I think there's a few ideas that perhaps should be explored and this might get offer a way out of this conundrum, hopefully.
I think that we have free will, and we have motivations for choices that determine STO or STS.
In a sense, free will is the ultimate law of the universe, and some of the examples presented, could in a sense be construed to be a technical violation of free will, and I believe every parent can understand this, when they impose their will upon their rebellious children. But then, it was their children's choice to be born to said parents at some level, right? and so part of that choice was to live under their restrictions in a way, to provide one another the opportunity to learn, does that still imply a violation of free will? it can be debated, the truth is that restraint is part of the mission of every parent, and caregiver.
On the other hand, these children did not consciously asked you to bring them to the world, so... free will violation? maybe not.
So, it becomes really nuanced when thinking about it, and at some point, we should perhaps remind ourselves that we live in an STS reality and as such most of our choices will remain self serving, we can attempt to grow respectful and honorable, never harm anyone consciously and become responsible for our choices, and most importantly, honest with ourselves about our motivations, but we're still STS. Honesty about that fact is perhaps better than to attempt to dress and measure up every choice in an STOness, because that can turn into an STS trojan horse rather quickly, think of all the diversity crowd fighting for the rights of minorities, for instance.
Which brings me to the motivation, free will violation is an STS feature, STO respects and upholds free will, this is true. But it strikes me that respecting the free will of another, WITH the intent of getting to STO is actually STS in nature, one is still chasing a reward in the end, "to be STO". Foregoing responsibility because "I respect free will as an STO candidate that I am" or whatever, can be a covert STS strategy. Not that every time one steps aside and lets people live their choices, one is doing it out of laziness or lack of responsibility, but it can happen.
Having said the above, if one has a set of responsibilities that one has accepted, and this implies some potential violation of free will, then be honest about it and still do your best. I love my dog, but I know I restrain his existence, and it is self serving, I can at least admit that as opposed to telling myself "No, I love my dog in an STO manner". Now, If one wishes to remain in a feeding dynamic despite the warnings and red flags, then one is free to do so I suppose, but what I would advice anyone is, at least be honest about your motivations, so that at least you're not deceiving yourself in the process.
Become part of something, or choose to give something another try despite the warnings, because you choose to do so, not because you have to. Choose the opposite, removing yourself from a situation or stepping aside, because you chose to, not because "it's the STO way to do things".
I think it comes down to that ultimately, choice, even before one reaches out for principles to try and categorize life events. And if one realizes that one isn't choosing, that it is something else that compels one to remain in a situation, or give in, or to walk away, then that's where you can exercise free will and begin to recognize it (or its lack) in another and act accordingly.
Put another way, it's like choricially honest people, who claim they uphold the truth as paramount, but in reality are simply excusing rudeness for instance. Not that truth isn't important, even brutal honesty, but it's the motivation for dispensing the truth that actually determines wether it is love for truth or love for the self that is at the core of this behavior, something similar might apply to ideas around violating free will.
