psychic_spy said:
I guess you're right in many accounts though this isn't easing my situation.
Well, an objective view of ourselves is rarely anything by 'uneasy'. In fact, it can be downright terrifying.
Oh yeah , that's really true but i'm willing to see the other side of the coin and i'm gratefull that you help me, few can do it. And everytime i try to make others aknowledge this side of their personal world they violently reject it but i want to keep an open mind and be happy to have such an opportunity. :)
I also think it was a projection after reading and taking account of your views and for a short while Victor tried to sustain that projection, being my boyfriend because this is what I so desperately wanted but it's far from what he wants ... :/. What baffled me is that he told me he never had a sweetheat and it's not even concerned about it though he frequents a dating site (?). Yes, you may say that he spots the ones he can engage into sexual encounters only though as far as i dated him he seemed rather withdrawn and unexperienced in terms of sex.
That would fit with a schizoid personality. Schizoids don't seem to relate normally to others sexually, and such individuals do, they fall into pathological patterns (i.e., dating sites, 'womanizing', etc.)
He even left me the impression i was the only one he had it with but again , this might be well another trap so that he maintains my fairytale scenario of him. Why bother? He knew for the time being that i had some other realationships but none was as intense as this one.( mainly because this one dates back in our teenage years ) Is it any escape from these dillusions because it's very hard to cope with and accept i've been trapped ...That he acted as a predator in the relationship ...
Well, it could be true that you were the only one he was with. He could've picked up on your desperation and gone out with you simply because you wanted it so much, and he could get something out of it as well. So even if he is not a predator in the extreme sense (like a psychopath), he essentially acted as one, using you for his own purposes while letting you project a fantasy onto him. Have you read Unholy Hungers? That might be the one to start with if you haven't read any of the 5 narcissism books we recommend.
I have read The mask of Sanity ( not entirely) because 3 years ago i had a very similar issue with a guy that seemed no more no less then a virtual psychopath. I talked to him , he was manipulating me and drain me of my energy to serve him as a virtual mental stimulation puppet on messenger without ever wanting to get to know me in real life and discuss openly about the future of our interaction. After 2 years after i finally escaped this he stalked me in the park were i was jogging every evening. I really don't know how do i attract these people? i do have friends , mostly female friends and i know persons with whom i don't have to make any effort or convince them of anything, those bonds are simply building by themselves and even if some are not so enduring or exciting, i find them healthier in respect to these ones. Thank you for recommend me that book , i'll try to read it as soon as i can.
I think about myself as a normal person, although quite a risk taker and a nurturer to these ''lost souls ''( tongue-in cheek) but in providing material for them i kinda of lost track of my own needs and purpose in life. I do not have the same results in school as i used to, and i'm no longer so idealistic and easy-going , free- spirited, clever girl ..maybe this is a process of maturing my inner self and becoming a witty woman. :P
I'm really happy i can finally find people who understand and even ones that lived those kind of experiences , if it hadn't been for the psycho guy and then for Victor, my addherence to this site wouldn't be have taken place.
as far as my diet is concerned i eat 2 times a day , at 4 -5 pm and at 10 pm sometimes later, i usually eat boiled meat , fish , chicken made in the oven , vegetables such as rice, potatoes, beans ( we don't aford in Romania to buy bio-products that are quite expensive) and fruits for desert, i eat chocolate ( 4, 5 small tablets) but not everyday and once a month i eat junk food but usually i stay away from them. I also eat chicken soup or traditional food ''sarmale'' , i do not drink alchohol but i smoke a pack of cigarettes per week.
Rice, potatoes, beans and fruit aren't good for everyone (rice contains gluten, for example). Also, the sugar in chocolate can feed Candida and junk food is bad all around. No problem with the cigarettes, but you may want to peruse the health topics on the forum and try out the detox diet. Even in Romania, you should be able to eliminate most bad foods. I can't stress how important it is to really get a handle on diet and start doing EE.
interested in sex and i have always been ,both intellectualy and practicaly( in my teens) , but i would have never engaged in it if the persons involved were not supposed to do it for the same reasons and on protection , of course.
