Question about going to church.

[melatonin]

Hi melatonin, and thank you for sharing. I'm sorry to hear of your situation. Your words resonated as 3D life can feel inescapable sometimes and the desire to do good in the world may seem elusive. I cruised a few church parking lots and just never made it out of my parked car. Had a similar issue as you mentioned, "...i want to live truthfully as possible and to not be insincere, and i could never fully believe a mainstream religion." Then I tried out an weekend walking group, a pottery class at a local museum, and volunteering at a municipal garden pruning rose bushes and weeding. I'm no extrovert, and sometimes I don't say much more than "good morning, nice to see you all" and "see you next time, glad to help". But I sincerely mean it, and did get to experience collective purpose and community. Try, explore - ROOTING FOR YOU

Thanks Polly for your kind words.

I was wondering if my desire to be so authentic is a stumbling block in itself, especially when the only authentic thing (at this point for me) is "the work" and growing my self observation. I'm hoping this growing perspective might remove some road-blocks I have from socialising. I too am an introvert, or I think I am. I think the more I learn about myself, the more I'm finding it hard to define myself, which feels contradictory. Working with flowers and plants would be very theraputic if I could be around others in a safe environment.

 

[melatonin]

A Church could be an easier way to integrate into your surrounding community. A way to get to know the people that live closer to you. If you feel you aren't able to be your sincere and complete self in a church setting; then see if a park near where you live conduct 'A Stand in the Park' event- if not; consider beginning to organise A Stand in the Park events at your local park to begin attracting similar minded people.



Following the subsequent Health Care solutions provided for during lockdowns and the pandemic period:- some people experienced side effects and became disenfranchised with Hospitals: they sought for alternative means to improve their health; where Doctors, Nurses etc were't forced to follow set protocols but used solutions based on their own personal experience, experiment and results.

The People's Health Alliance was formed, an organic, people-led, integrated health initiative that aims to educate, empower and support the people of the UK. The practicians provide varying forms of health care solutions based on their expertise. You may visit their site to see which PHA Community Hub is nearest to you.



Katherine McBean the founder of the People's Health Alliance explains all what the organisation is about.

Thanks for your reply. I'd like to start a group of some sort, but I'm not in the mental place at the moment to do something like that unfortunately. :(

 

[melatonin]

Try it out and see!

At some point, that's exactly what I have to do.

 

[melatonin]

Another possibility: websites like meetup.com offer a lot of groups where people organize in-person meetups on different topics or hobbies. I think it is more popular in English-speaking countries and in or close to larger cities.

Another possibility: websites like meetup.com offer a lot of groups where people organize in-person meetups on different topics or hobbies. I think it is more popular in English-speaking countries and in or close to larger cities.

Thanks for your reply. Meet-up is a good option for sure. :)

 

[Gwenllian]

I would like to work towards joining the online project you mentioned. The "work" is really starting to have some impact on me, and its self-awareness (Lack of) that holding me back.

That's great to hear, @melatonin. You will learn a lot, also about yourself, at least that is what I found. I hope you will enjoy working with others. It is pretty wonderful to work with a team that is very capable and experienced! Let us know if you need any help? Enjoy!

 

[Cordillera]

Try it out and see!

hi melatonin
I see your post is from July, so this message is a little late.

Complex trauma often creates a pattern of freezing and dissociation.

I haven't had CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), but my hypersensitivity has caused me to experience every difficult event in a greatly heightened way. And my primary survival pattern is freezing and dissociating.

These patterns hold us back from seeking social connection. But what heals them the most is social connection.

With freezing, the nervous system disconnects from defense responses. The energy to defend ourselves against danger is the same force that allows us to live life. In freezing, the body and mind prepare to not feel pain (or pleasure) and prepare you to die (depression).

Dissociation is part of the same process: we leave the body so we don't feel the overwhelming intensity of emotions.

This naturally leads to living in fantasy and overthinking, procrastinating and imagining thousands of possible scenarios in our heads before daring to act.

Therefore, breaking this freeze is essential: Try, experiment, discover. And if social interaction overwhelms you or you encounter people who don't make you feel safe, then slow down the pace, frequency, or intensity of social contact, but don't eliminate it. Make it acceptable, sustainable, and kind to you.

You don't need to find the ideal place, with colinearity and spirituality. It can be a group of friends, people who get together to play, volunteer, read, write, go for walks, etc.

I have learned, through many setbacks, that the first step is the most important, and then little by little we unfreeze.

 

[nicklebleu]

Therefore, breaking this freeze is essential: Try, experiment, discover. And if social interaction overwhelms you or you encounter people who don't make you feel safe, then slow down the pace, frequency, or intensity of social contact, but don't eliminate it. Make it acceptable, sustainable, and kind to you.

I think that is a very good point!

I did something similar a few years ago after having sequestered myself from social life for about 18 months. I decided to connect to as many random people as possible, everywhere I went - at the grocery store, at the gym, on public transport. I would just strike up a conversation, without any agenda or purpose, apart from wanting to find out who the other person was. It felt very awkward at the beginning, because sometimes the way I approached this was very clunky, until I realised, that it didn’t really matter. People would laugh and run with it.

It was quite the experience …

 

[melatonin]

hi melatonin
I see your post is from July, so this message is a little late.

Complex trauma often creates a pattern of freezing and dissociation.

I haven't had CPTSD (complex post-traumatic stress disorder), but my hypersensitivity has caused me to experience every difficult event in a greatly heightened way. And my primary survival pattern is freezing and dissociating.

These patterns hold us back from seeking social connection. But what heals them the most is social connection.

With freezing, the nervous system disconnects from defense responses. The energy to defend ourselves against danger is the same force that allows us to live life. In freezing, the body and mind prepare to not feel pain (or pleasure) and prepare you to die (depression).

Dissociation is part of the same process: we leave the body so we don't feel the overwhelming intensity of emotions.

This naturally leads to living in fantasy and overthinking, procrastinating and imagining thousands of possible scenarios in our heads before daring to act.

Therefore, breaking this freeze is essential: Try, experiment, discover. And if social interaction overwhelms you or you encounter people who don't make you feel safe, then slow down the pace, frequency, or intensity of social contact, but don't eliminate it. Make it acceptable, sustainable, and kind to you.

You don't need to find the ideal place, with colinearity and spirituality. It can be a group of friends, people who get together to play, volunteer, read, write, go for walks, etc.

I have learned, through many setbacks, that the first step is the most important, and then little by little we unfreeze.

Hi Cordillera,

I believe you are talking about "exposure therapy" in everything but name.
This certainly hasn't been effective for me unfortunately, and isn't for a lot of trauma survivors.
I really think we need more labels as CPTSD/dissociation really doesn't cover the severity of trauma growing up with sexually/emotionally possible psychopathic abusive parents.

I agree that isolation also isn't the answer, as it's imperative we get socialization. There needs to be an improvement in intervention therapies, as none have worked for me. EMDR/hypnotherapy, high-dosage LSD etc etc. I've even spent tens of thousands of pounds on supplementation trying to change brain chemistry to no avail.

At this point, I've found early success of the "WORK" to give me more than any other therapies, growing my self-awareness and I'm hoping it will lead me to breaking free from my isolation.


Regarding friends......part of my problem was my conditioning from childhood also involved isolation and rejection by all family member and any potential positive influences, so I'm sure you could imagine how many abusive and self-harming "i's" i have in my psyche, and my whole life has been revolving around replaying trauma. I've had no healthy friendships, so I dont have that foundation.....if I did, things would be far different. I'm trying to see it as a gift, as it's pushing me into the "WORK", when I otherwise might not of found it.

:)

Thanks for sharing and your kind reply.

 

[Gwenllian]

I could share a lot of horrible experiences at the hands of (should be) "care-givers" and therapists. The psychotherapy profession is truly toxic to the core, not just in the methods they use, but the psychology of a lot of those practicing it. Its the perfect profession for someone who wants to hide away from themselves. (The opposite to true psychology as we have found out on this forum)

It is true that there are some/many (?) toxic therapists out there. That is why it is so important to do our homework when we seek out help. If we are vulnerable our reading instrument can be a bit skewed and we may end up with the wrong professionals. There are (very) good therapists/psychologists/counsellors out there whose heartfelt wish is to be of service and help others with their traumas/issues. But sometimes it takes time and effort to find someone whom we can really trust and be open with. It's like wishing to go to church for social activities. You go and visit and see which people resonate with you, whom you feel comfortable with, who organise activities that give meaning to your life and so on.

So, I wouldn't say that ALL therapists are toxic, because we had some bad experiences. Do you see what I mean? Also, sometimes we may think that certain therapies didn't bear any fruit, but perhaps they did help us along the way without our realising it (the effect can be subtle?), preparing us for another therapy modality with another professional whom we learn to bond with?

Perhaps it would still be a good idea for you to visit some churches and help with their social gatherings as @Jones does. That will give you some confidence if you can find a group of people you like and learn to trust. And if your reading instrument gets better you may be able to eventually find a therapist whom you can trust and work with?

Online projects are great, but helping others in real life, feeling useful (a biggie!) and finding meaning and purpose are so important for healing and overcoming obstacles. My two cents.

 

[melatonin]

I think that is a very good point!

I did something similar a few years ago after having sequestered myself from social life for about 18 months. I decided to connect to as many random people as possible, everywhere I went - at the grocery store, at the gym, on public transport. I would just strike up a conversation, without any agenda or purpose, apart from wanting to find out who the other person was. It felt very awkward at the beginning, because sometimes the way I approached this was very clunky, until I realised, that it didn’t really matter. People would laugh and run with it.

It was quite the experience …

Thanks for your reply Nicklebleu. :)

My psyche couldn't take these risks, otherwise I would of.

I've been trying to explain this in survivor groups for years. :)

It is true that there are some/many (?) toxic therapists out there. That is why it is so important to do our homework when we seek out help. If we are vulnerable our reading instrument can be a bit skewed and we may end up with the wrong professionals. There are (very) good therapists/psychologists/counsellors out there whose heartfelt wish is to be of service and help others with their traumas/issues. But sometimes it takes time and effort to find someone whom we can really trust and be open with. It's like wishing to go to church for social activities. You go and visit and see which people resonate with you, whom you feel comfortable with, who organise activities that give meaning to your life and so on.

So, I wouldn't say that ALL therapists are toxic, because we had some bad experiences. Do you see what I mean? Also, sometimes we may think that certain therapies didn't bear any fruit, but perhaps they did help us along the way without our realising it (the effect can be subtle?), preparing us for another therapy modality with another professional whom we learn to bond with?

Perhaps it would still be a good idea for you to visit some churches and help with their social gatherings as @Jones does. That will give you some confidence if you can find a group of people you like and learn to trust. And if your reading instrument gets better you may be able to eventually find a therapist whom you can trust and work with?

Online projects are great, but helping others in real life, feeling useful (a biggie!) and finding meaning and purpose are so important for healing and overcoming obstacles. My two cents.

I agree, I'm generalising hugely and have unresolved anger towards a lot of Ex T's.

I also agree that it was beneficial at the time, helping me cope and move towards a newer clearer perspective, and I'm performing a "re-writing" of history by damning them all.

Finding a group offline is paramount, and learning to feel physically safe will be incredibly healing.

Without a doubt my perception is cloudy and I'm hoping self-work can clear this up.

(Edit - spelling corrections of 2 words)

 

[iamthatis]

Hey melatonin, I think you're on the right track. Trying to force ourselves through the trauma often just doesn't work. I know from personal experience how difficult it can be to be stuck in the mode of wanting to connect, but being unable to. Trying to force myself to be different just generated more trauma.

And there are a lot of 'top-down' or talk therapies that just don't work - even if the therapist is good. Especially if the trauma is locked up in the body. Talk therapy sometimes just doesn't find that. Anyways, finding what fits for you is very important.

I managed to find a NARM-trained therapist who focuses on somatic experiencing and IFS. It has been incredibly helpful for me. Have you looked into these approaches?

I also found that focusing on my physical health was super helpful. Taking care of my methylation cycle, vagus nerve, diet, and regular basic exercise have helped keep me afloat.