I think in writing style, Ashley could have smoothed out a few of the interactions, not because of their intensity but because of their swiftness. One knew that Ian and Beth would end up together, but it didn't feel quite organic, a bit rushed if I must say so myself.
Beyond some of the story telling techniques, the story does have a very interesting idea at its core I think.
Ian is a "madman", kind of autistic, really good with numbers but not so great with people, suffers from rages and can be cold and direct, yet appreciates beauty in a way that is foreign to most and has an amazing memory, something that can be a blessing and a curse.
Beth, I had a hard time connecting with her for a lot of the story, she strikes me as more of a passive character who have things happen to her for the most part.
Now, without spending too much time in the details of the story, there's murder, jealousy, misunderstandings and some detective work that begins to unravel towards the end, which is when the story captured my attention.
This story made me think of one idea, the fine balance between living in, and being defined by your past, and closely inspecting it. Ian, despite his marvelous memory, was afraid of looking at his past, but also.. didn't even remember it properly.
I think we all have a past we're rather ashamed of, or scared of, or have plainly suppressed and wished it didn't exist. Now, we should not allow ourselves to be defined by our pasts, and this is true, we should move on from it, yes... but not by running away from it. The madness that our past brings into our lives comes with us wherever we go.
As such, there's a lot to be said about being comfortable with what went on in our lives, and this requires honest exploration of it, however shocking it may be, and it needs to be done.. but it should also be done carefully so as to not re traumatize ourselves.
So, this story reminded me of that, the need to spend enough time looking through our past, from the present, in order to decide the future.
Ian, needed to look through the obscure memories, so that he could leave them behind, and reclaim his ability to love someone else, to connect with his emotions and not be the cold calculating "madman" everyone, and himself, took him for. And Beth assisted him in this process, in that sense Beth represented curiosity maybe, that one nagging question in our heads that makes us wonder what went on.
The other ting that Ian reminded me of, which is a very common mistake I have made, and probably most of us, is projecting the present self into the past events and past choices. As I said above, there will always be shame, in our pasts, but sometimes this shame comes from us projecting our present selves into the person we used to be, and feel foolish.
Not that our choices in the past weren't foolish perhaps, but this is an erroneous study of history IMO, one ought not to attribute present values and ideas to events that were made with a different system. There's a difference between knowing that one ought to have acted differently, because one would act differently today, and one's actions and choices were foolish then, and thinking oneself a fool today, because one made foolish choices at one point or another.
This is not to say that one should simply distance oneself from mistakes either, not at all, but one should not hold on to them for longer than it is prudent, one will never learn if one always has the excuse of being a "madman" or a fool or an idiot. Choices ought to be understood through honesty and allowed to be what they have been, and not as defining moments that last forever.
I hope the above made sense, it's an interesting concept and I am probably making it a lot more complicated than it needs to be, perhaps a good way to summarize it would be to say that, the best way to turn our past into learning and knowledge is to visit it with the intent to learn from it and not with the desire to remain there forever and then leave, so that we may in fact live, become active participants of our destines.
In Ian's case, everything in his past dictated that he was a madman incapable of love and capable of hurt, but whether he was going to be that or not shouldn't be defined by those dictates, it's a daily choice that he couldn't make until he made peace with all those indications from his past. We all have a past that pushes at us with incredible force, to turn us into the "by default" version of ourselves, and it does take a lot of work to oppose that, but I don't see any other way to truly live.
Our lives are indeed defined by our choices, and some of those will have longer lasting effects on our lives, but if that is true, and we're still alive, then we can choose everyday to be who we wish to be and not live to meet the expectations of who we think our past dictates we ought to be.
Thank you for reading!
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