Session 22 February 2010

[cliftonedward]

If I was Ark, I would definitely be working on a time machine. Lol.

 

[SaturnMane]

Help Sue out. Look at her as if you were once her or will one day be her. BTW Ark is da man!!!

 

[TheEmpyreanDancer]

I know this is very late in the game but about the "brain zaps" Burma Jones was having. This is a common symptom of people starting or stopping or especially missing a dose of an anti-depressant medication. I used to get brain zaps all the time when I was on anti-depressants especially if I missed a dose. For some it is really debilitating and they must taper off of an anti-depressant very very slowly so as not to get brain zaps frequently.

You can read about these brain zaps in a book called "Prozac Backlash: Overcoming the Dangers of Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, and Other Antidepressants with Safe, Effective Alternatives" by Joseph Glenmullen. After reading this book I stopped taking them! They never worked anyways!

 

[Skyalmian]

hypergamy

hypergamy

Evolutionary Psychology theory on the instinctual desire of humans of the female sex to discard a current mate when the opportunity arises to latch onto a subsequent mate of higher status due to the hindbrain impetus to find a male with the best ability to provide for her OWN offspring (already spawned or yet-to-be spawned) regardless of investments and commitments made to a current mate.

As societal impediments (both economic and cultural) to the recission of binding monogamous relationships deteriorate, the validity of this theory is being rediscovered to the chagrin of men in the trenches and to the delight of the new social engineers up in the towers.

Hypergamy doesn't care how great a Father you are to your kids.

Hypergamy doesn't care how you rearranged your college majors and career choice in life to better accommodate her.

Hypergamy doesn't care how inspired or fulfilled you feel as a stay-at-home Dad.

Hypergamy doesn't care that you moved across 4 states to be closer to your LDR.

Hypergamy doesn't care how 'supportive' you've always been of her decisions or if you identify as a 'male feminist'.

Hypergamy doesn't care about the sincerity of your religious convictions or aspirations of high purpose.

Hypergamy doesn't care about those words you said at your wedding.

Hypergamy doesn't care about how you funded her going back to college to find a more rewarding career.

Hypergamy doesn't care how great a guy you are for adopting the children she had with other men.

Hypergamy doesn't care about your divine and forgiving nature in excusing her "youthful indiscretions."

Hypergamy doesn't care about your magnanimity in assuming responsibility for her student loans, and credit card debt after you're married.

Hypergamy doesn't care if "he was your best friend."

Hypergamy doesn't care about the coffee in bed you bring her or how great a cook you are.

Hypergamy doesn't care about all those chick flicks you sat through with her and claimed to like.

Hypergamy doesn't care about how well you do your part of the household chores.

Hypergamy doesn't care about how much her family or friends like you.

Hypergamy doesn't care if you think you're a "Good" guy or about how convincing your argument is for your sense of honor.

Hypergamy doesn't care whether the children are biologically yours or not.

Hypergamy doesn't care if "she was drunk, he was cute, and one thing led to another..."

Hypergamy doesn't care how sweet, funny or intellectual you are.

Hypergamy doesn't care if you "never saw it coming."

When I started in on the "Hypergamy doesn't care..." post I knew it was going to come off as some unavoidably deterministic rant about the evils of hypergamy.

That post was born out of all the efforts I've repeatedly read men relate to me when they say how unbelievable their breakups were. As if all of the investment, emotional, physical, financial, familial, etc. would be rationally appreciated as a buffer against hypergamy. The reason for their shock and disbelief is that their mental state originates in the assumption that women are perfectly rational agents and should take all of their efforts, all of their personal strengths, all of the involvement in their women's lives into account before trading up to a better prospective male. There is a prevailing belief that all of their merits, if sufficient, should be proof against her hypergamous considerations.

For men, this is a logically sound idea. All of that investment adds up to their concept of relationship equity. So it's particularly jarring for men to consider that all of that equity becomes effectively worthless to a woman presented with a sufficiently better prospect as per the dictates of her hypergamy.

That isn't to say that women don't take that equity into account when determining whether to trade up or in their choice of men if they're single, but their operative point of origin is ALWAYS hypergamy. Women obviously can control their hypergamic impulses in favor of fidelity, just as men can and do keep their sexual appetites in check, but always know that it isn't relationship equity she's rationally considering in that moment of decision.

This dynamic is exactly the reason the surrogate boyfriend, the perfect nice guy orbiter who's invested so much into identifying with his target, gets so enraged when his dream girl opts for the hot a- jerk. She's not making a logical decision based upon his invested relational equity. Quite the opposite; she's empirically proving for him that his equity is worthless by rewarding the hot jerk—who had essentially no equity—with her sex and intimacy. He doesn't understand that hypergamy doesn't care about relational equity.

This is a really tough truth for guys to swallow, because knowing how hypergamy works necessarily devalues their concept of relational equity with the woman they're committed to, or considering commitment with. Men's concept of relational equity stems from a mindset that accepts negotiated desire (not genuine desire) as a valid means of relationship security. This is precisely why most couples counseling fails—its operative origin begins from the misconception that genuine desire (hypergamy) can be negotiated indefinitely.

 

[Laura]

I would suggest that this theorized "hypergamy" is only active in OP type women.