Subtle changes

[Think]

Hi all,

I am still a baby in terms of the specific material presented by Laura, Ark, the C's and all the fine folks who help disseminating this important information.
First of all, I would like to thank specifically you Laura, for your writings. I think it takes great courage to open up the way you do in your writings and comments. There is a profound honesty inherent in all that is presented - and that in itself is priceless on our blue marble.

I am currently reading the Wave series (II) and have laid aside all other books, such as SHOTW, etc. Laura's inside, and the countless and valuable references to related works of other authors led to my Amazon wish list (which I named Casssiopaea) to grow rapidly. My mother used to say, only stupid people are bored. There is not time to be bored.

Since starting to read Laura's books (somehow it makes me feel as if I knew Laura), I noticed subtle changes in my behavior. Here are some. I have two lovely pugs, whom I love dearly. I do live in Scotland, and the weather here is unpredictable. It seems as if Scotland is "blessed" with a permanent April. For a couple of weeks now, I see myself somewhat more energized, getting myself ready to take the boyz (pugs) on a walk for an hour, even if I do not feel like going. I never regret it. The boyz are having fun on these little walks, and seeing them enjoying themselves is like them saying thank you!

On three consecutive occasions walking the boyz, it started to rain quiet heavily and unexpectedly and we were getting soaked to the bones. Only a few weeks ago, this would have made me uncomfortable, angry even. Not now. I find myself smiling, even laughing in the rain. Somehow, I am able to not only accept, but embrace situations that I was less than happy about just a short few weeks ago.

I also experience a sobering and empowering level of awareness in myself, around me, projecting on others and the environment. While I thought I was somewhat aware before, I find myself realizing a strangely more intimate level of awareness. It is a bit frightening to see things I haven't noticed before at this level, but at the same time, I can feel the protection provided by this awareness.

I feel as if I want to read all of Laura's books and the referenced materials as fast as I can, but I am unconsciously slowing down my reading, sometimes re-reading certain passages as to be sure to have understood their meanings.

Does anyone else have similar experiences? Would you like to share?

So, for all that, and what else I may experience, I would like to thank Laura, Ark, and the rest of the crew. :) I am glad I found you.

Lars / THINK

 

[Mr. Premise]

Nice post, Think. I like how you describe this. I think you are finding how much new energy you can have if you are not drained by internal considering.

I was trying to remember the Gurdjieff quote about people who take bad weather personally.

I remember when I was in my early twenties a friend of mine said something that stopped me in my tracks. He said that he never took anything personally. I was astounded. I never thought that was possible. I realized that that was a great goal to work towards. Many years later and I am not there by any means.

 

[Gawan]

I feel as if I want to read all of Laura's books and the referenced materials as fast as I can, but I am unconsciously slowing down my reading, sometimes re-reading certain passages as to be sure to have understood their meanings.

Yes, I know this too, reading maybe the beginning of a chapter again and also sticking up pages: "This I have to read again!" ;) Especially in SHOTW it happened sometimes. But I always enjoyed it.

I was trying to remember the Gurdjieff quote about people who take bad weather personally.

It has always been a fascinating paragraph, about identifying with the weather, but here it is:

There are people who are able to consider not only injustice or the failure of others
to value them enough but who are able to consider for example the weather. This
seems ridiculous but it is a fact. People are able to consider climate, heat, cold, snow,
rain; they can be irritated by the weather, be indignant and angry with it. A man can
take everything in such a personal way as though everything in the world had been
specially arranged in order to give him pleasure or on the contrary to cause him
inconvenience or unpleasantness.

 

[PepperFritz]

There are people who are able to consider not only injustice or the failure of others
to value them enough but who are able to consider for example the weather. This
seems ridiculous but it is a fact. People are able to consider climate, heat, cold, snow,
rain; they can be irritated by the weather, be indignant and angry with it. A man can
take everything in such a personal way as though everything in the world had been
specially arranged in order to give him pleasure or on the contrary to cause him
inconvenience or unpleasantness.

I always think of that paragraph when I find myself getting irritated by a certain person in my life who can be quite maddening. I remind myself that she is a "force of nature", like the weather, and that it's as ridiculous to take her behaviour personally as it is to rail against a thunderstorm....

 

[manitoban]

I feel as if I want to read all of Laura's books and the referenced materials as fast as I can, but I am unconsciously slowing down my reading, sometimes re-reading certain passages as to be sure to have understood their meanings.

I was the same when I first started reading all the recommended books. What I find amazing is that I am on the third read of some of the books, and I still find new stuff in them. It's like I was unable to take it in the first time, or even the second time. I was recently re-reading Secret History of the World, and it was like some of the material I somehow hadn't even seen before! Maybe it's just my slowness, but it seems to me that Laura's books have layers and layers of knowledge in them and you have to expand your ability to retain and understand that which comes with striving to do the Work. And there's always more to be done on that front, that's for sure. :)

 

[Tigersoap]

I also experience a sobering and empowering level of awareness in myself, around me, projecting on others and the environment. While I thought I was somewhat aware before, I find myself realizing a strangely more intimate level of awareness. It is a bit frightening to see things I haven't noticed before at this level, but at the same time, I can feel the protection provided by this awareness.

Hi Lars,

Welcome to the forum ;)

Be careful not to be lulled into some false sense of protection provided by the readings, I think the real work only begins when you have to actually put in practice everything you've read and learned so far.

I am a bit puzzled though by your comment on projecting your new level of awareness onto others and the environment ?
What do you mean by that ?
And how does this protect you factually ?

 

[Divide by Zero]

Hi,
I too had to slow down to re-read sections and grok it.

The most important thing that I am still learning is that what you think/feel is not always the real YOU. That is scary, but sobering.

 

[Zadius Sky]

I was the same when I first started reading all the recommended books. What I find amazing is that I am on the third read of some of the books, and I still find new stuff in them. It's like I was unable to take it in the first time, or even the second time. I was recently re-reading Secret History of the World, and it was like some of the material I somehow hadn't even seen before! Maybe it's just my slowness, but it seems to me that Laura's books have layers and layers of knowledge in them and you have to expand your ability to retain and understand that which comes with striving to do the Work. And there's always more to be done on that front, that's for sure. :)

Indeed. I too find myself seeing some new info that I could not see during my first (or even second) read of the recommended readings. That moment of "aha" moment when it did not occur the first time. When I've became aware of that, I came to a thinking that it may have to do with our state of emotional thinking during the time of the reading (since our perceptions are always clouded by our daily emotions) - that may block our seeing it the first time. Or it may be that we "needed" to know that certain info at that "point in time" when we needed it to apply to our recent learning situation or something to that point. Many possibilities there. OSIT.

I feel as if I want to read all of Laura's books and the referenced materials as fast as I can, but I am unconsciously slowing down my reading, sometimes re-reading certain passages as to be sure to have understood their meanings.

There is certainly nothing wrong with re-reading certain passages to understand them. It happens to every one of us. The fact that you re-reading them at all to grok them is what's important to gain your level of awareness.

fwiw.

 

[kenlee]

I also experience a sobering and empowering level of awareness in myself, around me, projecting on others and the environment. While I thought I was somewhat aware before, I find myself realizing a strangely more intimate level of awareness. It is a bit frightening to see things I haven't noticed before at this level, but at the same time, I can feel the protection provided by this awareness.

I feel as if I want to read all of Laura's books and the referenced materials as fast as I can, but I am unconsciously slowing down my reading, sometimes re-reading certain passages as to be sure to have understood their meanings.

Does anyone else have similar experiences? Would you like to share?

Yes absolutely. I have had the same experience of this “slowing down’ of my readings and as manitoban mentioned each time I reread what I have read, especially Secret History, The Wave and the Adventures series I AlWAYS see something new as if it was being read for the first time. Sometimes I feel that my head will explode from all the connections that I see from so many different levels!

“A sobering and empowering level of awareness” is a really good way of phrasing it. I have noticed this. It’s sobering insofar as there is a sense of ‘waking up’ from this new, powerful information and empowering insofar as the greater awareness from this waking up offers a certain level of protection (from the action of the General Law that reacts from this to put us ‘back in line’) that comes from levels of consciousness that I am not fully conscious of but, nevertheless, the awareness makes a connection with other levels of reality within myself (or at least it seems that way) and I sometimes get the impression that 'something flows' from one level to the other because of this connection.

It seems to me that this ‘something’ is some sort of of communication or ‘contact point’ with something higher within myself and even though I’m not fully aware of it and even though I sense this communication ‘through a glass darkly’ as it were, I think that something of higher value may come through (from this connection) after it’s filtered through the critical faculties of my mind (even though I’m not fully aware of what’s going on). At least that’s the way it seems. But the impression I get is that the whole process offers a certain level of protection when it is integrated with the critical thinking faculties of my mind at this level of ‘ordinary awareness.'

I remember a quote by William James from 'The Varieties of Religious Experience':

The whole drift of my education goes to persuade me that the world of our present consciousness is only one out of many worlds of consciousness that exist, and that those other worlds must contain experiences which have a meaning for our life also; and that although in the main their experiences and those of this world keep discrete, yet the two become continuous at certain points, and higher energies filter in.

 

[Gawan]

I was the same when I first started reading all the recommended books. What I find amazing is that I am on the third read of some of the books, and I still find new stuff in them. It's like I was unable to take it in the first time, or even the second time. I was recently re-reading Secret History of the World, and it was like some of the material I somehow hadn't even seen before! Maybe it's just my slowness, but it seems to me that Laura's books have layers and layers of knowledge in them and you have to expand your ability to retain and understand that which comes with striving to do the Work. And there's always more to be done on that front, that's for sure. :)

Indeed. I too find myself seeing some new info that I could not see during my first (or even second) read of the recommended readings. That moment of "aha" moment when it did not occur the first time. When I've became aware of that, I came to a thinking that it may have to do with our state of emotional thinking during the time of the reading (since our perceptions are always clouded by our daily emotions) - that may block our seeing it the first time. Or it may be that we "needed" to know that certain info at that "point in time" when we needed it to apply to our recent learning situation or something to that point. Many possibilities there. OSIT.

I agree with you, perspective and experience can be very important points to grok things later on. And can and could also be described as, first everybody has it to see with there own eyes to put it into perspective. I think Laura describes it in the wave chapter(s): "Stripped to the Bone or The Shamanic Initiation of the The Knighted Ones: Technicians of Ecstasy" pretty good, when I remember it right.
Well, eventually it has later on also something to do with self-remembering (remembering certain passages: what should have been done), when I take the wave-books as a map, or as Ariadne's thread for the 3d labyrinth.

 

[Bo]

It is a bit frightening to see things I haven't noticed before at this level

I get that everytime I gain new knowledge and my perception starts to change regarding a situation , you get like a ''wow'' moment.

Yes absolutely. I have had the same experience of this “slowing down’ of my readings and as manitoban mentioned each time I reread what I have read, especially Secret History, The Wave and the Adventures series I AlWAYS see something new as if it was being read for the first time.

Same here, ISOTM is also an example you can read it like 33 times and there are still new things to be learned from it that you have not noticed before.

Sometimes I feel that my head will explode from all the connections that I see from so many different levels!

I feel your pain!

 

[Marcus-Aurelius]

Yes, I used to think that there are still stuffs to learn particularly from ISOTM and The Wave despite having read them so many times. But I also think it is putting what has been learned through reading in pratice which really makes the difference.

I always think of that paragraph when I find myself getting irritated by a certain person in my life who can be quite maddening. I remind myself that she is a "force of nature", like the weather, and that it's as ridiculous to take her behaviour personally as it is to rail against a thunderstorm....

But what if this person keeps on doing things you don't like and which he knows you don't like? Reason am asking is that one of my brothers used to upset me quite week, doing just things I don't like and which I have told him so many times. when I try to get him explain to me why he behaves like this, he either becomes angry or acts as if I didn't exist. This has become so frequent that I am planning to go deeper in the OPs and narcissist threads to see if I can not find some lights on this. Advices are welcome.

 

[PepperFritz]

I also think it is putting what has been learned through reading in pratice which really makes the difference.

Indeed. So let's apply what we've read about the Work to the following:

But what if this person keeps on doing things you don't like and which he knows you don't like?

Why should we expect everyone around us to behave according to what we "like" and "don't" like? As Mme de Salzmann wrote:

You will see that in life you receive exactly what you give. Your life is the mirror of what you are. It is in your image. You are passive, blind, demanding. You take all, you accept all, without feeling any obligation. Your attitude toward the world and toward life is the attitude of one who has the right to make demands and to take, who has no need to pay or to earn. You believe that all things are your due, simply because it is you! ... You live exclusively according to "I like" or "I don't like," you have no appreciation except for yourself.... The first requirement, the first condition, the first test for one who wishes to work on himself is to change his appreciation of himself....

Reason am asking is that one of my brothers used to upset me quite week, doing just things I don't like and which I have told him so many times.

"Used to"? Sounds like you are still upset by his behaviour. One of the most important things to learn in the Work is that you cannot change other people's behaviour -- you can only change your own response to that behaviour. Your response to your brother is mechanical, and the aim of the Work is to recognize our automatic, mechanical behaviour and thinking and begin to act and think consciously with awareness and deliberation. As the person in the relationship with this Knowledge, and the person who is pursuing the Work, the onus is on you to take your brother's behaviour in stride and not respond to "button pushing"; to examine why you think those around you should behave according to your "likes" and "don't likes", to change your appreciation of yourself and your expectations of others.

when I try to get him explain to me why he behaves like this, he either becomes angry or acts as if I didn't exist.

Why he behaves as he does is not the issue. Recognize that you may have been given the gift of a "Teensey Weensey Petty Tyrant" in your life, and use it to your advantage and to further your advancement in the Work. As outlined in the Cassiopaea Glossary entry on Petty Tyrants, they are a potentially valuable opportunity to develop your own self-discipline and forebearance.

This has become so frequent that I am planning to go deeper in the OPs and narcissist threads to see if I can not find some lights on this.

That could be helpful in terms of helping you come to a realization that your brother may not have a lot of control over how he behaves. But if you are looking for "ammunition" to support your view that your brother's behaviour is "wrong" and should "change", then you will be looking in the wrong place. Because the "problem" is not your brother, but how YOU respond to him. And the answer to that lies in examination and self-observation of YOURSELF, not him.

Have you tried to objectively observe your behaviour and responses around your brother, to come to an understanding of why you respond to him as you do, which of your "buttons" he pushes, and how you might develop an effective strategy for dealing with him?

 

[Marcus-Aurelius]

Have you tried to objectively observe your behaviour and responses around your brother, to come to an understanding of why you respond to him as you do, which of your "buttons" he pushes, and how you might develop an effective strategy for dealing with him?

Thanks PepperFritz, your post really helps. I was more trying to have my brother change his behaviour instead of changing my responses or just reduce as much as possible opportunities for him to upset me. And now that I think of it, seems like I was already responding differently to his behaviour: over the past years, I used to argue with him or try to explain him my feelings regarding his behavior, but for some months now, I just say nothing where I used to argue with him or I just smile where I used to be angry, except when it is related to my personal belongings. Seems like I was expecting from him some considerations of when he's dealing with my personal belongings! Should better try to have them somewhere he can not get access, even if it will not be so easy (last time I tried, he broke my bag lock).

Thanks again PepperFritz, I must work on my responses to his behavior instead of trying to change him.

 

[Nienna]

"Used to"? Sounds like you are still upset by his behaviour. One of the most important things to learn in the Work is that you cannot change other people's behaviour -- you can only change your own response to that behaviour. Your response to your brother is mechanical, and the aim of the Work is to recognize our automatic, mechanical behaviour and thinking and begin to act and think consciously with awareness and deliberation. As the person in the relationship with this Knowledge, and the person who is pursuing the Work, the onus is on you to take your brother's behaviour in stride and not respond to "button pushing"; to examine why you think those around you should behave according to your "likes" and "don't likes", to change your appreciation of yourself and your expectations of others.

And....

Why he behaves as he does is not the issue. Recognize that you may have been given the gift of a "Teensey Weensey Petty Tyrant" in your life, and use it to your advantage and to further your advancement in the Work. As outlined in the Cassiopaea Glossary entry on Petty Tyrants, they are a potentially valuable opportunity to develop your own self-discipline and forebearance.

Very well said, PepperFritz.

This explains very well why, here on the forum, so much importance is put on working on ourselves rather than trying to work on others to change themselves. For it is not up to us to get others to change, we can only really change the way we act, and hopefully not react; instead being conscious of ourselves and our actions.

To continue to "play the game" that others play, whether to annoy us or to manipulate us, is only doing ourselves harm in the sense of untangling ourselves from the Matrix.

Thank you, PepperFritz, for putting it so succinctly.