Thanks again for all the work being done. The soul smashing bit had quite an eye opening aspect for me. Lately I have been questioning more and more how i operate and if it is acting from my True Self or one of the many personalities/programs i am dealing with. The last few years i have had this sinking feeling in my chest, like a black hole of sorts. Kinda made me think about my higher emotional center giving me a warning that the path i have been on is in direct opposition to my True Self. I used to associate it with depression i would go through from time to time, some sort of attack being done against me in a state of fear/paranoia, and the unbalance i am in due to acting against who/what i am, as opposed to what i have been/am being. Even though this last point seemed the most subtle, i knew it had the most meaning, but i would always get caught up in the depression/fear/paranoia, which correlates to the topic of anticipation. I have been soo worried over these last 6 or so years that i have been getting acquainted with this material. Those pesky fears and negative feelings/mentalities have been warping the way i perceive this material and governing the way I operate. From that state of acting, I have been anticipating so many of the "what ifs" about what may happen to the world and our environment. Also, those that apply to myself, from the standpoint of doing the Work to "cleanse" myself of all baggage i have acquired.( fear of being an OP, of all the programs I have to face and resolve, over attributing pathological aspects to myself, which then creates a downward spiral feedback loop when joined with the emotional attachment to anticipating its hold on/part of me.)
I have been lazy. To simply think reading and becoming familiar with this information is enough to allow the "knowledge protects" principal to take effect. A part of me has known better though, and is being reinvigorated. Being a part of this network has been quite helpful in keeping me stable as I engage in the Work. Reading about all the challenges taking place amongst the members here, and the help and advice that this group gives to one another really gives me a sense of community that i have been yearning to be a part of. It gives me courage to persevere knowing that i am not alone on this journey, even though i am not in direct physical contact (which is a program of sorts that I think I have, the desire to be in a physical group setting) So kudos to all for all that is being done here. I look forward to the fun to be had as I continue to learn and apply that knowledge. Thanks for listening and for any lessons to be shared. It was a bit timely for me to actually write this, with a lot of starts and stops, and questioning what was being put down, but I am glad that I was able to overcome my reservations and join in the network in a more active way.
Bobby