I only have one which I've observed from someone within my life. The story below is based on observation and interpretation so please bear that in mind.Does anyone have any experience of other variations on the dynamics of transference of childhood experiences of "love" to adult relationships other than the ones I gave?
This person's challenges as far as relationships go are not necessarily to do with the initiating of relationships... it's more to do with maintaining stability over the long term. Being a friend, I've been privy to multiple relationships that he has had and got to witness a recurring pattern. Usually the relationship would start with the usual fireworks but then over time the girl would start to withdraw before eventually the relationship comes to an end. In discussion as to what happened, a theme becomes apparent. He has this habit of making certain demands that his partner can't deliver on either because the demand is excessive or simply because the demand is not in-keeping with who the partner is or is looking for in a relationship.
Completely divorced to his romantic relationships is the story of his relationship with his mother. It turns out his mother left his father for another man and whilst he was young he always had the impression that he had to fight for his mothers attention and affection which he never really received to the level or extent he expected.
Putting the pieces together, in my mind, he never experienced 'unconditional' love from his mother which left a 'gap' somewhere in his Being. So what he does is whenever he gets into a romantic relationship he essentially creates a situation where he makes unreasonable demands as a test of unconditional love i.e. to fill that gap he never received from his mother. The problem is these women aren't his mother, you can not demand someone simply love you unconditionally no matter what just because you are in a romantic relationship - you know, there are limits! So that's the dynamic at play. These romantic relationships, once they get going, for him they are where he sets the conditions where he symbolically replays and tries to fulfil the relationship he never had with his mother which must have left some deep rooted imprint (i.e. the striving for that kind of unconditional love that can only exist between a mother / child relationship where the child can make all sorts of crazy demands on the mother and the mother usually will be there to tend to them).
I'm not sure what the lesson is here for him but that's the dynamic I've observed and the interpretation I've given it.
The other thing I've observed is the forces at play here are quite powerful... they are almost part of who he is, entwined in his personality and character. I think the only way he gets over the hump is he eventually finds someone who will notice the pattern and won't leave him but will let him know that he is making excessive demands that she can't fulfil... not only that, she has to be willing to remain through the sheer terror of a 'symbolic' child not getting what they want and the tantrum they'll throw as a result. To her, the demands might be excessive, but to him, they are completely normal and therein lies the issue... how do you get someone to change when they think they are fine / okay and the problem lies with you (i.e. his romantic partner in this situation).