What are your thoughts on having children?

[skymargo]

I've kept these words in mind those last months. We continued discussing it since then and now the wedding is imminent for us, it will be the First of July. It was a good advice to make a final decision about it before the wedding. It helped me to have a deadline. I've been examining it from all the angles I could think of, and continuously ended up in gloomy and depressing thought loops. So I decided to exit the thought loops by changing my perspective.

It's been a long and diffuse process, thinking about it alone on the road during hours of driving for work. It's the hardest dilemma I've been faced with in this life, and never have I felt that much weight over the freedom of choice and responsibility it involves in both cases.
Lys really tried hard to accept my initial will not to have babies, yet I've seen the toll it's been on her, and I know she would have respected that even though she was slowly dying out due to this sacrifice. It's hard to choose the right sacrifices. When I announced to her that I decided to have babies, she instantly revived. Marriage should enrich people, not fade them. I was certainly feeling like I was depriving her of an experience she needs to feel whole. She just needs it and I want her to blossom and thrive.

Between having her drown in regrets and despair and having babies in this mad but fascinating world, I made my choice, even though I feel like there is no optimal choice here. Just a choice, which considering our own unique situation, seems to be the best of all choices.
And actually, when I started to contemplate the possibility of being a father, I realized that I certainly need that experience too for a wide variety of reasons. This is a definitive decision, for which I am now all in and will never look back. It brings me joy too.

We now rely on DCM for what happens next.

Actually children are the best teachers to us! with them I’ve already learnt so many lessons as never before ...still learning actually...)) they are the greatest responsibility and challenge but at the same time the greatest unconditional love you’ve never expected...anyway, experience worth having being here on Earth
Wish you all the best on this choice

 

[ryu]

I've kept these words in mind those last months. We continued discussing it since then and now the wedding is imminent for us, it will be the First of July. It was a good advice to make a final decision about it before the wedding. It helped me to have a deadline. I've been examining it from all the angles I could think of, and continuously ended up in gloomy and depressing thought loops. So I decided to exit the thought loops by changing my perspective.

It's been a long and diffuse process, thinking about it alone on the road during hours of driving for work. It's the hardest dilemma I've been faced with in this life, and never have I felt that much weight over the freedom of choice and responsibility it involves in both cases.
Lys really tried hard to accept my initial will not to have babies, yet I've seen the toll it's been on her, and I know she would have respected that even though she was slowly dying out due to this sacrifice. It's hard to choose the right sacrifices. When I announced to her that I decided to have babies, she instantly revived. Marriage should enrich people, not fade them. I was certainly feeling like I was depriving her of an experience she needs to feel whole. She just needs it and I want her to blossom and thrive.

Between having her drown in regrets and despair and having babies in this mad but fascinating world, I made my choice, even though I feel like there is no optimal choice here. Just a choice, which considering our own unique situation, seems to be the best of all choices.
And actually, when I started to contemplate the possibility of being a father, I realized that I certainly need that experience too for a wide variety of reasons. This is a definitive decision, for which I am now all in and will never look back. It brings me joy too.

We now rely on DCM for what happens next.

I'm glad for you both that you got to a decision, that you're both at peace with it and ready for it. I wish you both a wonderful wedding and a good and happy marriage. That child of yours will be a lucky one.

 

[Chu]

Congratulations on your incoming wedding, @Starshine and @Lys! So glad to hear that it's happening at last. May you find true companionship, understanding and faith together. We want a picture of the wedding!

Thank you for sharing the news. It's good to hear that after discussing it openly and considering everything (and taking your time), you made a decision together. Nobody can say whether it's right or wrong, so if you feel it's your path, go for it, and make the best of it. It will be the best decision after all, if you do it by being as aware as possible. You will still have lots of decisions, lessons, and challenges ahead, like everybody else. But as long as you work as a team, you will be alright. My humble advice would be always communicate as honestly as you can, and not to forget to gather knowledge as you continue on with your lives, and especially if you have little ones. That can only help you make better decisions.

 

[hlat]

When I announced to her that I decided to have babies, she instantly revived. Marriage should enrich people, not fade them.

Congratulations on meeting the needs of your soon to be wife. As husband and head of household, I think it's a safe bet that you'll face more decisions in the future involving your duty and responsibility to your family. I recommend no vaccines for the babies and children.