Free will in a relationship

Good for you, Carlybee! Now, you can go over to "womansavers.com" and post your experience there to warn other women.

I do think that right in this moment, you feel very exultant in standing up for yourself, but be prepared for the drop in adrenaline. Hope you have your EE CD handy to do some pipe breathing and the POTS. A pattern like this can be broken in an instant, but what is important is putting in a new protocol and that takes a little time and care.

Just keep talking and you'll be okay.
 
Thankyou, I appreciate the direct support and reality check over a sympathetic ear any day, it helped me grow and take action!

Yes Im feeling rather exhausted so I have grabbed the 5htp, calcium, magnesium, melatonin and B vitamins from the cupboard to help bolster the crash. Sleep is next on my list and tomorrow morning is a new day with my EE and POTS on the mp3. Im gonna take it easy though this time as a lot of stuff came up to fast with the POTS.

I will definitely be re-posting my experiences for others, thanks for the link Laura.
 
Congratulations, Carlybee, for your strength to send this predator packing! I'm happy he left without too much fuss. And the fact that he was planning a week-end getaway with an ex....should cement your resolve that this was indeed the correct decision. OMG...what a creep!!

If he should happen to call or send an email - don't answer or hit delete. Keep us posted, we're here for you. Way to go, girl!!! :cool:
 
truth seeker said:
I'm not sure how to ask this. You spoke about your mother yet I'm wondering if it was really your father you may have been seeking in this relationship? One of the things that sticks out for me is that he presented himself as a teacher. Perhaps one of the things you were hoping to gain was a feeling of being special or chosen by someone who presented himself as being special or who may have been considered that way by others ?
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Definitely the nail on the head there for sure! This is exactly the bait he used to hook me and many other women in his life by making them (me) feel special and of worth and value, and since my Father abandoned me when I was 1 1/2, information which he coaxed out of me when we first met, it makes perfect sense to conclude that I was seeking approval from a male figure in that way to feel special and worthy when all along I needed to recognise that it is myself that I can make myself feel special, loved and accepted.

I was pinning my self esteem and sense of worth on the approval and acceptance of this flamboyant individual that seemed to posses this quality to feel worth something, without realising we have this potential inside all of us if we choose to tap into it and dont need to search outside the self for such things.
 
Great news Carlybee, you did it! Now it's time to recuperate and rest. Everything will retake place with some time.
 
Wow, congratulations Carlybee. It appears you got up that mountain. Amazing! You should take it easy on yourself, let everything sink in... I am genuinely happy. Beautiful stuff. :clap:

c said:
I was pinning my self esteem and sense of worth on the approval and acceptance of this flamboyant individual that seemed to posses this quality to feel worth something, without realising we have this potential inside all of us if we choose to tap into it and dont need to search outside the self for such things.
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I think this is a very important realisation. You shouldnt forget it.

People like him like to project an image of worth and value, they call it increasing personal value, basically playing to Darwin which then acts as a hook to lure women in because of the sense of security, specialness by association etc they think they might get. When someone comes across as being more valuable than you and they make it a point to project this to you and they have got your emotions in knots so that you want there approval, you work to get to the same level(to qualify yourself) sometimes without even realising what it is you are doing because you are basically running on chemical reactions, the more investment you put in, the harder it is to walk away, before you know it, you are drowning in a well-laid out trap. The thing is, this is a tried, tested and proved method used by alot of men [some of who are grade A narcissists and psychopathic] at luring there prey in. And since they dont particularly have much of a conscious - this 'pathological' types, they can be dangerously good at playing this game. It can be very easy to get caught up in such a trap. However, I dont really know much when it comes to this arena, but this are just some of the things that I have managed to gather, maybe they might not be entirely accurate.

Maybe next time, you should project your eyes to character, rather than appearance. Appearance can be mesmorizing to the point of seductive, but they can also be dangerously illusionary, OSIT. Appearance, not interms of how someone appears physically, but most importantly how they come across, there demeanour... There are tell-tell signs, most of them sing from the same hymn book. Notice the patterns and you can start screening them out... Sadly though, alot of normal people have also been suckered in into singing from the same book aswell, so it's pretty much a jungle out there.

Good luck on your new path of discovery and self-healing. As with any other worthwhile journey, it is bound to be fraught with danger, pitfalls etc but hopefully with perseverance, discernment etc you can get to the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

Lastly, I think you should also recognise that it was incredible you recognised there was a problem in the first place.... That in itself is priceless.
 
That's a decision for a new life, Carlybee! :clap: I wish you all the strength, perseverance, discernment and healing that you'll need.
 
Wow, I'm impressed Carlybee! :thup: :cool2:

You acted on behalf of a higher part of yourself and showed the strength of a true warrior.

It does take time getting over these relationships and I think you're right in thinking that you're not fully over your marriage. These things can take years to heal, not just months - as I'm finding out too. Hang in there and keep talking, reading, breathing and growing in knowledge in whatever ways that you can.
 
Carlybee said:
Definitely the nail on the head there for sure! This is exactly the bait he used to hook me and many other women in his life by making them (me) feel special and of worth and value, and since my Father abandoned me when I was 1 1/2, information which he coaxed out of me when we first met, it makes perfect sense to conclude that I was seeking approval from a male figure in that way to feel special and worthy when all along I needed to recognise that it is myself that I can make myself feel special, loved and accepted.

I was pinning my self esteem and sense of worth on the approval and acceptance of this flamboyant individual that seemed to posses this quality to feel worth something, without realising we have this potential inside all of us if we choose to tap into it and dont need to search outside the self for such things.
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Good work and I add my congratulations!

What Laura said is very important to remember at this stage. You may want to head any further possible communications with him off at the pass by blocking any email and phone access he has to you in case he tries to hook into you with a pity story (he's homeless, he misses you, he thought about what you said and blah, blah, blah etc).

Another thing that may help you is to make a list of all the things he did so that if/when you begin to rationalize his behaviors, you have a reminder of what happened. If you do this, carry it with you at all times and read it often. This can be a way of retraining the mind to focus and see truth as opposed to illusions - a similar thing to what we're doing with the defamation site.

Post as often as you need/want for feedback. :)
 
You made the right decision, Carlybee, and I am really happy for you. :) Good job! :hug: :flowers:
 
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