Are other people REALLY looking at you?

Deckard

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Ruth said:
Sometimes I wish people really would look at me instead of ignoring me or doing the equivalent of trying to back away. :P I suppose it has a lot to do with people not wishing to see what they don't want to see (and for my proclivity to present unwelcome information - such as reality, directly to them).

I am not sure I am understanding the context. Since the context of the thread is random people I am guessing you are referring to such situation.
If the "people" are not those important in your life and you are not specifically asked for input or help this would be fairly normal reaction to your "proclivity to present unwelcome information". Even in situations when you are asked for help, like for example professionally and part of your advice includes something incomprehensible/uncomfortable for them you need to constantly gauge the situation and their ability to grasp the information presented and adjust your advice accordingly. OSIT

But I can understand frustration with people not looking at you, avoiding eye contact even in random superficial situations, not to mention less superficial situations when you are actually introduce to someone like at the party for example. There is nothing nicer when you encounter service provider who maintains eye contact and acknowledges you with the smile and openess. Unfortunately most people come with a lot of baggage that makes such interactions impossible.
 

HowToBe

The Living Force
Z said:
Ruth said:
Sometimes I wish people really would look at me instead of ignoring me or doing the equivalent of trying to back away. :P I suppose it has a lot to do with people not wishing to see what they don't want to see (and for my proclivity to present unwelcome information - such as reality, directly to them).

I am not sure I am understanding the context. Since the context of the thread is random people I am guessing you are referring to such situation.
If the "people" are not those important in your life and you are not specifically asked for input or help this would be fairly normal reaction to your "proclivity to present unwelcome information". Even in situations when you are asked for help, like for example professionally and part of your advice includes something incomprehensible/uncomfortable for them you need to constantly gauge the situation and their ability to grasp the information presented and adjust your advice accordingly. OSIT

But I can understand frustration with people not looking at you, avoiding eye contact even in random superficial situations, not to mention less superficial situations when you are actually introduce to someone like at the party for example. There is nothing nicer when you encounter service provider who maintains eye contact and acknowledges you with the smile and openess. Unfortunately most people come with a lot of baggage that makes such interactions impossible.

Sometimes I number among them. It depends on how well I'm functioning on a particular day: If I'm well rested and have eaten well, then things go much smoother, but if I am low on sleep especially it seems like my social anxieties shut me down. Part of my lob involves asking customers if they would like to donate to a charity, and I seem to have noticed that fewer people tend to donate on days when I am badly rested or otherwise low on energy or "present-ness".
 

Perri475

Jedi
Jeez the hard part is ingraining this knowledge... I mean I feel that this is stuff that most people know deep down inside, but I know personally reminding myself something as simple as this in the moment is a HARD task! Anxiety really likes to turn the rational part of the brain down a few notches. I can't help but chuckle at the thought of a mantra reminding yourself that we're all just as terrified of each-others' perspectives!

Normally when I get freaked out in public (thinking someone is giving me a weird stare or just feel crowded in general) I'll just retreat to the vehicle of whoever I'm out with. I need to meditate on and internalize a lot of information on this thread as I feel it will be super beneficial to a lot of the issues I face.

Thank you for sharing this information
 

Etro

A Disturbance in the Force
Thanks for sharing the info, Laura

I had an interesting experience that this reminds me of a few days back. I was walking through a park with a few friends when I thought I'd try some walking meditation to practice the technique. As I tried to become mindful of my surroundings I noticed a group of people had come around to sit beside where we'd stopped, and I felt like I was being watched. The strange part was that I was able to recognize the part of myself that felt anxious and under scrutiny and just sort of observe the way it affected me without letting it take over me as I usually do. In this state of mind, it became pretty clear that the last thing on these people's minds was me, as they were all too busy staring at their phones or off into the distance to even notice me. I'm hoping that I can get better at clearing my mind and observing myself in this manner and hopefully get over this social anxiety, knowing that the focus is not always on me.
 

Perri475

Jedi
Etro said:
Thanks for sharing the info, Laura

I had an interesting experience that this reminds me of a few days back. I was walking through a park with a few friends when I thought I'd try some walking meditation to practice the technique. As I tried to become mindful of my surroundings I noticed a group of people had come around to sit beside where we'd stopped, and I felt like I was being watched. The strange part was that I was able to recognize the part of myself that felt anxious and under scrutiny and just sort of observe the way it affected me without letting it take over me as I usually do. In this state of mind, it became pretty clear that the last thing on these people's minds was me, as they were all too busy staring at their phones or off into the distance to even notice me. I'm hoping that I can get better at clearing my mind and observing myself in this manner and hopefully get over this social anxiety, knowing that the focus is not always on me.

This was inspirational to me, thank you for it :). It reminded me of my own personal strength. I struggle just leaving my apartment (I'll go days without even stepping outside unless I need to for groceries etc). It's not a healthy way to live, but I know it's something I can work against! Seeing you being able to put that whole situation at the park into perspective is incredibly motivating. To me it always is a little embarrassing because the answer to anxiety on paper is seemingly ''as easy as:'', but the actual execution of stepping outside of your anxious self to grasp an objective view on what and why your anxiety is being triggered feels near impossible most of the time. I have a lot to reflect on before I go to sleep

ps. there's a lot of beneficial information on this forum about anxiety and general mental health/well-being. I've found it very easy to use the search bar at the top right of the back to search for threads involving topics of anxiety, depression, etc. I've found a lot of information on this website incredibly beneficial!
 

Etro

A Disturbance in the Force
Perri475 said:
To me it always is a little embarrassing because the answer to anxiety on paper is seemingly ''as easy as:'', but the actual execution of stepping outside of your anxious self to grasp an objective view on what and why your anxiety is being triggered feels near impossible most of the time.

I don't think the answer to anything is every "as easy as" anything else. Everyone faces obstacles and learns lessons at their own pace which, correct me if I'm wrong, seem to be individual to them at that specific moment in time. The experience at the park served to remind me that I had a choice as to how to feel at that specific moment in time, but to be honest, these moments of clarity have only just recently started happening to me, and the mindset is still difficult to maintain for any extended period of time. But I suppose it's like a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly in order to function at optimal capacity. I'm hoping I can keep it up. And I will definitely check out the sections on depression here. Hopefully I'll be able to find something that resonates with me.

But don't fret about being socially anxious. I found two amazing friends who have gone out of their way to be patient with me in my slow and tedious growth, and it is through my interactions with them that I have been able to see and acknowledge the strength within myself. They're here on the forum too, and I'm sure this place is filled with many like them. Good luck to you, and thanks :)


mod: fixed quote box
 

Perri475

Jedi
Etro said:
I don't think the answer to anything is every "as easy as" anything else. Everyone faces obstacles and learns lessons at their own pace which, correct me if I'm wrong, seem to be individual to them at that specific moment in time. The experience at the park served to remind me that I had a choice as to how to feel at that specific moment in time, but to be honest, these moments of clarity have only just recently started happening to me, and the mindset is still difficult to maintain for any extended period of time. But I suppose it's like a muscle that needs to be exercised regularly in order to function at optimal capacity. I'm hoping I can keep it up. And I will definitely check out the sections on depression here. Hopefully I'll be able to find something that resonates with me.

But don't fret about being socially anxious. I found two amazing friends who have gone out of their way to be patient with me in my slow and tedious growth, and it is through my interactions with them that I have been able to see and acknowledge the strength within myself. They're here on the forum too, and I'm sure this place is filled with many like them. Good luck to you, and thanks :)

''As easy as'' was a poor way to word it (Language continues to be a barrier for me; I have a VERY hard time conveying my thoughts). What I meant was that reading up on ways of coping and dealing with it are certainly helpful, but actually implementing them is so hard for me. So I'll be anxious for x reason which can lead me to simultaneously belittle myself for being anxious. So my original statement was more to reflect my state of mind during an anxious episode (hopefully that makes sense!).

Oh and I have nothing to correct you about, we all do definitely go at our own pace. My ego tends to give me unrealistic criticisms on my anxiety and depression (which in turn demotivate unless I pull through in the moment). Things are constantly on shifting scale, but I'm getting better and better at handling the mood swings! The Éiriú Eolas breathing exercises Laura teaches has been helping me sort through a lot of my problems which seems to be speeding up progress that I was already making.

I'm glad you have close ones who are empathetic towards your anxiety! Luckily my partner and roommates are very supportive and empathetic towards my anxiety as well. I've been reading through a lot of this forum and I agree, I've seen nothing to make me think this forum is anything other than a mutual support and knowledge growth system. I'm very happy my search for truth led me here :D
 

Andrian

The Living Force
FOTCM Member
Thank you Laura and all who participated in this thread, to all who shared their experiences, i confess that I'm a victim of my own self importance, self pity, just to make an example, i live in another country for about 6 years now, i don't have many friends, so i don't go out often, at work(i work as a receptionist in the hotel) i noticed that sometimes when I'm stressed from work or from other factors I'm more anxious(though I'm trying to hide it always under a smile and kindness) and the guests are noticing this in me and those who are not so nice people when noticing my insecurity, my worries they are mocking me behind my back, laughing at me, i gave it a lot of thought, trying to understand what I'm doing wrong: I'm trying always to be nice, helpful, to smile to our guests to be respectful and despite all of this i get laughs behind my back. By reading the thread i think I'm starting to understand what was my mistake:

Laura said:
Maybe if you stopped caring and worrying about it, you would stop giving off the energy that attracts it?

Indeed, Laura you hit the nail on the head with the above remarc, you are right, the real problem is me, giving so much importance and attention to my anxieties, my worries, fears(for example:what other people may think of me noticing that I'm coming from another country) and other ridiculous fears, i realize that I'm projecting my fears, my illusions into others and they are reflected back to me under the form of what i expect it to be: mockery, laghings and so on. Will try my best to not give it so much importance, energy, to not feed it and I'm sure the things will change to the better. :halo:
 
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