Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

[RedFox]

Just a quick update. I've been incredibly run down for one reason or another this last week or two, so have not done the full program (just been doing the POTS) until last night.
I was still feeling run down (and possibly feeling like I'm coming down with something) so had a dose of vitamin C, and having read this about Malic Acid post in the Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome thread (which I either missed the first time or it didn't register until now) I also had a dose of 1500mg of Malic Acid (I've been taking 500mg of it in the morning detox shake). Within an hour my fatigue was gone.
This turned out to be the easiest program I've done to date....absolutely no resistance in any of my muscles whilst deep breathing, it was almost completely effortless.
During the POTS I zoned out briefly only to found myself still conscious, just elsewhere......that was odd (separation of energy centres like in sleep?). It was different to previous experiences I've posted about however. Felt like I was watching myself do the POTS.

Appart from waking up once or twice in the night, and waking up dehydrated in the morning I actually feel quite refreshed today for a change. I think I need to perhaps get up after doing it and have a drink of water just like with the sauna blanket before going back to bed/sleep.

A frustrating week – life-wise – many things seemingly taking three times longer to do than expected due to unexpected problems arising. Perhaps it is a subtle hint to me to slow down?

Perhaps its me but I'm starting to notice a synchronisation of experiences between several people at once??

I guess that the Predator’s mind is really hanging on for its dear life, with all the ‘changes happening’ now, and perhaps i need to slow down a bit..

Thanks for mentioning that, I'd forgotten a realisation I had until I read that....I've been coming up against a mental/emotional barrier with all this, a bit like banging my head against a wall over the last few weeks...only this time it appeared to be in clearer focus. That is my fear of letting go/passing through this barrier is not 'my' fear....it is the ego's/predators fear.
I am afraid that if I pass through it I will have to let go of the (potentially useless?) things I surround myself with in life....my computer repair hobby specifically.
I think its time I get past 'its' fears of perhaps having to put my toys away (I need to be gentle on myself here as it is part of my childhood defence mechanism to loose myself in this stuff).....the more I look at it, the more the fear seems unfounded as its black and white thinking. If I move past this (let go) then it won't matter either way if I'm still interested in it or not anyway!
Thinking it out with logic instead of attachment/emotion sure is interesting, its starting to feel like a weight is lifting from me.

 

[manitoban]

This turned out to be the easiest program I've done to date....absolutely no resistance in any of my muscles whilst deep breathing, it was almost completely effortless.
During the POTS I zoned out briefly only to found myself still conscious, just elsewhere......that was odd (separation of energy centres like in sleep?). It was different to previous experiences I've posted about however. Felt like I was watching myself do the POTS.

I had the same type of experience yesterday - really effortless. The program went very smoothly and I felt like it was much deeper than before, really fully into a meditative state.

One strange thing though, I did have a brief vision, I guess you'd call it, didn't last long, but at one point I was suddenly seeing the inside of my mouth and something was being done to my teeth. Not sure what was being done, just that there was some kind of "work" being done on my teeth/molars. No idea what that was about, maybe triggered because of reading about others and their teeth?

In any case, the program is marvelous and sooooooo calming! I'm really noticing the effects are spilling over into my life - being calm in situations that previously would have made me anxious.

 

[Lizziespreparetogovegan]

This turned out to be the easiest program I've done to date....absolutely no resistance in any of my muscles whilst deep breathing, it was almost completely effortless.
During the POTS I zoned out briefly only to found myself still conscious, just elsewhere......that was odd (separation of energy centres like in sleep?). It was different to previous experiences I've posted about however. Felt like I was watching myself do the POTS.

I had the same type of experience yesterday - really effortless. The program went very smoothly and I felt like it was much deeper than before, really fully into a meditative state.

One strange thing though, I did have a brief vision, I guess you'd call it, didn't last long, but at one point I was suddenly seeing the inside of my mouth and something was being done to my teeth. Not sure what was being done, just that there was some kind of "work" being done on my teeth/molars. No idea what that was about, maybe triggered because of reading about others and their teeth?

In any case, the program is marvelous and sooooooo calming! I'm really noticing the effects are spilling over into my life - being calm in situations that previously would have made me anxious.

I too had a very positive session last night, the best for some weeks I would say. Recently, the twice weekly sessions have felt somewhat 'bland' for want of a better word. The emotional effects of the early sessions seemed to be waning and I felt somewhat as if I was going through the motions. Also, I am always very tired for the Thursday session as I don't finish work till 10pm and I have to really force my self to participate, often not actually starting the program till nearly 11:00pm and have been definaitely 'struggling through' my Thursday sessions recently.

Last night was distinctly different. My Pipe breathing felt very focused, as if I could actually take more air in than usual and my body felt as if it was very energised by the breathing and in perfect synch with Laura's count. I also became very emotional and tearful during the ba-ha breaths and also the POTS for the first time in probably a couple of months and this always feels very cathartic and 'cleansing' for me as if something blocked is being released. In a general sense, I am now breathing properly throghout the entirety of the POTS (in and out on alternate lines of the prayer) and I find this certainly helps prevent drifting off and keeping focused on the words. Although having said that, I invariably still end up 'zoning out' at some point and find myself dwelling on some mundane daily business or worry.

A great session last night though all in all. :)

 

[Aiming]

Although I've started doing EE only recently, it is having its effects already. Something inside urging me to start networking. And already the first few steps feel tremendously rewarding:
learning is different this way and I'm again being reminded that isolation really is toxic to one's entire system.

That's interesting because I've felt a similar urging over about the past week or so to join the forum and network. I think it has a lot to do with the effects of the EE program which I try to do every night.

Yes, that could well be. That something that's real inside of us has -via our breathing- some "air" to get through to us and tells us "Come on, lil consciousness unit, get up and connect yourself with your brothers and sisters. Time to get moving so I can begin to live through you, if you so wish.." ;D

By the way, welcome to the forum David! And how great you've decided to join the "practice platform"! Happy learning! :)


Yesterday's session was interesting. Now, I mentioned that after one EE session I experienced a creature suck on my neck. A night or two later I heard a very intense and loud and increasing vibrating sound in my ears, and at the same time a male voice crying in agony, which intensified when I pulled my energy ever closer to myself in order to protect myself. This resulted therein that at some sort of peak (vibrating sound's peak and my holding tight) the voice suddenly popped out and was gone and I felt as if I'd lost a heavy burden. I speculated for myself that it could've been an entity, but whether this is true is another matter.

Anyway, yesterday after the program this vibrating sound in my ears was back. But this time it was not only a sound in my ears, but a wave sort of pulsing/vibrating through my body. However, it didn't reach my legs. And luckily, there was no perception of any entity whatsoever. Just wondering what this is. In any case, a new puzzle piece is: it was not just a sound, it was actually some kind of wave. Whatever that might mean.

Also, since doing EE I'm extremely thirsty and am having detox symptoms like swollen face, headaches and depression.

 

[Laura]

Yesterday's session was interesting. Now, I mentioned that after one EE session I experienced a creature suck on my neck. A night or two later I heard a very intense and loud and increasing vibrating sound in my ears, and at the same time a male voice crying in agony, which intensified when I pulled my energy ever closer to myself in order to protect myself. This resulted therein that at some sort of peak (vibrating sound's peak and my holding tight) the voice suddenly popped out and was gone and I felt as if I'd lost a heavy burden. I speculated for myself that it could've been an entity, but whether this is true is another matter.

Anyway, yesterday after the program this vibrating sound in my ears was back. But this time it was not only a sound in my ears, but a wave sort of pulsing/vibrating through my body. However, it didn't reach my legs. And luckily, there was no perception of any entity whatsoever. Just wondering what this is. In any case, a new puzzle piece is: it was not just a sound, it was actually some kind of wave. Whatever that might mean.

Also, since doing EE I'm extremely thirsty and am having detox symptoms like swollen face, headaches and depression.

Notice that the bioenergetic breathing is NOT recommended for individuals who may have bi-polar disorder or possibly even other brain chemistry imbalances. If you are having really "out there" experiences, then do NOT do the round breathing, stick with pipe breathing and the meditation.

 

[moonwalker]

I don't think I should practice this any more. I don't feel well, there's some sort of cognitive dysfunction going on I don't like you or even want to associate with this place, this is very difficult for me, I'm not sure it's right. I feel close to having some sort of psychotic episode the anger is very hard to control. I need to go I think i have to talk to someone this forum isn't the place for me right now. sorry.

 

[Beau]

I don't think I should practice this any more. I don't feel well, there's some sort of cognitive dysfunction going on I don't like you or even want to associate with this place, this is very difficult for me, I'm not sure it's right. I feel close to having some sort of psychotic episode the anger is very hard to control. I need to go I think i have to talk to someone this forum isn't the place for me right now. sorry.

I think it's a good idea to take a break if you are feeling like that. Remember their is a disclaimer to the program:

Notice that the bioenergetic breathing is NOT recommended for individuals who may have bi-polar disorder or possibly even other brain chemistry imbalances. If you are having really "out there" experiences, then do NOT do the round breathing, stick with pipe breathing and the meditation.

 

[moonwalker]

This is what I mean, I'm not trying to de-rail the program or something there's no need to do that, I'm not mental or vindictive why go in to lawyer mode.

Sorry I'll take a break you're right.

 

[anart]

I don't think I should practice this any more. I don't feel well, there's some sort of cognitive dysfunction going on I don't like you or even want to associate with this place, this is very difficult for me, I'm not sure it's right. I feel close to having some sort of psychotic episode the anger is very hard to control. I need to go I think i have to talk to someone this forum isn't the place for me right now. sorry.

Rhino, I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult time. Stop the breathing program. The meditation itself is healing, so if, after some time, you feel like you'd like to continue on with that, then do just that.

Understand that what you're going through will pass - don't push yourself, relax, be gentle with yourself and take some time off. We'll be here if you decide at some point that you'd like to return.

No need to be sorry - it is good that you are self-aware enough to know that something is off and that you need to stop.

 

[dantem]

Haven't left much feedback on the breathing program here, just to say that this Thursday session left a mark of sort, in the sense that for the first time I've noticed a difference the day after. Today's - Friday - has been one of the most exhausting working day ever, and yet I feel great! Worked till 10:30 pm, with pressure and work piling up by the minute, and nevertheless I've managed to handle all that without that feeling of 'depletion' that usually comes around during rare days.

Didn't notice in the beginning, but the round breathing really push for all sort of deeply emotional dreams. Have to concentrate the next day to remember one though, and usually it's about roaming around a large city, inside and outside houses, along with lots of peoples and experiencing a full spectrum of social interactions, situations, like revisiting all I've done during my life but with an higher level of awareness on how to better handle those past emotional blows.

One more thing is that I'm definitely resistant to the three-stage breathing, found it so boring, then there's that warriors breath that I've practiced with the 'loud shouts' only in two occasions, not having enough room for it at home :P

 

[Peam]

One more thing is that I'm definitely resistant to the three-stage breathing, found it so boring, then there's that warriors breath that I've practiced with the 'loud shouts' only in two occasions, not having enough room for it at home :P

When doing the pipe breathing while following the audio It sometimes seems to go on for ages, and half way through I start to think “haven’t I done it 12 times yet?” I’ve found it cuts down on the boredom aspect if I mentally go on a pre thought out 12 step journey instead of just following that part of the audio on auto so to speak. It doesn’t seem to take as long.

It also helps me when I do it without the audio because I don’t have to remember how many I’ve done by counting up to 12 in my head.

For instance for each breath in and out imagine a country in south America, then the country next to it for the next breath. Lets say start at Guyana then Suriname next Brazil and so on in a round trip ending at Venezuela. It helps if you study a world map a bit first. :P

Or imagine starting at first density, go up to seventh then back down ending at second density.
Any variation you can think of really, as long as it’s easy to remember and you’ve worked out the number of steps beforehand.

 

[Ollie]

I guess that the Predator’s mind is really hanging on for its dear life, with all the ‘changes happening’ now, and perhaps i need to slow down a bit.

Thanks for mentioning that, I'd forgotten a realisation I had until I read that....I've been coming up against a mental/emotional barrier with all this, a bit like banging my head against a wall over the last few weeks...only this time it appeared to be in clearer focus. That is my fear of letting go/passing through this barrier is not 'my' fear....it is the ego's/predators fear.

I am afraid that if I pass through it I will have to let go of the (potentially useless?) things I surround myself with in life....my computer repair hobby specifically.

I think its time I get past 'its' fears of perhaps having to put my toys away (I need to be gentle on myself here as it is part of my childhood defence mechanism to loose myself in this stuff).....the more I look at it, the more the fear seems unfounded as its black and white thinking. If I move past this (let go) then it won't matter either way if I'm still interested in it or not anyway! Roll Eyes Laugh

Thinking it out with logic instead of attachment/emotion sure is interesting, its starting to feel like a weight is lifting from me.

RedFox, I came across the following post whilst doing some filing yesterday and you may, or may not, find it helpful for what is happening in doing the Breathing-Meditation programme, and our responses to it, the challenges that arise.

[snip]

Quote from: The Teachings of Don Juan, p. 35
Sunday, 15 April 1962

As I was getting ready to leave, I decided to ask him once more about the enemies of a man of knowledge. I argued that I could not return for some time, and it would be a good idea to write down what he had to say and then think about it while I was away.

He hesitated for a while, but then began to talk.

"When a man starts to learn, he is never clear about his objectives. His purpose is faulty; his intent is vague. He hopes for rewards that will never materialize, for he knows nothing of the hardships of learning.

"He slowly begins to learn - bit by bit at first, then in big chunks. And his thoughts soon clash. What he learns is never what he pictured, or imagined, and so he begins to be afraid. Learning is never what one expects. Every step of learning is a new task, and the fear the man is experiencing begins to mount mercilessly, unyieldingly. His purpose becomes a battlefield.

"And thus he has tumbled upon the first of his natural enemies: Fear! A terrible enemy - treacherous, and difficult to overcome. It remains concealed at every turn of the way, prowling, waiting. And if the man, terrified in its presence, runs away, his enemy will have put an end to his quest."

"What will happen to the man if he runs away in fear?"

"Nothing happens to him except that he will never learn. He will never become a man of knowledge. He will perhaps be a bully or a harmless, scared man; at any rate, he will be a defeated man. His first enemy will have put an end to his cravings."

"And what can he do to overcome fear?"

"The answer is very simple. He must not run away. He must defy his fear, and in spite of it he must take the next step in learning, and the next, and the next. He must be fully afraid, and yet he must not stop. That is the rule! And a moment will come when his first enemy retreats. The man begins to feel sure of himself. His intent becomes stronger. Learning is no longer a terrifying task. When this joyful moment comes, the man can say without hesitation that he has defeated his first natural enemy."

"Does it happen at once, don Juan, or little by little?"

"It happens little by little, and yet the fear is vanquished suddenly and fast."

"But won't the man be afraid again if something new happens to him?"

"No. Once a man has vanquished fear, he is free from it for the rest of his life because, instead of fear, he has acquired clarity - a clarity of mind which erases fear. By then a man knows his desires; he knows how to satisfy those desires. He can anticipate the new steps of learning, and a sharp clarity surrounds everything. The man feels that nothing is concealed. And thus he has encountered his second enemy: Clarity!

"That clarity of mind, which is so hard to obtain, dispels fear, but also blinds. It forces the man never to doubt himself. It gives him the assurance he can do anything he pleases, for he sees clearly into everything. And he is courageous because he is clear, and he stops at nothing because he is clear. But all that is a mistake; it is like something incomplete. If the man yields to this make-believe power, he has succumbed to his second enemy and will fumble with learning. He will rush when he should be patient, or he will be patient when he should rush. And he will fumble with learning until he winds up incapable of learning anything more."

"What becomes of a man who is defeated in that way, don Juan? Does he die as a result?"

"No, he doesn't die. His second enemy has just stopped him cold from trying to become a man of knowledge; instead, the man may turn into a buoyant warrior, or a clown. Yet the clarity for which he has paid so dearly will never change to darkness and fear again. He will be clear as long as he lives, but he will no longer
learn, or yearn for anything."

"But what does he have to do to avoid being defeated?"

"He must do what he did with fear: he must defy his clarity and use it only to see, and wait patiently and measure carefully before taking new steps; he must think, above all, that his clarity is almost a mistake. And a moment will come when he will understand that his clarity was only a point before his eyes. And thus he will
have overcome his second enemy, and will arrive at a position where nothing can harm him any more. This will not be a mistake. It will not be only a point before his eyes. It will be true power. He will know at this point that the power he has been pursuing for so long is finally his. He can do with it whatever he pleases. His ally is at his command. His wish is the rule. He sees all that is around him. But he has also come across his third enemy: Power!

"Power is the strongest of all enemies. And naturally the easiest thing to do is to give in; after all, the man is truly invincible. He commands; he begins by taking calculated risks, and ends in making rules, because he is a master.

"A man at this stage hardly notices his third enemy closing in on him. And suddenly, without knowing, he will certainly have lost the battle. His enemy will have turned him into a cruel, capricious man."

"Will he lose his power?"

"No, he will never lose his clarity or his power."

"What then will distinguish him from a man of knowledge?"

"A man who is defeated by power dies without really knowing how to handle it. Power is only a burden upon his fate. Such a man has no command over himself, and cannot tell when or how to use his power."

"Is the defeat by any of these enemies a final defeat?"

"Of course it is final. Once one of these enemies overpowers a man there is nothing he can do."

"Is it possible, for instance, that the man who is defeated by power may see his error and mend his ways?"

"No. Once a man gives in he is through."

"But what if he is temporarily blinded by power, and then refuses it?"

"That means his battle is still on. That means he is still trying to become a man of knowledge. A man is defeated only when he no longer tries, and abandons himself."

"But then, don Juan, it is possible that a man may abandon himself to fear for years, but finally conquer it."

"No, that is not true. If he gives in to fear he will never conquer it, because he will shy away from learning and never try again. But if he tries to learn for years in the midst of his fear, he will eventually conquer it because he will never have really abandoned himself to it."

"How can he defeat his third enemy, don Juan?"

"He has to defy it, deliberately. He has to come to realize the power he has seemingly conquered is in reality never his. He must keep himself in line at all times, handling carefully and faithfully all that he has learned. If he can see that clarity and power, without his control over himself, are worse than mistakes, he will reach a point where everything is held in check. He will know then when and how to use his power. And thus he will have defeated his third enemy.

"The man will be, by then, at the end of his journey of learning, and almost without warning he will come upon the last of his enemies: Old age! This enemy is the cruelest of all, the one he won't be able to defeat completely, but only fight away.

"This is the time when a man has no more fears, no more impatient clarity of mind - a time when all his power is in check, but also the time when he has an unyielding desire to rest. If he gives in totally to his desire to lie down and forget, if he soothes himself in tiredness, he will have lost his last round, and his enemy will cut him down into a feeble old creature. His desire to retreat will overrule all his clarity, his power, and his knowledge.

"But if the man sloughs off his tiredness, and lives his fate through, he can then be called a man of knowledge, if only for the brief moment when he succeeds in fighting off his last, invincible enemy. That moment of clarity, power, and knowledge is enough."

I have found it useful, and will keep it close by as a reminder of what is happening and where I’m at – still in Fear, or at least chronic anxiety.

And, now having read Le Rhino's post, you too may find this quote useful, or not - in terms of the challenges we are facing and possible ways of tackling them. I support anart's comments re taking a rest, or at least slowing down (and apply to self!)

 

[Aiming]

Yesterday's session was interesting. Now, I mentioned that after one EE session I experienced a creature suck on my neck. A night or two later I heard a very intense and loud and increasing vibrating sound in my ears, and at the same time a male voice crying in agony, which intensified when I pulled my energy ever closer to myself in order to protect myself. This resulted therein that at some sort of peak (vibrating sound's peak and my holding tight) the voice suddenly popped out and was gone and I felt as if I'd lost a heavy burden. I speculated for myself that it could've been an entity, but whether this is true is another matter.

Anyway, yesterday after the program this vibrating sound in my ears was back. But this time it was not only a sound in my ears, but a wave sort of pulsing/vibrating through my body. However, it didn't reach my legs. And luckily, there was no perception of any entity whatsoever. Just wondering what this is. In any case, a new puzzle piece is: it was not just a sound, it was actually some kind of wave. Whatever that might mean.

Also, since doing EE I'm extremely thirsty and am having detox symptoms like swollen face, headaches and depression.

Notice that the bioenergetic breathing is NOT recommended for individuals who may have bi-polar disorder or possibly even other brain chemistry imbalances. If you are having really "out there" experiences, then do NOT do the round breathing, stick with pipe breathing and the meditation.

I'm doing cbt, but have no bi-polar disorder or any other mental illness. I recently asked the therapist what was her diagnosis (because earlier she told me she wondered why I even came to her to do cbt, I'd probably be more suitable for depth psychology in order to explore my childhood) and she said I could certainly need psychological support, but there was no illness.

As for brain chemistry imbalances, I don't know. What came to mind today is that there was a time when I was regurlarly consuming cannabis in my early twenties. And I thought that the related effects are now coming to the surface. Could that be a possibility?

The "entity experience" occured only once. It did not happen in a condition of being awake, it was a layer between dreaming and being awake. I was actually having a dream and then switched to another stage, that was not yet awake, but not a dream anymore, osit.
Now I'm a bit worried: does my experience really indicate a mental illness or a brain chemistry imbalance?

To sum up my overall observations since having started EE:
tingling, warmth, relaxation, vivid dreams; the first big effect was the "entity thing", then the experience of two different i's coming out and kind of acting through me, followed by thinking I'm going crazy (this 'going crazy' feeling lasted for ca. two hours, but vanished after I had talked to a good friend of mine). Since then only the vibrating wave with sound during the last session. I do sometimes see someone in my peripheral view, but nobody physical is there.
What's mostly coming up at the time being is that a day after doing EE I'm full of energy and joy, and the following days I'm often depressed.

Just thought this is part of the process that things are coming up and even need to come up. And once they are processed, however long it may take, well, they are done with.

In any case, thanks for the heads up, Laura, I'll take it more slowly if that is necessary and watch the effects even closer, just to make sure.

 

[dantem]

One more thing is that I'm definitely resistant to the three-stage breathing, found it so boring, then there's that warriors breath that I've practiced with the 'loud shouts' only in two occasions, not having enough room for it at home :P

...
For instance for each breath in and out imagine a country in south America, then the country next to it for the next breath. Lets say start at Guyana then Suriname next Brazil and so on in a round trip ending at Venezuela. It helps if you study a world map a bit first. :P

Or imagine starting at first density, go up to seventh then back down ending at second density.
Any variation you can think of really, as long as it’s easy to remember and you’ve worked out the number of steps beforehand.

That's really nice Peam! I'll give it a try ;)

Pipe-breathing feels like the mechanical stage of the EE program to me, so a bit of imagination could be of help to break resistance. Thanks!

 

[kenlee]

What's mostly coming up at the time being is that a day after doing EE I'm full of energy and joy, and the following days I'm often depressed.

What helps me when I alternate between these two states is to realize that these psychological states will soon pass, that they are not permanent states and that these feelings are simply energy dynamics that pass thru me. However, my greater ‘I-consciousness,’ in a hair's breath, is so very tempted to identify with these temporary finite psychological states/ energy dynamics and this is what gives these states their ‘ego –I- feeling’ that has this feeling of permanency, when in reality, based on my own observations from seeing these states change within me, that these states are only temporary states.

So I've learned that the feeling of permanency is not the reality. It's my I-consciousness, after identifying with these temporary states that gives these changing psychological states the I-feeling that they are my permanent ‘I’, which they are not. They are only, in actuality, changing energy dynamics that will pass through me. Maybe it’s a physiological state, or an emotional state, or a thinking state (with associated mental images) that mix all together in a kind of ‘energy complex’ and my consciousness identifies with this energy complex, giving this energy dynamic an erroneous feeling of 'I-am' along with a sensation of unchanging permanency.

So it could be that you are identifying with these states of “I’m full of energy” and “I’m depressed” and when you identify with one then imo it’s going to, at some point, become it’s own opposite.

I think it might be like this. When our false ego, that is, our false personality (which as I understand it are the imaginary mental images that we have of ourselves) usurps our greater consciousness (because our greater consciousness allows itself to be usurped) then we can have this picture of ourselves as “I’m full of energy!" or “I’m so depressed!". But the great illusion here, I think, is that the false personality actually thinks it’s separate from the world around us when, in actuality, it’s just the opposite. I’ve found that it’s the outer world that really controls and triggers the mechanizations of the false personality and yet, all the while, the false personality actually believes that it has control of, and can think for itself, it says 'I', and it thinks and feels that it's separate from the real world around it.

So when you say ‘I’m full of energy” or “I’m depressed" then ask yourself which ‘I’ is saying this? If you identify with these energy dynamics and call it ‘I' then something is gonna happen in the outer world, that will set the conditions, (see the General Law of Mouravieff) that's going to take this energy back (and subtly so) to 'keep you in your place' using your own subjective weaknesses, your states of unconsciousness, your psychological states and the fixed beliefs that you have of yourself to work against you. So “I’m full of energy” will become it’s own opposite and become “I’m depressed". A state of 'nullity' would result (as I understand Gurdjieff would call it).

In this situation it might help to ask yourself what you've essentially learned about yourself from observing these subjective psychological states that change over time. This takes consciousness and as long as your observing it (with greater and lesser degrees of consciousness) and watching them pass through you then you’ll see those things within yourself which freely gives up your precious energy through subjective reactions, self images and emotional thinking and what things trigger these reactions externally (and internally). Then I think your energy will increase step by step. I think consciousness increases with greater objective knowledge about yourself which thus increases energy. I am learning that this can be a very slow, but steady, process.