L
ljvh769
Guest
Thanks for the comments Ruth
I believe my mission is to maintain a vigil of consciousness to discern the real intent of my actions. The C's said in session 020818 "Seek ye first the desire of the heart and all else falls into place." This is very hard to do because many times, I now realize that my helping others was done out of fear of losing respect and love from others and more important done out of fear of the loss of my self-image. This behavior is very subtle but very STS and when I took inventory of when I have done this I realized it is how I lie to my self.
I have only been aware of Cassiopaean material and SOTT for about 2 months now and because of all the reading and networking a bit on the forum I will never be the same. My emotions are in a constant turmoil and I feel very lonely because there is no one I can talk to about all of this. At one point I was obsessed with the organic portal issue and I began to wonder if I could be one. So, I began to read everything out it. I came upon something Laura said in a thread about OP's the other race and I felt a little better.
Laura wrote:
"as a general rule, ALL humans are very susceptible to STS influences and are, in fact, STS until they learn the difference and can then choose to be otherwise. In short, until we begin to make efforts in the direction of "seating the soul," we are all effectively Organic Portals. Some of us, though, can be a portal for an individuate, STO soul."
I don't believe I am an OP and again my "mission" is to examine all of my behavior and actions against a feeling that comes from my heart. I believe Mouravieff describes this experience of self as how the "magnetic center" can be fused so that the higher centers or soul can "seat" in the body. I want to graduate to 4D STO and the work is to set up the lessons to assimilate all the "B" influences I can with the time left. I know I have a higher or inner self and I accept the reality that I am STS. The work is very hard and I feel urgency because the time is drawing near.
The C's also said we could examine if we "ever hurt for others". I searched in my heart if I have or do and again I try to feel if this comes from the heart or from the fear of loss of others approval. I can say that I have done both. I felt good about the real empathy I have for others and I also had to see that I do not put myself in others "shoes" all of the time. Why? Sometimes I don't like a person or I just feel very neutral "nothing" for them. I have much more empathy for animals than most humans.
The psychopath as an OP failure and the psychopath who has a soul are indeed out there. Both types have attacked me. In fact, I believe that I was married to one of the two for over 13 years. The "Love Bite" definitely applies in my case and it nearly killed me when I finally ended the relationship 3 years ago. I lost all my friends, family and money in one blow at a time in my life when I thought I had it all. The hammer hit very hard and I feel I was awakened just in time to begin this work on myself now. This forum has helped the loneliness I feel a tremendous amount. Thanks to all for the courage to be here at this time in our lives and out of the chaos may we prepare to face the petty tyrants with our awareness and increasing knowledge.
I believe my mission is to maintain a vigil of consciousness to discern the real intent of my actions. The C's said in session 020818 "Seek ye first the desire of the heart and all else falls into place." This is very hard to do because many times, I now realize that my helping others was done out of fear of losing respect and love from others and more important done out of fear of the loss of my self-image. This behavior is very subtle but very STS and when I took inventory of when I have done this I realized it is how I lie to my self.
I have only been aware of Cassiopaean material and SOTT for about 2 months now and because of all the reading and networking a bit on the forum I will never be the same. My emotions are in a constant turmoil and I feel very lonely because there is no one I can talk to about all of this. At one point I was obsessed with the organic portal issue and I began to wonder if I could be one. So, I began to read everything out it. I came upon something Laura said in a thread about OP's the other race and I felt a little better.
Laura wrote:
"as a general rule, ALL humans are very susceptible to STS influences and are, in fact, STS until they learn the difference and can then choose to be otherwise. In short, until we begin to make efforts in the direction of "seating the soul," we are all effectively Organic Portals. Some of us, though, can be a portal for an individuate, STO soul."
I don't believe I am an OP and again my "mission" is to examine all of my behavior and actions against a feeling that comes from my heart. I believe Mouravieff describes this experience of self as how the "magnetic center" can be fused so that the higher centers or soul can "seat" in the body. I want to graduate to 4D STO and the work is to set up the lessons to assimilate all the "B" influences I can with the time left. I know I have a higher or inner self and I accept the reality that I am STS. The work is very hard and I feel urgency because the time is drawing near.
The C's also said we could examine if we "ever hurt for others". I searched in my heart if I have or do and again I try to feel if this comes from the heart or from the fear of loss of others approval. I can say that I have done both. I felt good about the real empathy I have for others and I also had to see that I do not put myself in others "shoes" all of the time. Why? Sometimes I don't like a person or I just feel very neutral "nothing" for them. I have much more empathy for animals than most humans.
The psychopath as an OP failure and the psychopath who has a soul are indeed out there. Both types have attacked me. In fact, I believe that I was married to one of the two for over 13 years. The "Love Bite" definitely applies in my case and it nearly killed me when I finally ended the relationship 3 years ago. I lost all my friends, family and money in one blow at a time in my life when I thought I had it all. The hammer hit very hard and I feel I was awakened just in time to begin this work on myself now. This forum has helped the loneliness I feel a tremendous amount. Thanks to all for the courage to be here at this time in our lives and out of the chaos may we prepare to face the petty tyrants with our awareness and increasing knowledge.
