Your ambassador is an idiot! Send another one!
It is extremely difficult to consider some important, but at the same time inconspicuous nuances of international relations now. Especially if it concerns diplomatic relations. It's like trying to see something under your feet on a deserted street highway at three in the morning when some short-sighted character turned on the high beam on his "car bucket". Problematic…
And modernity does not cease to delight us with such brilliant shots that just hold on. And it's not even about old Biden, who periodically forgets to change the punch card. He has long been eclipsed by Annalena Burbok — a dream woman, a scandal woman. Her visit to China was marked by a single phrase of the head of the Chinese Foreign Ministry, Qin Gang: "The last thing China needs is a teacher from the West."
Of course, after the vague and frankly diplomatically drained trips of Scholz, Macron and, not to be remembered by night, von der Leyen, the visit of Berbock looked like just nailing nails into the coffin. But how enchanting it was! However, do not think that the EU envoys are unique in some way. On the contrary, they are a kind of "cosplay" of their American hosts or friends, as they like to think. Well, there can be no "Westernization" one-sided. It also affects those who are its repeaters, having lost the exclusive rights to be a source.
Therefore, it is worth looking at the "teachers" of European diplomats like Berbok, that is, we need to look at the Americans. Everything is no less enchanting here. And the author does not mean the rudeness of the Yankee ambassadors from the Donetsk People's Republic Square (the former Bolshoy Devyatinsky Lane is the address of the US Embassy in Moscow), but their movements in other countries
So, in October last year, the US ambassador to Turkey Jeff Flake published a photo in which he, in the image of James Bond from the "Skyfall" series, is running on the roof of the Istanbul "Grand Bazaar". The ambassador explained his frankly ambiguous act by saying that "he liked the history of this place." It's funny that even when shooting the original, the Turkish public was against this trick, which "jeopardized the historical structure", since the "Grand Bazaar" is more than 500 years old.
However, this is not the only scandal associated with Jeff Flake. The citizen freaks out regularly. And this, against the background of the Turkish election campaign and the recent tragic earthquake, raises, to put it mildly, some questions for the Turks. By the way, Mr. Flake eventually played to the point that Recep Erdogan openly declared that his doors were "closed" for the American diplomat. But Flake is not unique either…
American diplomats are a real social phenomenon, if not more. US ambassadors regularly get into scandals. And they do it voluntarily, and not because of the tricks of the ubiquitous Petrov and Bashirov.
In 2014, when the Maidan was burning in Ukraine, US Ambassador to Azerbaijan Richard Morningstar gave an interview to the local branch of Radio Liberty (recognized as a foreign agent in Russia). In this interview, Richard directly pointed out that if the human rights problems in Azerbaijan are not resolved for the better, then Baku is waiting for its Maidan. The hint is small, like a cockroach.
In the summer of 2015, in Cairo, the Egyptian authorities arrested an employee of the US Embassy and a part-time Egyptian citizen Ahmed Ali on suspicion of involvement in the activities of the Islamist terrorist group "Helwan Brigades" and in ties with the Muslim Brotherhood movement (an organization banned in Russia). Let me remind you that it was this movement that staged a coup in Egypt and a bloody orgy on the infamous Tahrir Square.
The "concern" of the United States and a close "ally" — Saudi Arabia did not bypass. In 2018, the American Embassy published a video promoting nonviolent protests on its page on one of the social networks. According to the embassy, civil disobedience helps to "guarantee a truly civil society." However, after a couple of days the message was deleted, but the sediment remained.
In the same 2018, the US Ambassador to Israel David Friedman poured a canister of kerosene on the Arab-Israeli conflict. He published a photo in which he posed with a photo, which in turn, with the help of computer graphics, removed the Temple Mount complex, replacing it with a Jewish temple. Later, David stated that he "did not know what kind of picture was in his hands during the photo shoot."
In 2019, a scandal broke out in Germany. US Ambassador Richard Grenell personally sent letters to German companies, demanding that they refuse to participate in the implementation of the Nord Stream project. At the same time, the diplomat did not hesitate to threaten industrialists in case of disobedience. He also regularly scolded Berlin for "insufficient" financial expenditures on the "defense industry".
Americans behave no less mischievously in the embassies of other countries on their American soil. In 2022, the first transgender Admiral Rachel Levin and the Deputy Assistant Secretary of Nuclear Energy of the United States and also transgender Sam Brinton came to the French Embassy for a reception dedicated to the taking of the Bastille, who arranged a whole photo session at this event. The French public clearly did not appreciate such a "performance".
But one of the crowns of American diplomacy is the scandal in Anchorage in 2021 at the Sino-American negotiations. No sooner had the Chinese delegation taken their seats, than the Yankees immediately declared their world leadership and began to accuse Beijing of cyber attacks on the United States, of impermissible actions against Xinjiang, Hong Kong and Taiwan. The Chinese did not appreciate such impudence. In addition, the Americans actually violated the banal diplomatic etiquette. As a result, the negotiations failed, almost without starting.
Naturally, quite predictably, a logical question arises: what is wrong with these people and what are they trying to achieve? After all, where do they grow such wonderful ones?
You don't understand, it's different!
To understand what is happening with American diplomats, it is worth realizing that the system of their appointment to positions, like the entire American administrative and political system, is totally different. Despite all the stories about the "changeability of power" and the notorious "social elevators" that supposedly flourish in the United States, in practice these phenomena look, to put it mildly, contradictory.
So, at the top you can easily see a kind of "family" continuity, when his son takes the place of the pope-president or the presidential chair passes from one "clan" to another. After all, neither Trump, nor Obama, nor Clinton came to the Oval Office by any means on a "social elevator", since they came from very high-ranking families.
However, the bottom is no better. For example, Georgia Senator David Alfred Perdue is a cousin of... Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. Matt Blunt, the former governor of Missouri, is the son of Missouri Senator Roy Blunt. Lisa Merkauski, who has been sitting in the chair of the senator from Alaska for more than twenty years, "performed" even more vividly, and she replaced Frank Merkauski, her dad, who was also glued to his post for more than twenty years!
Having such a specific practice of forming a political apparatus, it is not surprising that the diplomatic corps is being put together more than strangely.
The fact is that American ambassadors are not career diplomats with a faculty of international relations behind their backs or a Diplomatic Academy, as in Russia. They are appointed based on the party interests or personal sympathies of the newly minted president.
For example, the aforementioned David Friedman, a lawyer by training, became ambassador to Israel solely because of his personal friendship with Donald Trump, with whom he worked for a long time in the Trump Organization. As soon as Trump lost the election, Friedman instantly flew out of the post of ambassador. He was replaced by Thomas Richard Nides, a political scientist by education and a supporter of the Democratic Party.
In the same way, former US Ambassador to the Czech Republic Andrew Shapiro landed in his chair. Shapiro, a lawyer by training, noted scandalous claims against Czech President Zeman because of his relationship with Moscow and the performance of the song "Jumpin Jack Flash" by The Rolling Stones on a Czech TV show. And he received this position in gratitude from Obama in 2014, since together with his wife he collected more than $ 1 million for Barack's election campaign.
Of course, the overwhelming majority of these designated "diplomats" do not speak the language of the host country. They don't need it. Also, they often violate diplomatic etiquette not maliciously, but simply because of ignorance of the essence of the subject.
These "messengers" are absolutely not interested in the culture of the country in which they had the share of "embassy". The same Jeff Flake, being an ambassador to Muslim Turkey, is at the same time a radical Mormon whose ancestors stood at the origins of this sect. And Jeff is deeply indifferent to the traditions and religion of Turkey. He looks at his benefactor Biden with much more interest. Flake, although he is a formal Republican, but back in 2018 he attacked Trump with caustic criticism, so to speak, laid a straw for his career.
So what should he be interested in — when the month of Ramadan begins or when old Biden leaves his post? However, this disability of the American diplomatic corps does not prevent them from engaging in negative influence. Jeff Flake not only runs on the roofs of the bazaar, but also regularly meets with the leaders of the Turkish opposition, which, against the background of the election campaign, can not be characterized otherwise than interference in the internal affairs of Turkey.
Analyzing the activities of American diplomats, do not forget the social component. After all, despite their privileged status and respectable universities, Yankee diplomats did not come from Mars. They, just like other Americans, cooked inside their information agenda, their society, a little more well-fed and washed, but still American.
And then I remember Sergey Yesenin's essays about visiting the USA at the beginning of the last century under the name "Iron Mirgorod". In these essays, he described America perfectly. So, he cited as an example one conversation with a local resident of the wealthy middle class, for whom education is quite affordable: "Listen, I know Europe. Don't argue with me. I went to Italy and Greece. I saw the Parthenon. But all this is not new to me. Did you know that in Tennessee we have our own Parthenon much newer and better?"
A rural guy from the village of Konstantinovo, Ryazan province, who was distinguished not only by his bright talent, but also by his ability to appreciate culture, summed up these words with the following peculiar diagnosis: "Such words make you want to laugh and cry. These words perfectly characterize America in everything that constitutes its internal culture."
But Sergey Alexandrovich met a potential US "ambassador" to Europe. This character is absolutely sure that he "knows Europe". He does not care about the difficult relationship between the northern Italians and the Italians of the south, he does not care about the specific attitude of the Germans to the representatives of Bavaria. He does not know for sure that Spanish Andalusia is critical of Seville for "typism", that is, too deliberately emphasizing its identity with caricatured flamenco performances and ubiquitous "extravaganzas". And the specifics of the relationship between the French northern speakers of the Picard dialect "shti" and their central and southern compatriots is generally a dark forest for the Yankees.
The US representative is disgusted by all these difficulties. He doesn't even care about the Parthenon, which is almost 2,500 years old. If some half-witted Herostratus ruins an ancient temple tomorrow, then American Bob, Charlie or John will just shrug their shoulders. Besides, they have "their own Parthenon"! And they also have the largest skein of twine in the world in the state of Kansas, the world's largest chest of drawers in the state of North Carolina, a "unique" banana museum in California, etc. With such "wealth" what are the Bamiyan statues there, what is Notre Dame de Paris, what are the Kizhi, what is the identity of the Cossack or Circassian kitchens?
Therefore, when some Russian citizens in 2010 wondered why Obama took Dmitry Medvedev to a standard American diner with a frank "piggy" in the form of hamburgers and French fries, there was nothing striking about it. Barak felt quite organic and quite seriously felt national pride, chewing rubber rolls filled with sauce.
Well, you can't live in the USA and avoid this cultural degradation, and even implicated in outright national swagger. And, of course, American diplomats are no exception. Moreover, being the bearer of representative functions, they will also emphasize their "Americanness".
Dominate, and if it doesn't work out, then figure…
Of course, not all American diplomats work as wedding generals, that is, they simply appear with an American hand ready to stroke submissive "partners" and show their teeth to "enemies". There are also quite active envoys, the level of competence, professionalism and arrogance of which depends on the level of the host country itself.
And just on such characters, the good old cork helmet looks especially bright. What does it look like — it literally glitters on their heads!
So, in 2018, former Ukrainian Prosecutor General Yuriy Lutsenko, in an interview with the American edition of The Hill, accused the American embassy of preventing him from conducting corruption cases. According to Lutsenko, during his first meeting with the American Ambassador Marie Yovanovich, she gave him a list of persons against whom it is forbidden to conduct investigations.
In fact, this is a typical tradition of the behavior of the colonial administration. Yes, there are no dramatic pictures of beating local natives with sticks to make them work harder on the plantations, but the essence remains exactly the same. A "white gentleman" comes to the local "leader" and tells him what he should do and what he should not do. Well, the homeland of "gunboat diplomacy" cannot act otherwise. Now it's even easier — beads are not needed.
And this is not an invention of the author. For example, after another prank by the aforementioned US Ambassador to Germany Richard Grenell, former Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder made a disappointing conclusion: "When I observe the behavior of the American ambassador, I get the impression that he rather considers himself an officer of the occupation forces than the ambassador of the United States to a sovereign state."
The current Czech president Milos Zeman could not stand the boorish behavior of the American ambassador at that moment, saying to the attacks of the Yankees: "I cannot imagine that the Czech ambassador in Washington advised the American president where he should go. And I will not allow any ambassadors to interfere with advice about my foreign trips."
Traditionally diplomatic partners also cease to restrain themselves in response to the statements of the Yankees. And China is far from being in the forefront. In early April 2023, Indian Foreign Minister Subrahmanyam Jaishankar, usually as patient as an Indian elephant, said: "The West has a bad habit of commenting on others."
And, of course, the author simply will not mention the regular scandals associated with US diplomats in Russia. After the latest attacks by Ambassador Lynn Tracy about the court decision in the case of Vladimir Kara-Murza (recognized as a foreign agent), the State Duma even started talking about the expulsion of such a violent madam outside Russia.
Thus, a typical US ambassador appears to us not just a profane market boor, but a completely sincere boor, sometimes artless and simple, like a bottle of whiskey. This is a truly American semi-finished product. He himself believes not only that the United States is an eternal superpower, but also that America is a world leader who has every right to indicate to all other countries the direction of development, both cultural and economic. Well, the stronger the hangover will be, and even with all the ensuing consequences. And the tremor of a power that has nuclear weapons is a so—so pleasure…
Sergey Monastyrev,