axj, I didn't reply straight away, because I wanted to really process what you were saying before coming back to you.
I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, if you read my thread where I discussed wanting to reconnect with mother, you will see that I was coming from that old program of duty, guilt if I didnt re-connect & she died, and if only I tried harder....I might get the mother who used to love me back. I was going back to the well.
When I had the realization that she used my children to hurt me, wanted to see me fail, and was upset that we were thriving (& it still makes me ill in the stomach writing & acknowledging this) that's when I made the decision that no "mother" (in the normal sense of the term) would do that. I chose to protect my children from this kind of abuse, rather than stay programmed to be a food source for them. Because that's all I'll ever be. The only way the dynamic will change (as I mentioned in that thread about ex-mother), is if for some reason the other two offspring can't/won't provide for her. But she has already displayed her true colours, so wishing for things to be different is an exercise in futility and wishful thinking.
Onwards and forwards.
I have not made this decision lightly. In fact, if you read my thread where I discussed wanting to reconnect with mother, you will see that I was coming from that old program of duty, guilt if I didnt re-connect & she died, and if only I tried harder....I might get the mother who used to love me back. I was going back to the well.
When I had the realization that she used my children to hurt me, wanted to see me fail, and was upset that we were thriving (& it still makes me ill in the stomach writing & acknowledging this) that's when I made the decision that no "mother" (in the normal sense of the term) would do that. I chose to protect my children from this kind of abuse, rather than stay programmed to be a food source for them. Because that's all I'll ever be. The only way the dynamic will change (as I mentioned in that thread about ex-mother), is if for some reason the other two offspring can't/won't provide for her. But she has already displayed her true colours, so wishing for things to be different is an exercise in futility and wishful thinking.
Onwards and forwards.