Alana said:
Aaron, i have no experience with Rolfing, but recently i started
myofascial release therapy, which, of what i understand is somewhat similar to rolfing, but not as painful. Let me know if i understand the similarity correctly, since i am not experientially familiar with rolfing.
Yep, essentially the same thing as far as I can tell. I guess you could call me a big "fan" of the practice, but I've never truly studied it myself.
Alana said:
So i don't know whether your statement "it broke something in me" refers to Rolfing bringing up to the surface emotions stored in the tissue with the memory of a past trauma in them that makes you feel "broken" in a sense,
What I mean is the ways that tension gets "locked up" in your body, like with fibrosis. And how, after several years, this creates a new "default" pattern for using your body; how you move and handle your body if you do not apply conscious effort to do so in any specific way. And that physical patterning, when combined with thought-patterns that just further it (negativity in general it seems) ... a feedback loop that just keeps making it worse. For me, this "physical pattern" of how I would use my body felt so ingrained and so hard to break free from, it was like a structure wrapped around my body. When I told my first Rolfer about this, I used the example of chains. How it felt like I was wrapped in heavy chains that kept me from moving the way my body should. She thought that was funny, because apparently at the Rolf school there is a painting depicting just that: a person bound up in the chains of their own chronic tension. So it's these "chains" or that structure that Rolfing broke, but did not remove. To continue the metaphor,
it was Rolfing itself removed some of them, and made some looser, but many more remained.
But also I use the term broken because, prior to getting Rolfed I had no idea how much pain my body had in it. So there was some amount of "bliss" there within my ignorance, I had been simply blocking the pain out or would "clamp down" on it
unconsciously - I would (and still do sometimes) put pressure on places of my body where it shouldn't be. Two examples, when
I my feet/ankles really started to hurt before going to Rolfing, I would kick my legs up under my desk and rest them on a metal bar, that was was not meant to rest your feet on.
It was painful, but the pain from that, would "cancel" out my other pain to a degree and I could continue to "function"
and do things like study and work. I would do the same thing with my wrists, from typing all day long. I would
unconsciously apply pressure downwards on my carpal tunnel area; again numbing the pain. Rolfing opened me up to that pain, and helped me become more aware of it. So the futile struggle ensued with trying to resist past behavior traits while not having ultimately dealt with the root issue, which is emotional based. Without a way to numb the pain away (because I tried hard to prevent myself) and while having to continue dealing with it (because I was not addressing the root problem) I did and do feel broken in a sense, because it can be so hard to focus
and get things done. But things are getting better quickly.
Also, I should add that I don't remember feeling any strong emotions while getting Rolfed
, ever. Nowhere near what the EE program does at least. I just remember lots of lots of physical pain. But it was exquisite in that from the experience, came release.
Alana said:
Aaron. And i am not sure whether it is this feeling that then translates to that image of you with a cavity in your chess. Sometimes some of our deep traumas happened at an early stage in life when we had not words or understanding to name them for what they were.
I think that part of that is definitely true, in that I feel inadequate at accurately describing how I feel.
Alana said:
What i know however, is that if you continue practicing pipe breathing and the POTS every night, you might begin to feel the cavity filling in. Since you are a visual person, perhaps you might like to try to visualize the words of the prayer filling in your chest area. In fact, just thinking about it, i will try ti myself tonight as well, to see how it feels. Just the image of it, gives me a warm feeling inside. :) I hope that it helps you too, Aaron. Take care of yourself.
I'm going to do the EE program soon actually, and will be sure to do the POTS. I have been thinking of what, if any, imagery to use myself. My current take on it is that the POTS will do that for me in a sense. Insofar as my "cavity" image was accurate, performing the POTS with intent should provide me with some visual inspiration. OSIT.
Thank you :)
Edit: Ever the perfectionist, my edits are in italics and strike-throughs