psychopaths @ work

[Keit]

Oh, I don't to be all dramatic again. I just wanted to ask what does it mean to get psychopaths in life and at work? Because most of reactions are move, quit your job, be a grey rock. When my contract expires in 4 months, who guarantees me I'm not going to find a similar situation somewhere else?

Unfortunately, no one can guarantee you something like this. Nowadays, it is truly a gift from the Universe to end up in a workplace where you won't have to deal with the situations you describe. These people are not necessarily "psychopaths", but there is a whole range of pathological behavior. The only thing you can do is to learn how to become smarter and more strategic. To learn from the lessons you had and make sure not to make the same mistakes again.

 

[Martina]

I get once a year now into such shit because I live in my hometown and in this area pathological= normal, so I'm not normal. I wanted friends- that was my ''weakness''. What else: I was self focused, I blamed others for my unhappiness and wanted to change things I cannot change and control things I cannot control...I confess my sins:)
I read a lot of your posts, and articles and books if I can find them+ music and EE ...so what holds me now is that I can't be me and most of my problems are not my problems. If a guy form work is manipulating bastard that's his problem not mine. I'm trying to be present and I feel good about it. Although me who's not me starts to work at midnight with all kinds of characters. It's like I'm going into a haunted castle:)

 

[Martina]

I have 2 more weeks to decide if I want to stay. I don't want to work there honestly but I have to pay my bills and I can't leave without understanding. I am aware of fact that I am really sensitive and that I might as others misunderstand something, but after 2 years people have to change their perception a bit. I know there is a difference between narcissists and psychopaths and that I put all in same basket. But I can't understand why would somebody hate me so much to tell lies about me, making me look stupid, oversensitive or even insane? I really appreciate every single person on earth as a worker now because we all do so many hard and boring things and put up with all kinds of pressure so the world can so-so function. If there are people who see me as a threat to their existence and I can't convince them that I'm not, should I simply walk away and maybe find something where my work would be more appreciated?It's not like I'm a doctor or something important :). I'm not like- I have a college degree, I don't want to scrub floors- just the situation on market is such there are no much jobs available. My sister and friends had to move to Ireland to get jobs.
Sorry but I had to share my dilemma with somebody.

 

[PerfectCircle]

Dear Martina,
People usually talk about other people because of boredom or as a mean for conversation, but could also be energetic feeding.
I understand very well what is the situation like related to jobs, people and being "normal", I myself deal with vipers at my job on almost daily basis and am sometimes on verge of quitting, but still keep going. Suppose it is kind of a self-work as well.
I suggest you try to endure until(and if) you find a better job.
Take care!

 

[seek10]

I have 2 more weeks to decide if I want to stay. I don't want to work there honestly but I have to pay my bills and I can't leave without understanding. I am aware of fact that I am really sensitive and that I might as others misunderstand something, but after 2 years people have to change their perception a bit. I know there is a difference between narcissists and psychopaths and that I put all in same basket. But I can't understand why would somebody hate me so much to tell lies about me, making me look stupid, oversensitive or even insane? I really appreciate every single person on earth as a worker now because we all do so many hard and boring things and put up with all kinds of pressure so the world can so-so function. If there are people who see me as a threat to their existence and I can't convince them that I'm not, should I simply walk away and maybe find something where my work would be more appreciated?It's not like I'm a doctor or something important :). I'm not like- I have a college degree, I don't want to scrub floors- just the situation on market is such there are no much jobs available. My sister and friends had to move to Ireland to get jobs.
Sorry but I had to share my dilemma with somebody.

Unfortunately, It is normal in this world. You may want to look at concept of petty tyrants, as mentioned above. Some times, "Reflective of others needs" narcissistic trait under the fear of so called psychopath can mess up the stress response. This can be harmful to health in the long run. As a social being, we get effected by the surroundings unless we have a strict discipline and the knowledge of the world.

If you stay there, you have to do some thing different to be not effected. If you decide to move out, life will put in different direction- stress of bills to pay, uncertainties of future or it could be some entirely good. You can move out with trust in the universe to take what ever the lessons in store, you may have satisfaction of trying to separating yourself from painful situation and at the end there is no guarantee. It may work or the experience will give the knowledge to be put it in different perspective.

Decade back, whenever I complained of then company, one of my friend used to tell me "Where ever you go it is the same situation". Well, I didn't have the experience to digest what he said. I came out of company with some relief that lasted months and subsequent jobs proved what he said. At least I have the satisfaction of trying different.

If you look at the most stressful events in life, not having the job tend to be next to "death of a loved one" on the top. So whatever you do, you can expect some stress. Take care of your self.

Best of Luck Martina!

 

[Phill4]

I have 2 more weeks to decide if I want to stay. I don't want to work there honestly but I have to pay my bills and I can't leave without understanding. I am aware of fact that I am really sensitive and that I might as others misunderstand something, but after 2 years people have to change their perception a bit. I know there is a difference between narcissists and psychopaths and that I put all in same basket. But I can't understand why would somebody hate me so much to tell lies about me, making me look stupid, oversensitive or even insane? I really appreciate every single person on earth as a worker now because we all do so many hard and boring things and put up with all kinds of pressure so the world can so-so function. If there are people who see me as a threat to their existence and I can't convince them that I'm not, should I simply walk away and maybe find something where my work would be more appreciated?It's not like I'm a doctor or something important :). I'm not like- I have a college degree, I don't want to scrub floors- just the situation on market is such there are no much jobs available. My sister and friends had to move to Ireland to get jobs.
Sorry but I had to share my dilemma with somebody.

I think that it is understandable you are looking at this whole work issue from the point of view of psychopathy, but there seem to be other factors involved, such as projections, and the fact that people just become used to a dynamic of "having something to talk about" a person, a situation or anything to criticize just to have something to talk about and feed the dynamic.
They could be talking about you or about anyone else about a whole different set of things the person has, the hair color, the dress, the purse and the rest. Some people will just look for anything to talk about.
You can try and see if this pattern is just a habit in them or something else ans share what you find.

I think that in any job, if we are invested in any dynamic we a subject to be objects in the game and the drainage.

I have had some very interesting situations, that involve people just going at it with the talk, sometimes, the idea is to break the loop and learn not to identify with whatever thing you perceive as a jealous reaction get to you , or simply react differently and being straight forward in an open manner to cut off the condescending comments.

We don't have to be friends with anyone but not nessesarily enemies, and breaking the loop sometimes involves doing something we wouldn't do normally.

 

[Ruth]

I think that in any job, if we are invested in any dynamic we a subject to be objects in the game and the drainage.

I have had some very interesting situations, that involve people just going at it with the talk, sometimes, the idea is to break the loop and learn not to identify with whatever thing you perceive as a jealous reaction get to you , or simply react differently and being straight forward in an open manner to cut off the condescending comments.

We don't have to be friends with anyone but not nessesarily enemies, and breaking the loop sometimes involves doing something we wouldn't do normally.

I agree. This is good advice for Martina as well as anyone else who get into difficulty in a work situation.

Unless we can 'unhook' from the dynamic in an emotional (and perhaps even a spiritual way?) we are subject to their 'games' and energetic drainage. For example, they have found our weakness and will continue to exploit it unless they are unable to do so, and then they will go looking for another victim. The thing is, you can't change them, so it has to be you that you change. Becoming less vulnerable, so they can't get their hooks into you.

How does a person do this?

I can only offer vague general ideas here. Working on self confidence and taking yourself a little less seriously? You don't need your work colleagues approval or acceptance to be part of any working environment, although, they will work very, very hard to make people believe that they do.

Having interests outside the work environment. You are not your job, or how others at your work treat you!

This can be a really big challenge for someone who is young, and has not been forced into a position that requires this. It's also a good thing to network about as well as find out more about some of the previous things mentioned, like the esoteric teachings of Castenada. Good luck with it all, I hope you come out of it with a richer experience.

 

[Hindsight Man]

We had a similar situation at our work. It is basically a public utility, transportation, that had always been contracted to non-profits, and was unionized. The contracts would usually run about 5 years and would be renewed at that time. I worked over 20 years while in that format. It was a happy place with decent pay, and generally a harmonious place to work. Then in 2010 the contract was given to an American for profit company. Very unusual as this was a Canadian utility operating in a large metropolitan center.

Pretty soon the place was crawling with their henchmen/women.

You know the saying, 'If it ain't broke..." Well they seemed to have the thinking, 'If it ain't broke, break it', as they proceeded to change everything, to the point that the place and job was almost unrecognizable. And the union just sat on their hands, seemed almost like they were paid off.

And rules were brought in, rules on top of rules. None of which actually made the job better or easier. It just seemed they wanted a situation where you could almost always be doing something wrong, so they could control you.

Cameras were brought in, (for safety of course), and GPS tracking. You could not go anywhere not being under their eye.

The strangest thing was how many of the employees went along with all of this, and in fact became part of the oppression. Even though we were supposed to be brothers and sisters in a union, some members revelled in their new found powers in this new "system". They could put the worst work on those that they didn't like, all with the blessing of the "system".

Since I have always had a rebellious nature, I was determined to not get caught in this trap. This strategy was complicated, so I won't go into too many details, but one thing I did find was, I was never bothered, never got called in, nothing was ever said to me. I remember talking to my coworkers, and commenting, that these guys were evil, yet they were, 'paper tigers'.

It was later that I was reading the Wave, and the parts about the petty tyrants, and my job immediately came to mind. Those principles have proven to be sound, and my experience seemed to confirm a lot of it.

I relate my story, not to give you advice on what to do in your situation, but just to relate a personal experience of a similar nature.


Good luck in your endeavours.

Seems like it would be beneficial to everyone here if you could spell out your strategy for us and let the people who are in immediate danger find some tools to use from your story.

 

[Ant22]

We had a similar situation at our work. It is basically a public utility, transportation, that had always been contracted to non-profits, and was unionized. The contracts would usually run about 5 years and would be renewed at that time. I worked over 20 years while in that format. It was a happy place with decent pay, and generally a harmonious place to work. Then in 2010 the contract was given to an American for profit company. Very unusual as this was a Canadian utility operating in a large metropolitan center.

Pretty soon the place was crawling with their henchmen/women.

You know the saying, 'If it ain't broke..." Well they seemed to have the thinking, 'If it ain't broke, break it', as they proceeded to change everything, to the point that the place and job was almost unrecognizable. And the union just sat on their hands, seemed almost like they were paid off.

And rules were brought in, rules on top of rules. None of which actually made the job better or easier. It just seemed they wanted a situation where you could almost always be doing something wrong, so they could control you.

Cameras were brought in, (for safety of course), and GPS tracking. You could not go anywhere not being under their eye.

The strangest thing was how many of the employees went along with all of this, and in fact became part of the oppression. Even though we were supposed to be brothers and sisters in a union, some members revelled in their new found powers in this new "system". They could put the worst work on those that they didn't like, all with the blessing of the "system".

Since I have always had a rebellious nature, I was determined to not get caught in this trap. This strategy was complicated, so I won't go into too many details, but one thing I did find was, I was never bothered, never got called in, nothing was ever said to me. I remember talking to my coworkers, and commenting, that these guys were evil, yet they were, 'paper tigers'.

It was later that I was reading the Wave, and the parts about the petty tyrants, and my job immediately came to mind. Those principles have proven to be sound, and my experience seemed to confirm a lot of it.

I relate my story, not to give you advice on what to do in your situation, but just to relate a personal experience of a similar nature.


Good luck in your endeavours.

Seems like it would be beneficial to everyone here if you could spell out your strategy for us and let the people who are in immediate danger find some tools to use from your story.

I must admit I'd be interested to learn more about the strategy you used as well Hello H2O :)

I understand that a detailed strategy to deal with a difficult person will largely be context specific but it may be useful to see what worked for other people in the contexts of their everyday lives.

In Castaneda's 'Fire From Within' there is a story of Don Juan dealing with his petty tyrant. Don Juan said that his benefactor had created a strategy for him and learning about the approach really helped me to deal with office politics at work. It would be interesting to see what worked for other people in their specific circumstances too.

 

[Glenn]

We had a similar situation at our work. It is basically a public utility, transportation, that had always been contracted to non-profits, and was unionized. The contracts would usually run about 5 years and would be renewed at that time. I worked over 20 years while in that format. It was a happy place with decent pay, and generally a harmonious place to work. Then in 2010 the contract was given to an American for profit company. Very unusual as this was a Canadian utility operating in a large metropolitan center.

Pretty soon the place was crawling with their henchmen/women.

You know the saying, 'If it ain't broke..." Well they seemed to have the thinking, 'If it ain't broke, break it', as they proceeded to change everything, to the point that the place and job was almost unrecognizable. And the union just sat on their hands, seemed almost like they were paid off.

And rules were brought in, rules on top of rules. None of which actually made the job better or easier. It just seemed they wanted a situation where you could almost always be doing something wrong, so they could control you.

Cameras were brought in, (for safety of course), and GPS tracking. You could not go anywhere not being under their eye.

The strangest thing was how many of the employees went along with all of this, and in fact became part of the oppression. Even though we were supposed to be brothers and sisters in a union, some members revelled in their new found powers in this new "system". They could put the worst work on those that they didn't like, all with the blessing of the "system".

Since I have always had a rebellious nature, I was determined to not get caught in this trap. This strategy was complicated, so I won't go into too many details, but one thing I did find was, I was never bothered, never got called in, nothing was ever said to me. I remember talking to my coworkers, and commenting, that these guys were evil, yet they were, 'paper tigers'.

It was later that I was reading the Wave, and the parts about the petty tyrants, and my job immediately came to mind. Those principles have proven to be sound, and my experience seemed to confirm a lot of it.

I relate my story, not to give you advice on what to do in your situation, but just to relate a personal experience of a similar nature.


Good luck in your endeavours.

Seems like it would be beneficial to everyone here if you could spell out your strategy for us and let the people who are in immediate danger find some tools to use from your story.

I must admit I'd be interested to learn more about the strategy you used as well Hello H2O :)

I understand that a detailed strategy to deal with a difficult person will largely be context specific but it may be useful to see what worked for other people in the contexts of their everyday lives.

In Castaneda's 'Fire From Within' there is a story of Don Juan dealing with his petty tyrant. Don Juan said that his benefactor had created a strategy for him and learning about the approach really helped me to deal with office politics at work. It would be interesting to see what worked for other people in their specific circumstances too.

Hi Ant22
Looking back, I think my strategy was based on knowledge. That is, I knew the things they were implementing were for the purpose of control, even though they were sold as being for our good, and safety. I think because I was never hoodwinked, they never had that much power over me. I think these situations are set up to have you voluntarily relinquish your rights to them. As they know that is easier for them than to take it by force. So, in a nutshell, I think my knowledge protected me. It did kind of force me to be more of a hammer than a nail, and that did seem to come a bit natural for me in that situation. I think you do that in steps, baby steps. You stand up for yourself once, and you see how they react, and it sort of emboldens you for the next time. I remember saying to a coworker, these guys are really paper tigers, that is, lots of roaring and noise, but when you stand up to them, they kind of shrink down and not seem so powerful. I think what also helped was, there about 6 of us who were doing the same thing, and we talked about it a lot. I think us being able to talk about it helped a lot. If you are doing it alone, I would think it would be a lot harder. I guess it is another case of, knowledge protects.

I should add, we were in a union, so we had some protection there as well. They couldn't just harass as they pleased. Not having that protection surely would have made it worse.

 

[Martina]

I am competing for a job that I haven't worked before, so it's going to be interesting. They have page where you are introduced to workers from this company and they seem normal :). I still drag lots of bad baggage with me I think that's why I got in such working place. And have to clean myself better before getting a new job. What I feel sorry for is I should have also step up better to that moron and had better boundaries, I was afraid I'll lose my job and I really needed job because my partner was unemployed and we were arguing about money- actually he was more worried and I was more being an ass. I love life it gives you lessens as much as you need. Reminds me of a Groundhog day.

 

[Martina]

When I didn't prolonged my contract I had to tell my boss and his bosses what is the problem so I told them what was going on. I was complaining to you for nothing that actually happened to some of my coworkers. They were so ugly gossiped by this ugly guy and his girlfriends that their reputation was ruined, one women almost lost a custody over her child and other was proclaimed as a junkie and a lesbian all over our county.The bosses told me that they will try to improve the conditions at work, and between workers, I gave them some suggestions and that's how we separated.