When I read your post, it reminded me of the sense of panic I had when I realized just how far behind I was from the rest of the group when I first joined. I remembered reading a great post by anart, which I will post below, from this thread An overwhelming feeling that there isn't enough time...
anart said:Hi SeekingtheTruth,
One thing we know for sure is that 'time pressure' - stressing out about not having enough time - is not only useless, it is damaging, I'd even say entropic. We can have no impact on time (it doesn't even exist) - we cannot change others and we cannot stop what is coming. However, it is my deep understanding that continuing, in the midst of this increasing madness, to objectively awaken and help others who are asking to do the same - to live as if there is nothing more important than THIS - every day, in everything, standing up for the Truth and becoming objectively Real is sending a signal out to the Universe that will be noted in the grand scheme of things.
If you consider that every step you take toward awakening sends out a signal - that every program you remove, every effort you make to be a representative of Truth and Creativity in this world sends out a signal, then the 'time issue' fades away. If you act as if everything you do affects the future, then there is an amazing amount of time in a single day to make a difference.
Perhaps it is about approaching it differently than as if it is a checklist of books to read or concepts to grasp. Perhaps it is simply a matter of doing what you love - being good to yourself - learning what is burning within YOU to learn and doing so with some level of joy that you have this opportunity, in this amazing time to do so.
We will do what we will do - and all there is is lessons. Pushing oneself to overcome interior barriers is vitally important, but stressing over not having enough time takes energy away from remembering oneself, doesn't it? Perhaps this is where faith comes into play. The Universe knows what it is doing and we have a certain amount of 'time' left to contribute in this venue - to send out that signal and do what is before us to do - what else could matter more than that? And, ultimately, what more could one hope for a lifetime?
The following was my signature quote for quite a while - perhaps you'll understand why...
Ark said:FORGET "I should", forget it all. Replace it by "I LOVE TO DO ...." and skip completely the TIME issue. If you need five lives to accomplish what you WANT, let this be the first of those five. And then, without any "time obligation" or "should stressing" - start it. First step first. And ENJOY it. And LOVE yourself - take care of yourself.
This is the only thing that the Universe (God?) wants from you, I think. Arkadiusz Jadczyk
So - relax - have a little faith - and simply focus on doing what is in you to do - and enjoy it! :)