Éiriú-Eolas - Breathing Program

Interestingly enough, my sense of smell returned. More proper is to say that now I have a sense of olfaction.
Being with chronically stuffed nose all my life due to allergies, I was a human that felt only the strongest odors.
Its very cool to have clean enough nose and throat and feel the smell of the nightdew :)

On another note, Beatha is becoming a easy ride for now, some of the defenses like salivating, and some visible discomfort on my face have subsided. It has become a more relaxing experience.

Onwards for more!
 
Aaron said:
I was hoping to say more, to put a good "wrapper" on this post, but posts like this tend to take a lot of energy. Ill end it by saying that I feel hopeful for the future, for my future. Namaste.

Hi Aaron, if it helps I think you should post your experience (even if its in the Swamp if that makes you more comfortable).
My understanding of such disturbing images (Laura addressed similar things near the beginning of the thread) are related to the spirit world....my understanding is they are like dream images that convey emotion and meaning (and perhaps even understanding).
Each element should be looked at....what feelings did you get (disgust, fear, anger, hate, loathing???), what beliefs about yourself seem to tie to 'having no heart'??? (have you ever challenged these beliefs for there validity??)....

Two things come to mind about what this may represent (if anything).
Firstly the damaged/twisted view of self....the image represents the damage....the question is what caused/causes it. (hence the exploration of emotions it evokes and beliefs it matches).
The second is related to a C's session I read recently that described someone's effort in healing them self as 'putting a plaster on a gun shot wound'.....its possible this could represent damage done to you by outside forces....
Its a bit of a chicken and egg situation, which came first...the damage then the emotions/beliefs that sustain it, or vice versa?

This is nothing that cannot be fixed in a blink of an eye when you reach an understanding of it, and by doing the POTS and continuing to work on the self, it may be that you won't even notice its happening.

This is my understanding fwiw. :)
 
Aaron said:
For me it's a combination of how effective the EE program is, and how poor my breathing has been for most of my life. No pain no gain. I compare it a lot to Rolfing, which also basically "rocked my world" but in a different way, about 4-5 years ago. Rolfing is usually a very painful process to go through - in an immediate, direct, and profound way. A person who really needs it, and then gets Rolfed and all the while is an active participant will soon discover how much pain their body is holding onto. And having that come to your attention, to become aware of it, can be the catalyst for deep personal change. Rolfing broke something inside of me, it broke parts of the unhealthy psychological/physiological structure that had existed in me for so long. It truly was a life-changing experience. But like I said, it broke something in me, it didn't demolish it, tear it down, and repair the land. I basically have been "limping" around ever since.

Aaron, i have no experience with Rolfing, but recently i started myofascial release therapy, which, of what i understand is somewhat similar to rolfing, but not as painful. Let me know if i understand the similarity correctly, since i am not experientially familiar with rolfing.

What i understand however is that work on the fascia (the matrix "tissue" of stored information that runs throughout all our organs inside our body) releases emotions that have been stored there from day one. Massage therapists however, no matter how wonderful people they might be, are not psychologists, or equipped to assist in how best to deal with these emotions as they come up. So i don't know whether your statement "it broke something in me" refers to Rolfing bringing up to the surface emotions stored in the tissue with the memory of a past trauma in them that makes you feel "broken" in a sense, Aaron. And i am not sure whether it is this feeling that then translates to that image of you with a cavity in your chess. Sometimes some of our deep traumas happened at an early stage in life when we had not words or understanding to name them for what they were. They later come to haunts us as adults in frightening images, the way they were felt at that early age. Again, i might be off here, so you can chime in to correct me any time, Aaron. those were the first thoughts that came to mind while reading your post.

What i know however, is that if you continue practicing pipe breathing and the POTS every night, you might begin to feel the cavity filling in. Since you are a visual person, perhaps you might like to try to visualize the words of the prayer filling in your chest area. In fact, just thinking about it, i will try ti myself tonight as well, to see how it feels. Just the image of it, gives me a warm feeling inside. :) I hope that it helps you too, Aaron. Take care of yourself. :flowers:
 
Iron said:
Interestingly enough, my sense of smell returned. More proper is to say that now I have a sense of olfaction.
Being with chronically stuffed nose all my life due to allergies, I was a human that felt only the strongest odors.
Its very cool to have clean enough nose and throat and feel the smell of the nightdew :)

On another note, Beatha is becoming a easy ride for now, some of the defenses like salivating, and some visible discomfort on my face have subsided. It has become a more relaxing experience.

Onwards for more!

Hi Iron,

Thats great that your sense of smell is back, just shows us the healing power of the EE program :). I can relate to some of the things that you have experienced. I also had some healing done yesterday or at least it seems so. Yesterday in class I did not set down the proper way and after class my back started hurting. Whenever I moved my back, it would hurt so after a few hours of putting off the EE program I decide to do it. Well after I did the EE program my back pain decreased by at least 50/60%, and today all of the pain is gone :). Doing the EE program has also become easier for me too, the more you do something , the more easier it becomes.

Onwards and upwards!
 
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:

Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!
 
Gawan said:
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:

Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!

Wow has it been a year already? Time flies!

Happy Birthday EE!!! Best program ever!! :thup:
 
Oxajil said:
Gawan said:
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:

Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!

Wow has it been a year already? Time flies!

Happy Birthday EE!!! Best program ever!! :thup:

Wow, really? Happy Birthday E-E!!!! :rockon:
Should be an interesting program tonight! Guess that means I've been doing this a year now.....that's pretty cool!
 
RedFox said:
Oxajil said:
Gawan said:
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:
Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!
Wow has it been a year already? Time flies!
Happy Birthday EE!!! Best program ever!! :thup:
Wow, really? Happy Birthday E-E!!!! :rockon:
Should be an interesting program tonight! Guess that means I've been doing this a year now.....that's pretty cool!

Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!
Thank you all who made it happen! :flowers:
 
msasa said:
RedFox said:
Oxajil said:
Gawan said:
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:
Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!
Wow has it been a year already? Time flies!
Happy Birthday EE!!! Best program ever!! :thup:
Wow, really? Happy Birthday E-E!!!! :rockon:
Should be an interesting program tonight! Guess that means I've been doing this a year now.....that's pretty cool!

Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!
Thank you all who made it happen! :flowers:
Thanks to all involved, those providing it, the teachers, and those doing it. :rockon:
 
doing EE program , many observation on my self and others, dream work about problem that are important for me ,
diet and healthy food .

last time I "dont remeber" when I zone out . I just remember part at 33:00 mint that means I was zone out 27 mint !!:)

I have noticed something wired I usually do Dream work after work about 17:20 - go for nap for 25 mint . great Dream work - writing my question , problem when woke up I know answer etc.
When I'm doing going sleep about 21:20 then Something is telling me Do EE program I want to "talk with You " . I'm felling need to Doing EE program to tak with my self " Higher myself" .
 
Gawan said:
Happy Birthday Éiriú Eolas!! :clap:

Thank you Laura and all others who made this possible!

Happy birthday Éiriú Eolas! Can't wait to see how this program will spread in the coming year! :)
 
My experiences so for with EE:
I've only done the full program once, a few months ago. I've had a real fear of "zoning out"- when I was younger, a lot of what I learned and experienced became a real trap, distraction, and ego trip. I did not trust myself to not repeat the experience.
With more frequency over time, after a couple hours of sleep, I wake up round breathing, then either fall back asleep or stay relaxed and aware until it's time to rise. My cat participates by purring- he will wake me by pressing on my forehead with his paw if I do not wake on my own.
We both go outside in the predawn to listen to the birdsong- he hangs out in the lawn chair next to me while I pipe breathe. The birds come right up to us. He used to chase them- now he's trying to make friends.
My cat will not drink out of his water dish anymore, he waits for me to turn on the kitchen faucet, then he switches the water filter on and drinks!

What I have really noticed is, upon rising, all the programs that upload (songs I can't get out of my head, assumptions, prejudices, ect.), seem to be beginning to lose their strength and tenacity. I'm starting to feel enough distance from these false I's and distractions to hopefully deal with them instead of creating more hidden feeding mechanisms. I'd like to think that over time, this will leave more room for the really deep, buried stuff to rise to the surface so it can be faced and dealt with.
My relationships are starting to feel more real, and I seem to be dealing with petty tyrants more effectively than I ever have.

I used to have to remote camp for days in order to shut down the internal dialogue long enough to just begin to BE. It never lasted more than a few hours after returning to the world of man, with my Predator just waiting to get busy again. But the results of the breathing and dietary changes seem to be becoming integrated in a way I never would have hoped. I'm going slow, and the fear of doing the full program is dissipating. Life Becoming Religion? Simply amazing!

I've joined the FOTCM, and have started thinking about ways to help, instead of just hiding, watching, and waiting.

Laura, Ark, the SOTT team, and the network: my heartfelt thanks for all you DO!
 
Last night I did the guided PB and POTS and had a couple of micro-zoneouts that allowed me to examine the events more than usual. Conscious mind was crisp and clear throughout until Laura’s second recitation of the Prayer. Micro-zoneouts occurred here and a bit later. The first allowed me to better examine the second. I recognized they are familiar, but never brought back enough to say/interpret much about them (until last night). For me, it’s like dropping into another state – one in which there are no cares/worries and no “food for thought”. There is a vision component like patterns of flowers but there is no directionality (up/down, left/right, front/back), and a feeling of just being and sight in all directions simultaneously. There is also a vibrational component that is very pleasing and very characteristic of this state. It is also clear to me that this “state” is not compatible with (my) “normal” conscious mind.

Does this ring any bells for anyone?
 
RedFox said:
Each element should be looked at....what feelings did you get (disgust, fear, anger, hate, loathing???), what beliefs about yourself seem to tie to 'having no heart'??? (have you ever challenged these beliefs for there validity??)....
I felt very very sad. There are at least a couple beliefs that tie into the image: being a very angry person for most of my life; the deep burning kind. Feeling like I probably never bonded with my mother the way a child should, and the emotional isolation that results from that.

For instance, I was hanging out with my wife and a friend a couple of months ago. For a moment I became the topic of discussion and my friend shared that I was "hard to read" and that when he first met me he "could never tell if I was mad or not" because it always seemed like I was, but that when I would talk it didn't seem like I was. I've known him for around 4 years. My wife then agreed with what he said, and added that she cannot remember or pinpoint one specific time that she knew I was happy. I've known her for close to 10 years now. In my Hakomi therapy sessions my therapist has tried to get me to use "resources" which can include (what I understand to be) positive reinforcing thoughts, like remembering a time/place where you were happy and then imagining yourself in it. I couldn't. She used EMDR on me a few times and I couldn't come up with anything. Sure, there are positive memories I have, but they represent fractions or pieces of a situation or event. There is no memory I could think of that wasn't overshadowed by some negative thought or association. Meaning I have fond "fractional" memories at an event, like a concert or gathering of friends, but because I've been so stressed and angry my whole life, my memory of that event on the whole is tainted by all of the negativity that always went on through my head.

RedFox said:
Two things come to mind about what this may represent (if anything).
Firstly the damaged/twisted view of self....the image represents the damage....the question is what caused/causes it. (hence the exploration of emotions it evokes and beliefs it matches).

At the moment I do identify with that imagery, and I guess in that sense it doesn't seem twisted to me, because it seems so accurate. In other words, it's me that is twisted, the image (vista/lens) is straight. My take on it is that all of that anger I held onto for all of these years has been "burning" inside of me. To be sure, there are plenty examples of this "fire" escaping in the form of aggressive outbursts, both verbal and physical. And because I never really felt an emotional connection to other human beings, and because of the sort of environment I was raised in, instead of growing a heart in my chest, I nurtured a flame instead. Metaphorically speaking. And it went on so long that it burned a hole in my chest. Part of the gore I didn't get into was that I "saw" a flame inside that cavity. Except I didn't see fire exactly, but it was glowing and my flesh was charred in places. That combined with the heat I already mentioned.

I can't remember who exactly, but I think it was G. that said if a person were to remain angry their entire lives they would die (from it).

Thank you for your feedback and questions RedFox. It helped me realize I was not being clear with what I was trying describe. Hopefully the above helps some :)

----

There some things I should've mentioned in my first post. Sorry for clutter.

  • Just last week I started really doing the POTS during the EE program. Before I would just listen.
  • Since seeing the "cavity" image I described, my spine (right behind the cavity) has felt a little more relaxed in a way I can't remember feeling. May be nothing, but I'm going to take note of how it feels going forward.
  • There is another image that I should probably mention as well, that seems very related to this one because it happened just the day prior. It was basically during the process of putting "pen to paper" in that regard that the "cavity" image came up. I had done some EE to take a break from writing/thinking. - Sorry again for the clutter, I was going to mention that I would get more into that later.


Edit: small addition at the very end.
 
Alana said:
Aaron, i have no experience with Rolfing, but recently i started myofascial release therapy, which, of what i understand is somewhat similar to rolfing, but not as painful. Let me know if i understand the similarity correctly, since i am not experientially familiar with rolfing.

Yep, essentially the same thing as far as I can tell. I guess you could call me a big "fan" of the practice, but I've never truly studied it myself.

Alana said:
So i don't know whether your statement "it broke something in me" refers to Rolfing bringing up to the surface emotions stored in the tissue with the memory of a past trauma in them that makes you feel "broken" in a sense,

What I mean is the ways that tension gets "locked up" in your body, like with fibrosis. And how, after several years, this creates a new "default" pattern for using your body; how you move and handle your body if you do not apply conscious effort to do so in any specific way. And that physical patterning, when combined with thought-patterns that just further it (negativity in general it seems) ... a feedback loop that just keeps making it worse. For me, this "physical pattern" of how I would use my body felt so ingrained and so hard to break free from, it was like a structure wrapped around my body. When I told my first Rolfer about this, I used the example of chains. How it felt like I was wrapped in heavy chains that kept me from moving the way my body should. She thought that was funny, because apparently at the Rolf school there is a painting depicting just that: a person bound up in the chains of their own chronic tension. So it's these "chains" or that structure that Rolfing broke, but did not remove. To continue the metaphor, it was Rolfing itself removed some of them, and made some looser, but many more remained.

But also I use the term broken because, prior to getting Rolfed I had no idea how much pain my body had in it. So there was some amount of "bliss" there within my ignorance, I had been simply blocking the pain out or would "clamp down" on it unconsciously - I would (and still do sometimes) put pressure on places of my body where it shouldn't be. Two examples, when I my feet/ankles really started to hurt before going to Rolfing, I would kick my legs up under my desk and rest them on a metal bar, that was was not meant to rest your feet on. It was painful, but the pain from that, would "cancel" out my other pain to a degree and I could continue to "function" and do things like study and work. I would do the same thing with my wrists, from typing all day long. I would unconsciously apply pressure downwards on my carpal tunnel area; again numbing the pain. Rolfing opened me up to that pain, and helped me become more aware of it. So the futile struggle ensued with trying to resist past behavior traits while not having ultimately dealt with the root issue, which is emotional based. Without a way to numb the pain away (because I tried hard to prevent myself) and while having to continue dealing with it (because I was not addressing the root problem) I did and do feel broken in a sense, because it can be so hard to focus and get things done. But things are getting better quickly.

Also, I should add that I don't remember feeling any strong emotions while getting Rolfed, ever. Nowhere near what the EE program does at least. I just remember lots of lots of physical pain. But it was exquisite in that from the experience, came release.

Alana said:
Aaron. And i am not sure whether it is this feeling that then translates to that image of you with a cavity in your chess. Sometimes some of our deep traumas happened at an early stage in life when we had not words or understanding to name them for what they were.

I think that part of that is definitely true, in that I feel inadequate at accurately describing how I feel.

Alana said:
What i know however, is that if you continue practicing pipe breathing and the POTS every night, you might begin to feel the cavity filling in. Since you are a visual person, perhaps you might like to try to visualize the words of the prayer filling in your chest area. In fact, just thinking about it, i will try ti myself tonight as well, to see how it feels. Just the image of it, gives me a warm feeling inside. :) I hope that it helps you too, Aaron. Take care of yourself. :flowers:

I'm going to do the EE program soon actually, and will be sure to do the POTS. I have been thinking of what, if any, imagery to use myself. My current take on it is that the POTS will do that for me in a sense. Insofar as my "cavity" image was accurate, performing the POTS with intent should provide me with some visual inspiration. OSIT.

Thank you :)

Edit: Ever the perfectionist, my edits are in italics and strike-throughs
 
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