… The deepest implication of wishful thinking means that those who adopt this view of reality cannot see that they do not become God by what amounts to assimilation and control of other selves; but that the real result is a gradual compaction and implosion and dissolution into primal matter and Non-being. The negative hierarchy is a pyramidal food chain; the apex of the pyramid is comprised of the most persistent of the negative graduates, the one who has stuck it out against every evidence of diminishment, and is the ultimate example of wishful thinking.
And this is the most important point of all. It is a way home because, at the eternal moment when those that return to the light do return, those that hold the idea of Non-being, or darkness also return. In an eternally instantaneous unification and disbursement act that was, is and always will be, the energies of darkness and lightness fall into their respective roles eternally. When you realize that it is never going to end, that neither path will take you to “heaven” and “eternal bliss”, or oblivion or any of the illusions perpetrated upon humankind, it then becomes simply a matter of preference. And that preference is only an inclination. It literally has the weight of a feather.
And that, my friend, is the choice that I faced. The possibility of Service-to-Others in a realm composed of matter, which is by its nature Service-to-Self, under the control of higher density beings who are oriented by Service-to-Self. That’s where we are. That is what is in this realm.
And, by understanding that either choice ultimately leads back to God, since there really is no back to God because in real terms there is no separation from God to begin with, we find that we have an unweighted choice.
That’s it. The whole banana. That’s the choice. Either way, nothing is going to come to an end with union with God because the instant there is union with the one, it all starts over again. That’s what is. Our choice is to actualize what is in us; To choose our orientation and begin to discover how to amplify it.
Of course, that means we have some details to hammer out here. Like the fact that every single day we make choices and every one of these choices either amplifies our frequency resonance vibration, or damps it. The Control System wants to damp all our choices so that we will neither be able to polarize nor increase amplitude. They have a nice little thing going here and they will do anything to keep it going.
So, we need to get down to the nitty gritty of what is really Service-to-Others and Service-to-Self.
In the simplest of terms, Service-to-Others is a creative impulse. It is to find delight and satisfaction in variety and change. It is to serve God in others, which means to give all others the right to be what they choose, to give them the right to their own free will. It does not mean to give them your energy, your love, or any part of your creative force unless there is willing exchange. In an STO exchange, all parties give freely to all others and therefore all are sustained and grow.
Service-to-Self is, at the deepest level, just the thought of Non-being that manifests as fear of losing self in the act of creation. Thus, difference, variety, change, spontaneity, and all creative functions are feared and must be carefully controlled.
Service-to-Self naturally forms itself into a controlling hierarchy where each level is narrower and more exclusive and contractile than the level below it. It is a process of consuming conscious awareness and stuffing it into the black hole of the thought of Non-being in an effort to fill up that hole, thereby assuaging the fear evoked by the thought of Non-being. The thing that happens, though, is that a consciousness which has been subsumed into this thought is then defined by it and contracts and contracts until it becomes, eventually, primal matter.
One of the problems we face is the fact that, very often, the desire of human beings at this third level of density to experience light and love and truth and beauty; to be One in a harmony of similar goals and objectives of peace and tranquility, kindness, devotion, respect and concord, is manipulated by those beings who live in fear of losing self, twisted and distorted to mean a contraction into sameness rather than harmonious variety.
In human terms, this fear of losing self and need to become One is not always expressed by overt domination or subjugation. It is often expressed by the dynamic of absorption of other consciousnesses into a single ideal, narrowly defined by human terms of love and light. Very often the ideals of love and light are twisted to mean denying the free will of others to make their own choices.
In fact, the idea that evil is a rebellion, a fault, a thing to be done away with, is the twist in all the teachings of history that have laid the groundwork for domination and absorption by the forces of Service-to-Self. In terms of monotheism, this idea of saving the world has manifested the fruits of the many slaughters that have been instituted in the name of unity, and love. Because of this perceived need to fix or change or transform other people or situations, those whose inner inclination is actually STO are induced to damp their own STO frequency. If, in the act of giving or sending love, or any act whatsoever you deny the free will of another, you are damping your STO frequency resonance vibration.
And remember, we are not talking about free will in the simplistic terms of being able to do as one chooses without restriction. So we aren’t talking about not putting criminals in jail for breaking the law. In fact, putting a criminal in jail so that he can fully enter into his freely chosen lesson can be pure STO. It’s the old don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time cliché. By doing the crime, the individual has chosen the consequences at some level.
Each and every time we participate in wishful thinking, we are polarizing to Service-to-Self because wishful thinking is the essence of the constructed defense against the fear of Non-being. Thus, when we live in illusions we are, by default, electing to be part of the STS food chain.
The illusions in which we participate are generally projections of higher density STS beings, and are set up to produce the negative polarization energy of those on third density, which supports and maintains the fourth density STS beings so that they can continue to project the illusion. This results in the inability of human beings to see what is truly of STO, which prevents their making STO choices, which damps their frequency resonance vibration and keeps them in the cycle.
The work of developing free will is to stop believing lies. At the same time, the only way to really learn this is to try on the lies until the external evidence mounts so high that one is forced to the ultimate choice of choosing to continue with the lie in the face of the evidence that it is a lie, or to choose to see only the truth.
Such a choice is a causal act of polarization. It is an alignment of choice.
Making the choice only comes to those who are ready, those who have reached that point on the learning cycle. None of us can skip this step, and none of us can make it for others. In fact, the greatest gift we can give to save another is to release them fully into their chosen lessons.
And so, the choice comes, you are face to face with what you truly are, in the blackness of the abyss, and you choose. I realised that in terms of any action I might take in this reality, I had no free will except in terms of my response. I could choose how I responded. I could choose my frequency. That was it. In my case the thought came:
I will offer myself as one who has chosen to be this light, love, truth and beauty. By being it, I am giving it to God. I will strive for as long as I am present on this Godforsaken planet, as long as I am separated from my source, drifting in the darkness, to be as much of love and truth and beauty as I can manage to manifest.
I no longer cared whether that made me a prime piece of meat for the Control System; I didn’t care if they were going to eat me tomorrow or even if they ate everybody I loved and the whole universe ended in a bang and I was blotted out of existence for eternity.
I figured that for whatever it was worth, which may have been absolutely nothing, when it was all over and the stars all blinked out, there was going to be that one little memory in the physical universe’s brain; the memory that one person responded with love to the right of the universe to be exactly as it is, even if what it is is nothing but a dark, devouring mouth that consumes its creatures as soon as they are created, including me. My response to seeing was to sound the tone of love, beauty and truth so that it would have existence in me.
I chose to end the illusion of wishful thinking about life in the flesh and all the ways we are deceived. Finally I understood the dynamics of third density Service-to-Self. And I understood why it was that everywhere I looked there was darkness. And I understood my choice. And I made it. Yes, there is no candle to illuminate the darkness that I can see — so the only solution is to be my own candle.
I decided that whatever I had to do at this level in order to discover how to respond to life in order to do and be that truth and beauty implicit in the unconditional love of free will, I was going to keep searching until my last breath. If all my efforts failed, at least my response as one who held to the ideal of truth, love and beauty, from the very depths of my soul and in the face of whatever horror I faced in my search, would have existed.
I realized that this truly was the only thing that I had to give, and I was ready to give it. And the fact is it was everything in me — little though it might have been. But it was my all. And I chose to give this response as a pure, clear tone, to God with the full awareness that there was nothing I could expect to change it There was no anticipation that it would make any difference at all, and the greatest likelihood was that I would be drowned out or devoured rather quickly.
So, like a battered and bloody soldier on a battlefield with all the odds against him, like a Berserker who had lost all care for, or consciousness of, the weakness of the flesh, I picked myself up and set my eyes firmly on the center of the action, and started to walk in that direction. And I never looked back.
And for me, the universe changed in that instant.
In my own moment of choice, I was dealing with a possibility that was not an actuality. It is impossible to be a true STO being in an STS world. For me, it was such a pity, such a sadness that once I penetrated the illusion I found nothing but darkness.
I could see that real truth and beauty just simply could not be found in our reality once one began to peel away the layers of lies and deception and illusion. To realize that love given to someone or something in order to change it was clearly a judgment, and that nearly all love practiced in our world was clearly done because it was a manipulation designed to gain, whether it was salvation or to be loved in return or to feel good, all of which feed Non-being. This produced in me such a sensation of sadness and love for creation that, in that moment, the choice to manifest love and truth within, despite the fact I could know nothing of it through my five senses and third density experience, was a choice to make a possibility real.
I was able to see with my intellect the influences that are imposed on us by the many forces acting in our environment, but I then chose irrespective of them. I could see, after all the years of stripping away veils like flesh from my very bones, that the whole grand scheme of things in third density merely amounted to choosing the lesser of many evils. It was a system of dampers.
For me to have to choose that way was not a choice, it was a compromise. I was no longer willing to compromise. You could even say that I chose rebellion over compromise with the forces that control our environment. The reason and intent for the choice was above this control and was made with full awareness that it may be impossible to ever do anything to effectively implement the choice.
In other words, there was no weight to the choice. I was seeing that over and over again I had been told I must drink the water and not the oil because it was the only rational choice, and I was rejecting that control. I was essentially choosing to drink neither, preferring to seek further for the ideal “living water”. And it was only in myself that I found it. It was in my power to choose to continue to create rather than seek return and oblivion.
Jesus answered [the Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well], If you had only known and had recognized God’s gift … you would have asked Him and He would have given you living water. … Whoever takes a drink of the water that I will give him shall never, no never, be thirsty anymore. But the water that I will give him shall become a spring of water welling up continually within him unto eternal life. … A time will come when the true worshippers will worship the Father in spirit and in true reality; for the Father is seeking just such people as these … God is a Spirit and those who worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth. (John 4:10—24)
The deepest realization of this choice hits home when you understand that the greatest illusions that are chosen by us are those of our closest relationships. Jesus said:
Do not think that I have come to bring peace upon the earth; I have not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to part asunder a man from his father, and a daughter from her mother, and a newly married wife from her mother-in-law; and a man’s foes will be they of his own household. He who loves and takes more pleasure in father or mother than in Me is not worthy of Me; and he who loves and takes more pleasure in son or daughter than in Me is not worthy of me; And he who does not take up his cross and follow Me is not worthy of Me. Whoever finds his [lower] life will lose the [higher] life and whoever loses his [lower] life on My account will find [the higher life]. (Matthew 10: 35—39)
Every situation or dynamic in which we find ourselves demands a response. To not respond is, of course, a choice to accede to the dynamic as it is. This means that the only true response we can give is to be more fully and strongly what we have chosen. Consciously. And only by doing this do we progress to the next level.
We come then to the problem of how to do this. I realized that it was a matter of growing stronger in terms of polarity. At the level of third density, the animal man is far stronger than the spiritual man. Third density is the point at which the process of division takes place. Some will follow the unification into Oneness that leads to the “new” descent into primal matter, and some will become the consciousness that loses itself in the clay of creation for the joy of learning and experience. There are those that find the door to the inner circle of creation, and those that descend to become matter.
