drygol said:
hmm , i've never thought about it like that. This is very interesting point of view , it revealed to me new way of thinking about my "jokester" nature
Same here... I'm starting to wonder what "funny" actually means. What does one's sense of humor say about them? My brain keeps wanting to make excuses, to say that the "crying wife" isn't so bad because she's "just" crying about movies - and if she were crying about something serious it would be different. But now I get that I'm missing the point by thinking that way. Have I been ponerized to a much greater degree than I thought?
Perceval said:
Argonaut said:
I feel I should add that John and Kim are far from being a happy couple. They fight a lot. Kim has a nasty temper and likes to scream at John and belittle him. John usually has a more covert aggressive approach (pouting, guilt manipulation, etc), but when he gets angry enough he says some very cutting, cruel things to her. They are also both highly judgmental of others. The same basic scenario goes for most of the other people I know who are into the whole teasing/harassment dynamic. None of them are even close to happy. It's pretty clear that the teasing/harassment thing is a feeding dynamic. It gives them a sort of emotional high, because in general they're pretty miserable and unhappy people. I feel sick that I've taken part in this dynamic with them. But up until now it's just seemed normal. I've never made the connection between their sense of humor and their overall unhappiness. I definitely need to do some thinking about the people I associate with.
It's my experience that many, if not a majority of young married couples of the 30-40 something generation (and younger) act in this way. The men are largely narcissists as a result of their upbringing and the women were attracted to them in the first place and put up with their crap because they are trying to 'fix' their fathers. I'm not saying it's all bad for these couples, most seem to handle it well enough (although many do end up getting divorced) but from an outside view, most of their relationship can hardly be called loving.
What you describe sounds just like my friends. John and Kim are now splitting up (as of 10 days ago) because Kim can't handle it anymore. Their dynamic did seem to work for them, but at the same time it was very unhealthy. And over time it just wore them down. The essence of John is that he's the typical "man-child" husband. He's lazy, puts his video games ahead of his marriage, and he's bad with managing money. He just doesn't try. This immaturity seems to go hand-in-hand with the "jokester"mindset. And it's pretty normal among young males nowadays. They seem to enjoy playing practical jokes on each other, annoying each other, and giving each other a hard time about this or that. It's like a "macho" thing. And some of these men carry this mindset into their marriages. These men also find great humor in anything that mocks or belittles a person or group. Which is why it's the sort of humor you can find all over the Internet these days. Since Kim is so extreme in her anger and screaming, she's probably contributing somewhat to John's behavior. Like a child, John may feel driven to "rebel" and passive-aggressively refuse to act as he should. But I think the fault can be divided pretty evenly. It takes two to tango, and either one of them could've ended the dynamic at any time. But each was too busy blaming the other. And now the marriage has crumbled.
Today I decided to sit down with Kim and get her take on John's teasing, particularly regarding her crying at movies. She told me that despite her nonchalant response to it, the teasing actually bothers her deeply. Kim said that she feels John's either jealous (that she can express emotion so freely), or just annoyed. She thinks his teasing is a cover for his anger, so she takes it very seriously. She doesn't reveal her true feelings about it to him because it's not worth the "drama." That said, she apparently only feels bothered when it's John doing the teasing. When friends do it she has no problem with it, because she realizes that they don't mean anything bad by it - and in fact are doing it to "lighten the mood" because they care about her. They want to help her feel better.
Still, I showed Kim a couple of the "crying wife" videos, and she thought they were hilarious! And as she laughed, she exclaimed, "Oh my god, she sounds just like me!" It makes me wonder about the idea that people laugh at things which make them uncomfortable. Why else would she find the vids funny when she's so bothered by her own husband teasing her?
Vulcan59 said:
Guardian said:
Perceval said:
Consider that your immediate response was to find it funny while the immediate response of others was to be disturbed.
Yeah, I noticed that... the majority of people who commented HERE found it disturbing. Do yawl realize how rare that is? Google "crying wife videos" and you can see that the general population's "normal' reaction is VERY different. The vids are becoming a "web phenomenon" .....and not because the majority of people find them painful to watch :(
Well this is what happens when you have the majority of people completely ponerized to think that something like this is funny! I saw some that had the parents taunting the child, I mean nothing physical but just teasing and putting down the child/friend/wife and people find that funny too. Not many can see the emotional damage or trauma that such antics cause and I now understand that such damage can be worst than physical abuse.
Guardian said:
Yeah, and when the majority is ponerized, those few who are not are considered defective.
I've been reading comments on the crying wife vids on various websites. The occasional person who does express dismay is immediately ridiculed as "not having a sense of humor" :(
Nienna Eluch said:
If you think about it, we have been raised thinking that it is funny to witness others' misfortunes. Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy, The Three Stooges are ones that instantly come to mind. Seeing someone fall, get fingers jabbed into their eyes, hit over the head, have a building fall on them. These things, and more, have been used as comedy since TV was invented. That in itself is fairly interesting, I think.
I think that this is something that was part of programming people to continue on their path of entropy by slowly eroding their empathy by seeing humor in others suffering. Just my take on it at the moment.
All of this makes me think deeply... I grew up on stuff like the Three Stooges. And cartoons like Tom & Jerry and Looney Tunes, which also derive their humor from an exaggerated version of people getting hurt. Not to mention "America's Funniest Home Videos," much of which is about unfortunate - and painful - accidents. It's very interesting to consider how all of this "innocent"-seeming stuff could program people. Could've programmed ME. Why is it funny when Curley gets hit on the head? Or Elmer Fudd accidentally shoots himself in the face? Or some guy gets hit in the crotch with a bat? Why, exactly? And then we have shows like "Jack@$$" where the stars inflict pain and misfortune on THEMSELVES, deliberately. What's going on here?
The fact that the majority of people on this forum expressed dismay at the crying wife videos, while drygol and I didn't "get it" at first... I have to think deeply about that as well. There's something huge here that I'm just starting to sense, but I can't quite see what it is yet. :(
