The Living Force
Funny, I was trying to fit my situation to this and at first I was thinking there was no stage 1, it just started with pain and guilt over being an idiot and then I thought oh yeah there was obviously an overconfident disbelief that led to the painful phone call. I started the call as if there was no problem and ended in devastation (there was a slightly long somewhat oddly relieving pause where my main worry was I wasn't going to be able to say OK bye without sounding like I was crying). Good grief (pun originally not intended but then intended including an added Charlie Brown sense), I was apparently still in denial about the original denial. I remember the first school day after the call, I went for my free period to a little used room and looked down at the desk and thought quite angrily if I just stay away from her (pushing out my hands quickly in an away from me gesture), I'm sure I'll be fine by college and then quickly had my head on the desk with my arms over my head. The anger to strategizing to depression was kind of all at once. As the future Lady Stapleton observed, that pain turned depression can fade to a nostalgic dull ache over time.It came to me, just as I'm writing this post and reading other posts, that with this reading project, I feel like I´m doing the 7 stages of grief:
1. Shock and denial. This is a state of disbelief and numbed feelings.
2. Pain and guilt
3. Anger and bargaining
5. The upward turn
6. Reconstruction and working through
7. Acceptance and hope
I´m currently on No.3, mixed with No. 4. - I´m really angry.
So what are 5 through 7? Well Cat Stevens/Rod Stewart/Sheryl Crow and Meat Loaf don't seem overly wrong in their first cut is the deepest and two out three ain't bad sense. You probably kind of first go upward in a rebound sense that can include some increased depravity. You really just want to feel more OK for as much of the time as you can. It's like Heartless even if any depravity is usually confined in your mind not hurting anybody. In fact you become even more of the original guilty of idiocy in the take no chances on the outside stay inside yourself sense. Oh maybe there's a little of an upwards that isn't downwards at times.
For me over the summer before college I wrote some pathetic letter and sent it to a friend of my red-haired girl who was actually blonde. At college, I had an instant rebound on the bus taking me to the Freshman Weekend. Diagonally across from me was someone who reminded me of the red-haired girl who was actually blonde. I promptly followed and watched her over the weekend and over my four years at college. She did come up to me once in class and we had a nice conversation about classwork as I looked a lot into her eyes. Before that I had sent her a couple of love letters and after the first one her friends pushed her right into me; I the idiot did nothing but run away. After more of the same throughout my 20s, I kind of lucked out that my 30s came with the online world. After dating a couple of girls I met online, my future mother in law online introduced me to my future wife.
The reconstruction and working through part can certainly include after the wedding. That happened in a couple of these novels. To get to acceptance and hope might in reality require a good bigger picture too kind of like when that novel addressed reincarnation. Probably all the steps always remain at least in some nostalgic dulled sense. It feels like you kind of work at multiple steps at the same time too.