Anthony said:
Finished The Duke's Disaster by Grace Burrowes, which is quite enjoyable. It's a bit slow paced and dry but manages to bring home some points about establishing trust, honesty and intimacy in relationships. The main character is quite interesting; very responsible, cautious, noble, strong and at the same time kind-hearted.
I agree. Burrowe's writing style is irritating at worst and less than engaging at best. But the story itself - though executed poorly - was quite interesting. And, yes, the main character was just an all-around great guy. As I said, he reminded me a lot of Ark.
Grace Burrowes's The Laird was already a hard read for me at times, it deals with child sexual abuse of both sexes, but I did finish it and now I am glad I did! It's like taking a hurdle and then looking back at the hurdle from the other side, knowing we came through and able to process some events to some extent described in these novels.
The last of the Grace Burrowes's books read was The Dukes Disaster, which came on the heel of Tremaine's True Love. Of the latter book (the first read by Grace), it seemed slow to pick up, jumps often, and yet there were themes of animal husbandry - a study and vocation of the main character who knew his stuff about sheep. The other main character was Nita, a self-taught physician (this had some interesting and difficult moments).
And yes, more of a passing secondary character was the gay guy, who sought out a changed resolve in the final chapters.
The former book started off in an odd grinding way as the characters developed. The struggles of a Duke with his Dukedom, and the twisting of the family tree while married to a new Duchess with her own inner struggles, and that of her brother. The dialogue between the Duke and Dutches was full of short subtleties (and wit) that grew as the story progressed - and another story of the Lady being armed for her own protection. The volume of sexual pleasure was lowered somewhat, and that seemed well fit. This is also a story of the role of being a companion or governess and the predatory nature of men (and some callous woman) who set out to ruin other human beings.
In retrospect, although not favourites, there was quite subtleness woven in that seemed to save the stories and give them some importance. There was growth.
J'ai reçu ce matin 7 livres, j'ai eu peur de manquer, je ne peux plus m'en passer, j'ai pour ainsi dire complètement arrêté de regarder la télévision (informations)...
I received 7 books this morning, I was afraid I would run out, I can't get enough of them, I've pretty much stopped watching TV (news)...
Et je me suis commandé celui-ci qui était en attente :
And I ordered this one that was on hold:
Jennifer Ashley - Les frères MacKenzie : L'appel des Highlands La folie de Lord MacKenzie
@seek10 I apologise if I misunderstood something, but I left a request on page 5 to be added to the form. Romance Books List
I also entered several titles of Anna Gracie's book series in Russian through the Google form.
Will it be correct if I give a link to my storage in Google drive, where these downloaded books in fb2 or pdf formats are stored for my use?
Once you submitted the Translated title names, they will automatically updated to "2. Recommended Books" sheet immediately. What you submitted were already updated.
Hello, I finally got around to reading this romfiction.
I have to say, I just finished Laird's Most Likely book 1 and I broke down crying many times. The woman in the book was so similar to my ex-girlfriend it was terribly uncanny. Reading through this book was like going through a replay of my year and a half with her; the way she spoke, her stubborn-headedness, strong desire to be independent, it was like I was reading word-for-word conversations that I've had with her (can you guess I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic?)
Ever since I was a wee lad of my castle in Scotland...
Ok not really! The point that struck me the worst was when [spoilers alert]
she started crying at the knowledge of her and the Scot not being together once she left the estate. Then, he asked her to marry in a matter-of-fact way and the way she suddenly switched into a different person, suddenly denounced all the feelings she had, the obviousness of the fact she was scared to take the next step.
All the responses, the retorts, the feeling of being so close, and the painful confusion he felt all was frighteningly relatable.
Lots of crying (and the mistake of looking through old pictures!), but it showed me that I wasn't over it yet like I thought I was. The pain of loving someone, and knowing they love you, but they're not ready to take the next step made me feel inadequate, confused, angry, and dejected. And the expectation to man up and move on meant I was just burying it. But the happy ending put me in a state I have not been in for months, the feeling of just appreciating the beauty and tragedy of life to the point of tears; what I think Nietzsche called 'rausch'. After being in a slump for a few months, this is medicine. By the time I read 100 of these books, I'll have a house full of cats and playing George Michael songs on loop.
Thanks @Mari for sharing. I had a similar situation. After the first book, I discovered one unsolved problem in the past. I remembered myself a little, my fears and experiences. Now I don't have those problems, but how to fix the past stuck suffering. For it seems they still "Live" and evoke emotions.
What one can do in this case is to be honest, transparent and merciless with oneself and his own false personality/predator mind and at the same time being gentle and humble towards himself and towards others. Forgiving oneself and others and letting go the pain, the suffering, the hate, the rage and every other negative emotion that holds us back and makes as act against our own true nature.
I remembered one technique. Probably 12 years ago I read Luule Viilma's book and applied her Forgiveness methods. This is an Estonian doctor and esotericist. She believed that the cause of illness lies in people's erroneous views on life and themselves, in their negative thoughts and emotions, in stress. The disease is the result of negative thinking, destructive attitudes, self-rejection. She has written many books
And for healing, Luule recommends accepting yourself, forgiving mistakes, accepting the experience of the past, learning to manage your thoughts and emotions.
Accept the fact that we cannot control everything, but we can control our perception of the situation, change our attitude towards it. And perception depends on our mood. To get rid of stress, you need to go back in time, analyze your actions, change your attitude towards them.
In your imagination, you can imagine everything that bothers you (fear, guilt, anger, hate, resentment, other person or situation, etc.) and sincerely ask for forgiveness. Ask for forgiveness from yourself, from your body for the harm caused, from another person and forgive the emotion you experienced.
I remember that earlier it helped me to imagine my fear or guilt as a weak trembling creature in a dark corner, I talked to them, forgave and asked to come out into the light, hugged and let go.
Quote from the book. This is how she writes:
FEAR
Sit down and imagine a black cloud - this is your fear. Fear is energy, energy has consciousness, which means that your fear hears you. He is not malicious and did not come to torment you. You yourself have absorbed it. He came to teach you.
Your body suffers from this, but it cannot free itself from fear. Only you yourself are able to do this. The body knows that everything that you take into yourself, you need in order to learn and become wiser. And the body is forced to suffer and torment under the growing mountain of fears. The body somehow makes it known. So help him!
Say to this cloud of fear: “I forgive you for having possessed me. I forgive myself for accepting her. Dear body, forgive me for doing you badly. I was just studying, and now I have grown wiser. "
Then feel your body and you will feel that the body has become lighter. Imagine your fear, and perhaps you will feel that it has diminished. If repeated many times, the fear will disappear. All stress can be relieved in the same way. And then you can forgive the person who scared you.
ANY (fear) I apologize for your fear "..." for drawing you to me with my thoughts I forgive you the fear "..." for the fact that you possessed me I apologize to myself and forgive myself for letting you into my thoughts and feelings.
Fear - you are energy and you need movement, so I thank you for your help and release you from my thoughts, from my feelings, from my emotions, from my brain, from every cell of my body for transformation and enlightenment. You are free! I apologize to you, my beloved body, for what I did to you badly. I love you. Help me get well.
The thing is, once we realize how badly we have treated others and to acknowledge it, we need to do as, I think it was, the Pressmans in The Narcissistic Family said and put these thoughts and realizations into their own box and label it as Bad Things I Did to Others, or whatever you feel is appropriate. Then, let them go so that you can move back into the Present. For if we live in the past, we can't really be in the present. And, if we're not in the present, then we can't move into the future, or so I think.
Je viens de terminer le Tome 3 " Le Reclus" - Série La légende des 4 soldats d'Elizabeth HOYT du même auteur
Je commence le tome 4 le dernier de la même série
J'ai eu un peu de mal à entrer dans cette série avec le Tome 1mais dès le Tome 2 c'était plus facile...
Finalement c'est une bonne série...
I have just finished Volume 3 "The Recluse" - The Legend of the 4 Soldiers series by Elizabeth HOYT from the same author
I'm starting volume 4, the last in the same series
I had a bit of trouble getting into this series with volume 1 but from volume 2 it was easier...
Finally it is a good series...
I'm slowly catching up with this awesome thread, it's really amazing this joint reading and group effort. Thank you all for your perspectives.
After a slow start, beginning last year with the Sons of Sin series, I've started reading Mary Balogh's Survivor's Club, and finished the last book of the series yesterday. I'm striving to read a book in a week, just to have a tangible goal but not compromising my understanding and my reflection upon the characters and their relationships.
I loved the way Balogh depicts the survivors and their families, their struggles and victories over their fears. It was marvelous seeing them being helped and helping others as they go the world trying to make the best of their circumstances and upbringing. Especially being all together in a great big family, so full of love and companionship, not just surviving but learning and thriving, responsible and loyal to their principles. The way she left George's story to the end was crucial, him being the one who most listened and helped the other six, but ultimately the last who learned to trust and confide in his spouse.
So after finishing the series, I was about to try another author but something told me it was better to stay with Balogh just for a little more time. I've searched the forum for some perspectives on the Westcott series and Turgon's review made me buy the first book of the series with great expectations:
Reading the Westcott Saga now and there is something about some of the books in this series and characters that has affected me.
The conversation Camille had with Winnifred near the end of the Someone to Hold was something that everyone, in a perfect world, should hear growing up and here I am, a grown man, balling my eyes out while reading it. Although there were a mix of emotions, including sorrow, envy and jealousy. The latter being the most difficult to accept when it came up. But I really resonated with and liked Joel's character a lot, especially since he wasn't an aristocrat and bound to the same rules of etiquette and manners that a lot of the other characters growing up in the ton are, although it seems an almost integral part of Balogh's character's development, the ton, being shaped or influenced by the norms and pressures of the time, but having to find creative and unique ways of navigating this fickle world while learning to break free and finding out who they are in the process through love.
Someone to Trust with Elizabeth and Colin was another great book, one that I enjoyed reading the most so far because all throughout the series as she made appearances in many of the previous books, Elizabeth had a certain way about her that I found so appealing and attractive even before getting to the book that revolved around her character. The way she was written, her sense of humour, the very air about her and ability to make anyone feel welcome and comfortable around her, all the while exemplifying this inner strength and beauty. Most, if not all the characters have that inner strength and resolve, but I kind of ‘fell in love with her’ in particular.
But there are often certain sentences, paragraphs or words of wisdom related to one or more of the characters that really strikes a chord. I've written those down and visit them periodically although am trying not to 'intellectualize' it too much. These books are like the wisdom of the heart, and if I'm reading them 'through' my head, miss out on a lot of the richness and depth of the characters and story that I seem to pick up on and appreciate a lot more if I'm emotionally engaged with it.
Although that brings with it all sorts of other issues related to vulnerability and trust that sits like an elephant on my heart and has stirred up all kinds of stuff for me. I yearn for what I'm reading in these books but at the same time tremble at the thought of baring my soul the way some of the characters do with one another. The characters Balogh creates are exceptionally courageous and even though some of the books have a tendency of bringing stirring the pot and bringing things more to the surface, there's also the fact that if I'm stressed out or 'stuck' in some way, angry or upset, that if I sit down to read and absorb myself in this other world, it has this effect of lifting my spirits and transforming the negative emotions.
With 85 books to go before reaching 100, maybe that'll be a permanent fixture?! We'll see. No anticipation. I'm sitting back and enjoying the books for what they are. I'm not rushing through them and after this series I plan on moving onto other authors although I'm glad there are so many of these books. I could read them for years and decades to come.
I enjoyed M. Balogh's doubles "The Counterfeit Betrothal"/"The Notorious "Rake" and "Dark Angel"/"Lord Carew's Bride" very much. These are older books by the author and exceedingly well written.
Honestly I fell a bit in love with Lord Edmond Waite,"The Notorious Rake", which only happened once before with Malcolm McKenzie along with the realisation that I obviously still have a preference for the 'wild ones' who like to act outside of social norms.
Then I skipped to the 'Sins and Scroundels' series for a change. "The Marquess of Mayhem" was my favourite (if only for the nice alliteration in the title, as my son felt free to comment).
Scarlett Scott's style is not to compare with Balogh's, nor is there the same psychological depth.
The sex scenes are pretty steamy. After a short while into this reading project I didn't feel sensually triggered anymore but Scott managed to trigger excitement with some scenes again which I found interesting. Probably just a little reminder that when we think we've overcome something this 'something' just comes along and steps on your toes again.
After reading about 75 romance novels I feel a huge difficulty to go along with the lies we tell ourselves to keep a relationship going.
I grew up a single child with a mother who constantly lied to my father because she had a lover for many years. Of course I wasn't consciously aware but the atmosphere of lying was what engulfed me and it took a long time to realize how broken I acted in my own relationships because ot this.
After my divorce I started a few half-hearted attempts in search for a partner but figured that it would be just great to stay alone and not to fill my life with a man according to my program again and to overcome the fear of being alone.
Then I trapped myself in a cleverly tangled web of my own thinking, believing I could pick only what I want and leave the rest untouched and also ignoring my own procrastination to conquer the fear of being alone.
I met a man who fell in love with me, or at least what he thought/thinks must be love (it's not, imo).
I didn't really like him very much but thought him boring and acting very mechanical. But the sex was good so I figured I could have a friendship+ without any further commitment if I'd only be truthful. So I told him and he agreed.
After a short while I realized that although he'd agreed he was constantly hoping for more and somehow he stalked my life more and more, always demanding a good deal of my time and attention. I wasn't happy with this but since I have been truthful I thought, "Okay, it's his choice. If he chooses to suffer despite myself being honest with him, that's his free will then."
This was 5 years ago and he still refuses to respect me as much as to believe what I tell him. He also doesn't respect himself. He's somehow created a bubble all for himself and with himself in it in which he dreams that there must be more when there is not.
And me supporting him in his very personal lie to himself by not sending him away and supporting my own program 'of having someone at my side, pls".
I started the romance novels last summer and the more I read the more uncomfortable I felt with my strange construct of a relationship.
I ended it in February and he still chooses to believe the lie and still cannot see what he does to himself and to me by not accepting reality.
As for me being 'alone', I do pretty good.... much better than constantly resenting another person for wanting something different than what I want.
In these novels it's always about real love. No matter how difficult the path, how big the obstacles and traumas on the way, in the end it's always love that comes through and is allowed to shine.
The reading didn't really give me new insights about the quality of my relationship but was just making it unbearable to live with.
Even when I could see the relationship in a realistic way, I made him and myself suffer because I chose a counterpart who just refuses to see the truth. I also avoided my own lesson of learning to be contented with myself.
No matter how truthful we might be with others, if the other chooses to stick in a dream-world no amount of honesty can break the denial and then we should move on. At least this is my insight for now.
I just finished M. Balogh's 'Tangled' as a stand alone.... O my gosh....that was a pretty intense ride and a lot to stomach...
. although Julian sacrificing himself in the end was a bit too much, osit. Rebecca could just have overcome her fear of divorce.
Will start 'The Smythe Smiths' series by Julia Quinn now because I feel the need for some 'lighter' lessons.
Just completed Someone To Love, book #3 of MB's Westcott series. This one brought out a lot of long buried feelings of anger against my family. Wren's persecution by her narcissistic mother because of her facial blemish was like holding up a mirror to my childhood. I wasn't the perfect child by any means, and there were some good times, but because I was the oldest of seven, I had unreasonable expectations put on me that were impossible to meet. As well, I had an eating disorder-I was obese-from about ages 8 to 16. My father would look at me and state that it made him sick to look at me. It was so incredibly humiliating that I would just want to disappear. It wasn't until I was sixteen that they finally put me on a diet There were other familial issues as well (alcoholism, violence; chaos, criminal behavior, but this is the one that stands out. In retrospect, I would say that my father was narcissistic and my mother was an enabler.
This is increasingly difficult for me to write about, because so much of my life has been wasted by this buried anger that has impacted my entire life. And here I am at 75 finally dealing with it.
Better late than never.
I found this page about Mary Balogh with her books with titles that are in French. Maybe this information can help those of you that wanted to read her in French.
Just finished My Once and Future Duke by Caroline Linden.
This flushed out memories of lying. Lying was not a significant issue in the story but the main characters did lie to cover up their relationship from friends and family. As Laura had said that often an insignificant idea of a book can trigger a big one in ourselves. So it did with me, for every time I lied, I lost a portion of myself. I remember that feeling of sudden diminished self but stubbornly would not correct the lie. Even after I resolved to stop lying the loss has been slow to heal. How apropos for this series to be the Wagers of Sin. I wagered that the lies were better than the truth but found out that they are expensive. Plus regaining one’s character is more difficult than expected.
Another minor point was made about playing card. I grew up believing that card games were pure luck, and I had no luck at all. My father-in-law loved playing cards and while he was in hospice, I went every weekend and we played cribbage to help him past the time. He had extraordinary luck and would trounce me in the beginning. He told me that luck had nothing to do with it and it was all about feeling and believing in receiving the right cards in the deal or having the opponent play the card that he would make points on. Over time I developed the ability and soon we were equal match. He taught me an extremely important aspect of reality that the gut and the confidence of outcome will trump luck.
Now the ton. The ton is a theme in every book, and I have slowly realized how this social programing is currently affecting us. Each story has the minor point that the main characters reject the ton and choose to do their own thing. But this is what is happening to us by the cancel culture. The cancel culture is destroying the normal ton and replacing it with a sick twisted one. Just being normal is now is being a rebel and social outcast. It is amazing that this social programing can be used to control a large percentage of the population. It is a herding tool and it is all about a few in the gossip class barking orders to the sheepeople.
I´m in the middle of the Bridgertons (excellent series btw) and I almost cry or feel like crying every book I read.
Then I realized that it was pure self-pity and self-loathing and guilt.
I feel so sorry for myself, for what I had and lost and probably never to return, for all that was done to me and for what I did to other people.
I‘m stuck in this circle for some time now and I don’t know how to get out of it...
And so I read, then want to cry, only to realize that it's because of self-pity, self-loathing, shame and guilt, and as I realize that, then I want to cry how weak I am and how stupid of me this is and why can’t I be a better person than this...
And over and over again in circles....
I see it was always there in the back of my head but I pushed it back, and I think that reading the discussion here on this thread (cca 20 pages back) opened this realization further and now it is all I can see...
Scanning for reasons of my behavior - "I should have been better than that!", "Why didn´t I ....", "It´s xxx fault...", "It's my fault.....", "How to forgive yourself?", "How to forgive others?", "How to move on?" - that is all I can think of.
Then I think about how I'm failing - instead of opening up to something beautiful and true, I´m stuck in this loop, only to admit to myself that it was, in fact, always there.
Ironically, I realized I have less patience for stupid and self-pity form others; and again feel like a hypocrite since I´m doing exactly the same thing just not out loud!!
I´ve re-read the discussion again and thank you all for contributing.
Much to work on....
I have had this very experience in the past as well and I know the pain your dealing with. What has helped me was when I was having this experience I saw it as my inner demons were having me for lunch. Learning how to stop this demon fest toke quick reaction to the awareness of where my energy is going. Secondly, I had to realize that I was a divine being having a human experience and being human was full of shite. These two points help me to put into perspective how my ego was not the god and my ego's shite had no impact on my soul. My ego is just a insignificant and temporary actor in a grand play that spans infinity. I now change my perspective to the what my soul is doing rather than what my ego has mucked up.
It's not our sins that defines us but our divinity that moves us.
but it's coming back to me again, as if I haven't really processed and digested it all properly - especially my relationship with that guy who (externally) shared some of James Purnell's traits (Dell series) back when I was 18. When I view it from a distance, it's "OK" ("water under the bridge" and all that), but when I revisit it and reexperience the hurt as the girl I was, I feel stuck and can't let go, partly because I never really understood why he acted the way he did and why, at such a young age, when I was still naive and clueless, I "chose" to fall in love with that guy.
It's difficult to integrate/accept that whatever happened, whatever was said or done (by both parties), how I choose to view that lesson is my responsibility. I can wallow in self-pity and anger, remain stuck in the past, getting nowhere. Or I can integrate the lesson, forgive myself and him, and move on. Sure, I can't deny it's still a big deal to me, even after all this time. I realize, reading those books and reflecting, that it is still probably colouring my view of men and relationships as something that essentially should make one suffer (not the right kind of suffering), and where people play mind games, manipulate, constantly blow hot and cold, despise, etc. In such "relationships", you're either the victim, or the torturer (or both in turns). I dare to think that that particular lesson has been learned, even if the girl I was (and who is still in there, somewhere) is still hurt.
If you look at eat with eagle eyes and put it together with things we've learned, I can suggest this other way of looking at it. Maybe it doesn't make it easier, and the hurt still needs to be processed, but, FWIW:
You chose to learn certain lessons. If it hadn't been that man, you would most likely still have looked for that particular lesson elsewhere. Maybe you did, until you learned. So, it's not really about the other person. Yes, there will be hurt, but most likely, without those experiences you wouldn't be the person you are today. A part of you needed that loss of innocence, that misplaced trust, etc. A part of you knew that you needed to make those mistakes so as to know better today. So, the innocent girl was also smart and able to take it. You survived, after all.
But the risk there is in concluding that "innocence is lost", "I can't trust anyone", "everyone is sh**", etc. Perhaps that's part of the "lesson profile", and you're meant to learn the opposite in spite of the traumatic experiences. Maybe it's about opening up to true friends, daring to be yourself, in spite of those past hurts. Whatever form it takes, being able to say, feel and show with your actions that you truly have learnt, and that you won't let your past circumstances limit your present potential.
Many of us wish we could go back and not make those mistakes. But that's like saying that we want to have a perfect image of ourselves. So, we can't, and we don't, and we have to live with it. That's much better than being a libtard and not taking any responsibility, me thinks. But we have accept those mistakes, learn from them, make amends (to others if possible, but also allowing ourselves to trust and Live again) and move on.
Also, those experiences may be a "setup" to make trusting and loving harder in the present, and as you say, to color your view of other people. As long as you are aware of the possibility, you have more freedom not to let those emotions rule you. OSIT. So, it's all good in the end! Happy endings take many forms, and hopefully each of us is doing something right towards that outcome.
I think some of these novels portray that "setup". Yes, the characters conquer some trauma and fear thanks to their beloved or a friend, but also because they need to. It's in them to do it. They have the strength to do what is difficult, and to face their demons, to trust and give and share again, etc. Everything seems set against them getting over whatever their problem was that made them "crystallize" in a certain foundation, yet, they manage, some better than others.
I need to find a balance, not to view myself as all victim, and him all guilty. It's hard - because I was still kind of "innocent" (or I choose to remember myself as such?!). Maybe I need to accept that he was "just a guy" (even if somewhat disturbed), that it was just a lesson, an experience, and that though I'll never know, he probably too had emotional baggage and wounds and his behaviour had nothing, or not much, to do with me. If I had been older, more assertive, less weak, more communicative, more independent, more this, less that… If, if, etc. It would be too easy to blame it all on him, since the bad choices I made later, when I was supposed to know better, were my own responsibility. Maybe, if I hadn't known him, I'd still have made bad choices and behaved like a shallow and self-absorbed girl. A sobering thought.
It's funny, because when telling it like this, it doesn't sound like such a big deal (I was not raped or physically abused) but it's been rather difficult for me to write (and post). It's difficult to integrate/accept that whatever happened, whatever was said or done (by both parties), how I choose to view that lesson is my responsibility. I can wallow in self-pity and anger, remain stuck in the past, getting nowhere. Or I can integrate the lesson, forgive myself and him, and move on. Sure, I can't deny it's still a big deal to me, even after all this time. I realize, reading those books and reflecting, that it is still probably colouring my view of men and relationships as something that essentially should make one suffer (not the right kind of suffering), and where people play mind games, manipulate, constantly blow hot and cold, despise, etc. In such "relationships", you're either the victim, or the torturer (or both in turns). I dare to think that that particular lesson has been learned, even if the girl I was (and who is still in there, somewhere) is still hurt.
I'll do the exercize with the boxes, it'll probably help. Much to ponder and digest, here. But, it DOES help writing about it. I feel somewhat lighter already.
Over and over again the Cassiopaeans have said, “Think! Use your mind! Discover!” or have given only maddening hints, and then refused to give any more data until we have gone out and done our homework.
June 10, 1995
A: You are still asking a question. What we are asking you to do instead is ask yourselves, discuss and come up with the answer. … This is the correct way to go about discovering the answer to this question rather than demanding all of the answers of us. You have the capabilities to pull the answers from within. We are more than happy to assist, but our goal is to help you strengthen yourselves for future use, if you will. It all helps one to advance and progress. All there is is lessons. It’s all learning. Therefore, the quickest, the strongest way to learn is to use your own capabilities to that end. Asking us questions is certainly permitted, and helpful, but trying to seek all of the information from this particular source, in the long run, may be detrimental. Now, if you will continue, please…
January 20, 1996
Q: (L) Does acquiring knowledge in a spiritual sense assist in the development of knowledge in other areas, such as communication?
A: Correctness in all areas, as agreed upon by convention, can only serve to help or improve or strengthen all processes.
where female protagonist's parents live separately for 14 years
for a reason that looked like a ridiculous perfectionism. I wondered whether i had similar program only to conclude that i always had many.
It is like narcissistically wounded child's PCS ( perfectionism, control and shame) trying to compensate for the Gap between "perceived good behavior" and reality. The "perceived" may be useful to the person (or not), conscious( or unconscious). The inability to forgive ourselves for the "perceived" mistakes is big one and mainly rooted in the fear of losing something which I never received as a kid.
On the topic of listening the books instead of reading, it depends on our ability to relate to the story and ask the questions even at periodic breaks. One can still read the book without thinking too. I tend to highlight some portions ( even when I am listening) to go back to think.
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