Best Jokes
- Thread starter Ina
- Start date
BHelmet
The Living Force
I guess. There has been a proliferation of similar threads like Ukraine Crazies and Ukraine Jokes and Memes. It didn’t take Intellectual Jokes long to become “everything and anything jokes”. Thread architecture and evolution is a funny thing. I am always looking for a laugh so this would just make one more place to have to go. Whatevs. It is already a fait accompli!
Andrey
Jedi
Dave was bragging to his boss one day, "You know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them."
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f*** is that on the balcony with Dave?'
Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Dave, how about Tom Cruise?"
"No dramas boss, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Dave and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door, and Tom Cruise shouts,
"Dave! What's happening? Great to see you! Come on in for a beer!"
Although impressed, Dave's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Dave that he thinks him knowing Cruise was just lucky.
"No, no, just name anyone else," Dave says.
"President Obama," his boss quickly retorts.
"Yup," Dave says, "Old buddies, let's fly out to Washington," and off they go.
At the White House, Obama spots Dave on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Dave, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a beer first and catch up."
Well, the boss is very shaken by now but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds he expresses his doubts to Dave, who again implores him to name anyone else.
"Pope Francis," his boss replies.
"Sure!" says Dave. "I've known the Pope for years." So off they fly to Rome.
Dave and his boss are assembled with the masses at the Vatican's St. Peter's Square when Dave says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." He disappears into the crowd headed towards the Vatican.
Sure enough, half an hour later Dave emerges with the Pope on the balcony, but by the time Dave returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Making his way to his boss' side, Dave asks him, "What happened?"
His boss looks up and says, "It was the final straw... you and the Pope came out on to the balcony and the man next to me said, 'Who the f*** is that on the balcony with Dave?'
XPan
The Living Force
From the movie "Death becomes her" (1992)
Somebody made an interesting spray paint / wall paint, with 3D effect, from a scene in the movie "Death becomes her" from year 1992. Many of the dialogues in the movie are just so hysterical ™ (and I am sure they used Gay dudes, to come up with those). But regardless of that, it is really a funny-ironic movie, making your eyes roll. For unknown reasons, many of those one liners got stuck in my head, and I tend to say them out loud at work and among friends.
Another funny joke was, when Meryl Streep gulped down the potion (which gave her eternal "life") - that she got from Isabella Rossellini - but the latter afterwards stated: "Now a warning..." and Meryl Steep with big eyes shouts; "NOW A WARNING ?!?!".
The movie reminds me of how infatuated humanity is with good looks, plastic surgery, the promise of prolonged attraction (power, energy) in order to "live and be loved forever" (in twisted 3D STS ways as so often with promises) - and the lingering prospect; the promise of "reaching the Gold behind the open door", which humanity encountered a long time ago which lead to The Fall, by making their choice, get fooled, and fell from 3D STO to STS 3D.
Somebody made an interesting spray paint / wall paint, with 3D effect, from a scene in the movie "Death becomes her" from year 1992. Many of the dialogues in the movie are just so hysterical ™ (and I am sure they used Gay dudes, to come up with those). But regardless of that, it is really a funny-ironic movie, making your eyes roll. For unknown reasons, many of those one liners got stuck in my head, and I tend to say them out loud at work and among friends.
Another funny joke was, when Meryl Streep gulped down the potion (which gave her eternal "life") - that she got from Isabella Rossellini - but the latter afterwards stated: "Now a warning..." and Meryl Steep with big eyes shouts; "NOW A WARNING ?!?!".
The movie reminds me of how infatuated humanity is with good looks, plastic surgery, the promise of prolonged attraction (power, energy) in order to "live and be loved forever" (in twisted 3D STS ways as so often with promises) - and the lingering prospect; the promise of "reaching the Gold behind the open door", which humanity encountered a long time ago which lead to The Fall, by making their choice, get fooled, and fell from 3D STO to STS 3D.
Let's better (not) move to 
XPan
The Living Force
Who has a thing for Turdeau ?
(so here we go...)
Mohmmy !
(Now wait a minute..)
I just had to make a change there...
Do I need to spell it out for you ???
The "Swedish Model"
Dang ! Busted !!
I am afraid to tell you,
but your records in history books will be... without balls
From the bottom of...
(so here we go...)
Mohmmy !
(Now wait a minute..)
I just had to make a change there...
Do I need to spell it out for you ???
The "Swedish Model"
Dang ! Busted !!
I am afraid to tell you,
but your records in history books will be... without balls
From the bottom of...
