Hello all! :)
I thought I'd share some recent experience with EE:
In July I did a session without the Warrior's Breath. That was the frist time the BaHa part wasn't strenous at all - it flowed very easily. While doing the breathing I got the idea of buying soapstone and forming a heart out of it (I saw an image of it while breathing) and writing on it my boyfriend's and my name and the sign of a laying eight, the infinity symbol; at the same time suggesting that each of us is still their own master and independent but united. And then giving this heart of soapstone to him for his birthday.
As it turned out, the next day at work I asked a customer where I could buy soapstone and I bought it plus instruments for carving right after work and worked on the stone the rest of the day into the night. It became different than in my vision because I had to go with what the stone was giving me with its shape, but it became really beautiful. It was my first real creative work in my life (except for sketching when a child). While working the stone there was one part of me really surprised and asking 'Damn, where did you learn that?', while another part was something like 'Well, of course I can do this, I always could.'
In any case, the gift was very well received. And it gave me something to think about that I had this vision of carving a stone as symbol for our love while doing the EE program. As in: so I was not wishfully thinking when feeling love for him? Because really, I sometimes worry about being in a relationship when I am not even at the stage of loving myself and knowing myself. You all know what I mean.
Back to that session. When the POTs started it was beautiful: it was as if I was seeing with my inner eyes, inner view. I saw a beautiful blue light up there. The walls of the 'egg' I am in were beginning to crack open and this bright blue light was what was shining through from the outside. I tried to pull it closer but it didn't work. Then, there were many different images I saw. During BaHa, concentrating on the third eye, I saw first a face resembling Nofretete, but when I tried to 'do' something with it, it turned lifeless. Then I saw a simplistic male stone face. The images during POTS had a lot of patterns looking like Native American ones. Once I saw 'me' -as another person- in a cave with others doing something with stones.
Some images I couldn't really see, there was only the substance but no clear picture. Then also, many different scenes with people and situations, that is as if from different lives and repeatedly in most of these different lives/places there would be a spot of bright colour; as if everywhere I go I would be reminded of the True Place, connecting back to the beautiful blue light - which is Home. :)
Another thing that's really conspicious is that there were repeated occasions where I would start weeping, feeling great pain whenever I see a scene in a movie where two loved ones are being separated by death. Not by normal death, but by death inflicted by evil people, e.g. executions for whatever 'political' reason.
One night my boyfriend and I watched the movie "The Notebook", a movie about a great love. When I saw how loving the couple was with each other, especially how the woman was able to show and live her love, I grew really tense. It ended in me weeping and in between my weeps explaining to my boyfriend what was going on with me: that I knew that I should live my love towards him and I knew that I had this love in me, but that my fear is so very great. When he asked what exactly this fear is I -in real inner pain- replied how if I take the step to really love him (though of course I don't even know what real love looks like), to open up entirely, how I at the same time would be accepting the great pain of losing him through death. Because for some reason I have had occasional images of experiencing his death - and this again ties in to this pain I feel when I see a movie scene when a couple truly loving each other are being separated because someone executing the regime's will is murdering them or one of them.
This might -or as well might not- be a clue to a former life, although I haven't seen any images of them (yet?).
I know, folks, how relationships while being asleep are most commonly nothing but feeding. And I'm still looking to find out where feeding occurs in my relationship, and I've seen a bit, but most probably not all. But what I think is that until now there's been a lot of mutual learning with each other and a lot of personal learning in myself. And this love - whether it is true love will be seen.
What I tend to think about this 'opening up to love - business' is probably nothing but normal, down-to-earth psychology. I haven't experienced true love in this life, that child back then wasn't loved and of course it learned not to open up to anybody. Thus now, where the ground for it seems there (current relationship) it is very hard to open up and bring my feelings out into the open, out into life and to the other person. The world of feelings in myself for another, caring and being there for another - that's new land for me to tread upon and the language needs to be learned first of all. So, it could be just another case of me making something bigger and more grandiose than it is - or I'm simply surprised about the intensity of feeling I suddenly seem to (occasionally) have.
It's just puzzle pieces for now, but it's surely getting interesting. :)
And while doing EE at another time I again had a lot of images in a zoning state and suddenly I saw an elv (as from Lord of the Rings), but with evil eyes and looking directly at me. What I sense there, it could be that I was looking at my predator in a visual form for the first time.
I've just finished today's EE. It was such a comfort to do it. I felt such a love for you all (this group) being here, for existing!
This time, while breathing, all that was going on in my mind was being reminded of the need to network more. I have quite some topics to ask for feedback on, but somehow I've been postponing all this while.
