Depression As A Stepping Stone (to Soul Growth)

[Alada]

Yesterday I found myself in a very negative mood. I really tried to just observe it but unfortunately kept finding myself identifying instead. I tried reading relevant threads on the forum, but found I couldn't concentrate.

Normally when I feel this way, I am fairly useless, but this time I was determined not to let it overcome me.

Well, there’s always networking here to help work through things. We don’t have to needlessly suffer in isolation. Why not try directing that creative energy into networking?

If you don’t feel comfortable writing on the open forum, there is always the Swamp section which offers a little more privacy. Only registered users with a post count of 50 can read / post into that section.

The very process of sharing what ever is going on with us can often be a great way to ‘burst the bubble’ of identification. ;)

 

[Wisteria]

Well, there’s always networking here to help work through things. We don’t have to needlessly suffer in isolation. Why not try directing that creative energy into networking?

If you don’t feel comfortable writing on the open forum, there is always the Swamp section which offers a little more privacy. Only registered users with a post count of 50 can read / post into that section.

The very process of sharing what ever is going on with us can often be a great way to ‘burst the bubble’ of identification. ;)

You are right Alada. I'm making a conscious effort to share a little more on the forum - although I do still find it rather intimidating. I know what I shared above was only small, but at least it's a step in the right direction. :)

I think I will feel more comfortable once I can access the Swamp section.

 

[SadEyes]

You are right Alada. I'm making a conscious effort to share a little more on the forum - although I do still find it rather intimidating. I know what I shared above was only small, but at least it's a step in the right direction. :)

I think I will feel more comfortable once I can access the Swamp section.

I'll admit that it was the same for me when I first joined the forum as well. Being afraid of "making noise" or saying something that was going to get me fried by members was a constant worry. Then it dawned on me; we all have to start from some place and can't be expected to be perfect right off the bat.

Looking back at your other post, I can say that I certainly understand the feeling of being so trapped by negative thoughts and emotions that it doesn't seem like anything else is possible. It's great that you found a way to pull yourself out of it, even if it was through writing. I have struggled with similar issues, especially when it comes to irritation. One thing can happen and my mind takes off with it. Sometimes if energy levels are low, it is almost impossible to not identify with those thoughts. Other times, it takes more self-remembering to really disconnect from the stream of thoughts that seek to criticize everything under the sun. There are many times when I literally have to take a walk, staying with the sensation of my body until a thought comes along. If the self-remembering is intense enough, it can usually be stopped just by me thinking "I am here, and this thought is not mine." Usually this is enough to make it go away for quite some time. Sometimes I have to go exercise, others simply light up a smoke. I'm really happy you found a way that worked for you Wisteria.

 

[Wisteria]

I'll admit that it was the same for me when I first joined the forum as well. Being afraid of "making noise" or saying something that was going to get me fried by members was a constant worry. Then it dawned on me; we all have to start from some place and can't be expected to be perfect right off the bat.

Yes, I realise now that if I continue to close myself off like I have in the past, I will not grow - or at least, I will grow only at an exceptionally slow pace. I have always struggled with feelings of self doubt and have been hypersensitive most of my life. When I first joined the forum I think I just couldn't cope with "a bunch of strangers" holding up mirrors to me. After reading The Adaptive Unconscious, I realised that these mirrors are a very precious gift. And as corny as it may seem, I no longer feel that you are strangers. I certainly feel that you all understand my thought processes far more than anyone I know in 'real' life (with one exception - another forum/FOTCM member).

One thing can happen and my mind takes off with it. Sometimes if energy levels are low, it is almost impossible to not identify with those thoughts. Other times, it takes more self-remembering to really disconnect from the stream of thoughts that seek to criticize everything under the sun. There are many times when I literally have to take a walk, staying with the sensation of my body until a thought comes along. If the self-remembering is intense enough, it can usually be stopped just by me thinking "I am here, and this thought is not mine."

Those pesky little i's!! I do like the idea of calling this false personality "it". This definitely helps distance myself from all the little negative voices when they are rambling on. You are right though, when energy levels are low, it is an incredible feat not to succumb to identification. Thank you for sharing SadEyes.

 

[Fluffy]

I love how thing info and teachers show up when the student begins to be ready to receive.

It going to take me a few times to read it over before I can absorb it properly (today's read was much more comprehensive than yesterday's)

A few years back I was practicing dispassion. About everything! I was an observer of my thoughts emotions reactions etc, my next step was always to suppress the emotion and ignore it. Sometimes this was really really hard to do especially if it was a happy emotion, much harder to observe positive things and not be affected by them in my opinion. I got a very large sense of victory from being able to suppress these big bold emotions, the smaller emotions could mostly slip by and I wouldn't think anything about them so there was no need to congratulate myself on winning.

I'm just a bit confused. I gave up the practice of dispassion because I didn't know if it was the right thing to be doing.

Dispassion-
1. Freedom from passion, bias, or emotion; objectivity.
2. detachment; objectivity
3.the state or quality of being unemotional or uninvolved emotionally.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dispassion

Is dispassion in the emotional centre what we are trying to achieve?
I spent a few years working on dispassion for a few reasons, first one was because I had delusions of self grandeur and had a facade I wanted to wear, the second was that I could actually see (through my lofty self image) that I was in need of some emotional restraint and the third was because I read the christ letters and it made sense.
_http://www.christsway.co.za/dletters.php

Another thing to note was that I was really happy and peaceful at that time in my life. I felt like I was progressing and I did have stock of myself and my thoughts and emotions, I may have been doing it wrong because I didn't seek out the right info to 'how' but the more time that passed the easier it got to suppress big emotions (I'm not sure that suppressing is the right word actually, because I would think about it and choose not to react, so they were being moved from the feeling to the thought centre) and the more time I spent noticing the smaller emotions and just 'watching' the more I could feel my natural self, the big I. I would be really hard on myself if I lost control of my emotions and had some kind of outburst. 1000 lashings!!

So is dispassion the trick? If we can observe our emotions and be dispassionate about them will that lead us to the bottom of the stair case?

 

[Kasia]

For anyone who feels blue:

Following not only your bliss but also your blisters (wounds) can be a powerful path to finding meaning and purpose in life.

"Perfect relief is not possible expect with time. You cannot now realize that you will ever feel better, is this not so?"

More below:

http://shrinkrapradio.com/402-techniques-for-relieving-depression-without-medication-with-bill-ohanlon/

http://www.shrinkrapradio.com/402.pdf

 

[PERLOU]

Merci pour tous vos partages si riches d'enseignements...

Thank you for all your shares if important lessons ...

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

Hi everyone — Thank you so much for this thread.

I was mis-using this technique when I first attempted to just feel the feeling and not allow my intellectual or moving centers to usurp or difuse the emotion/feeling. Anxiety in my case.

When I focused on simply feeling the emotion and refused to think thoughts about it or get up and move in order to escape it, what happened was that the anxiety just disappeared.

I thought that disappearing and difusing the anxiety was the point of the process. My mistake.

It’s not about difusing. It’s about fusing.

So after reading through this thread, I had an opportunity to apply it correctly.

I say ‘correctly’, but of course that’s my subjective view.

I’m writing this in order to gather some feedback to hear from others here whether what I did was in fact a correct application of these steps or not.

Here’s what happened. A new tenant moved into our normally peaceful household. The word my mind came up with to describe her behaviour is ‘joy-killer’.

I began to dread hearing the slamming kitchen cupboard doors & drawers, the sounds of food processor, juicer, blender, heavy-footed walking and running up & downstairs — leaving messes in the kitchen & bathroom for me to clean up — you get the picture.

When she moved in, we went over the house rules and she seemed to understand what was required of her in order to adapt to the other 5 household members’ preferences.

Weeks went by and I was feeling extremely irritated, annoyed, angry, resentful, deprived, uncomfortable.

So, after reading through this thread, when all those feelings came up for me 2 days ago, I decided to just feel the feelings instead of thinking thoughts about her or about my feelings or blaming or finger-pointing — or escaping outside for a cigarette — or even writing about how I was feeling in my journal — or practicing EE breathing to calm myself down.

As I stayed with my feelings, I noticed two things immediately.

1. The location in my body where I was feeling the emotions. In the lower portion of my stomach — around and just below the belly button.

2. How I was breathing. Difficult to describe because I don’t ever recall breathing like this during any therapy sessions I’ve done before. Really jaggedy, short — almost hyperventilating but not feeling out of breath. It seemed like some sort of distressed infant or baby type of breathing. This went on for quite a while. I continued observing my breathing. Then the breathing changed. And changed and changed again. Fast at first. Then slower and slower.

The next thing that happened were some realizations which I wrote down. To wit:

Anger, resentment, criticism, contempt, depression are my automatic programmed responses — which are aroused whenever I sense or experience a LOSS. Flashes of mental imagery of my infancy/childhood and feeling inconsolable and mother being unable to console or comfort me.

I think it has to do with self-importance, yes? The anger program kicks in because I lost something I believed I deserved I had a right & need to have — i.e., peace, quiet, consideration of my needs by others.

It’s pretty easy to practice external consideration towards others. We were taught that by our parents growing up. Unfortunately, I must have extended that to believing that we were also owed external consideration by others as well. Seems I was way off base on that. Which may be where the self-importance rears its ugly head.

What’s sort of interesting is that this is precisely what my own mother most wanted as well — peace, quiet, respectful consideration of her needs by her children. Needless to say, she certainly did NOT get that from all 5 of us. And her responses (programs) are nearly identical to my own programs. OMG!!! I’ve become my mother!!! Eeeeek! LOLOL :)

I believed I had a right & need to feel COMFORTABLE. That it was right for me to need comfort, and it was wrong for others to deprive me of comfort.

And as I realized all this, I began to feel a great joy filling me. As if I’d gotten out of my mind and come to my senses. An extremely liberating feeling. A serene calmness.

And that’s the story morning-glory. :)

Thanks in advance for any feedback and input.

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

Update: Saturday, November 28, 2015

Since I wrote my last post on this subject, I’ve been practicing using this method for dealing with my negative emotions.

I must say this technique is the best one I’ve found so far. And that’s saying a lot because I’ve used so many techniques and methods over many, many years and, although they have each been valuable and produced pretty good results for me, this one tops them all.

The most recent incident occurred yesterday — on Black Friday coincidentally — and centered around Betrayal which is indeed a big ouch for anyone.

Because this process has worked so well for me these past several weeks, I intended to use it for this situation as well. But not immediately. I decided to put it off and do something else first. Not really the best decision as I later found out.

Instead I allowed my intellectual center to usurp my emotional center and fell into a black hole of depression which I described in my journal as feeling dead.

What I’d done was de-rail the process and killed off my feelings entirely so that I didn’t have any feelings to feel.

I had to sleep on it and when I awoke this morning, some of that deadness had lifted and I could use the technique of feeling the feelings.

What I realized was that I had betrayed myself by permitting my intellectual center to usurp my emotional center. So the subject matter remained the same — Betrayal — but now it had moved from others betraying me to me betraying myself.

Results: I did work through the feelings and had several realizations which led to a joyous feeling and restoring my energy levels to better than they’d been before the entire incident occurred. Now I have my joy back.

I learned a good lesson too. Don’t put off the process for a more convenient time later.

So once again I’d like to thank everyone who contributed to this thread and especially whoever wrote out these steps in language that I could understand well enough to follow those steps myself.

And now I SEE the value of feeling my negative emotions as this really does lead to soul growth by activating the higher emotional center if I will simply feel the feelings and refrain from allowing my intellectual or moving centers to usurp them.

I now consider my negative emotions as fabulous gifts from Creation. Something to feel grateful for — not something to get over, sweep under the rug, squash, repress, or express. I’m almost looking forward to feeling negative emotions again because it’s so much fun to experience that in-rushing of joy at the end of the process.

Amazingly powerful stuff.

 

[Corvus]

I feel seriously depressed lately(nothing new) and pressure in my head, I think it is because of the monotony of my life and job, everything looks like a copy of a copy and everyday cold modern rat race I have hard time making purpose of to the point of asking myself what is the purpose of it and thinking of blasting myself up, surrounded by fear, ignorance, selfishness, hypocrisy and superficiality, powerlessness everyday I have problem getting up in the morning where having to wear some kind of nicety mask and see those same faces, nobody to talk to or show some understanding, some outside anger at All of that and injustices the same time, everyday is worse and worse, product of a system that watches at you as a robot to be used until you re sucked dry of your energy, on the job I asked for free time for the exam and got some but not until they put some extra shifts having not enough time now saying you know it already, you ll pass it, but I want to fail, like there is no end to this system forcing programming through life with false information to find a simple job and survive while those neanderthals at top do nothing, there are no breaks now days, but I lost my patience and tolerance. I feel like I am in prison.

 

[Joe]

I feel seriously depressed lately(nothing new) and pressure in my head, I think it is because of the monotony of my life and job, everything looks like a copy of a copy and everyday cold modern rat race I have hard time making purpose of to the point of asking myself what is the purpose of it and thinking of blasting myself up, surrounded by fear, ignorance, selfishness, hypocrisy and superficiality, powerlessness everyday I have problem getting up in the morning where having to wear some kind of nicety mask and see those same faces, nobody to talk to or show some understanding, some outside anger at All of that and injustices the same time, everyday is worse and worse, product of a system that watches at you as a robot to be used until you re sucked dry of your energy, on the job I asked for free time for the exam and got some but not until they put some extra shifts having not enough time now saying you know it already, you ll pass it, but I want to fail, like there is no end to this system forcing programming through life with false information to find a simple job and survive while those neanderthals at top do nothing, there are no breaks now days, but I lost my patience and tolerance. I feel like I am in prison.

I know how you feel Corvinus, and I wish I could say we are wrong. I wish I could tell you something to make you feel better, but I'm not sure I can, and I'm not even sure that it would be a good idea. Seeing things in the light that you describe is, to be honest, seeing reality on this planet as it IS, right now. Of course, that doesn't mean that we have to feel completely oppressed by it, and certainly we don't HAVE to be victims of it. But regardless of how balanced or philosophical view we might be able to take, the world is STILL going to "hell in a hand basket" as the saying goes. That much is clear.

During difficult times like these, there is a comfort to be had in knowing that you are not alone and in sharing how you feel with others who see the reality of the situation too. There is also a lot to be said for not running from but sitting with the feelings, which seems to be a good way to process and let them go. If that doesn't work, then exerting the effort necessary to carry on despite the way we feel (or even act the opposite) seems to be a pretty good mood buster.

The bottom line for me is, I can't do anything about the state of this world, I can't change it or control its destiny, but I sure can decide how I personally respond to or feel about the events in the world and the fact that I can't change it. I do have control over whether or not I let this world, and all the influence it has had on me, take me down with it. Don't see any point in that at all! :)

 

[PERLOU]

Corvinius, je pense que les gens sensibles connaissent cette dépression d'avoir l'impression de ne rien pouvoir faire pour changer le monde mais avec Laura et les Cassiopéens nous pouvons garder l'espoir dans nos coeurs, admirer leur beau travail, tous les conseils qu'ils nous donnent avec leurs régimes, La prière de l'Âme", EE, Iodine, Cristaux et chant "In the garden" sans oublier tous les livres de Laura qui nous apportent la connaissance... Bon courage... LOVE

Corvinius I think that sensitive people know this depression to feel able to do nothing to change the world but with Laura and the Cassiopaeans we can have hope in our hearts, admire their hard work, all the advice they give us with their diets, prayer of the Soul ', EE, Iodine, Crystals and singing' in the garden 'without forgetting all the Laura books that bring us knowledge... Good luck... LOVE

 

[Corvus]

Of course, that doesn't mean that we have to feel completely oppressed by it, and certainly we don't HAVE to be victims of it.

The bottom line for me is, I can't do anything about the state of this world, I can't change it or control its destiny, but I sure can decide how I personally respond to or feel about the events in the world and the fact that I can't change it. I do have control over whether or not I let this world, and all the influence it has had on me, take me down with it. Don't see any point in that at all! :)

Thanks for a reply, it pierced through some part of me.

 

[13 Twirling Triskeles]

Hi Corvinus . . . your plight reminded me of the following fable I posted in another thread. In case you haven't already read it, I thought I'd post it here . . . as maybe some inspiration for you, and all of us who have previously experienced the seemingly pointlessness of it all.

I copied this from TwelfthBough's comment in her blog comments section.

So, FWIW . . . here is the fable.

http://twelfthbough.blogspot.com/2014/02/the-reality-of-fakery-last-ditch-effort.html

Comments Section - A. Peasant - quoting

The fable of the tiny songbird

'When the Prophet Abraham (in the Orientalist's spelling) was being thrown in the fire by the tyrannical ruler Nimrod, all creation was in tremendous angst.

Even the stones spoke out against the tyrant.

Every moral creature endeavored to the rescue of Prophet Ibraheem (in Muslim spelling) to put out the fire.

To the extent that a tiny songbird picked a droplet of water in its minuscule beak and started to fly over the fire.

An Angel of God asked the little songbird:

“Surely you are not going to put out the fire with that droplet(!), and surely the high flames will consume you! – what do you think you are doing?”

The tiny songbird replied:

“yes, you are right, and I know that my tiny droplet will not save the Ulul-Azam (Great Prophet) of God. But I bring to the endeavor of standing up to this evil tyrant whatever I am capable of, and this tiny droplet is all I am capable of.”'
* * * * * *
Comment: The journey in the path of the songbird, as viewed from effectiveness, and all other temporal angles, is only a waste of time.

And sifting through piles of falsehoods and lies to uncover the truth is only a tiny step in that journey. And that truth is as you say! In the age of universal deceit, to learn that truth is surely a revolutionary act --- a tad necessity before one can speak it --- and while that truth may be impossible to uncover at some levels, the moral imperative of the songbird itself transcends and dwarfs it.
* * * * * *
And that is all. :)

 

[know_yourself_1234]

I would like to express my gratitude for the article depression as a stepping stone to soul growth..

I am going through hard times, and it gives me hope.

Oh! Here is a link to the original article:
https://web.archive.org/web/20071018053505/http://quantumfuture.net/qfs/qfs_depression1.htm

Now, I am looking for a French translation...