The subtle art of not giving a f... - Mark Manson

Thanks for the recommendation and the relationship points remind me of a few things that lead to past failed relationships.

[link edited because the book is still under copyright]
 
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I was suprised how insightful the book really is, I guess it's because of the assumptions I've made from the title. All in all, it's worth reading and reflecting on. He brings some valuable lessons on suffering, death, values, relationships and so on.

I think the main point is that pain and adversity are inevitable, so are problems. What is needed is not some tensionless state of bliss, but something that is worthwile pursuing, a higher aim that justifies and gives meaning to the suffering, echoing Gurdjieff and Frankl.
 
I have purchased the book and agree in general with the opinions expressed in this thread, it is a good book and surprising despite the title. I'm left with the idea that one doesn't really want to get rid of life's problems but to replace them with new ones.

“Problems never stop; they merely get exchanged and/or upgraded.”
Mark Manson, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck


Mark Manson Quote on Problems and How A Problem-Free Life Should Never Be The Goal

Beyond the Quote (274/365)​


Let’s be clear: the goal shouldn’t be to live a problem-free life. There is no such thing as a problem free life. How could it be? The very act of staying alive and healthy is a forever shape-shifting landscape of compiling problems that confront us afresh every minute of every day. So, what is the goal then?


Well, if we’re going to live a problem-filled life regardless of what we do, then the goal should be to live a life filled with the “best” problems we can manage to align ourselves with. In other words, we should work to exchange and/or upgrade “worse” problems for “better” options whenever we can. Let’s explore some examples.


How about the problems that you face everyday just from trying to stay alive? Survival is the first problem. How to meet all of your physiological needs as a human? Food, water, shelter, clothing—you could deal with the problems of trying to comfortably suit your needs or you could deal with the compounded problems of trying to ultra-comfortably suit your needs with luxury, name brand items.


How about social needs? You could deal with the problems of trying to be someone everyone else likes, or you could deal with the problems of being someone you really like, regardless of what everyone else thinks.


How about intimate relationships specifically? Relationships are a major source of problems in all of our lives—there’s no doubt about that. Opinions differ, personalities clash, preferences don’t align, feelings get hurt, communication gets confused, emotions ebb and flow, and so forth. But there are definitely hierarchies of problems within the relationship realm, too.
Would you rather deal with 30 minutes of household chores or 3 hours of fighting? Would you rather be thinking about how you can improve your relationship or repair your relationship? Would you rather admit to a wrong and figure out how to best move forward from it or lie about a wrong and deal with the problem(s) of keeping it hidden and or later found out?


And what about self-actualization? Would you rather deal with the problems of having to figure out how to regularly read and write or deal with the problems associated with excessive social media and TV streaming use? In other words, would you rather deal with the problems of learning how to build good habits now or deal with the problems of your current bad habits later?


And then there’s how we choose to spend our time with work. For most of us, the majority of our lives will be spent working and sleeping. So, whatever problems you agree to help solve with your time, you better make sure they are as upgraded as you can possibly make them.


Now, for some people, simply having a job at all is a wonderful blessing so I understand that this section has a hint of privilege associated with it. That being said, if you are in a position of being able to choose between different kinds of work—choose wisely.


More money isn’t always the best route to take. Sometimes more experience, more freedom, more benefit, more purpose, or more impact are more worthwhile alternatives. But, that’s for you to decide based on your unique situation. In many cases, feeding mouths is more important than feeding the desire for better work.


The bottom line, and to bring this conversation full circle, is to stop hoping and dreaming of a problem-free life. Learn to love the problem solving process by focusing your attention and energy on aligning your life with the best problems you can. And it’s important to point out here that it’s through the very act of solving problems that meaning is found.


How, so? A problem signifies a hurdle or a limit. Solving it implies overcoming said hurdle or surpassing that limit which implies growth. And growth is, hands down, the biggest motivator in life. Imagine a life of never solving any interesting problems. It’s a bleak way to live for sure.


And one final tip: Take note that in many cases, what’s easy now will result in a harder future and what’s hard now, will result in an easier future. Choose to do what’s hard now and reap the rewards with an easier life later. And I don’t mean easier as in less problems, I mean easier as in better problems.


Because with growth comes more mature problems and more mature problems require more creative and experienced thinking. And the further you can take that growth, the more meaning you’ll continue to reap as a result. Invest in what’s hard now. Choose growth and maturity. Reap more meaning later. Live a better life as a result. Good luck.

I believe all this also ties in with what Gurdjieff talked about taking more responsibility the more awake you are or something like that. I can't find the specific quote at the moment.
 
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