Tool-Parabola

You know, I am normally very calm. I listen to entire conversations and so carefully think out whatever I am going to say until it is perfect. A "perfectionist" almost to an obsessive compulsive degree and have a miraculous ability to communicate through speech (in private), in public (I am a small public figure in my community), and writing skills. I was a child prodigy and even ended up in the International Baccalaureate; been pulled out of school twice and tested by government officials;etc. Guess what, I ended up with no family and on the street, working 7 days a week while putting myself through high school and calling in sick to school to pull extra hours at work to pay a utility bill that would shut off. I have been homeless living in my car. My (only) sister the only person who knew my life and I told everything to was killed in a car accident, I have lost a child of my own, all the while life slamming me around everyway I turned (can't forget the nasty divorce :). I have had happy times, I have been suicidal, sure; I have found balance and made something of my life. But the underlying thing I am getting at; if I could have been a physicist, or a scientist in some field, or a politician (yeah right), or a veterinarian (what I always wanted to be); I could have done great things in any field I chose, if circumstances had seen fit. So, I have all this unused potential in an already spiritual being, so built up and I start noticing "signs", signs, not just all of a sudden now, but I mean over a timespan (years) that the universe was guiding me somewhere. I have thought and thought and thought about everything "what is the point", "how do I need to act or be" you know the usual. And I started connecting these signs to my life and testing. Anyway, I have dedicated all of the potential of my being in to "where I need to be" in this universe. And I know we have all racked our little brains until we couldn't see straight trying to figure IT out! Well 2 weeks ago, I had some kind of major breakthrough! I already know alot of the lessons that are taught here, and they are on a right, wonderful track btw ;) When you rack your brain and you find out something huge that made all the thinking/studying/wondering of your whole life make sense, your whole being make sense. I have exploded in excitement, and it has been 2 weeks and I am excited still. I have not told anyone around me about (believe me, the whole strategic enclosure I painfully know) what has happened, 'cause there is no one to really understand. And I find this place and I am so exploding with excitement over my own spiritual development. I guess it doesn't really matter if I get congratulated or even asked what is going on. I was seeking some answers to all this and have found some and will find more I guess. Maybe I just became extra phycic for all I know or opened a "third eye" I really don't know. But I do know I am seeing the entire world differently know, and I am overwhelmed. And it feels great, and I will step back and do much analysis, but I am going to enjoy my excitement in the mean time, until more knowledge comes to me and I "get used to it". I think that the Cassiopaeans must think that we are just too cute, learning the simple ways of this life. I feel like I just learned to ride a bicycle and the Cassiopaeans would be like parents saying "you go crystal!" smiling and waving. I feel like a kid all over again and I need to go explore the entire world all over again with what I can see now. I feel like a kid I am so curious and want to explore and have fun and nothing get in my way ever again. I don't even care what it is like to be an adult right now. I am learning just fine and wonderfully, and I would like someone/everyone to be here with me. My wake up wake up wake up! is me being excited and overwhelmed with joy and I want someone to come ride bikes with me 'cause I just learned and no one wants to go. Well, I will go by myself and have plenty of fun anyway 'cause no one wanting to go will not ruin my day! And I will grow up and I will see how little an aspect all this surely is in the WHOLE scheme of things. But if anyone actually knows what I am going through, I would like to hear about it, I did not implode into my brain into an "all knowing, all loving myself thing". If someone can not actualy tell me what it is, then maybe, just maybe I figured somethin' out that is pretty valuable to all of us. I am not going to go on here any further. I needed to vent my excitement because I could not hold it in, and now I have. Somewhere that would not be damaging to myself in the the life I still have to live in for now. It is good that you here did not give me indulgance in any self-reflecting behaviour of myself. I will study myself much more, and if anyone has any questions in the meantime, I would be happy to help, or i would like recieve a better perspective than a one rule I broke somewhere in my whole conversation completely missing the point.
 
Okay, so you're not willing to just read and try to get up to speed, so that those who have been 'riding the bicycle' for a while now can help you. Many people on this forum can tell you exactly what you're going through right now and they can also tell you that it is a very, very first step of a long journey that requires the development of Will. Until you're ready and willing to grasp that, I don't think there is much this forum can offer you, unfortunately.
 
Hi Crystla22,

I happen to like Tool's music as well. Their music and lyrics has helped me throughout my life when I was younger as well as inspired me for my own music projects. I also have seen them many times live and met some of the band members when I was active in the LA music scene. As a matter of fact, the bass player lives in my neighborhood and we run into each other every once in a while.

However, what I've also noticed is that most Tool fans project way too much into the band members and put them on some sort of pedestal, as if they were indeed "enlightened". Far from it. They write some cool lyrics and there is some "truth" to it, but it's nothing new really as anyone knows who has dabbled in some spiritual/new age material. They are not aware of many things and that is fine since they're professional musicians and spend more time playing, recording and touring than sincerely seeking truth. Their music is rather complex at times (from a musicians point of view), so it requires much focus and dedication and it pays off for them.

What I can tell you as well from my own experience is that just listening to music and inspiring lyrics that appeal to our emotional center (for the most part) does not automatically result in "enlightenment" or "higher awareness" and certainly not in "realizing truth" either. Music can help one to get in touch with one's emotions (when approached this way consciously and not mechanically) that need an outlet and sound and rhythm has many healing properties, but seeking truth within and without essentially requires more conscious work. Effort and dedication are needed. For example, in regard to one of their songs, singing (or listening to) "prying my third eye open" doesn't result in an "open third eye" and spiritual vision, other than an emotional high. I have yet to meet a Tool fan who is actually sincerely and actively engaged in the work that is required to develop true "seeing". Well maybe some do, I don't know. Many of them overestimate the band and themselves when it comes to spiritual awareness. In general people tend to project all kinds of illusions and characteristics into famous musicians that are way off the mark.

As anart said, it's a long journey that goes beyond whatever you heard from Tool, which you will find out if you choose to do what has been suggested to you (reading). This will also help to make sense of what you are going through in your life and this network can you support you as well.

Remember that one of Tool's song entails this as well:

Credulous at best
Your desire to believe in
Angels in the hearts of men.
But pull your head on out (of) your hippie haze
And give a listen
Shouldn't have to say it all again

The universe is hostile
So impersonal
Devour to survive
So it is, so it's always been ...
Click to expand...

Fwiw....
 
Anart, Spiral Out,

Thank you for your advice and sincere concerns and points of views. I plan on reading everything I can. My internet at home has been down and I already used like a whole pack of paper and ink cartridge at work trying to print the wave and taking it home with me. I have made it through the second volume and read a bunch out of the right side pane of cassiopaea.org Maybe part of me being overwhelmed is that I have always been able to channel spirits, energy from people and the like, I can feel IT and it just may have overwhelmed my senses; especially being sensitive to begin with. I will get used to it and I plan on reading and developing more (as much as I can). All of a sudden, I couldn't hold my "stone-wall" together, definately sensory overload. Getting to where I am did require practicing what I've learned into my life. And I believe that is a lot of what this forum is about, is learning to incorporate it into your life and living what we have learned, "if you can talk the talk, then walk the walk" :)

Spiral Out, your username doesn't have anything to do with the Tool song does it :P

Also, I will take into account that Tool may simply be just mad-genius art/music :) , BTW I never related to Tool like that until after I posted the first link, and it bewildered me that I had never understood them to begin with until now, I think alot of people don't. I am in more awe of them after yesterday and they just became my #1 fav band :) Just to leave a conspiracy like vibe here, after reading the earlier lyrics, here one off their third album Aenima (also the name of this song) I will put stars to cover the cuss words :P

Lyrics to Aenima :

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this

Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless f***ing hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any f***ing time. Any f***ing day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car.

It's a
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow of
Freaks

Here in this hopeless f***ing hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away.
Any f***ing time. Any f***ing day.
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay.

Some say a comet will fall from the sky.
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves.
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still.
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipsh**s.

Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this

Silly s**t, stupid s**t...

One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied.

Learn to swim.

Mom's gonna fix it all soon.
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be.

Learn to swim.

F*** L Ron Hubbard and
F*** all his clones.
F*** all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes.

Learn to swim.

F*** retro anything.
F*** your tattoos.
F*** all you junkies and
F*** your short memories
Learn to swim.

F*** smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas.
F*** these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses.

Learn to swim.

Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way.
I wanna watch it all go down.
Mom please flush it all away.
I wanna watch it go right in and down.
I wanna watch it go right in.
Watch you flush it all away.

Time to bring it down again.
Don't just call me pessimist.
Try and read between the lines.

I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend.

I wanna see it all come down.
suck it down.
flush it down
 
Crystla24 said:
I was a child prodigy and even ended up in the International Baccalaureate; been pulled out of school twice and tested by government officials;etc. Guess what, I ended up with no family and on the street, working 7 days a week while putting myself through high school and calling in sick to school to pull extra hours at work to pay a utility bill that would shut off. I have been homeless living in my car. My (only) sister the only person who knew my life and I told everything to was killed in a car accident, I have lost a child of my own, all the while life slamming me around everyway I turned (can't forget the nasty divorce :). I have had happy times, I have been suicidal, sure; I have found balance and made something of my life. But the underlying thing I am getting at; if I could have been a physicist, or a scientist in some field, or a politician (yeah right), or a veterinarian (what I always wanted to be); I could have done great things in any field I chose, if circumstances had seen fit.
Click to expand...


Hi Crystla24,

Have you happen to have read Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child? It's a pretty intense book but well worth the read. Here's part of a review from Amazon:

Miller has created a work that reaches into the soul and guides the reader through innermost (sometimes forgotten) memories and details of early life. By showing very clearly how gifted children are often relegated to that back burner of the family because of their own innate self-sufficiency, she paints a vivid picture of unconscious, conditioned manipulation and a common lack of emotional maturity in the part of the parents. The child is essentially denied a self of its own, as the needs of the parent are always paramount.
Click to expand...


As far as that goes, have you had a chance to read any of the Big 5 Narcissist books from the recommended reading list?

Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

Most all of us here have had to wade through similar family backgrounds as what you refer to. These books (read in the listed order, if possible) have aided in understanding how our past family trauma affects our future. Perhaps you can check these out of your local library?

Happy Reading!
 
1984 said:
Crystla24 said:
I was a child prodigy and even ended up in the International Baccalaureate; been pulled out of school twice and tested by government officials;etc. Guess what, I ended up with no family and on the street, working 7 days a week while putting myself through high school and calling in sick to school to pull extra hours at work to pay a utility bill that would shut off. I have been homeless living in my car. My (only) sister the only person who knew my life and I told everything to was killed in a car accident, I have lost a child of my own, all the while life slamming me around everyway I turned (can't forget the nasty divorce :). I have had happy times, I have been suicidal, sure; I have found balance and made something of my life. But the underlying thing I am getting at; if I could have been a physicist, or a scientist in some field, or a politician (yeah right), or a veterinarian (what I always wanted to be); I could have done great things in any field I chose, if circumstances had seen fit.
Click to expand...


Hi Crystla24,

Have you happen to have read Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child? It's a pretty intense book but well worth the read. Here's part of a review from Amazon:

Miller has created a work that reaches into the soul and guides the reader through innermost (sometimes forgotten) memories and details of early life. By showing very clearly how gifted children are often relegated to that back burner of the family because of their own innate self-sufficiency, she paints a vivid picture of unconscious, conditioned manipulation and a common lack of emotional maturity in the part of the parents. The child is essentially denied a self of its own, as the needs of the parent are always paramount.
Click to expand...


As far as that goes, have you had a chance to read any of the Big 5 Narcissist books from the recommended reading list?

Narcissism "Big Five"
Myth of Sanity - Martha Stout
The Narcissistic Family - Stephanie Donaldson-Pressman and Robert M. Pressman
Trapped in the Mirror - Elan Golomb
Unholy Hungers - Barbara E. Hort
In Sheep's Clothing - George K. Simon

Most all of us here have had to wade through similar family backgrounds as what you refer to. These books (read in the listed order, if possible) have aided in understanding how our past family trauma affects our future. Perhaps you can check these out of your local library?

Happy Reading!
Click to expand...

I do love to read, thank you for the links, I will definately look into them. Two of my friends and I were discussing that maybe the lack of parental guidance in our childhood hadn't actually helped give us our gifts. For we chose our own realities at a young age, as opposed to our parents showing us how to conform at a young age.Plus, We also notice that growing up, we all had a lack of respect for the rules and showed a rebellion to conforming to society; which then labels us "freaks" :) Well, be are all proud, gifted freaks, learning the Truth! I love everything my life has taught me for sure though.
 
I'm also a fan of Tool and attest to their creativity, however the drummer Danny Carey is a member of the O.T.O. and I think I recall him being a high ranking member as well. He even has a collection of first edition Aliester Crowley and Kenneth Grant books. That alone is enough for me to take their music with a grain of salt. A quick perusal through their website news archives, which is also run by an O.T.O member, will show references including David Icke and Drunvalo Melchizedek.
The band is also known for inserting subliminal messages into some of thier songs. At best they're just harmless "magicians" spouting half-truths. At worst, given their resources from the band's success and their interest in ritualistic magick and the occult, as well as the influence they have on the millions of fans they have worldwide, their music may have negative consequences on listeners. And it seems they have a new album in the works. Didn't the C's recently say to be careful of the music we listen to?
 
Some of Tool's music is good stuff.

Aside from that, in a general sense, what's nice about any music and lyrics we might be fond of is that regardless of what the authors had in mind about it ( if anything :P ), we can assign our own meaning -- personalize it.

So whether or not a particular lyricist is aware of this or that, or holds any particular mindset or moves in a particular direction, that isn't so important, at least in my perspective.
 
Since I have been "waking up" I have noticed that alot of music seems to have a simiar impact on me when putting it to my own scenarios. It seems like a lot of the classics or all time "greats" seem to have a way to write their lyrics to have universal meaning so one can interpret to themselves. This must be a reason they've made it through so much time and old songs are still great hits.
 
m said:
Some of Tool's music is good stuff.

Aside from that, in a general sense, what's nice about any music and lyrics we might be fond of is that regardless of what the authors had in mind about it ( if anything :P ), we can assign our own meaning -- personalize it.

So whether or not a particular lyricist is aware of this or that, or holds any particular mindset or moves in a particular direction, that isn't so important, at least in my perspective.
Click to expand...

Yeah, when I heard "When the Eagle Cries" from Iced earth I thought was referring to something so different that actually is, and the song is referring to te two towers tragedy... I got my face like ¬¬ ... because I thought it was deeper haha.
 
Tool Best Band ever!!
H... with this Song I Don´t Have More Fear!!!
This Video Taked from The French Film Called Martyrs! A Very Good Film That You Need To Watch! Really! Very Good Movie! ^_^!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M2d_ktzMv7o

H:
What's coming through is alive.
What's holding up is a mirror.
But what's singing songs is a snake
Looking to turn this piss to wine.

They're both totally void of hate,
But killing me just the same.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.
Considerately.

Venomous voice, tempts me,
Drains me, bleeds me,
Leaves me cracked and empty.
Drags me down like some sweet gravity.

The snake behind me hisses
What my damage could have been.
My blood before me begs me
Open up my heart again.

And I feel this coming over like a storm again.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,
And considerately killing me.

Without the skin,
Beneath the storm,
Under these tears
The walls came down.

And the snake is drowned and
As I look in his eyes,
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of those times.

I could have cried then.
I should have cried then.

And as the walls come down and
As I look in your eyes
My fear begins to fade
Recalling all of the times
I have died
and will die.
It's all right.
I don't mind.

I am too connected to you to
Slip away, to fade away.
Days away I still feel you
Touching me, changing me,

And considerately killing me.

Greetings! :)
 
I too am a fan of Tool's music.

At the same time, speaking from personal experience; getting "blissed out" via their music does not equal enlightenment and actually is quite dangerous. Spiritual ideas and ideals in music can be used to manipulate the emotional listener so that they may end up in a trap that they may have seen had the "musical bond" not been there. I have a dear friend who was greatly injured by a supposed "die-hard Tool" fan. Emotional music can and has been used by psychopaths to manipulate good-natured people into their bidding. One of the harder lessons in this age of endless distractions is "just because it feels good, it doesn't mean that it is healthy." More than anything Tool's music provided very comfortable buffers for me to work with that prevented me from beginning to see myself.

I can relate to you Crystla24, in that I am also a tested "gifted child" with parents who had no idea of what to do with me. I'm not going to tell you that I'm over all of it, I'm continuing to work through it.


1984, thank you for the book suggestions. Once I finish my current reading list, I'm very interested in reading Alice Miller's Drama of the Gifted Child for further perspective.
 
"More than anything Tool's music provided very comfortable buffers for me to work with that prevented me from beginning to see myself."

In my last post I said the above sentence in error. What I meant to say was "More than anything Tool's songs Parabol/Parabola provided very comfortable buffers for me to work with that prevented me from beginning to see myself." I was working at a dead-end job and on my coffee breaks many years ago, I would listen to those two songs as a kind of painkiller that fueled my hope for something better down the line.

I thought I was speaking directly from my intellectual center however, it seems that my emotional center continues to cloud my intellect. I will refrain from posting more until I have done more reading / work.

I apologize if my posts added more 'noise' to the discussion than anything else.

peace
 
eternusphoenix said:
I thought I was speaking directly from my intellectual center however, it seems that my emotional center continues to cloud my intellect. I will refrain from posting more until I have done more reading / work.
I apologize if my posts added more 'noise' to the discussion than anything else.

peace
Click to expand...

Hi eternusphoenix,
I do not see any reason for you to stop posting. Networking here in the forum is a big part of doing the Work. I am sure members of the network will tell you if your posts are "noisy" - I do not think this was the case here in this thread.

So keep Working on yourself and try not to beat yourself up too hard when you make a mistake. We all make mistakes - if we were perfect, we would not need the Work, would we ;)
 
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