Hi, I am new and accept this disturbance in the force.  Actually it is kinda true.  After listening to Laura and having my experiences, it seems to me that what I saw in my contact back in 1989 is happening.  Recently an ancient ancestor spoke to me and my life has changed, I simply do not want to do the JOB anymore.  I have been building a portal because it was shown to me and I was given intense joy with the idea, however it all seems like it's a waste of time.  Time being a funny thing that keeps my thoughts folding back like a pretzel.  There is nothing for me to do but go forward with the project.  See where it leads.  I watch the world with alert awareness, but I have been repressed and some 'thoughts' come across my mind of some not good things having happened as a young child.  I keep my mouth shut, lay low, follow the rules but inside is a totally different person, no one owns, authors my life or tells me what is what.  I get everything from the field and then check it and then see if it is useful in some way.  There are so few humans, awake, with souls in my area, I asked why did you trick me into this place and I am embedded for a reason.  This reason is not being shared with me.  The universe is holding me and of course Gia and our star Solaris, I call Helios warms my heart and tell me often I am known.  There are blocks in my lower root and sacral chakras, I know because of the fear that it holds and I want to release and clear them for good reasons so I am in search of a way that will work for me.  I have tried QHHT and it seems I am not hypnotizable. I have a hard time doing anything for very long.  I can barely take a gut support to mend myself for two weeks.  I am not able to keep up a routine.  If you are thinking a job is a routine, I am an independent contractor, I work if I feel like it..and dont feel like it anymore.  I have spent 3 years working to establish a few people I can talk to yet we are on our own trips with no cohesiveness just bursts of sharing.  Not confident about where I am, why I am now where I am, the device, will I help anyone with it, being trapped in this location, being trapped in general.  I am rambling, dumping...apologies, think happy now, it's all good, I'm sure hindsight will attest and so life goes on...