One thing I've noticed about human beings - including myself at times - is that everyone is really worried about how they appear to others. They worry that every little mistake they made is like a HUGE thing, that people notice it, talk about it behind their backs, make fun of them, whatever. It's like an obsession.
I sorta solved this for myself years ago when I realized that the people who are so worried about making a mistake that they never do anything, don't realize that most other people are worried about doing something dumb too, so nobody is really paying attention to anybody else. So, I got over myself and started being concerned about the other people who were shy and worried and made efforts to try to engage with them and help them get over their worries so they could interact naturally. It was amazing to learn how relieved so many of these people were that someone actually came over to talk to them or whatever.
Anyway, here is another study described in David McRaney's book that gives weight to this idea: everybody is so worried about how they appear to everybody else that nobody is paying attention and you might as well relax and just do your thing.
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The Spotlight Effect
THE MISCONCEPTION: When you are around others, you feel as if everyone is noticing every aspect of your appearance and behavior.
THE TRUTH: People devote little attention to you unless prompted to.
You spill a drink at a party. You get a mustard stain on your shirt. Your forehead is breaking out on the day you have to do a presentation.
Oh no. What will people think?
Chances are, they won’t think anything. Most people won’t notice at all, and if they do, they’ll probably disregard and forget your imperfections and faux pas within seconds.
You lose some weight, buy a new pair of pants, and strut through doors expecting some sort of acknowledgment. Perhaps you get a new haircut, or buy a new watch. You spend an extra fifteen minutes in front of the mirror expecting the world to notice. You spend so much time thinking about your own body, your own thoughts and behaviors, you begin to think other people must be noticing too.
The research says they aren’t, at least not nearly as much as you are.
When in a group or public setting, you think every little nuance of your behavior is under scrutiny by everyone else. The effect is even worse if you must stand on a stage or go out with someone for the first time. You can’t help but be the center of your universe, and you find it difficult to gauge just how much other people are paying attention since you are paying attention to you all the time. When you start to imagine yourself in the audience, you believe every little misstep is amplified.
You are not so smart when it comes to dealing with crowds because you are too egocentric.
Fortunately, everyone else is just as egocentric, and they are just as convinced that they are being scrutinized.
The spotlight effect was studied at Cornell in 1996 by Thomas Gilovich, who researched the degree to which people believe their actions and appearance are noticed by others. He had college students put on T-shirts featuring the smiling face of Barry Manilow and then knock on the door to a classroom where other subjects were filling out a questionnaire. When you are late to a class or to work, or walk into a crowded theater or nightclub, you feel as if all eyes are on you, judging and criticizing. These students had to shed their normal clothes for a shirt with a giant Barry Manilow head beaming back out into the world, so Gilovich hypothesized they would feel an especially strong version of the spotlight effect when they had to walk into the classroom.
Each person did this, and then walked over and spoke with the researcher for a moment. The researcher then pulled up a chair and told the embarrassed subject to sit down, but right as they did they were told to stand back up and were then led out for a debriefing. They asked the subjects to estimate how many people noticed their shirt. The people wearing the embarrassing attire figured about half of the people in the room saw it and noticed how awful it was.
When the researchers then asked the people in the classroom to describe the subject, about 25 percent recalled seeing Manilow.
In a situation designed to draw attention, only a quarter of the observers noticed the odd clothing choice, not half.
Gilovich repeated the experiment, but this time allowed the students to pick a “cool” shirt depicting Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, or Martin Luther King Jr.
In this run, the estimates were the same. They thought about half the class saw their awesome shirt. Less than 10 percent did.
This suggests the spotlight effect is strong for both positive and negative images of yourself, but the real world is far less likely to give a shit when you are trying to look cool.
Gilovich has repeated his work on crowded New York streets, and although people felt as if a giant spotlight was shining down illuminating their tiny place in the world and all eyes were upon them, in reality, most people didn’t notice them at all.
The spotlight effect leads you to believe everyone notices when you drive around town in a new, expensive car. They don’t. After all, the last time you saw an awesome car, do you remember who was driving it? Do you even remember the last time you saw an awesome car?
This feeling extends into other situations as well. For instance, if you are playing Rock Band or singing karaoke or doing anything where you feel your actions are being monitored by others, you tend to believe every up and down of your performance is being cataloged and critiqued.
Not so.
You will apologize or make fun of yourself in an attempt to soften the blows, but it doesn’t matter.
In 2001, Gilovich had subjects play a competitive video game and rate how much attention they thought their teammates and opponents were paying to their performance. He found people paid lots of attention to how they themselves were doing, but almost no attention to others. While playing, they felt like everyone else was keeping up with how good they were at the game.
Research shows people believe others see their contributions to conversation as being memorable, but they aren’t. You think everyone noticed when you stumbled in your speech, but they didn’t. Well, unless you drew attention to it by over-apologizing.
The next time you get a pimple on your forehead, or buy a new pair of shoes, or Tweet about how boring your day is, don’t expect anyone to notice. You are not so smart or special.
I sorta solved this for myself years ago when I realized that the people who are so worried about making a mistake that they never do anything, don't realize that most other people are worried about doing something dumb too, so nobody is really paying attention to anybody else. So, I got over myself and started being concerned about the other people who were shy and worried and made efforts to try to engage with them and help them get over their worries so they could interact naturally. It was amazing to learn how relieved so many of these people were that someone actually came over to talk to them or whatever.
Anyway, here is another study described in David McRaney's book that gives weight to this idea: everybody is so worried about how they appear to everybody else that nobody is paying attention and you might as well relax and just do your thing.
***********************
The Spotlight Effect
THE MISCONCEPTION: When you are around others, you feel as if everyone is noticing every aspect of your appearance and behavior.
THE TRUTH: People devote little attention to you unless prompted to.
You spill a drink at a party. You get a mustard stain on your shirt. Your forehead is breaking out on the day you have to do a presentation.
Oh no. What will people think?
Chances are, they won’t think anything. Most people won’t notice at all, and if they do, they’ll probably disregard and forget your imperfections and faux pas within seconds.
You lose some weight, buy a new pair of pants, and strut through doors expecting some sort of acknowledgment. Perhaps you get a new haircut, or buy a new watch. You spend an extra fifteen minutes in front of the mirror expecting the world to notice. You spend so much time thinking about your own body, your own thoughts and behaviors, you begin to think other people must be noticing too.
The research says they aren’t, at least not nearly as much as you are.
When in a group or public setting, you think every little nuance of your behavior is under scrutiny by everyone else. The effect is even worse if you must stand on a stage or go out with someone for the first time. You can’t help but be the center of your universe, and you find it difficult to gauge just how much other people are paying attention since you are paying attention to you all the time. When you start to imagine yourself in the audience, you believe every little misstep is amplified.
You are not so smart when it comes to dealing with crowds because you are too egocentric.
Fortunately, everyone else is just as egocentric, and they are just as convinced that they are being scrutinized.
The spotlight effect was studied at Cornell in 1996 by Thomas Gilovich, who researched the degree to which people believe their actions and appearance are noticed by others. He had college students put on T-shirts featuring the smiling face of Barry Manilow and then knock on the door to a classroom where other subjects were filling out a questionnaire. When you are late to a class or to work, or walk into a crowded theater or nightclub, you feel as if all eyes are on you, judging and criticizing. These students had to shed their normal clothes for a shirt with a giant Barry Manilow head beaming back out into the world, so Gilovich hypothesized they would feel an especially strong version of the spotlight effect when they had to walk into the classroom.
Each person did this, and then walked over and spoke with the researcher for a moment. The researcher then pulled up a chair and told the embarrassed subject to sit down, but right as they did they were told to stand back up and were then led out for a debriefing. They asked the subjects to estimate how many people noticed their shirt. The people wearing the embarrassing attire figured about half of the people in the room saw it and noticed how awful it was.
When the researchers then asked the people in the classroom to describe the subject, about 25 percent recalled seeing Manilow.
In a situation designed to draw attention, only a quarter of the observers noticed the odd clothing choice, not half.
Gilovich repeated the experiment, but this time allowed the students to pick a “cool” shirt depicting Jerry Seinfeld, Bob Marley, or Martin Luther King Jr.
In this run, the estimates were the same. They thought about half the class saw their awesome shirt. Less than 10 percent did.
This suggests the spotlight effect is strong for both positive and negative images of yourself, but the real world is far less likely to give a shit when you are trying to look cool.
Gilovich has repeated his work on crowded New York streets, and although people felt as if a giant spotlight was shining down illuminating their tiny place in the world and all eyes were upon them, in reality, most people didn’t notice them at all.
The spotlight effect leads you to believe everyone notices when you drive around town in a new, expensive car. They don’t. After all, the last time you saw an awesome car, do you remember who was driving it? Do you even remember the last time you saw an awesome car?
This feeling extends into other situations as well. For instance, if you are playing Rock Band or singing karaoke or doing anything where you feel your actions are being monitored by others, you tend to believe every up and down of your performance is being cataloged and critiqued.
Not so.
You will apologize or make fun of yourself in an attempt to soften the blows, but it doesn’t matter.
In 2001, Gilovich had subjects play a competitive video game and rate how much attention they thought their teammates and opponents were paying to their performance. He found people paid lots of attention to how they themselves were doing, but almost no attention to others. While playing, they felt like everyone else was keeping up with how good they were at the game.
Research shows people believe others see their contributions to conversation as being memorable, but they aren’t. You think everyone noticed when you stumbled in your speech, but they didn’t. Well, unless you drew attention to it by over-apologizing.
The next time you get a pimple on your forehead, or buy a new pair of shoes, or Tweet about how boring your day is, don’t expect anyone to notice. You are not so smart or special.
. It is always interesting to see this and they usually get over it pretty fast. Smoking is one area where I just stopped really judging myself and am less concerned with others anti-smoking perceptions, although it took awhile.
