Free will in a relationship
- Thread starter Carlybee
- Start date
Hi Carly,
I can only add to the others: Well done and very courageous for the sake of yourself as well that of your child! Very relieving to learn! I am also glad, that he drove right away and did not physically hurt you. I hope, he didn't come back in between and you are okay.
The proposal of the letter Nienna brought up, is a good idea. Additionally you could also write your general current feelings and emotions down, if you wish - you can journal them or write them down in whatever form you think it suits best. As suggested, it can be a poem, or you can make a song for you, into which you put all your current emotions. Or something else creative, that helps processing. And don't forget, that we are always here for you - whenever you have questions or just feel the need to talk, you can always do it here. :)
To study the subject of predators as intensive as possible is definitely a worthwile endeavour. It will arm you with the knowledge that is necessary to spot a predator type before you get involved again. To review your own patterns from the past might also help.
I think, there are still possibilities to express your giving loving nature, even if it won't be with another mate in the nearer and farther future. For example, you can cook a nice meal for yourself and your child, take him out into the nature with you - to have a nice time together, and whatever else idea may come up. Visit and meet friends etc. By the way, I think you already expressed much of love to your child as to yourself by kicking this guy out! FWIW
All the best and BIG HUG!
I can only add to the others: Well done and very courageous for the sake of yourself as well that of your child! Very relieving to learn! I am also glad, that he drove right away and did not physically hurt you. I hope, he didn't come back in between and you are okay.
The proposal of the letter Nienna brought up, is a good idea. Additionally you could also write your general current feelings and emotions down, if you wish - you can journal them or write them down in whatever form you think it suits best. As suggested, it can be a poem, or you can make a song for you, into which you put all your current emotions. Or something else creative, that helps processing. And don't forget, that we are always here for you - whenever you have questions or just feel the need to talk, you can always do it here. :)
Carlybee said:
To study the subject of predators as intensive as possible is definitely a worthwile endeavour. It will arm you with the knowledge that is necessary to spot a predator type before you get involved again. To review your own patterns from the past might also help.
I think, there are still possibilities to express your giving loving nature, even if it won't be with another mate in the nearer and farther future. For example, you can cook a nice meal for yourself and your child, take him out into the nature with you - to have a nice time together, and whatever else idea may come up. Visit and meet friends etc. By the way, I think you already expressed much of love to your child as to yourself by kicking this guy out! FWIW
All the best and BIG HUG!
Nawd
Dagobah Resident
Wow! Great job on remaining calm (or appearing to be) and sticking to your guns!
Don't be surprised by a late night phone call or email. His reactive chemicals will likely go into overdrive and he may look for his next 'high' by appealing to your ....well it doesn't matter because you won't answer the phone or emails. ;) It is also very helpful to not check his statis on various social networks. Just wash your hands (even literally) of him.
Not telling you what to do, but I've been there! It's more healing to not dwell. :)
(((HUGS))))
edit for: spelling
Don't be surprised by a late night phone call or email. His reactive chemicals will likely go into overdrive and he may look for his next 'high' by appealing to your ....well it doesn't matter because you won't answer the phone or emails. ;) It is also very helpful to not check his statis on various social networks. Just wash your hands (even literally) of him.
Not telling you what to do, but I've been there! It's more healing to not dwell. :)
(((HUGS))))
edit for: spelling
shellycheval
The Living Force
(emphasis added--shellycheval)
There is actually a name for this: "absent father syndrome" and most predatory men know about it. Women with fathers who are missing from their lives, either literally gone or "missing" emotionally due to drugs/alcohol, are said to always be subconsciously searching for a replacement father and tend to have serial relationships with controlling men until they wise up and learn not too. It looks like you are on this path of knowledge--you may want to research the syndrome directly as of course, knowledge protects. I am proud of you Carleybee. Good Luck.
shellycheval
knowledge_of_self
The Living Force
Hey Carlybee, kudos to you indeed for putting an end to his feeding. 
Also I want to echo what Dawn said here, since you commented about him posting a "single status" on FB. Make sure you 'unfriend' him and put him on your block list so he can't look up your profile at all. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious but FB can be a very energy draining thing, and he can potentially hook you through his poor me statuses.
Take good care of yourself girl
Dawn said:
Also I want to echo what Dawn said here, since you commented about him posting a "single status" on FB. Make sure you 'unfriend' him and put him on your block list so he can't look up your profile at all. Sorry if I'm stating the obvious but FB can be a very energy draining thing, and he can potentially hook you through his poor me statuses.
Take good care of yourself girl
Carlybee
Padawan Learner
Thanks everyone for your replies they are helping me to remain strong!
The past week has been horrible emotionally and physically I must admit. The day I kicked him out I felt strong, then that night I went to my brothers and his wife's house to chill out and had a reiki session with his wife, I felt calm and great driving home that night then at about 1am I woke with strong adrenaline surges and a really rapid heartheart that I could not get under control. I was panicking as I did not know what was happening to me since I fell asleep so relaxed, so I called my brothers wife to ask her if the reiki had anything to do with the powerful surges of energy going through me, I literally felt like I had drank 15 cups of coffee and taken speed or something it was just that out of control. She said she did give me quite a bit of energy as I was depleted and it should calm down and take about 3 days to fully intergrate.
The next morning it was still there as bad as ever and I could literally feel horrible surges going through my veins especially surging through my arms and hands. My solar plexus was cramped up tighter than Ive ever felt it and convulsing, and I didn't know whether to cry or scream.
It was horrible, the racing heart rate was the worst to cope with along with my body going into convulsions, I literally could not eat or stand up straight. I could not be alone and even my Dad flew down from Sydney to look after me and I could not stay at home as it reminded me of the situations when the ex was living here, so I stayed at everyone else's houses and Dad stayed at my Aunties house with me. This lasted non stop for a week and did not let up I was getting exhausted and losing weight fast, until I could feel it petering out as I lay there in bed on the 7th morning I could feel it surge, then stop, then surge then stop, until the surges became less and less and I focused on the stillness in between surges. The weird part was I never once was thinking about anything consciously to trigger it, I would literally just wake up and as soon as I moved or stretched my body it kicked in.
In the middle of the week I couldn't take it and I went to see a doctor as I was desperate to get the adrenaline/anxiety under control, I was beginning to go into the mindset that it would never go away and it was making me more anxious about the severity of it and that it could turn into reactive depression. The stupid Indian doctor threw a prescription of Valium and Zoloft antidepressants at me and did not answer any of my questions about alternatives, meditations, or what could cause such a reaction, he didn't even take my blood pressure! I was too busy dealing with my out of control body to get upset about it, so I went home feeling worse.
Well I grabbed all the vitamins and healthiest organic food I could muster, including my 5htp, Vitamin B, D3, C, Magnesium and heaps of others and continued to attempt the E.E breathing, the breathing was hard at first with the heart palpitations as I could not take long deep breaths let alone breaths below the solar plexus it was just cramped up and convulsing too much and the rapid heart rate would end up in my throat when I did the slow restricted breathing, but by day 7 it was like I woke up, was totally relaxed and it was completely gone like it had never been there and it literally went as fast as it came. I still don't understand what happened to me but I pray it never comes back as it was the worst most debilitating experience Ive ever had. Does anyone know what all this was about for me? Delayed shock? The reiki? Severe anxiety?
Thank God Im back to normal, still run down but glad the worst is over and the support on this forum has really helped me when it really hit the fan I tell you.
Thanks so much
The past week has been horrible emotionally and physically I must admit. The day I kicked him out I felt strong, then that night I went to my brothers and his wife's house to chill out and had a reiki session with his wife, I felt calm and great driving home that night then at about 1am I woke with strong adrenaline surges and a really rapid heartheart that I could not get under control. I was panicking as I did not know what was happening to me since I fell asleep so relaxed, so I called my brothers wife to ask her if the reiki had anything to do with the powerful surges of energy going through me, I literally felt like I had drank 15 cups of coffee and taken speed or something it was just that out of control. She said she did give me quite a bit of energy as I was depleted and it should calm down and take about 3 days to fully intergrate.
The next morning it was still there as bad as ever and I could literally feel horrible surges going through my veins especially surging through my arms and hands. My solar plexus was cramped up tighter than Ive ever felt it and convulsing, and I didn't know whether to cry or scream.
It was horrible, the racing heart rate was the worst to cope with along with my body going into convulsions, I literally could not eat or stand up straight. I could not be alone and even my Dad flew down from Sydney to look after me and I could not stay at home as it reminded me of the situations when the ex was living here, so I stayed at everyone else's houses and Dad stayed at my Aunties house with me. This lasted non stop for a week and did not let up I was getting exhausted and losing weight fast, until I could feel it petering out as I lay there in bed on the 7th morning I could feel it surge, then stop, then surge then stop, until the surges became less and less and I focused on the stillness in between surges. The weird part was I never once was thinking about anything consciously to trigger it, I would literally just wake up and as soon as I moved or stretched my body it kicked in.
In the middle of the week I couldn't take it and I went to see a doctor as I was desperate to get the adrenaline/anxiety under control, I was beginning to go into the mindset that it would never go away and it was making me more anxious about the severity of it and that it could turn into reactive depression. The stupid Indian doctor threw a prescription of Valium and Zoloft antidepressants at me and did not answer any of my questions about alternatives, meditations, or what could cause such a reaction, he didn't even take my blood pressure! I was too busy dealing with my out of control body to get upset about it, so I went home feeling worse.
Well I grabbed all the vitamins and healthiest organic food I could muster, including my 5htp, Vitamin B, D3, C, Magnesium and heaps of others and continued to attempt the E.E breathing, the breathing was hard at first with the heart palpitations as I could not take long deep breaths let alone breaths below the solar plexus it was just cramped up and convulsing too much and the rapid heart rate would end up in my throat when I did the slow restricted breathing, but by day 7 it was like I woke up, was totally relaxed and it was completely gone like it had never been there and it literally went as fast as it came. I still don't understand what happened to me but I pray it never comes back as it was the worst most debilitating experience Ive ever had. Does anyone know what all this was about for me? Delayed shock? The reiki? Severe anxiety?
Thank God Im back to normal, still run down but glad the worst is over and the support on this forum has really helped me when it really hit the fan I tell you.
Thanks so much
G
Gertrudes
Guest
Wow Carlybee, that sounds like an awful experience.
I'm not sure of what to say here.
Speculating, I wonder whether it could have been caused by the many strong emotions you have been holding until your breakup combined with the stress of the breakup itself, which might have been somewhat tampered with by the reiki? Since you were in a very vulnerable state when you went to stay at your brother's, maybe having had that extra energy given by your brothers wife exacerbated what was an already chaotic energy at that time, so that you end up with the symptoms you describe? They have some resemblance with panic attacks, so that could have been a possibility.
I'm glad that that's gone and that you are feeling much better though. What a relief! It seems like a combination of EE, some healthy eating and supplements have accelerated your healing.
Wishing you continuous healing
Carlybee said:
I'm not sure of what to say here.
Speculating, I wonder whether it could have been caused by the many strong emotions you have been holding until your breakup combined with the stress of the breakup itself, which might have been somewhat tampered with by the reiki? Since you were in a very vulnerable state when you went to stay at your brother's, maybe having had that extra energy given by your brothers wife exacerbated what was an already chaotic energy at that time, so that you end up with the symptoms you describe? They have some resemblance with panic attacks, so that could have been a possibility.
I'm glad that that's gone and that you are feeling much better though. What a relief! It seems like a combination of EE, some healthy eating and supplements have accelerated your healing.
Wishing you continuous healing
HiThere
The Living Force
Sounds like you've had a powerful reaction to the conflict you've been a part of, and an accompanying draining of your resources. It isn't unusual to have strong reactions after doing something that feels like it goes against your nature (false self), i.e. kicking out the parasite. You might still go through less powerful reactions of this kind, but they usually taper off with time and will seem less threatening than the first time! Steady as she goes! :)
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