RIP Miloš
- Thread starter D Rusak
- Start date
D Rusak
Jedi Council Member
Thanks guys. I am having a hard time with this but I know with time it will be easier. I probably cried straight for the first 36 hours. Luckily my work let me take a day off (I woulda scared away the patients at the clinic anyway).
I am trying to be reasonable with myself but it is going to take a big effort to deal with the guilt I feel. If only I had used the usual door that day, I would have locked it with the deadbolt and the door wouldn't have popped open. If I had gotten up earlier, I wouldn't have been in such a rush to go practice. If I somehow had saved more money last month, I wouldn't have had to bike in the first place (thus going out the other door and forgetting to lock the usual one with the deadbolt) as my funds were low for the month (I just had to make it through 2 days and I had to save my gas to get to a gig far away the next day. Of course I had at least 3 gigs canceled last-minute that I was counting on, but my head can always find a new argument). And of course I should have not even tried to live there. My landlord was worried something could happen but I guess I just didn't really know enough about dogs, that they could do something like this. This dog is honestly one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met (I am not really a dog person but it is really nice) so I just had a really bad disconnect about the reality of the situation. I guess I got carried away with how nice the place was, and great location and price. There was a lot of space and windows for my cat to look out of and it finally seemed like I was in a space he was enjoying a lot. I still can't get the picture out of my head of the scene when I came home and I'm always reminded of places he would hang out in the apartment. I can't believe just a few days ago he was here. I have to let go all these I could of things since it is being hard on myself and also won't bring him back. It is still hard though.
Numerous people have told me that they think I should move since the memories will be really hard. I had thought I would be living in this place for 4 years if not longer. Also if I ever wanted to have a pet again in the future I wouldn't be able to do it here. Of course I have to reconsider whether or not I am REALLY capable of providing a good environment for a pet considering my turmoil of the past year(s). So again I will search for a place. I am glad I have made some friends here at least who are helping me or hanging out, some even offered to let me stay at their place if I didn't want to be here. Also at school they found out and while it's a little strange to me that the word got around everyone has offered condolences (and they let me take a day off of work when I was a mess). It is good to have some support at least. It made me think I'm not sure what will happen if a person I am close to dies, if I reacted this much to a cat. Then again honestly I probably loved this cat more than anything ever so I guess it makes sense.
Okay, thanks
I am trying to be reasonable with myself but it is going to take a big effort to deal with the guilt I feel. If only I had used the usual door that day, I would have locked it with the deadbolt and the door wouldn't have popped open. If I had gotten up earlier, I wouldn't have been in such a rush to go practice. If I somehow had saved more money last month, I wouldn't have had to bike in the first place (thus going out the other door and forgetting to lock the usual one with the deadbolt) as my funds were low for the month (I just had to make it through 2 days and I had to save my gas to get to a gig far away the next day. Of course I had at least 3 gigs canceled last-minute that I was counting on, but my head can always find a new argument). And of course I should have not even tried to live there. My landlord was worried something could happen but I guess I just didn't really know enough about dogs, that they could do something like this. This dog is honestly one of the sweetest dogs I've ever met (I am not really a dog person but it is really nice) so I just had a really bad disconnect about the reality of the situation. I guess I got carried away with how nice the place was, and great location and price. There was a lot of space and windows for my cat to look out of and it finally seemed like I was in a space he was enjoying a lot. I still can't get the picture out of my head of the scene when I came home and I'm always reminded of places he would hang out in the apartment. I can't believe just a few days ago he was here. I have to let go all these I could of things since it is being hard on myself and also won't bring him back. It is still hard though.
Numerous people have told me that they think I should move since the memories will be really hard. I had thought I would be living in this place for 4 years if not longer. Also if I ever wanted to have a pet again in the future I wouldn't be able to do it here. Of course I have to reconsider whether or not I am REALLY capable of providing a good environment for a pet considering my turmoil of the past year(s). So again I will search for a place. I am glad I have made some friends here at least who are helping me or hanging out, some even offered to let me stay at their place if I didn't want to be here. Also at school they found out and while it's a little strange to me that the word got around everyone has offered condolences (and they let me take a day off of work when I was a mess). It is good to have some support at least. It made me think I'm not sure what will happen if a person I am close to dies, if I reacted this much to a cat. Then again honestly I probably loved this cat more than anything ever so I guess it makes sense.
Okay, thanks
Guardian
The Cosmic Force
D Rusak said:
Crying is good hon, and doing the "what if I had" thing to yourself after a serious trauma is normal too...at least it is for me.
I know it's hard, but try not to beat yourself up too bad 'kay? You probably gave Milo a longer life than he would have had on the street, and even more importantly, he was loved.
SolarMother
Dagobah Resident
I am sorry for the loss of your dear kitty friend, D Rusak.
big hugs to you.
big hugs to you.
