finding partners...

[Laura]

I recently have been thing on this. i'm a severe homebody and considered crazy or weird by many people whihc makes dating hard causing me to stick in lifeless relationships :( my friend told me to start having dinner right after work in ocal restaurants but sit at the bar by myself. she said you can meet intresting people in that manner

I doubt that the kind of people you would meet in a bar are the kind of people you would want to spend time with.

 

[Gawan]

Before I met him I knew what I wanted in a partner....someone aware....kind...strong....intelligent.....aligned with my values. I had to dig deep but in the end my manifestation came to fruition.

Start manifesting and visualising!

It does sound like wishful thinking to me and also projecting qualities on another person, which kind of always leads not the outcome one is wishing for. Because if you start to visualize in that way you make demands on the universe, or that the universe bends for your own wishes. Best reread the entry about anticipation.

 

[Flow]

How do the singles here find getting partners? I mean, to society what we believe in and do is just so bizarre and opposite to what they know. We eat freaky diets, are limited to few foods, don't believe in global warming, the war on terror, support Putin and our messiah was Caeser and all the rest!!

I'm sure it all fine if you already have partner then you can let them in to what goes on here and they can even join in but to a member of the general pubic your basically telling them that up is down, black is white and that unless they have a basic understanding of the real world or genuinly keen to know more (which is unlikely) then they and most people are actually incompatible - do you agree?

I'm new to all this and this is just my thought, so take it with caution. As I see it right now, the person can come to the similar knowledge as you, but from a totally different sources. Also, she might use a totally different words or concepts. She might not even have an idea or words for her experiences and might be one of those who just "do" things and doesn't have an explanation of theory for that. Ways of learning are different. Let's say that he/she doesn't have the same level of objectivity as you, but have a knowledge/understanding of things you don't have. The main question here will be, what is important to you and what is important to her? How do you feel about it? What can you learn and what can you give?

I've thought what would happen if I met someone, I couldn't even take them out to dinner or for a drink, not even a coffee and unless I got the impression that I could,

I probably couldn't even talk about the things that get talked about here and on SOTT

. So what are your experiences and opinions on this?

Jamie

Take for an example your friends. Can you talk to all of them about things you discuss here? You maybe need to "translate" some of things to them because they are unfamiliar with that ideas. That's how you can for example, understand some topics better, by explaining them. Also they can bring you some new ideas, look things from different corners...

It seems to me that the most important thing is to be sincere to myself and to answer for myself a question of what is really important to me and why. It seems to me right now, if I "lock" myself into the thinking that, if somebody wants to be my friend/boyfriend, first he has to fulfill my list of expectations (have the same knowledge, interests as I do, be member of this forum), I am missing a chance to learn, and somehow I become, as C's said "obsessed". I am stucked and closed to infinite opportunities of learning.

Just my thoughts, although this is a really big and complex topic.

 

[Gwenllian]

Having said that, I've been thinking about the woman I was with, the one that I thought was or could be a co-linear relationship, often lately. It's like I still believe somehow that things could work out. It's just too much of a risk to call her again, so I won't, but I find it hard sometimes. It's like I programmed myself to think that way when I was with her, and it doesn't seem to go away. But that in and of itself, for me, is all the more reason not to seek out a new relationship. I can really delude myself when I'm in one, and somehow that can linger in my mind for years after. It's just not worth it anymore for me to "try" a relationship when I meet someone whom I think could be co-linear. Next time (if it ever comes) I just want to know the person is the right one.

Maybe you could love this woman from a distance, wishing the best for her, while you stay away from her? At the same time you could start writing down why you are still thinking about her and why you would want to give her a call.
I did some writing after I ended my last relationship and it really helped. When he kept calling and I started to feel confused I wrote a list of reasons as to why I did not want this man in my life any more. In no time I had written three pages and my confusion had evaporated. :D

TBH I am glad that I am not in a relationship right now. I don't know what I could offer the other person. I am still clearing up stuff from past relationships, in a literal and figurative sense, and more stuff has come to the surface recently which I had repressed somewhat. I am learning to become more independent and less helpless. I have always felt very helpless and powerless and have been unable to resolve some practical and emotional issues and have therefore always acted as a child that needed a father to sort out the issues for her. Don't want to do that any more!

 

[Fluffy]

I think it's possible to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't completely or even halfly share your views and goals. Sometimes things just work that are almost entirely opposite as long as there is no criticism or judgement and each is able to listen and learn from the others perspective. I've been in a relationship with my partner for 17 years, since I was 17. It was really really rocky for the first 13 of those until I left for a year to 'grow up', I never intended to come back, I was moving on because we were obviously going in different directions. I'm not 100% sure how it happened but while we were apart we we truly fell in love- proper love, full of acceptance, almost complete understanding of one another and the willingness and ability to communicate to each other exactly what we think and feel with a completely open mind.
We provide each other absolutely different things in life. He supports me on a material level and I support something unconscious in him that he can barely recognise has grown so astoundingly that he is not the same man with the same superficial views on life he had just a few years ago.
We seem to be so complimentary yet so different at the same time. I will never be interested in what he is interested in and I doubt that he will be 100% interested in what I am, but he listens and he's open and he comes out with things I've said to him and seems to be changing little by little. Not so long ago he tried to control me and make me be how he thought I should be, now he adores me most because I'm who I am and not like anyone else he knows... I don't hope he follows me anywhere and I don't see it as a bonus if he does, I think some things are pre-designed, like soul contract, and sometimes people are destined to learn from others in ways that might take years or lifetimes to activate.
I say never rule anyone or anything out, even if they don't seem to be going the same direction as you doesn't mean that they won't or can't- may be you're the facilitator or the key that opens up that door for them.

 

[shellycheval]

Quote from: aleana on Yesterday at 08:52:03 PM
I have struggled with this as well. I always assumed that I would find someone just doing the things that I normally did, while continuing to work on the issues I felt might be preventing me from forming a good relationship. It became more clear that there was little prospect of finding someone collinear out in the 'world' as so many people are pretty much lost in the Matrix. There may be possibilities of meeting people in groups you describe, but then the bigger question is whether you join the groups because you have a similar aim, or if you are primarily looking for a relationship. If you enjoy the activities of the groups and the people, that's great - and then if you just happen to meet someone that appears to be collinear even better. But, I think we sometimes fool ourselves about our intentions.

Yes, it does appear that there is not much time left. And, I think that means that we have a narrow window of opportunity to do the Work, to learn as much as we can and to strive to be the best we can. If this means we must do so alone, then I think we need to trust that that is also part of our learning plan. I have to remind myself often, that what I think I want and need most, may not be what is REALLY necessary, and that if I was truly ready and the time was right, that those things would appear. OSIT.

herondancer
Well said, Aleana. As one who had a long-term marriage end (pretty much over Cass, though not overtly), this is the philosophy I've adopted. To find someone would be great, but the odds are long, and in the Universe's POV, may be a distraction. To me, doing what is necessary each day, and not worrying about it seems the best approach.

[/quote]

Well said herondancer and aleana. I agree--my focus is on The Work, cleaning my machine, and learning of the many ways I was not a "whole" enough person to be in a functional, healthy, and what we now look for: collinear relationship in the past. If I clear out the "junk" and make some space, perhaps someday in this life, or maybe in the next, it will benefit me, a partner, and the Universe for me to be in a relationship again and the DCM will create an opportunity. For now, I am working towards being well and complete enough to recognize the real deal if/when it comes along and focusing on my lessons to the best of my ability.

I concede that after 39 years consisting of 2 marriages and 1 ten year live-in partner, it is easier to live single and enjoy it than it would be if I were younger and alone. Intimate relationships, IMHO, provide some of the most powerful and painful lessons we can experience in 3D--they can also be the biggest traps and dead-ends to soul growth.

The only advice I feel qualified to give is: make sure you read up on how to spot psychopaths, and other personality disordered people, especially those whose behaviors are consistent with what is labeled "Borderline Personality Disorder," go slow and observe the persons actions for a while, don't make any major lifestyle commitments like marriage or buying a house together for at least two years--by then their mask of sanity will usually start slipping and reveal their true character.
Good luck all.

 

[Fluffy]

I say never rule anyone or anything out, even if they don't seem to be going the same direction as you doesn't mean that they won't or can't- may be you're the facilitator or the key that opens up that door for them.

Oh and vice versa of course.

And if it goes awry then it does, there are only lessons.

 

[MikaelYosef]

I've also considered that part of the "plan" for us single people might be for us to partner up with someone once/after SHTF (see this thread for an explanation of that term).

I see this as a possibility for a lot of folk who are currently frustrated with the way things are right now. In my mind, the folk who will be beneficial following a SHTF event are evenly scattered around the globe - statistically it is probable. Also, I believe it's incorrect to assume everyone is here for 'right now' - there are many who are here for 'right after'. it might be in everyone's interests that these folk don't partner up until after the SHTF.

 

[Esoterica]

Before I met him I knew what I wanted in a partner....someone aware....kind...strong....intelligent.....aligned with my values. I had to dig deep but in the end my manifestation came to fruition.

Start manifesting and visualising!

It does sound like wishful thinking to me and also projecting qualities on another person, which kind of always leads not the outcome one is wishing for. Because if you start to visualize in that way you make demands on the universe, or that the universe bends for your own wishes. Best reread the entry about anticipation.

If you dont know what qualities that you want in a partner then how are you going to recognise the right person for you? It is about awareness of yourself firstly and your programming then identifying what qualities you need in another person. I had not thought before about what sort of partner I really wanted and had several failed relationships, also a longstanding marriage of 20 years.

The key for me was to let go of expectations and outcomes. I would certainly not meddle or make demands on the universe, as I said our meeting happened quite by chance and when I was least expecting it.

Will read up on anticipation as I might learn something there. Thanks for that Gawan, wishful thinking.....I think not.

 

[luke wilson]

Hi Guys,

I have a question that I need an honest answer to. A really honest answer.

I already know the correct answer, the default answer.

Is it weird to be a guy well into your adulthood and always have been single?

Before you answer the question here is the correct answer from a forum perspective;

"Oh no it's not weird, you need to work on yourself and you'll naturally find a co-linear partner, you need to understand who you are and what you are looking for etc"

Nonetheless, it's weird, right? Be honest, it is...

Here is the correct answer from the 'rest' of the world perspective

"Yup, completely and utterly weird, you have something wrong with you somewhere, either poor social skills or some attribute that puts any potential partner off you... "

 

[Menna]

Im not going to comment

However boundaries in any relationship/partnership are important. This question could bring about an introspection in your life what do you want in a partner, relationship and so on. Everyone has their own path regardless if they are involved in the forum/community or not. The need for respect is universal/important.

 

[mkrnhr]

Im not going to comment

You just did ;D

 

[Yozilla]

Hi Guys,

I have a question that I need an honest answer to. A really honest answer.

I already know the correct answer, the default answer.

Is it weird to be a guy well into your adulthood and always have been single?

...

Here is the correct answer from the 'rest' of the world perspective

"Yup, completely and utterly weird, you have something wrong with you somewhere, either poor social skills or some attribute that puts any potential partner off you... "

Of course you (and me too! ) are weirdo from couples' perspective but that's their problem, if asking me... But the hell the most of them are living through (non linearity?) is leaving me just speechless... and maybe the catch with me is that i enjoy being weird in most cases...

There is a say here in Dalmatia: "Some like men, some like women - but i like picking olives" - but i don't like even that, since it is so draining! That makes me ultra weird - I guess!

 

[will01]

Hi Guys,

I have a question that I need an honest answer to. A really honest answer.

I already know the correct answer, the default answer.

Is it weird to be a guy well into your adulthood and always have been single?

Before you answer the question here is the correct answer from a forum perspective;

"Oh no it's not weird, you need to work on yourself and you'll naturally find a co-linear partner, you need to understand who you are and what you are looking for etc"

Nonetheless, it's weird, right? Be honest, it is...

Here is the correct answer from the 'rest' of the world perspective

"Yup, completely and utterly weird, you have something wrong with you somewhere, either poor social skills or some attribute that puts any potential partner off you... "

Well, if it's true, here's another weirdo for the count!

I have been single my whole life, but except for one or two occasions when younger, it has never bothered me. Sure, there have been opportunities to pursue a relationship, but these were abandoned due mostly to my own selfishness, thinking that it would deprive me of time for other interests (years ago).

In my view, it would be wrong to enter a relationship, just for the sake of acceptance or for other like reasons. A friend of mine once told me that she only married her current husband, to escape her previous unhappy marriage.

Others will label you at times, for sure. Some find it difficult to believe that you are happy or content being single. Friends have tried to "set me up" over the years and continually assure me that "you don't want to miss out on marriage and kids". They do mean well though.

One married bloke at a BBQ, after learning I was single, replied "each to his own eh?". He understood more than anyone I have met.

Recently, a lady asked where my wife was and I replied that I was single. She apologized. I said no need to apologize, I choose to be that way.

As to if it's weird to be single longterm (if that is the right word to describe it), I think only the individual can answer that about themselves. For mine, it is what it is.

 

[luke wilson]

Thanks for the answer and it's somewhat re-assuring to learn that I am not alone!

Well, from my perspective, those who know I've been single all my life find it weird and some have gone as far as thinking their is something fundamentally wrong with me, somewhere. I am yet to figure out if their is or their isn't. So now I hide that and make it really hard for people to figure me out.

Do I think it's weird? Well, it depends... Sometimes I think I have chosen to be this way, like somehow different levels of my mind are playing tricks with each other with the outer most level not really having access to the choices the deeper levels have made. Whenever I get close to a girl, the same things always come up, I'm always scared of physical intimacy for some reason - just scared maybe due to lack of experience or maybe other reasons I don't know and further I am always scared of letting anyone know my history especially with regard to my family and most importantly, my dad and recently I always think I am not yet economically secure to offer protection to any potential partner which is the duty of a man. I've noticed that if you really can't be honest with someone then you can't really have any sort of deep meaningful connection but honesty requires you to be vulnerable which is a dangerous place to be. So maybe their is some self-sabotage going on driven by reasons hidden from the conscious mind.

Any ways, going back to do I think it's weird? Well sometimes yes if I contemplate a potential life alone and if I see the happiness people in relationships experience and knowing that is something I may never experience but other times no because I also enjoy my own freedom.