Hope, fear and the future

On Pierre's recent article on Sott, a forum member, Divide by Zero, was expressing his hopelessness about the state of the world and the future and supporting any one "side". I can certainly understand where he is coming from.

I thought I'd share one of his comments here and my response, in case there are others who are feeling something similar, and perhaps would like to discuss it.


[quote author= Divide by Zero] I think where I am most upset is that it pretty much means we are powerless as to the inevitable.

My personal life doesn't involve much suffering, I'm pretty lucky, but still it doesn't take the sting out of this existential crisis, that we are an experiment as the C's said, pawns on a chess board. Being aware of it doesn't change the fact that we are stuck on this sinking ship, lol.

Yes, it's an "interesting show", but it's very hard to feel like I want to root for any side. Maybe I take it too seriously? But how else do we take it when the status quo gets us this endless cycle?

I think it's a form of bankruptcy, where we realize that our idealizations are in fact rooted in some ignorance.

So, if its an interesting show, what's the point of anger about injustice, etc? Is it useful to have as a reminder to death that this reality is a cesspool? Is that the ultimate lesson that we keep forgetting with false hope?
[/quote]

[quote author= Joe]DBZ, I think the issue here is one of control and the sense of the loss of it. I know it well. But the desire for control is really the desire for security, security against our fears, and our fears are rooted in beliefs which are almost certainly false, because that is what life in this world inculcates in us, wrong beliefs.

We have been taught that this world is a safe place that will continue on indefinitely, this provides some sense of security. But now that security is being stripped away and the true nature and intentions of the powers in control of this world are revealed. Not only that, but the Cs have revealed an even deeper truth about human life, as you mention. They said 'we are an experiment'. But that is not ALL they said. In fact, they said much more.

We are part of and involved in an evolutionary process that involves a much grander and broader perspective on what life is all about than we could ever have imagined. All things pass, but all things also continue. To where and what they continue is based on our beliefs, which are usually constrained by fear and made false by it.

When we "root for a side" in the political/social/cultural/spiritual arena of this world, we are not really supporting the actual physical thing or person, but the IDEA that a certain 'side' represents. We do not invest in the human machinations on this planet or where they will lead, rather we invest in the idea of a different world where love and joy direct its evolution rather than fear and suffering. We focus on that and, more to the point, we make those ideas, those ideals, REAL by making them a part of our inner and outer lives. A door is approaching, behind it stand many pathways to many different places. Which pathway we choose is determined by what we choose in the here and now.

This is a struggle, a battle, there is no doubt. The Cs said it was one for "souls and the future". DBZ, you know more of the most important things about life than the vast majority of people on this planet, but knowledge must be combined with Being, which is the application of that knowledge. When you apply that knowledge in your own life, when you make it a real, living thing, you are directly engaging in the process of choosing. Not only that, you will also directly help others who are trying to make the same choice, to make it. A critical mass of a very small number of people who make such a choice, who make it real by living it, can very probably "create" a whole new world.

What is missing in this world? Love, compassion, community spirit, Truth.

Long ago the Cs said:

A: No. It is like this: After you have completed all your lessons in "third grade," where do you go?
Q: (L) You go to fourth grade.
A: Okay, now, do you have to already be in 4th grade in order to be allowed to go there? Answer.
Q: (L) No. But you have to know all the 3rd density things...
A: Yes. More apropos: you have to have learned all of the lessons.
A: Karmic and simple understandings.
Q: (L) What are the key elements of these understandings, and are they fairly universal?
A: They are universal.
Q: (L) What are they?
A: We cannot tell you that.
Q: (L) Do they have to do with discovering the MEANINGS of the symbology of 3rd density existence, seeing behind the veil... and reacting to things according to choice?Giving each thing or person or event its due?
A: Okay. But you cannot force the issue. When you have learned, you have learned!

Keep the faith DBZ. I suspect that there will be plenty of opportunity in the not-too-distant future for those with an eye for it, to witness the symbolic nature of 3D existence and what it is pointing to.

Perhaps more importantly, those that DO see, will need to be ready and able to help those that have lost their way.[/quote]

Thanks Perseus for those words of comfort and of providing a focus in what is a confused and depressing world currently. Better to be awake or in the process of seeing objective reality than to be still asleep and blinded to what is happening. I think it is especially relevant to be pushing upwards and paying careful attention to events around us

Back in 1974 I got involved in a Pentecostal church who were preaching the imminent return of JC, literally we were told this would happen in the next 2-5 years. It was interesting to see the effect on many members of that congregation, particularly the younger ones - many of them gave up doing anything, didn't go to University, didn't take much interest in what was happening in the world other than to marry it to prophecy to reinforce that JC's coming was imminent, how they were providing for their families - feeling so joyful that the lord was returning and frustrated that it wasn't happening right then. Their lives degenerated into a meaningless game of waiting for glory. I learned back then how important it is to have the possible impending event in mind but to continue to live in the world, to pay attention and get on with doing what one could.

I do see many parallels with our time now. Possible momentous events coming, but we are aware that the future is not fixed and we need to carry on, paying attention and helping those around us who genuinely are looking for help.

It is going to be an interesting year.

Very inspiring Joe! Thanks for sharing that.

I can also relate to feelings of hopelessness, but as the Cs have said over and over again the future is open and we don't know what will happen, when, and exactly what effects our actions will have, and that gives me hope for a brighter future, whatever that may be. Seeing our group in action gives me hope too, because everyone was lost in one way or another at some point in their life (I certainly was), and everyone's life here has been changed by our collective efforts, with Laura and the Chateau crew setting the example day in and day out, for years.

We've talked about critical mass potentially resulting in significant changes, the Cs have alluded to a tribal unit that can have a significant impact on the course of humanity, and Gurdjieff talked about 200 people being able to changed the world--I don't know what the critical mass is or how much the world can be changed anymore, but what if we hit it and things start changing rapidly and significantly? You never know--the future is open.

I have hope for the future. I'm quite convinced that it won't be pretty for a while, maybe even a long while, but I'm also convinced that our actions matter and that if all of us are striving to do more, to be better, to learn the lessons that we need to learn, and to help others, that others will join us as we have joined up on the steps behind those ahead of us. And even if it isn't everyone on the planet and even if it isn't enough to stop the seemingly inevitable train wreck that our planet appears to be going towards, I'm convinced that it will matter to those who were searching, just as the actions of others on the steps above us have mattered to us.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I'm going to keep doing all I can until whatever it is comes.

Joe, I think that was very well written. You have the gift for sure! I hadn't read that exchange before now, so thanks for sharing it. :)

Thank you, Joe! For me, this message is very substantial and uplifting (an instant heart rush) so thank you for sharing...

I love our SOTT / Cass / Quantum Future etc family (Thank You All) ~ Thank You Again

Perceval said:

We do not invest in the human machinations on this planet or where they will lead, rather we invest in the idea of a different world where love and joy direct its evolution rather than fear and suffering. We focus on that and, more to the point, we make those ideas, those ideals, REAL by making them a part of our inner and outer lives.

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That's the most significant thing I've read in a good while. It really sums up how I feel about things these days.

I don't know what the future holds for us, but I'm going to keep doing all I can until whatever it is comes.

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I think that's the best philosophy one can live by if one is able to get into that mind frame. If you have an aim and all you care about is working towards it, then nothing else matters and you can - in a certain way - become untouchable by fear. I see what's happening around us, on the macro and micro, and this festive season I've been moved to tears a number of times - from seeing what's happening on the global level, in Syria, in Turkey, to seeing a young Muslim girl selling the Big Issue on a village street. But these feelings of deep sadness actually inspire me! They prove to me (figuratively speaking, anyway) that I'm not a soulless robot and that I have a force inside me that I can use to enable me to make choices and act in ways that represent the very highest ideals. Because without being able to despair of the world and those who suffer it, I would be useless to the Universe.

I used to fear the future and fear death and fantasise about getting to 4th Density. None of that has a bearing on what I do any more. I just get on with what I can do right now. What will be will be. I just want to be what I can be and if my efforts have no beneficial effect on the future, then that's the Universe's doing - not mine.

Flashgordonv said:

Thanks Perseus for those words of comfort and of providing a focus in what is a confused and depressing world currently. Better to be awake or in the process of seeing objective reality than to be still asleep and blinded to what is happening. I think it is especially relevant to be pushing upwards and paying careful attention to events around us

Back in 1974 I got involved in a Pentecostal church who were preaching the imminent return of JC, literally we were told this would happen in the next 2-5 years. It was interesting to see the effect on many members of that congregation, particularly the younger ones - many of them gave up doing anything, didn't go to University, didn't take much interest in what was happening in the world other than to marry it to prophecy to reinforce that JC's coming was imminent, how they were providing for their families - feeling so joyful that the lord was returning and frustrated that it wasn't happening right then. Their lives degenerated into a meaningless game of waiting for glory. I learned back then how important it is to have the possible impending event in mind but to continue to live in the world, to pay attention and get on with doing what one could.

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I think I've sort of fallen into this trap as well in the past. Waiting is such a poisonous feeling. I am not running at full capacity when I withhold some of my energy in preparation for some unknown future. I just have to keep living life to the fullest and not let anything distract me from my aim. But I think too that sometimes aims in themselves can be distractions or ways to avoid taking a deeper look at things inside me. Like this work thing could be just another form of distraction to feel better about myself before I die. Certainly the materialists think so.

Reading what I wrote above from a 3rd person perspective, my unconscious response to my concern was: that would certainly characterize work on incorrect foundations. Ultimately, it's about the process and attuning ourselves to the highest calling of our soul to bring about the universe's wish. Aims specifically (such as stopping wars or healing the biosphere) are less about the ultimate results (beyond our control, as Joe said) than about how it nourishes us idealistically and symbolically. If it's a purpose that overwhelms and dominates us, what need would you have for that to be appreciated (or noticed) by others? It is a part of your nature now. You have an I.

Sorry if this is rambling a bit - it's late here and I'm still getting over my annual Christmas depressive episode. Maybe I need some vitamin D or something.

Thanks a lot, Joe, for starting this thread - similar thoughts have been on my mind for quite some time.

I have recently started to study the Stoics, and this has been a great help for me (I hope I don't sound like a broken record, as I have mentioned that on several occasions recently).

The central tenet is that there are outside things that happen to us, over which we have little to no control, and there are internal things - how we emotionally, spiritually and physically handle and interpret these outside things - over which we have total control. We should focus our intent on the things over which we have control (our internal world) and teach ourselves how to detach from those outside things, over which we have no control.

The early Stoics (like Zeno) were pure materialists, but the later ones (e.g. Marcus Aurelius or Epictetus) were of the belief that we all have a "divine spark" inside of us - a part of the Divine, that relates us back to the Creator. So the situation that I am in today is "a gift from the Gods" and exactly where I need to be. So instead tof despairing I should take this "gift" - and believe me, I struggle to see that as a gift myself! - and go with it.

One other roundabout way to express this is a saying attributed to St. Augustine: "Even if I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant a tree today." Meaning that I have an aim and a trust in life that is unconnected to the events unfolding outside of me.

Of course the Stoic philosophy is incomplete by itself, but marry that with what the Cs have taught us, and I think we can get a pretty good handle on this.

I have developped sort of a toolkit to deal with this the last few years, which I can go back to in times of need, and this is roughly the following:

1. All there is, is lessons - the Universe is one big classroom.
2. What happens to me now, happens for a reason and I may not have any control over this. What I have control over is what I do with it, but most importantly how I put these things into perspective and how I interpret these. Often this makes the difference (for me at least) between despair and quiet resilience and to doggedly follow my AIM.
3. Often I am impatient, with me or the world, I want to fix things right now. But things don't work like that. I am an imperfect human being, and to clean my machine takes time, a lot of it, maybe even many lifetimes. So I do what I can, that's all I can do. And this relates to the next point, which Ark mentioned somewhere:
4. Replace I SHOULD by I WANT and develop these avenues. Of course life will always throw SHOULD's at you, but that again ties into 2. - the point is how I handle and interpret these outside influences over which I have no control.
5. The future is open and given there is enough aim and effort concentrated in a particular group of likeminded people, we can - maybe - help "create" a better world.

Not sure if all that makes sense or is of any help ...

nicklebleu said:

Thanks a lot, Joe, for starting this thread - similar thoughts have been on my mind for quite some time.

I have developped sort of a toolkit to deal with this the last few years, which I can go back to in times of need, and this is roughly the following:

1. All there is, is lessons - the Universe is one big classroom.
2. What happens to me now, happens for a reason and I may not have any control over this. What I have control over is what I do with it, but most importantly how I put these things into perspective and how I interpret these. Often this makes the difference (for me at least) between despair and quiet resilience and to doggedly follow my AIM.
3. Often I am impatient, with me or the world, I want to fix things right now. But things don't work like that. I am an imperfect human being, and to clean my machine takes time, a lot of it, maybe even many lifetimes. So I do what I can, that's all I can do. And this relates to the next point, which Ark mentioned somewhere:
4. Replace I SHOULD by I WANT and develop these avenues. Of course life will always throw SHOULD's at you, but that again ties into 2. - the point is how I handle and interpret these outside influences over which I have no control.
5. The future is open and given there is enough aim and effort concentrated in a particular group of likeminded people, we can - maybe - help "create" a better world.

Not sure if all that makes sense or is of any help ...

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Yeah thanks Joe, I've been thinking a lot about the benefits of networking. Also, with the recent events with Turkey and Russia, transcribing that show, really opened my eyes to how much we really just have to sit back and watch, and feel powerless.

nicklebleu, I really like your toolkit, and it makes a lot of sense!
I especially like the "What happens to me now, is for a reason, it's what I choose to do that counts" - it's easy to fall into despair and get wrapped in up the negative emotions of an event, situation, etc, and forget that it happened for a reason. It reminds me how we can create our own reality, by making these choices.. we're presented with multiple opportunities but it's what we do with these that really matters.

I discussed the "shoulds" against the "wants" with my therapist, and she mentioned that using imperatives such as "should, have to" etc - takes away our power in a way that we forget that we DO have a choice. It is a choice to make, rather than feeling compelled to do something, so replacing it with I want is a really good idea. (I guess, if you can separate from emotional & conscious hope) ...
I hope we can create a better world, whatever that means, however it'll be done.

Many thanks Joe for sharing your very inspiring and timely words.

We do not invest in the human machinations on this planet or where they will lead, rather we invest in the idea of a different world where love and joy direct its evolution rather than fear and suffering. We focus on that and, more to the point, we make those ideas, those ideals, REAL by making them a part of our inner and outer lives. A door is approaching, behind it stand many pathways to many different places. Which pathway we choose is determined by what we choose in the here and now.

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As painful as it is, by just accepting the 'terror of the situation', making more informed choices and adapting, and simply persevering despite the suffering to spread Truth and love as best we can - is all we can do I think, and that surely is enough.

'Evil' represents the opportunity to learn necessary lessons. If all 'Evil' disappeared in an instant. Lessons will not be learned and those who removed all 'Evil' would not be truly helping. We are not 6STO and by that cannot see all lessons within.

That said, the 'Evil' on our planet is going ramped and that can’t be good either. All what we can basically do now is to work on ourselves, enhance the network. And give the lie what it deserves, the truth. And share this creatively with others.


[quote author=Foxx]We've talked about critical mass potentially resulting in significant changes, the Cs have alluded to a tribal unit that can have a significant impact on the course of humanity, and Gurdjieff talked about 200 people being able to changed the world--I don't know what the critical mass is or how much the world can be changed anymore, but what if we hit it and things start changing rapidly and significantly? You never know--the future is open.[/quote]

Yes, hoping for that to. And what is the deal if one's transmutation is complete. Or when certain DNA chances kick in. Doesn’t that enhance possibilities, which can be put to good use?

Anyhow, I don’t know. But like always, we can only work with what we have.


There is a saying that goes as follows:

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

i think that the reality we live in is an unchageable structure, misery and death will always follow the psychopaths wherever they go, whenever they're allowed to take over and rule, the result will always be the same, and maybe in some sense it's part of the lessons we must learn, namely to live under such circumstances, understanding that helps you "pick a side" which is humanity osit

I also feel that the fortune that some of us have relative to others in the world is a call to action, namely we should honor their existence, maybe part of the lesson of being comfortable is to learn not to ignore those who aren't, just because I have heat or am able to sleep at night doesn't mean that such is the case for people in Palestine or Syria, and while it easier to simply not think about it, they wouldn't be part of my reality if I wasn't aware of them, if that makes sense.

I believe that what Joe said is spot on, to invest in the idea of a world where love and joy direct the evolution, but to be able to do that you must know viscerally that this world is not such a place, and that even if it's an experiment, maybe we can sway the results of such experiment by going against the indifference that would seem like the most logical response to the conditions we all as a race live under.

Just my two cents, I completely understand where DBZ comes from, but if I may, I think that's a completely logical approach, But maybe what that means is that there should be a tad of emotion in our response to life? Maybe not "limiting" reactionary emotions, but ones that allow this connection to something larger than us... Namely everyone else?

Alejo said:

Just my two cents, I completely understand where DBZ comes from, but if I may, I think that's a completely logical approach, But maybe what that means is that there should be a tad of emotion in our response to life? Maybe not "limiting" reactionary emotions, but ones that allow this connection to something larger than us... Namely everyone else?

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Yep, the emotional response to the state of the world is normal and necessary, but it can also bog us down if we let it become too entrenched. It can make us question the point of doing anything. Ideally that emotional reaction to the almost complete lack of anything positive in this world should motivate us to FIND and CREATE positivity, and what is more positive than real connection between like-minded human beings? The Cs once said something like "emotion is necessary for progress, but it can also be an impediment to it". Emotions, especially 'higher emotions' are our antenna for the hidden aspects of reality, but when that kind of 'signal' is received, we should not make it subjective or see it as 'us' by mixing or confusing it with 'lower' emotions that are based on programming and false beliefs.

Yesterday I was reading a transcript from October 2015 and it mentioned the 'red line' that Russia had drawn over the west’s attempted coup in Syria. At the time, I think my thoughts were that there was very little Russia/Putin could do to stop tptb in Syria - because as the C's have said, they have many more avenues (of non-being) they could pursue to meet their desired ends. Add to that the general population was of the mind that Putin was a homophobic dictator, if they even thought about him at all.

Fast forward a few months, through the fateful October, and the situation really is different now. It was the phrase 'red line' that triggered the thoughts and feelings i viscerally felt at the time. And the contrast of how i feel about it now, as if Russia really has put a spanner in the works of their dastardly plans. And the view on Putin being any of the above is also turning. Seeing the results of Russia's precision airstrikes in Syria adds to that momentum, and provides an errie perspective for those of us wishing for peace, of how strategic defence is sometimes the answer.

As an example of how the future is really changeable and that much of it cannot be anticipated, especially by the deranged ptb, i think this is a good one. It's been mentioned many times on the forum but only last night did that aspect really hit me. As has been said, it's the idea i'm rooting for, not an individual.

Joe said:

What is missing in this world? Love, compassion, community spirit, Truth.

[...]

Keep the faith DBZ. I suspect that there will be plenty of opportunity in the not-too-distant future for those with an eye for it, to witness the symbolic nature of 3D existence and what it is pointing to.

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Certainly. And, as you say, if we're paying attention, the dire state of the world offers us glimpses of what is missing as well to witness these concepts in action, and opportunities and the drive for us to work for that we which we aim towards - especially in these 'interesting' times, like 'the seers of the inquisition whose petty tyrants moved them to sublime levels'.

Sometimes I’ve thought that things are almost holding out till this mass is 'ready', a bit like the comments about 'waking up in time', and at other times i think we're bobbing along the wave totally unawares of what's (possible) on the horizon. That we have an objective aim and are constantly assessing the state of our environment is why it may not be necessary to know the future. Because by working in objective reality, daily, we are becoming the future.

It seems what with all the holidays things have quietened down a bit, and in some cases they have, but more than anything if you take it all into account, it really is the calm bubbling before the storm.

Israel recently launched another attack on Gaza (Israel launches new jet airstrikes against Gaza Strip http://www.sott.net/article/309620-Israel-launches-new-jet-airstrikes-against-Gaza-Strip). There's the police-state in France, they're working on it in Belgium, Munich had armed police patrolling NYE - even with a drop in the 'terror level' - UK has had same. Add to that the probable poor consumer spending over Christmas coupled with the casino banking, that's just waiting for a nudge. Then there's the topsy turvy weather events with Texas blanketed with snow, the North poles 'heatwave', flooding/hail in desert areas, volcanoes and earthquakes behaving like dominoes, and the Christmas tornado swarm.

So there's a lot to see. And if we are involved in an experiment, even mainstream science accepts that the observer effects the experiment. I think this may be what's being said about observation and making that macrocosmic jump when the 'time' (and weight/mass of the observers) is right.

The sheer fantastical nature of some of the events do provide some light relief that, actually, yes, things are almost surreal right now, lucky you.

The contrast has become so blatant that i think if people still wish to sleep through it all, so be it, to stick your head in the sand now, they probably deserve to because the alternative for them would be too much. Just like if you were a teacher, you wouldn't/couldn't force a child to 'get mathematics', you'd patiently work with them, when they were ready, providing endless obvious and easy examples, helping them according to both your abilities.

NickleBleu said:

One other roundabout way to express this is a saying attributed to St. Augustine: "Even if I knew that the world would end tomorrow, I would still plant a tree today." Meaning that I have an aim and a trust in life that is unconnected to the events unfolding outside of me.

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Nicely put. I have faith in the process because this forum and my experience here is evidence for me of it. And yet everyday really can be a struggle. Which is where the network comes in to provide support or just confirmation that we're not alone and that it all, probably, has a purpose.

Joe said:

Alejo said:

Just my two cents, I completely understand where DBZ comes from, but if I may, I think that's a completely logical approach, But maybe what that means is that there should be a tad of emotion in our response to life? Maybe not "limiting" reactionary emotions, but ones that allow this connection to something larger than us... Namely everyone else?

Click to expand...

Yep, the emotional response to the state of the world is normal and necessary, but it can also bog us down if we let it become too entrenched. It can make us question the point of doing anything. Ideally that emotional reaction to the almost complete lack of anything positive in this world should motivate us to FIND and CREATE positivity, and what is more positive than real connection between like-minded human beings? The Cs once said something like "emotion is necessary for progress, but it can also be an impediment to it". Emotions, especially 'higher emotions' are our antenna for the hidden aspects of reality, but when that kind of 'signal' is received, we should not make it subjective or see it as 'us' by mixing or confusing it with 'lower' emotions that are based on programming and false beliefs.

Click to expand...

Thank you Joe for opening up this thoughts ... yea I feel right now in this turbulent time, that to be able to continue to be the light and example of beauty of life at this dark times, ( what seams to be actually my main "profession" since ever), when I already got a gift that brought me here ( I guess it has to do with development of magnetic center ) in this incredible community, where I learned a lot about real life, and lessons of life on earth, and all the meaning of importance of thoughts and ideas and to be aligned with ideas that are promoted on this Forum .... as by getting together and doing the Work we are actually already creating that reality ... now I can totally feel that even through silence, or even much better through silence of thoughts "up there" I can express what is going on in my mind, than through written or told clumsy interpretations of this huge geysers of emotion and thoughts that are coming out of my mind and heart in this last few months ....

Times are so turbulent, emotional roller coaster is just at some moments to painful, but now if we know at least some glimpses of what is all about, we can just step out to self remembering and bit by bit get to know the principle of cosmic love much deeper, that will enable us to stay creative and compassionate and in general life loving mood in this time of chaos and destruction ...

yea it seams that it is time of a big uplifting force that will enable us to get it "up", to conceive more powerful connection from our hearts to our brains ... so if we lose body life on that path, I don't think we have to be fear about death, contrary we can see death as a normal part of life, and we might be thankful for the opportunity to get a chance to live in this body and to learn through this life too .... many times I am thinking that no meter how painful life on earth can be, if there is opportunity to bring at least one smiling face up, I will be ready to do one more circle here, and I am not pushing my lessons to happen, as it is impossible, but now I am not restricting them either, and now I see that even a small, tiny bit that is bringing truth and knowledge in me, will for sure bring more knowledge to the whole universe ... so on a away I feel now that my decision of giving up that opportunity to contribute in creation is just not the way to go, it is not the way to be thankful for all other things and opportunities you get through life on earth .... so on a way, ow I feel is, that once we get to know a broader picture of life spread through densities and conscious mind, we don't have right to decide to sink into chaos and depression ... we might dance on the edge, but at least we have to keep pushing it into other direction ...

also I have been through a war conditions just 25 years ago when I was 19, and have been through my whole life, from professional to private, one of the inspiring forces that were keeping people uplifted not to give up, some how it was and still is so natural for me, but all this time, before I meet this materials, and before I meet all of you here, I was unconscious of the mechanics behind that .... now, since I started to learn more behind our life and thoughts and ideas, I have times when I am totally desperate and depressed as I know it is almost impossible to present that to the one who didn't yet found it by itself, and at that moments I am thinking, why I needed to fall down on my knees to beg for truth behind "happiness", that now makes me feel "insecure", but than I realize that what I am crying for is the "fearless" approach to jump into things without realy knowing them, while now it takes for me some extra effort to get to rethink the things before jumping into them, and sure I am starting to realize how what I am facing right now, is my mind laziness to keep up creative force not just by gut feelings and intuition, what was with me case before ( and what probably was influenced by some cosmic forces too), but as well as through developing emotional understanding, not just by my heart but as well as through my brain ... it is asking for extra work from my side, and any extra effort given, and any new lesson learned, result is just better and more stabile than it used to be with just intuitive jumping and bouncing around ... so I see it is me letting those forces to drag me down, and I see it is only me than can search for help to get out of that ...

As I wrote up there ... just my few cents and some clumsy interpretations of this huge geysers of emotion and thoughts that we are going through us in this space and time ....