needs to be picked apart slowly and methodically. As per G in ISOTM observation is the way to do this.

I mentioned in my previous post about how I seem unable to see the simple things - what's in front of my face. I wonder if this is a buffer relating to wanting an other to show me the way. A parent perhaps. The instant recognition of the truth in your interpretation of my time on the boat, suggests that on some level I knew it already. Why didn't I see it on the 'conscious' level? Did the buffer of wanting to be told by someone else keep it hidden from the conscious 'I'?

I read through the Study and Discussion of the Moving Centre topic last night and this directed me back to ISOTM, which I am now studying with greater purpose. I'm grateful for your mirroring and information, Buddy. I am also grateful for all the mirroring I have received from everyone else since I came here. Sometimes mirroring can be misinterpreted, or even rejected. But it remains nonetheless, until the 'right time' comes along for it to be received.

Onwards :)

 

[Buddy]

But knowing what is possible has lessened the debilitating fear that has dogged me.

Knowledge protects! In this case, against unfounded fears, eh?

I mentioned in my previous post about how I seem unable to see the simple things - what's in front of my face. I wonder if this is a buffer relating to wanting an other to show me the way. A parent perhaps. The instant recognition of the truth in your interpretation of my time on the boat, suggests that on some level I knew it already. Why didn't I see it on the 'conscious' level? Did the buffer of wanting to be told by someone else keep it hidden from the conscious 'I'?

Only you can say. I don't think there has to be any other reason than the fact that we simply don't know ourselves. That is to say, we are not fully associated consciously with every level of our being. IOW, we are not unified, our centers aligned and working together harmoniously under a single "I" consciously guiding it all (if I may use that description without conflict) to achieve a set of interlocking goals and aims.

The above is why we have books on an adaptive unconscious and why Gurdjieff stresses self-observation so much: essentially to find out what we are really doing, what we really believe and what we are really trying to accomplish in this life - all that is currently outside of our conscious awareness, I suppose.

My personal theory about why this is so starts in childhood with infatuations connected to our reflection in a mirror and by all the comments about "me" made by people who I am expected to believe without question.

In my mind, I construct an avatar of myself, or an analog "Buddy" based on visual reflections and fueled by my feelings about myself as stimulated by feedback from my environment, which includes people.

Because I am young ( a toddler) and ignorant, it's easy to believe this is the real me and I simply "grow" that me according to how people teach me and expect me to learn.

But this is just a tiny little ego process running on the brain, probably anchored on the language center and infused with most of our conscious awareness. Thus, we narrow our conscious awareness, lose connection with who we really are and begin to substitute entitlement for earned values on many levels and in many contexts because that's all an imaginary "I" can "do": imaginary work.

Well, that's my theory, such as it is.

 

[Natievell]

I want to share my story with observation. I read about the fourth way three years ago, but I was young and I didn't understand nothing.
Later I had troubles with a friend who broke up with me. I was depressed, alone and started to think, feel and do in mechanic. Also, I was feeling with thinking center.

In January, I was totally devasted. But, I started a course about leadership. The coach told me that I have to observe me. At first, I thought that it was stupid.But, I started to see my thoughts and I realised that the person who hurts me was me. I was suffering for stupid thoughts.

I read the fourth way again and I can understand so many things. Maybe, I just need experience to keep learning. I was trapped in a vicious circle with the same mistakes. I'm happy that I could change.

 

[Vic]

I want to share my story with observation. I read about the fourth way three years ago, but I was young and I didn't understand nothing.
Later I had troubles with a friend who broke up with me. I was depressed, alone and started to think, feel and do in mechanic. Also, I was feeling with thinking center.

In January, I was totally devasted. But, I started a course about leadership. The coach told me that I have to observe me. At first, I thought that it was stupid.But, I started to see my thoughts and I realised that the person who hurts me was me. I was suffering for stupid thoughts.

I read the fourth way again and I can understand so many things. Maybe, I just need experience to keep learning. I was trapped in a vicious circle with the same mistakes. I'm happy that I could change.

It's good to hear of your progress, Natievell. Along with observation, so I am finding, examination of ourselves - our programs and beliefs - is also needed. It sounds obvious but we have to see them to overcome them. We can observe them, but then, in certain cases, they need to be looked into in depth. This way we can see sub-programmes and sub-beliefs - connections to them that manifest in different behaviours and attitudes.

Conflicting beliefs are of particular interest to me in my current drive to progress in the Work. I found two core beliefs - 1) I am small, inferior, and weak 2) I am big, superior, and strong. These mutually contradictory beliefs set up a constant stress (mostly destructive) in me that has contributed largely to the chaos of the larger part of my life.

I concluded, after examination and analysis, that the first belief grew from parental programming. Responding to that in my earliest years 'I' took it with me into subsequent years, strengthening and reproducing it in my very identification with it. I accepted it as 'fact'. Consequently my life manifested experiences, continually, that confirmed it as fact. At the same time 'I' constructed a counter-belief to survive the first. This second belief 'successfully' brought balance. But it only brought balance within the conflict and chaos.

Now I see that both beliefs are not only false, but illusory and pointless. I am neither small nor big, inferior nor superior, weak nor strong. I just am. Interestingly, to me anyway, immediately after I came to be aware of the illusory nature of these beliefs, I experienced extremes of both. Out shopping one day I felt as though I was a midget amongst giants. Everyone appeared to be well over six foot, built like bodybuilders or supermodels, and extremely self-assured and confident. Another day I experienced the opposite. I felt like the giants I had been among previously.

Thankfully I believed neither experience. At some level, a conscious level, I knew it was all going on internally, and that no external reality was involved.

Today I feel, am aware of, a sort of point between the two extremes. It's a pleasant place to be. I have identified other beliefs that I am examining.