Oh yea, it's getting creepier alright!Craig said:Hi Lucy, EsoQuest, everyone,
Well this is certainly getting creepier by the minute, isn’t it? Alongside this, both me and Anne are describing similarly themed elements of a dream -- a “spinning moon” -- within almost an exact year between them; then there were some comments and extracts given by Saman in relation to the “predator experience” I had literally twelve hours after the UFO/Alien dream.
I'll return to the discussion of my UFO sighting in separate post, because while reading Craig's comment about his mother another shared experience popped up.
Well darn, if I'm not going through the same thing regarding a mother I also "loved and adored" (who is dead now), and this "gradual" realization has been going on for some time, but is right now culminating in an acceptance of the truth of what she did, and the consequences. It's a huge breakthrough for me and seems to be sparking a lot of branching realizations, and a gradual 'unhooking' of the psychic hooks, as I identify them. The thing is, the situation is so convoluted, thus the rabbit hole is so deep, that 'finding' them seems like it will go on and on forever.Craig said:To cut a long story short, I'm very angry at the mother that I used to love and adore, because I've gradually begun to SEE that she is little more than a narcissistic vampire, perhaps even having ruined the relationship with my father from the start. But that is a whole other issue.
So I have also experienced a lot of anger, after years of denial when I 'pretended' she was only the 'charming' mom, not the 'other' one, although on some level I was aware of it. I seem now to be moving to a different stage, one of accepting that what was, was, so to speak, and working to understand what it means overall. Every day, I come across new realizations of how deep that rabbit hole of "mom" seems to go. I'm now seeing "a true labryinth in the grand baroque predator style."
I've also been following the concurrent thread, "Organic Portals: The Other Race," which I highly recommend to anyone who hasn't yet read it. http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=457&p=1
You see, I'd been grappling with trying to figure out WHAT my mother was. Psychopathic I'm sure of (one therapist has told us she sounds like a Borderline Personality, and another added the opinion there were also aspects of Histrionic and Narcissistic personality characteristics thrown in). Certainly the 'splitting' that Borderlines are infamous for was huge in our lives. She very cleverly 'split' us siblings from each other and from our father as much as she could. But, what seems puzzling to the therapists we've consulted is that she wasn't truly 'typical' of this diagnosis, lacking the chaotic aspects, that her ability to create and maintain elaborate Machiavellian situations was astounding; her level of 'control' was astounding. And she was beloved and admired by all due to incredible charm and charisma, making it difficult to 'spot' her actions.
So what was she? OP? No, I don't think so, way too bland. Psychopath, as defined by "failed OP?" That doesn't 'taste' right either. So when I read this entry by Laura, I felt such a sense of recognition that it was truly stunning. http://www.cassiopaea.org/forum/index.php?topic=457.msg2186#msg2186
Pretty creepy thing to 'see' in one's own mother:Laura said:Now, there is another type [of psychopath] that Mouravieff discusses ...
The case we are to study is that of a man I whose highly developed motor centre entirely dominates his emotional centre. In this type of man the latter is awake and even quite developed, but it is under the sway of the motor centre and as a result it is richly nourished by usurped sexual energy.
As in the fourth case, the intellectual centre is not entirely asleep: the negative part of this centre is paralysed but the positive part is completely under the domination of the motor centre. That is why this type of man feels no doubt. This fact provides him with extraordinary strength and endows his psyche with a suggestive, hypnotic dynamism.
This type of man includes fakirs, sorcerers, magicians: volkhvy in Slavonic. Though unbalanced in its development, this Personality has lost all its anarchistic characteristics: it is subjected to an iron discipline exercised by the motor centre in the place of the magnetic centre, with the 'I' of the body predominant. This kind of man can acquire certain powers, but their nature differs from that of the gifts of the Holy Spirit which interior men acquire.
A magician's power - that of a Cagliostro, Rasputin and their like - is based, as we said, on excessive development of the motor centre, which dominates the other two. The working of the intellectual centre is reduced towhat is strictly necessary to ensure vital needs and to elaborate projects; its negative part is smothered, and this is what leads to the absence of doubt. The emotional centre is not only not smothered but is rather well developed. However, this development is unbalanced, as it is not the result of correct discernment of [creative] from [entropic] influences, but of the accumulation of those of the latter whose action, although different in quality, lies parallel to the [creative] influences.
Lastly, an overgrowth on the psyche is formed on the right side of the emotional centre of this type of man 1, which shows all the characteristics of an impure or black magnetic centre. While the magnetic centre formed of [creative] influences is a subsidiary organ enabling esoteric development, this black magnetic centre formed by [entropic] influences can clearly not be oriented towards esoteric goals.
Shaped by [entropic] influences whose action runs parallel to the [creative] influences, the orientation of this black magnetic centre is automatically directed towards objectives limited to within the perimeter of exterior life. These objectives are well known; money, women, and power in all their forms.
[Lucy: Her numerology chart states she had "earned the right to have dominion over a part of the earth." Us?]
Evidently the black magnetic centre, instead of sending man forward towards the second Birth and so towards the union of his Personality with his [higher centers], emphasizes and crystallizes the 'I' of the Personality and inspires it with the strength it needs to impose itself on other Personalities who are in an unstable inner state.
[Lucy: Imagine the unstable inner states of children being raised by such a person!]
It is important to know that this human type exists, especially for those who have an inclination for esoteric research and who begin by looking for the 'marvellous.' While awaiting an encounter with a guide, their Personality is wide open to the influences emanating from this type of man, and they may easily fall under his sway.
Besides giving birth to magicians, this type of man gives rise to false prophets, false Christs, and even the Antichrist.
It is curious to see how much these false prophets, magicians and "christs", impressed themselves on the imagination of the men - and even more of the women of the past. It is the same today.
For there is a type of human being who declines all moral responsibility for himself or for those to whom he is in duty bound. One comes across this type quite often, always trying to find someone else to shoulder his responsibilities as long as this someone else possesses some kind of authority, earned or otherwise. These people are open to any form of hypnotic suggestion and practically ask to be hypnotized. They are of good faith, but they search for the 'marvellous' because they are too weak or too lazy to undertake esoteric work successfully.
And the Wolves devour them finding justification in the fact that they are only the 'scourings of humanity.'
But this is not true; for 'scourings' who are converted can become key figures on the esoteric chess-board.
Mental apathy and emotional inertia are responsible for tipping man down the slope of least resistance even when armed with the best intentions, especially if he justifies himself for his human frailties by finding them normal, particularly on the sexual plane.
The error of conception committed in this case lies in the fact that an important esoteric rule has been overlooked: that it is imperative for the seeker to be constantly active. He must always keep the initiative, beginning with the search for and choice of a guide and later in the work he accomplishes under the latter's guidance.
In a word, when participating in this work, he must be a subject, and not an object.
This is a necessary condition for this kind of work. If it is not sufficient to provide the whole effort the neophyte must accomplish in his search on the Way, it is always enough to allow him to escape from the claws of the Wolves. Initiative, vigilance, a critical mind, observation and discernment ... these different aspects of the seeker's active state, are diametrically opposed to the passive drowsiness of one who plunges head down into the jaws of the 'wolf' full of condescending compassion towards sceptics because: thus spake Zarathustra.
Now, the distinction Mouravieff has made is that this second type DOES have the emotional center which the psychopathic type does not have. And that means that such a type is quite different - and maybe even scarier - than the garden variety psychopath.
I also think that such individuals need to constantly "feed" on creative people so as to fuel their activities.
A psychophage, or soul-eater, with a "black magnetic center!"