What are your thoughts on having children?

[Sinapi]

Just to clear that up, he knows, I came racing out of the bathroom with a positive pregnancy test in my hand… I meant taking it slow as I’m not pressing him to talk and waiting for him to approach me.

Hi Fluffy, I was thinking about this a little. I agree with Alejo that some things are time-sensitive and it's best you try discussing some things with your husband sooner. I can understand wanting to talk things out to process them, but that not everyone wants to listen to me blab for ages, especially if I get angry/sad while talking. Maybe you can try writing out your concerns to him? Like, you can write a big journal entry to yourself if you need to process your concerns, then you can cut the paragraphs down into bullet points highlighting the main concerns you have. It could be a piece of paper for him with bullet points that look something like, "I'm concerned about X. What do you think about X and why? How can we work on X together?" Then you can let him write down what he thinks of your concerns. This medium could help you both get to the bottom of what needs to be addressed without emotional programs running amok in either of you.

It also takes out the guesswork for him and could be more considerate to him long-term. Maybe he's the type that isn't aware there's a problem until something goes wrong and he picks up on it? It's hard to say without more specific examples from your life. I'm just thinking of the stereotype in relationships of how women tend to overthink things and men tend to be more direct. For example, when a woman tries to give a man the silent treatment as punishment, and he thinks, "Ah, peace and quiet! Nothing's wrong today!" Not saying your relationship is like this, because I can't tell without knowing more, but if it's ringing some bells for you, then I think it's worth considering.

Have you been reading the romance novels? They're quite fun and can help you relax while potentially learning some very important lessons about simple karmic understandings along the way. Maybe they'll inspire you in other aspects of your life, too! A big lesson I've gotten from them is that people misunderstand each other because they think they know what the other person is thinking, when they really don't, and they could avoid most if not all of the problems in their relationships if they'd just talk to each other directly. And it usually takes a 3rd party to help them see these misunderstandings and the need to openly communicate with one another.

Just my 2 cents. You're getting great feedback from everyone, and I hope your appointment goes well!

P.S. If you are in a situation where you must wear a mask and can bring your own, I recommend black cheesecloth masks if your environment isn't humid. They're opaque, easily breathable and it's hard to tell they're cheesecloth unless you recognize the texture! I did it throughout California's lockdown and nobody said anything.

 

[Fluffy]

You've not brought up the possibility of having the child and giving it up for adoption. Considering what you write above, that seems like an idea worth considering.

Hi Beau,
Giving up a child must be the most difficult decision parents could make.
In the past I’ve watched videos on adoption out of curiosity, to try to get a feel for the birth mother and the adoptive parents. Certainly bittersweet and I understand why someone would choose to give up their child so s/he could have a better life. I guess the majority of the time it was because the birth parents and family couldn’t provide for the little one. But that’s not the case with me and our large family.

I don’t know what the adoption rules are here in Australia, I do know it’s not so common as in other countries, we only have adoption agreements with South Korea (as to my knowledge, but that could be outdated as I haven’t checked). I don’t know about open adoption or other, everything I’ve watched and read has been from other countries.

It’s a massive ‘no way’ for me.
If there was ever a situation I couldn’t live with it would be that one. Especially because we can provide for another child, it will be loved and cared for by dozens of people in our families.
I am, at the very least, able to point in the direction of the lighthouse as I have done with my other children, and then it’s up to them which path they choose to take.

And then this…. Who knows what kind of parents the baby would end up with (anyone can lie about anything so twisting the truth to be the best candidate as adoptive parents would probably be something I’d do if I was desperate for a kid), what will they teach, how will they prepare a child for this crazy world, how will they consider things like schooling, health care, what are their core values, who will the child be exposed to.

Beau, out of everything everyone has shared of their thoughts and opinions it was this adoption idea that really hit home of the reality I’m facing… and ultimately cemented my decision. The abortion has been canceled. We are having a baby!
Thank you for putting it out there, I hadn’t considered it as an option for us and just the thought of giving away my child made me realise that if anyone was going to give him or her a decent shot at riding the wave then why not me.

 

[Alejo]

Beau, out of everything everyone has shared of their thoughts and opinions it was this adoption idea that really hit home of the reality I’m facing… and ultimately cemented my decision. The abortion has been canceled. We are having a baby!
Thank you for putting it out there, I hadn’t considered it as an option for us and just the thought of giving away my child made me realise that if anyone was going to give him or her a decent shot at riding the wave then why not me.

Glad you reached your decision Fluffy,

Best of luck, and I suppose it's time to start to do the work to welcome the new baby into this world, but I don't have to tell you this, you have been there a few times. I hope some of the stress has lifted and that now you guys can focus on remaining healthy and ready for the new member of your family to arrive.

All the best, and feel free to open up a thread if you wish to discuss things further or share updates.

 

[BHelmet]

By "50% of humanity", I was referring to non-OP humans. You've halved it an extra time.

Sounds like you assumed I would know what you meant.

Why would a soul incarnate if it doesn't have the right "karmic stuff" to match up? And what is "karmic stuff"? That's kind of a loose definition.

If a person has certain issues or past life history to work through, IOW, certain specific lessons to learn in this life, then being born to parents who have that same, similar or related DNA profile makes sense to me: You get the parents who have the problem you need to overcome encoded in their DNA. I am pretty sure the C's said something about the need of a matching genetic profile (or something to that effect) for reincarnation. I am guessing it is quite complex and I am not sure the C's even tried to specifically define it.

I think you've narrowed the field unnecessarily with assumptions, and even more assumptions regarding karma.

You can think whatever you like and you can even think you are "right".

Why would you be making assumptions if you had experience otherwise?

You are assuming I am making assumptions.

That doesn't really make sense to me, unless your experience was of the sort that generates and strengthens assumptions.

Why take "shots" without first at least asking for clarification, especially if it doesn't make sense? We all know what we think we are saying and assume that it will be understood, but I can admit I could have said things better in a more clear manner.

Sinapi: "A big lesson I've gotten from them is that people misunderstand each other because they think they know what the other person is thinking, when they really don't, and they could avoid most if not all of the problems in their relationships if they'd just talk to each other..."

Bingo!

Sweeping generalizations don't take into account individual cases, and each individual must make their choices in the very specific circumstances they face as it is with Fluffy.

Lastly, mkmhr: "I think speculating about what we don't know isn't very fruitful."

Isn't that what mostly goes on? Speculating about what we don't know? (and I don't disagree about the fruitful part)
What's going to happen in the 'future' and when is it going to happen? - We don't really know!
(Cali falls into the Sea, Comets, April Drop Dead, Geopolitical moves, Elections, Resets and Financial Collapses, Starvation, the 4th Reich, the big game...Elon. hero or villain, consciousness units and on and on)
What happened in the past? - We don't really know a whole lot - we are mostly picking whose story we are going to believe.

But, What's actually happening right now in the life you are supposedly living?
(and can you be in the presence of whatever that is?)

That is a potentially fruitful question, I think.

Lastly, I think all the issues in this thread reflect the rockiness the C's were referring to: skewed communications; unanticipated incoming blockbuster catalysts, misunderstandings; hardships...and so on

And Fluffy, it sounds like you are handling this as well as anyone could in the same circumstances!

 

[Ryan]

Sounds like you assumed I would know what you meant.

Obviously I did.

Why take "shots" without first at least asking for clarification, especially if it doesn't make sense?

No "shots" being taken, my post was merely an attempt to gain more clarification.

@Fluffy, glad you've made your decision, and fwiw from my point of view, I think it's the right one.

 

[lilyalic]

Hi Beau,
Giving up a child must be the most difficult decision parents could make.
In the past I’ve watched videos on adoption out of curiosity, to try to get a feel for the birth mother and the adoptive parents. Certainly bittersweet and I understand why someone would choose to give up their child so s/he could have a better life. I guess the majority of the time it was because the birth parents and family couldn’t provide for the little one. But that’s not the case with me and our large family.

I don’t know what the adoption rules are here in Australia, I do know it’s not so common as in other countries, we only have adoption agreements with South Korea (as to my knowledge, but that could be outdated as I haven’t checked). I don’t know about open adoption or other, everything I’ve watched and read has been from other countries.

It’s a massive ‘no way’ for me.
If there was ever a situation I couldn’t live with it would be that one. Especially because we can provide for another child, it will be loved and cared for by dozens of people in our families.
I am, at the very least, able to point in the direction of the lighthouse as I have done with my other children, and then it’s up to them which path they choose to take.

And then this…. Who knows what kind of parents the baby would end up with (anyone can lie about anything so twisting the truth to be the best candidate as adoptive parents would probably be something I’d do if I was desperate for a kid), what will they teach, how will they prepare a child for this crazy world, how will they consider things like schooling, health care, what are their core values, who will the child be exposed to.

Beau, out of everything everyone has shared of their thoughts and opinions it was this adoption idea that really hit home of the reality I’m facing… and ultimately cemented my decision. The abortion has been canceled. We are having a baby!
Thank you for putting it out there, I hadn’t considered it as an option for us and just the thought of giving away my child made me realise that if anyone was going to give him or her a decent shot at riding the wave then why not me.

Well I for one certainly couldn't grow a baby, feel it moving and his or her little kicks, go through the labour then hand it over to someone else!

I am so grateful that I have this network especially since I had my son. Babies in the first year are really hard, but it seems like you have the tools as you've done it before. Now you also have the network here this time around!

Good luck with your pregnancy and I'm glad you came to a decision.

 

[KJS]

Hi @Fluffy, I didn't want to interfere with your decision, but since you've made one, I just wanted to echo what Laura wrote earlier. My wife gave birth to our daughter when she was 44 years old, and I must say that her hair got denser and she looked blooming even now, three years postpartum. Everyone thinks that she is in her middle 30s, so it seems that late pregnancy certainly has an effect. Not that she looked old before, but you can read how pregnancy has a devastating influence on women's bodies. The only negative aspect was that we were constantly scared by doctors (geriatric pregnancy ) and did several lab tests every week. Because of that, toxoplasmosis one came out positive but was false-positive (we did the same test in two other labs!). Doctors also wanted to do an obligatory cesarean section (because of my wife's age), but she insisted on natural childbirth, and this enabled her to recover very quickly. Good luck!

 

[Beau]

It’s a massive ‘no way’ for me.
If there was ever a situation I couldn’t live with it would be that one. Especially because we can provide for another child, it will be loved and cared for by dozens of people in our families.

But you're okay with abortion?

 

[Jenn]

But you're okay with abortion?

Well, I admit that I felt similarly to Fluffy when you suggested it, Beau. My blink response was also "no way". I imagined all the worst-case scenarios where the child might end up in a foster home or with a family that abused them, or with some polyamorous, transgender furries or something. And what if the child finds out later on and feels abandoned? There are so many what-ifs and unknowns that may've been avoided if I had kept the baby or to put it crudely, stopped the life altogether. I know there must be many success stories with adoption but those were the thoughts that first came up for me.

Maybe it's more about how I would feel (the guilt) rather than what's best for the baby. Do I really know that adoption would turn out badly... of course not. Do I really think I wouldn't mess up the baby in some way? Maybe it's an instinctive "If I'm not going to have it then nobody is" type of thing?

Either you (not *you* specifically Fluffy) put an end to a life, you give the life to someone else and let fate take its course, or you make what you can of the situation and keep the baby. At least if you make the decision to keep the baby or abort the baby, there's a beginning and end that you are involved in or more to the point you are in control of.

When I re-read all I wrote above it seems more of a knee-jerk emotional response rather than a rational one. That could all be a projection of course, and I've never had to make that decision but I wonder if that's where Fluffy is coming from.

 

[T.C.]

When I re-read all I wrote above it seems more of a knee-jerk emotional response rather than a rational one.

For what it’s worth, it didn’t come across as irrational.

 

[Fluffy]

But you're okay with abortion?

No, I’m not, I was scared out of my boots and was really unstable and not thinking clearly. Though if there are health issues that arise that put me at risk then it’s still an option…. My health and well being is priority… and honestly, I’d be more okay with an abortion than giving away a child that I grew for 9 months.

 

[Sinapi]

Congratulations, Fluffy! I'm glad you came to a decision and I wish you and your family all the best, and that the pregnancy goes well!

If I were in your position, I don't think I'd be willing to give up a baby for adoption, either. I would think it's my responsibility to raise the child and teach it, ideally with the help of the father and extended family, as well as I could. And the thought of the child being abused in foster care or by another family makes my skin crawl, especially if I had given the child up out of my own fear and insecurities. Adoption as a conscious choice makes more sense to me if you don't have any support or are homeless or on the brink of homelessness and are truly unable to provide a child with a safe environment. It would be a last resort for me. I think the same about abortion; I would regret it if I did it out of fear of the unknown. (This is assuming the pregnancy is viable, of course; why make a woman carry an ectopic pregnancy until she's on death's door?)

At the same time, I remember a coworker at a restaurant whom I didn't particularly like at first because she acted crabby and abrasive and money hungry, but I came to understand her better later on. She had been kicked out of her parent's house at 17 for getting pregnant, probably because the father was black. She still chose to have the baby despite her adverse circumstances, and worked very hard to pay rent and support her son. Sometimes she had to bring him to work; he was a very sweet kid, too, and you could tell she loved him very much! So, I guess if you're determined, you can find ways to make it work, although it's probably not going to be easy. But most things in life aren't easy, either!

 

[Fluffy]

Nobody can tell you what to do; the decision is yours to make. And whatever decision you make, you will have to live with it. I can only share my thoughts and experiences.

I very much wanted to have another baby when I was 45 but Ark would not allow it. He felt that my health was too fragile - and possibly it was at the time. But now, both of us kind of regret that we did not take the opportunity while I was still able to have babies. Now, I am well past menopause and that has its own set of issues including the necessity for hormone therapy for several problems that manifested.

My cousin did have a baby later in life and it did wonders for her hair, nails, skin, youthfulness in general. In fact, I think it even prolonged her youthful markers because she took care of herself during that pregnancy.

For some people, a pregnancy can solve or even heal a host of issues, not least of which is endometriosis. I suffered from that for years and was cured by my fifth pregnancy. In fact, my last pregnancy was the only one where I felt really good the whole time! That baby was born when I was 39.

Another thing: on the one hand, I am sorry that the world is such a messy place now and that my kids have to deal with all of that, and will continue to have to deal with it when I'm gone. But I also know that living in this world gives them opportunities for soul growth they would not otherwise have. It balances out in the end.

So, like I said, no one can really advise you here, but for what it is worth, the above are just my musings on the topic.

Hey Laura,

You popped in briefly to a dream I had the night before I saw this, I’ve been wanting to reply to everyone in order except a few that I wanted to clear up right away. In the dream we were trying to discuss how our children handled teenagehood but a third unknown party kept interrupting so we just looked at each other in frustration and then the dream ended.

I remember the C’s saying you had a 6th child waiting in line if you were willing, a daughter. I’m sorry you and Ark regret the decision not to have her. Did you ever contact her soul on the board or get to meet her in dreams or visions?
I spent that first week after I found in was pregnant trying to get a feel for who’s idea this was, what the plan was, what the lessons are, I really didn’t come up with anything except the more I thought about the more I felt like I shouldn’t interfere and just let whatever happens happen.

Similarly for me my health is a concern, I had a nasty SIBO infection 3 years ago. About a third of my hair fell out, my skin aged may be 10 years and I looked much older than I did in a really short amount of time. My whole body was in constant pain that took hours a day of massage and hot and cold therapy just to feel okay enough to function a little bit. I felt horrible, and this was/is my biggest worry about having this baby and the thing that drove me to consider a termination. Being very rigid with the upkeep of stretching, massage and diet is a must or I’ll go backwards in a few days.

I don’t know anyone who has had a child in their 40’s, I’ve never looked into and now that I am I’m realising it’s quite common, increased risks of course, yet many healthy babies are born. My partner’s vasectomy doctor’s outlook is quite grim though, he thinks only 1 in 20 older couples have a live full term birth. Others say otherwise, the data varies quite a lot taking history into consideration ….
So at only 7 weeks gestation I’m not letting myself get too comfortable and fantasise too much about a little person that might or might not be…. It’s hard though, those instincts have kicked in and moment by moment I feel myself falling for him/her. A strong healthy heartbeat confirmed at the ultrasound yesterday made it all very real.

Yeah, this world is a mess for sure and I can get caught up thinking about it and let fear creep in. 3, probably 4 kids to worry for. Yet I know that from a higher perspective that it is all for fun and learning and souls are coming from the reaches of the universe to get on the earth ride.

Who knows for sure anything ?? I know I don’t know a thing, I have to rely a lot on blind faith and trust that the universe knows what it’s doing.

May be we are all are a little bit crazy, whacky, adventurous spirits for choosing to be here now. Gotta admit I feel pretty crazy, but I am enjoying the show

 

[Alejo]

But, What's actually happening right now in the life you are supposedly living?
(and can you be in the presence of whatever that is?)

That is a potentially fruitful question, I think.

I think so, and I do believe that is what the C's meant by simple karmic learning, we may expand our knowledge of the universe, but the lives we have immediately in front of us, that is where the Work is done, that is in large measure what we came here to do.

But also, this "what's happening right now" also includes our inner world, and I believe that the purpose of this discussion is precisely that, to a very large degree, not just establishing a point of view of an external issue, political or social, but also to understand "what's happening right now" within us, and how we reach those thoughts and how we think about those thoughts.

The issue with abortion, is one of those great opportunities I think, to not just understand society around us, but also to understand how we ourselves perceive the notion of it.

Does that make sense?

 

[Fluffy]

Hello to all who have replied to and read this thread.

I would like to extend a heartfelt thank you for your thoughts and insights that provoked mine, guidance, support, care and understanding.

As a united couple, my partner and I are embracing our decision to continue the pregnancy, our children are excited and our families are supportive.

I would like to elaborate more on each individual post but I don’t really have much to add at this time as I’m so very tired from spending hours awake in the middle of every night for two weeks rummaging through my thoughts. I’ve been properly exhausted, a stark reminder of life with a newborn.

I certainly had different ideas than this about how 2023 would unfold, now I’m mentally preparing for a baby. Trying not to anticipate is almost impossible, this little space invader has hijacked my mind.

But I think I love it