I am realising today that any work on oneself needs to start with an understanding that one's need to forgive oneself first. All is just lessons.
Holding memory and regrets of things we could have done differently, even better can only stop you from growing and learning...
If only I could hold on to this truth, I made mine, and get strength in my everyday life!
Looking at the sky, watching the dogs play, listening to people around having fun, even digging my hands in the earth and grow a garden are actions so calming to me and help me ground myself when the feeling of loosing the inside battle get too strong.
Thank You for initiating this thread and for sharing!
What you so aptly expressed, somehow got me to associate to something the Universe has spoken to me on several occasions over the years, words I would like to share: -
"Don't be so hard on yourself...!" (Those exact words, in English)
Every time these words appeared in my mind, they were felt in my heart, and made me stop and reflect on the situation I found myself in, and made me look at how the situation at hand was related to the meaning of "don't be so hard on yourself".
I know well why I got these words whispered to my heart. They mean I must not punish myself eternally for my sins (from this life and past lives), to put it in plain wording. The school of Life is where we are studying, and the lessons given offer reconciliation, and opportunities to rectify imbalances we have caused others, and ourselves.
The more conscious one becomes, the more one may realise the graveness of past sins. This realisation can indeed be causing great inner anguish, sadness, mourning - well, all sorts of emotions really. Whatever emotions arise when we have put ourselves in the light of Truth, it is important not to shun these feelings, but to study them. To understand what they may be reflecting, their true context. But not to get stuck in them. And not to be repeating and returning to them like dogs returning to their vomit, just for the sake ot if.
We have all, at some point, caused other souls great trauma. By inflicting harm to others, we inflicted trauma also to ourselves.
All because we are One!
Your pain is my pain. If I cause you pain, your pain is also given to me, as a result.
We share the pain we have caused each other. If I cause others pain, but use free will to refuse to share the burden, it causes imbalance and further trauma.
We should nourish others just like we nourish ourselves.
The more we trigger soul memories of the imbalances we have been the cause of in other lives, these memories may indeed be painful to relive. It is, however, an opportunity we get to understand how we have expanded our consciousness - it becomes an educational frame of reference! - by being given this memory, or set of memories. In that there is in this an offer to explore what we have learnt. It is a chance to debrief from soul traumatic circumstances.
We are here to learn, learning is fun! And everything is lessons! And for every little lesson, or set of lessons, that we have truly absorbed and learnt, we adventurously move on from there. We do not keep on inflicting self-harm. This is only resulting in unnecessary self-restraint.
We are forgiven. Who is it that forgives us?
For the Universe/The Cosmic Mind/our higher self, it's sufficient enough of us to become aware of our past (or present) mistakes, why they happened, to shed light on the hidden context (that's why we are doing the Work!), to understand how to put our insights in relation to the higher spiritual order. The self-punitive behaviour may in some instances be a necessary reminder, a lesson in itself. But most often to punish ourselves, although we already well understand our failings, is an action all coloured with Service To Self, and could actually also be enhanced by contributing STS forces, who most often take the pleasure of indulging in misery. And if we get stuck in this punitive mindset about ourselves, it hampers growth. In doing so, we keep, or are being kept, wandering in circles. Sometimes in life after life, until something must occur which breaks the spell of this vicious circle.
To quote The Cassiopaeans:
"Love is Light is Knowledge. Love makes no sense when common definitions are used as they are in your environment. To love you must know. And to know is to have light. And to have light is to love. And to have knowledge is to love."
The Cosmic Mind loves all, because it knows all. We are its constituents. We are here because of karma. When we cause imbalance, we must put things right, because we are this integral part of the universe. The universe is at all times striving at balancing all of its parts. Above all - the soul consciousnesses that we are! - we aspire to understand why and how this imbalance could happen, in order not to repeat it, or not to fall into the same traps again.
It is my experience of life, that even if we do not remember why we incarnated, we will meet our shortcomings in the lessons we are being served with from life. No need to worry about past lives, if you cannot recall any, or if you do not have a clue what you did in past (or future) lives. You will encounter the gist of the imbalance you caused by being confronted with people and situations while walking along this life path.
The process is reciprocative, because you fulfill the same function of reminding others about their lessons, on their paths, whenever paths cross.
When we have learnt, we have gained knowledge, by knowledge we expand our common light and love.
When we have found knowledge, i e love, we are forgiven, and do not feel inclined towards causing self-harm. If we have knowledge, that is we understand the context of our predicaments, but still want to cause self-harm - which self-punishment like feeling unable to forgive oneself is! - means we still have something unresolved to be looking closer at.
The self-harm because of feeling shame about what we have done, may linger as a phantom reflex in our behaviour, or mind, even after we have forgiven and reconciliated with ourselves. And then the reason must be adressed why this behaviour, or remnants of it, is still active, in spite of the fact that the cause is healed. Are we under some unknown influence, which must be brought to light, or something else? When we are fully healed, all tendencies towards inflicting harm on ourselves comes to rest.
I have seen these self-punitive tendencies in many fellow incarnated souls.
Some people were born with heavy karma to resolve, but they proceed many years in life without understanding where this vague sense of having done something bad, this unexplicable feeling of shame, pain etc., from where it springs, not knowing that it is soul memories, that these emotions are in fact reminders to ourselves not to forget why we are here. We are here to resolve, whatever it is we were set to come here to resolve.
There comes a moment where one comes to term with having done atrocities, in this life or other lives. But even so, one should not punish oneself for every little wrongdoing. After all we live in an environment where we are constantly encouraged to do wrong. Here we are fallible in the extreme! And if we fail at times, we must forgive ourselves. And if we fail again, acknowledge that we may now have become aware of this failure, this "flaw", to be a repeating pattern. This invites us to explore the bigger picture why this wrongdoing of ours at all happened so many times, thus rectifying the imbalance, gaining knowledge into its psychology.
But then, to go on from having understood, having processed, having integrated into knowledge, into light and love, and still feeling bad, or punishing ourselves for at all having done something wrong, is simply contraproductive, from the perspective of our higher frequency.
One must reconcile, make peace, and allow for the internal changes that this transformative process offers. But not only forgive ourselves and our own mistakes, but above all forgive others for theirs! One cannot punish others forever, not even for many incarnations!
Just like we cannot go on punishing ourselves for too many incarnations.
When we have learnt our lesson, we have learnt it!
Because, if in the end we still find it hard to forgive ourselves, or others, it proves we did not fully follow through in our learning. It may imply that our learning was (in part) superficial, and that we shunned the root cause. The root cause is always the most interesting part! And perhaps the most difficult part of the lesson to ascertain.
There has to be a chosen, conscious moment in time where one makes peace with one's darkness. This moment must rest on full intent and awareness in the full and unfaltering light of truth.
And then, if one goes on from there, only to make new, or other grave mistakes, is another story
(or some hidden, unresolved part of the same story? It's for you to find out!). But still, what is required is self observation to understand the underlying motives of our actions, whether these actions be within ourselves or outside of ourselves (or both).
And to become aware of other contributing factors, like hidden influences, which enhances that which lies unresolved within us, and of which we are not entirely aware. Our blind spots. And once we have found them out, not to create new ones, but to invite change and transformation, expansion of being, in take their place!
Forgiveness is the great redeemer. To many the notion of "forgiveness" in practice becomes an "abstract" concept, a social construct, perhaps even something mechanical, an empty word, with no further implications.
Thus, to forgive, is a healthy lesson for all of us.
